Toby @ The Xue Yang Torment Nexus

@iodhadh

Fey creature of many names. A machine that makes stories. Relentlessly Songxuexiao. The god of poets has two hands: the dextrous, the sinister. they/them // 🔞 // ao3.org/users/iodhadh // 🪦🕊️ // tchy.ca // art: svetlacreates

142 Folgt333 Follower8.277 Posts

Bluesky

alt

Ist das dein Profil?Übernimm es — dann gehört dir iodhadh.dirty.social.Profil übernehmen

Toby @ The Xue Yang Torment Nexus@iodhadh· May 11

Potato grilled cheeses. 🍽️

Plate of two nicely toasted grilled cheese sandwiches on whole grain bread, each sliced in half. There are also three small dill pickles alongside them.

One of the half sandwiches propped up on the other to show the cross-section: two layers of cheddar cheese with a layer of potato, sour cream, and green onion between them.

Toby @ The Xue Yang Torment Nexus@iodhadh· May 8

Also I constantly get compliments on this scene.

“What’s your safeword?” Song Lan says.

Xue Yang is too dazed to make sense of the question at first, but then it registers with a palpable click. He shoots Song Lan a disbelieving look. “What? Fuck off.”

There is a second moment of heart-wrenching stillness.

“You don’t use one?” Song Lan says. His voice is very even, but there’s a weird edge to it—almost like he’s angry, except that it doesn’t feel like a threat, which makes no sense at all. Xue Yang doesn’t get it, and he doesn’t like it. He bristles.

“What the fuck would I need one for?” he snaps. “You think you’ve got what it takes to make me safeword? If you don’t think I can handle it just say so, you don’t need to fucking tease me.”

“That’s not what I’m doing,” Song Lan says quietly.

“Then quit fucking around,” Xue Yang says, “and hit me.”

A muscle tenses in Song Lan’s jaw, and he blows out a sharp breath, but when he speaks his voice is still utterly calm. “I’m not going to hit you unless you agree to a safeword,” he says. “Are you familiar with the stoplight system?”

“For fuck’s sake,” Xue Yang spits.

Song Lan doesn’t falter. “Say ‘red’ if you need me to stop,” he says. “‘Yellow’ to pause or check in—”

“I know how the fucking stoplight system works!”

“Zichen,” Xiao Xingchen interrupts, with his gentle voice. “If he’s this resistant, maybe we’d better not.”

Dismay crashes over Xue Yang like a bucket of ice water. To his astonishment he sees it mirrored in Song Lan’s face: he wants to hit him, Xue Yang realizes—wants it badly, with the same violent, inexplicable need that has reared up in Xue Yang to grab him by the throat. Out of nowhere he feels like he’s about to cry. “No, come on,” he says, twisting around in Xiao Xingchen’s arms. “I can take it, just let me—he wants it, come on, please—”

But Xiao Xingchen just raises an eyebrow coolly. “Can we trust you to tell us if you’re at your limit?”

“Please,” Xue Yang says. “Please, just—”

“Are you going to be good?” Xiao Xingchen says, cutting him off.

Xue Yang’s breath stutters in his chest. Something has gone all shaky inside him, desperate for their approval. “Yes,” he says. “Yes. I’ll be good. Please hit me.”

Xiao Xingchen smiles at him, like he’s bestowing a blessing, and Xue Yang has the sinking realization that he’s been expertly played. But then Xiao Xingchen says, “Good,” and leans in to kiss him, and somehow he can’t quite bring himself to care. He lets Xiao Xingchen rearrange him in his lap and raises his eyes to Song Lan. Song Lan is watching him: fixated, his expression all mixed up between mistrust and hope and a desire so fierce it makes Xue Yang’s lungs ache. Xue Yang wants him so bad. He has such beautiful hands.

Xiao Xingchen kisses Xue Yang’s neck. “What do you say if you need him to stop?”

Xue Yang shudders. “Red.”

