Chris the Friend

@christhefriend

It's me. Co-host of Your Favorite Bad Movie Podcast. Original Wife Guy. Original bed bro. He/They Churchimplosionsdotmp4 on twitch Linktr.ee/favoritebadmoviepod

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Chris the Friend@christhefriend· 28d

If you search the phrase "genuinely how do people stay organized with this, I'm barely holding on" it will turn up a bunch of spambots replying with that phrase. If you click on any of those spambots, they all have this account as a pinned post. I reported him, maybe you want to, too? Your call.

Chris the Friend@christhefriend· 29d

Chris the Friend@christhefriend· 29d

Looking a little bit at this director named Brett Bentman. He's directed over 50 movies so far this decade, and thanks to AI, it looks like that rate is only going to increase. His Space Ranger: New Worlds would have been the worst thing I've seen this year if it weren't for Citizen Vigilante.

Chris the Friend@christhefriend· 29d

Who were they? What is this???

Chris the Friend@christhefriend· Jul 13

They call me Mr. New-Glasses

A middle aged man in bifocals. Hamburger in the background

Chris the Friend@christhefriend· Jul 13

Chris the Friend@christhefriend· Jul 13

My thoughts

The Substitute
☆☆☆☆
Jerome: You lose some homeboys, Mr. Smith?

Mr. "Smith": Yeah. I lost some homeboys.

Chris the Friend@christhefriend· Jul 12

My thoughts

American Rampage
☆☆☆1/2

I wasn't completely locked in on this one, but I enjoyed what I was able to internalize. The opening scene made feel like there was going to be more rampaging. Still, lots of violence and nudity with DeCoteau's signature low budget charm.

Chris the Friend@christhefriend· Jul 12

My thoughts

Lars and the Real Girl
2007
☆☆☆☆

What if everyone knew you were crazy but they decided to treat you nicely because you might be having a hard time?

Chris the Friend@christhefriend· Jul 11

Look, if you don't want random people taking pictures and staring at you when you're in your car in public, maybe don't cover it in stickers that make you seem like a maniac?

A chevy hhr with "My CAR is NOT a PHONE
CYBER STALKING is ILLEGAL
BUSINESSREFORM.ORG" written on the rear window in sticker letters

Chris the Friend@christhefriend· Jul 11

My thoughts

Tube-E Movie
☆☆☆1/2

I always wondered what it would be like to watch something like Not Another Teen Movie or Superhero Movie without having seen any of the movies it was referencing. Tube-E Movie sort of gave me that experience, parodying contemporary micro-budget Black cinema. The cast all seemed to be having a good time, goofing around, and the good vibes of the movie definitely were a huge asset. The gags about having to make do with whatever props and actors you could find all hit. I just wish they had the budget for a little more audio mixing. A bad mix is such a killer.

Chris the Friend@christhefriend· Jul 10

Chris the Friend@christhefriend· Jul 10

Boll has made some garbage before, but this one feels different. Worse.

Citizen Vigilante is Boll’s most overt propaganda for the general concept of evil to date. While his Rampage trilogy offered us mass murder from the mass murderer’s point of view, Brendan Fletcher’s Bill Williamson was a victim, a forgotten man, a natural consequence of a collapsing, decadent society. Armie Hammer’s Sanders, on the other hand, is in a society that has already collapsed. An argument could be made that Citizen Vigilante is a post-apocalyptic film and the apocalypse was the shifting racial demographics of 21st century Europe and Sanders is Mad Max-ing his way through whatever generic European city Citizen Vigilante is supposed to take place in. Muslims trying to find a better life for their families are his own personal Lord Humungus.

Chris the Friend@christhefriend· Jul 10

A buddy gave me a slabbed comic for my birthday. A nice thought, but what am I supposed to do with this thing?

Chris the Friend@christhefriend· Jul 8

My thoughts

Deadly Attraction
☆☆☆1/2

Live, Laugh, Die: The McMansion Murders

Chris the Friend@christhefriend· Jul 8

I'm not entirely sure why, but someone dumped the dregs of their crab boil, not down the storm drain, but on top of the storm drain. It's been here for days.

Crab shells and dried up lemon wedges on a storm drain.

Chris the Friend@christhefriend· Jul 8

My thoughts

Incubus
☆☆

Occasionally striking, but I think mostly this just was a pretty boring script. It didn't help having all the actors talking in, effectively, gibberish, even if that did lend the movie an otherwordly quality. It's just that the Esperanto is kind of a big ask.

Chris the Friend@christhefriend· Jul 8

You know he had to do it to them

Chris the Friend@christhefriend· Jul 8

Chris the Friend@christhefriend· Jul 7

Hamburger the snoozer

Chris the Friend@christhefriend· Jul 7

My thoughts

Office Tokyo Decadence
☆

Putting a five minute long intermission at the half hour mark of your 52 minute movie is a great bit, and putting another 1 minute long intermission ten minutes later was a nice kicker, but the rest of the movie is a beatiful woman locked in a windowless conference room, poorly delivering poorly recorded, poorly written lines to no one, and edited like Steven Soderbergh on cough syrup. Barely a movie.

Chris the Friend@christhefriend· Jul 7

The oldest example I've found of this trope, a non-Asian dude excelling at Asian martial arts on film, is Blood on the Sun (1945). James Cagney plays journalist in Japan that masters Judo, and it's inspired by a famous piece of anti-Japanese propaganda called The Tanaka Memorial Document.