D.N. Schmidt, SF author🪐📚

@dnschmidt

Science fiction novelist and humorist. Follow for stories, jokes, and thoughts about writing and creativity. Get my books, free stories, and writing tips at . Sign up for email updates so you don’t miss a thing!

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D.N. Schmidt, SF author🪐📚@dnschmidt· Jul 13

“Who are you and what are you doing in my house?”

Two corn on the cobs on a plate and the article headline “We asked four chefs the best way to cook corn on the cob and they all said the same thing”

D.N. Schmidt, SF author🪐📚@dnschmidt· Jul 10

#vss365 #rose

A short story -

A group of women were on an island, singing a hypnotic tune on the beach. Sue gestured to stop the song. “Why does Betty get to lounge under a tree instead of helping us lure sailors to their doom?”

“She’s not a siren like us,” Zoe said. “She’s an alarm clock.”

“Beep! Beep! Beep!” Betty yelled. The sound was so loud, it shook a coconut from the tree. The coconut bounced off her head and knocked her unconscious.

“Oh no!” Sue rose to her feet. “We have to help her!”

Zoe shrugged. “She’s fine. She’ll go off again in nine minutes.”

D.N. Schmidt, SF author🪐📚@dnschmidt· Jul 3

Jay Jordan thought space junk salvage would be easy money. Just find an old ship that nobody’s using, and grab it. But then he got hired by gangsters who sent him to a weird mystery spot that warped his crew’s minds. Now everyone in the galaxy wants to steal his claim. mybook.to/screamingvoid/

A bunch of arrows pointing to the cover of The Screaming Void, a space opera novel by D.N. Schmidt, floating over a purplish starry background. The arrows point out the interesting elements in the book, including ray guns, spaceships, space madness, knife fights, space gangsters, a mysterious cult, aliens, and cat science.

D.N. Schmidt, SF author🪐📚@dnschmidt· Jul 2

The Grinch should stop complaining about Christmas noises and focus on the loudest holiday of the year.

The Grinch Who Blew Up Freedom Day

It was two in the morning, and the Grinch was awake. Every two seconds, his whole house would shake.

It was Freedom Day, the worst time of year. The constant explosions filled him with fear.

The Whos were dancing with their dads and their moms, enjoying their freedoms, and great big bombs.

They didn’t care who they annoyed, as long as they got the big booms they enjoyed.

“Bomb-haters are just silly nerds and dumb geeks. Big booms are fun, so we’ll boom them for weeks!

Who cares about you? You’re you and not me. I have cash to burn but no empathy.”

At last the poor Grinch finally had enough. He’d go down to Whoville and steal all their stuff!

He took all their bombs and all their rockets, and carried them off in his cargo shorts pockets.

He piled them in a cave under the town, and launched the town up. It never came down!

After that, the world was a quieter place, thanks to those jerks being stuck in outer space.

D.N. Schmidt, SF author🪐📚@dnschmidt· Jul 1

A waitress at a restaurant for cannibals end up on the menu. Can a drug-addled detective solve this weird murder mystery, or will he end up flattened by falling furniture? ⚡📚 📚💙 #booksky mybook.to/atethewaitress

The cover of They Ate The Waitress, a funny mystery novel by D.N. Schmidt, and the words “How do you solve a murder mystery when the evidence has been eaten?”

D.N. Schmidt, SF author🪐📚@dnschmidt· Jun 26

Writer's block got you stuck? How about a creativity chainsaw? Inspiration Overdose has writing prompts and creativity tools with over 4 septillion combinations! Available in paperback, ebook, Kindle Unlimited, and weird dream. #writingcommunity #WriteSky www.amazon.com/Inspiration-...

The cover of Inspiration Overdose, a story idea generator by D.N. Schmidt, surrounded by images illustrating the ideas that can be found in the book - dragons, zombies, spaceships, and more.

D.N. Schmidt, SF author🪐📚@dnschmidt· Jun 21

Tonight’s dinner is sausage, broccoli, and gnocchi on a bed of lettuce and spinach, with a bit of mozzarella cheese. I thought it came out very pretty.

A white pasta plate with sausage, broccoli, and gnocchi on a bed of lettuce and spinach, with a bit of mozzarella cheese.

D.N. Schmidt, SF author🪐📚@dnschmidt· Jun 21

Thanks to the people who picked up Inspiration Overdose today! I hope it sparks the idea for your next great story. Happy writing!

The cover of Inspiration Overdose by D.N. Schmidt, surrounded by images representing story ideas - A UFO, a zombie, a rocket, an atom, a dragon, and a solar system.

D.N. Schmidt, SF author🪐📚@dnschmidt· Jun 16

The Doom Tapes book review: I think I did a great job. Way to go, me! Five stars. mybook.to/doomtapes

The science fiction short story collection The Doom Tapes floating in space, next to the words “Retro nostalgia meets cosmic chaos! From video store clerks battling an alien invasion to a high stakes asteroid heist, these fifteen science fiction stories deliver interstellar excitement!”

D.N. Schmidt, SF author🪐📚@dnschmidt· Jun 16

Almost fits!

D.N. Schmidt, SF author🪐📚@dnschmidt· Jun 14

Roscoe invited a friend over to play. This is Yoshi! Yoshi looks happy because I have a treat in my hand, but Roscoe looks like he’s worried that Yoshi will eat it all. (Don’t worry, they both got some.)

