Clare Blackwood
@clareblackwood
Actor/comedian/writer in Toronto. Words in The Beaverton, CBC Comedy, The Toronto Star, McSweeney’s, etc. Pierre Poilievre's personal assistant Mandy. she/her clareblackwood@gmail.com
Carney calling Lindsey Graham a defender of democracy and freedom when the man made jokes on his official X account about taking over Canada is just the last straw of many last straws for me.
This might be the single greatest set of contrasting headlines I could possibly imagine.
"That means that you haven’t known the triumphs and defeats, the epic highs and lows of recreational rock climbing."
EXT. BLUE JAYS DUGOUT - DAY Kevin Gausman sits on the bench, gritting his teeth and clenching his fists. He flashes back to his last three starts. KEVIN (dying inside): Must...be...fuckin...nice...
If you haven't watched my newest Poilievre's personal assistant video, it was inspired by truly the most magical Calgary Stampede outfit I have ever seen a politician wear. We are so lucky Pierre Poilievre exists to sparkle in the sun like an anti-woke opal. youtu.be/r-1lhkq3c3w?...
Last night I watched the Blue Jays and he watched the front door with the intensity of a creature that just *knows* an intruder will burst in at any moment.
It's so hot I am genuinely concerned that the pitchers' hands are gonna be so sweaty that they start accidentally whipping balls into the dugouts, happy Canada Day to all
BREAKING: They heard our nation's furious indignation and said "To the bullpen with thee, January 6th" ahhh it's so beautiful
I went to a goat farm and became a baby goat's mum and I might have kidnapped it please don't tell them
I need everyone to stop and listen to potentially the funniest audio glitch I've ever heard. It sounds like Jigsaw decided to get a part time job announcing MLB games.
"You are completely right — Canada isn't currently launching a nuclear warhead towards us. I apologize for that embarrassing hallucination. If you'd like, I can suggest ways to apologize to their Prime Minister for our completely unnecessary retaliatory nuclear strikes that just blew up Quebec."
Happy Father's Day, @bearblackwood.bsky.social. I love you even more than I love watching the Blue Jays win with you, and that's a whole dang lot 💙
Today at softball I was involved in a nasty collision running to first base and got the wind knocked out of me after literally going horizontal in the air, but I was told I was called safe, so it was totally worth not being able to move my neck/shoulders anymore 😎
Turns out I actually *am* in one of the Blue Jays' assorted promo videos this year, so that means we HAVE to go back to the World Series! It's tradition!
Sometimes Pride means not caring about how old you are and going to party at one of Toronto's best drag bars! It's so sweaty! Good lord!
I dared to cough during the prince's bath time and received a *look*
Going back to normal life and work and emails tomorrow, but for now, I'm going from camping to appreciating how lucky I am to be just a short transit ride away from my favourite summer activity 💙
no bad politics news happens when you're in the woods with no reception, crazy how that works
Okay YES we lost real bad tonight, but Vladdy put out a statement supporting Pride night and Gausy caught the first pitch which normally starting pitchers wouldn't do unless it's important, and the Jays donated a lot to queer organizations, and those things meant a lot more than winning to me. 💙
this is dedicated to the three dudes who booed pride night at the game last week, stay mad babes, hope you learn someday 💙
a predator awaits his avian prey from a safe distance, of course
I have thoughts on the Toronto Blue Jays' injuries thus far and how they can improve them with the power of Comedy