Yoshi, a black and white, smiling German Shepherd/Husky mix, and Roscoe, a brown and white Doberman/Australian Shepherd mix standing behind him

D.N. Schmidt, SF author🪐📚@dnschmidt· Jun 11

People are talking about why books ended up in their DNF pile. I’ve given up on several SFF books that introduced way too much world building at once. Ideas need breathing room, otherwise readers can get exhausted keeping track of them all. Your opening paragraph shouldn’t look like this:

An exhausting opening paragraph from a hypothetical science fiction novel:

My AI MindGuide assured me that the Robo-Wasps that killed 87% of the population in the DNA Wars couldn't break through Invinci-Glass, as it was even stronger than Calrokian Turbo-Steel, but my pet zorgg still had to calm me with a PsyTrance. I was meditating on the floor of my Multiverse Ship when Cassie, my simulated holo-girlfriend, materialized from her Time Crystal. Thanks to our BrainChip connection, I knew right away that something was wrong. "It's Grapptox!" she said. "The Martian anti-ghost vaccines have been stolen by inter-dimensional pirates from Universe Containment Cell Twelve!"

D.N. Schmidt, SF author🪐📚@dnschmidt· Jun 3

Thanks to the people who picked up Inspiration Overdose today! I hope it sparks the idea for your next great story. Happy writing! mybook.to/inspirationo...

The cover of Inspiration Overdose, a creativity boosting book by D.N. Schmidt. The cover features an illustration of a yellow head surrounded by symbols representing the ideas the book will inspire, like dragons, spaceships, zombies, planets, and more.

D.N. Schmidt, SF author🪐📚@dnschmidt· May 21

Looking for weird? Try They Ate The Waitress! A waitress at a restaurant for cannibals end up on the menu. Can a drug-addled detective solve the crime before he gets flattened by falling furniture? ⚡📚 📚💙 #booksky mybook.to/atethewaitress

The cover of They Ate The Waitress, a murder mystery by D.N. Schmidt, sitting on a plate with a fork and knife. It is surrounded by arrows pointing out the book's many features: a drug-addled detective, murder mystery, cannibalism, cat puns, furniture falling from the sky, and available at Amazon now.

D.N. Schmidt, SF author🪐📚@dnschmidt· May 21

Worst bakery ever.

A screenshot of a BBC news article showing a picture of a whale in some water and the headline “Whale to be removed from Danish.” The next line, “island after failed German rescue,” has been cropped out to make the joke work.

D.N. Schmidt, SF author🪐📚@dnschmidt· May 21

Google is starting to look like those spam sites covered in buttons to "DOWNLOAD OUR FREE SOFTWARE NOW" that each lead to a different virus.

A screenshot of the Google homepage showing how desperate they are for people to use their AI garbage with an AI Mode button in the search box, a Gemini link below that, another AI Mode button, an AI image generator button, and more.

D.N. Schmidt, SF author🪐📚@dnschmidt· May 20

Monster Match, a flash fiction fantasy story. #vss365 #betrayal

Monster Match, a flash fiction story:

“You didn’t pick a monster?” Rachel said, scowling at her friend’s betrayal. “Vampires are more powerful, so not voting for werewolves just helps the vamps win!”

“But why do we need monsters?” Sam said.

She folded her arms. “I bet you’re one of those people who says all monsters are the same. Isn’t running for your life once a month better than every night?”

“My issue is with the whole monster system,” he said, rubbing his brow. “Can’t we deal with overcrowding nonviolently, instead of thinning the population with monster attacks?”

She sighed. “I don’t support every werewolf mauling, but you have to be strategic.” She tossed back her head and howled the Wolf Party slogan. “Vote awooo no matter who!”

Months later, the monster wranglers prepared to release the vampires. “Bob,” Jim said, “do you ever feel guilty about this?”

“Of course not,” Bob said. “Nearly everyone supports the monster system. Just look at the voter turnout!”

D.N. Schmidt, SF author🪐📚@dnschmidt· May 18

I also enjoy Wilko's version of Settlers of Catan, "The Robber Has Taken All I Have And Now My Family Will Starve".

D.N. Schmidt, SF author🪐📚@dnschmidt· May 11

Personally, I don’t care for it. Maybe go with Pamela instead?

D.N. Schmidt, SF author🪐📚@dnschmidt· May 5

D.N. Schmidt, SF author🪐📚@dnschmidt· Apr 28

Gee, I wonder what new thing could be hurting people’s cognitive abilities.

An article with the headline “Gen Z reports early cognitive decline.” Below the headline is an ad for a generative AI “vibe coding” class.

D.N. Schmidt, SF author🪐📚@dnschmidt· Apr 28

Looking for weird? Try these science fiction stories: * A poker game with parasites from another dimension. * A waitress at a space truck stop battles a monstrous meatloaf. * A trio of robots searches for their new home. And many more! mybook.to/doomtapes

The cover of The Doom Tapes, a science fiction collection by D.N. Schmidt. It is floating in space with the words “Retro nostalgia meets cosmic chaos! From video store clerks battling aliens to a high-stakes asteroid heist, these stories deliver interstellar excitement!”

D.N. Schmidt, SF author🪐📚@dnschmidt· Apr 24

Thanks, Gabino! Looking for weird? Try these science fiction stories: * A poker game with parasites from another dimension. * A waitress at a space truck stop battles a monstrous meatloaf. * A conman has a plan to steal three miles of space rock. And many more! mybook.to/doomtapes