“Very good,” Xiao Xingchen says softly. He presses his lips to Xue Yang’s temple, then sits back, drawing Xue Yang’s spine straight and opening up his shoulders. “And to tell him you’re ready?”

“Green,” Xue Yang says, and meets Song Lan’s eyes.

Toby @ The Xue Yang Torment Nexus@iodhadh· May 5

I have an autism creature desk buddy Alex made for me. The answer for why I am experiencing neurodivergence is, quite literally, staring me compassionately in the face as we speak.

Little needlefelted autism creature (simplistic white quadruped with a round head, big black eyes, and a flat/vacant expression) sitting on my desk looking at me kindly.

Toby @ The Xue Yang Torment Nexus@iodhadh· May 5

Literally how I got married.

Tumblr post by fishandshesmygills: “dating apps are embarrassing crushes in real life are embarrassing the only option left is to elope with a tumblr mutual.”

Toby @ The Xue Yang Torment Nexus@iodhadh· May 4

Friends, Yi Citizens, countrypersons—for the past months I have been workshopping a deranged (horny) fic with a new Songxuexiao writer. Tonight, for all your forced drinking desperation kink needs, I am honoured to present: "there's no such thing as a free drink." archiveofourown.org/works/84229846

The tags and summary of an AO3 fic.

The rating is Explicit, and No Archive Warnings Apply. The fandom is Modao Zushi (novel) and The Untamed. The ship and characters are Song Lan/Xiao Xingchen/Xue Yang. The additional tags are "Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, PWP, Established Couple & Third, Dom/sub Undertones, Alcohol, Intoxication, Forced Drinking, Omorashi, Dubious Consent, Unnegotiated Kink, Dry Humping, except the humping isn't very dry, Wank and Tell."

Title: there's no such thing as a free drink
Author: pishfish
Summary: Xue Yang is looking for a free drink or a fuck—he gets more than he bargains for.

Toby @ The Xue Yang Torment Nexus@iodhadh· May 2

Happy Bealtaine, friends. I made a celebratory dinner and it kicked ass. 🍽️ Fettuccine with a shrimp tomato basil sauce, simple dressed greens and cucumber salad, confit garlic focaccia, and strawberry tarts for dessert.

Plate of two thick slices of buttered focaccia, a salad of mixed greens and cucumber with an oil and balsamic vinegar dressing, and fettuccine with a simple tomato sauce and several shrimp, garnished with sliced basil.

Two cute little strawberry tarts, each sporting a scoop of whipped cream with a quarter of a fresh strawberry sticking proudly out of it like a wizard’s hat.

Toby @ The Xue Yang Torment Nexus@iodhadh· Apr 30

Anyway. Stopped off at the kink store today. Check out the newest addition to my impact kit.

My hand holding up a very solid studded black leather mallet. The head is a double-ended cylinder about six inches long and a couple inches in diameter. The handle is also wrapped in leather and has a padded ball and a hanging loop on the end.

A mirror selfie of me in my pyjamas (red crab shack tank top) with the hammer braced showily on my shoulder.

Toby @ The Xue Yang Torment Nexus@iodhadh· Apr 26

Smashed cucumber salad, crispy breaded sweet potatoes, and tilapia hand rolls with unagi sauce. 🍽️

Plate of several panko-crusted sweet potato half-moons, a pile of very well-seasoned smashed cucumber salad, and a seaweed-wrapped hand roll.

My hand holding up the hand roll which you can now see contains rice, cucumber matchsticks, and a white fish glazed with a brownish sauce.

Toby @ The Xue Yang Torment Nexus@iodhadh· Apr 22

Look at it.

Burrata with a charred dry salsa, delicata squash, and squash purée, alongside a little dish of maldon salt and a stack of charred focaccia.

Maitake mushrooms with sunchoke crisps, a drizzle of a couple different sauces, and sesame.

Fingerling potatoes on a creamy cilantro sauce and schnitzel with a lemon, dill, and a dill sauce.

Toby @ The Xue Yang Torment Nexus@iodhadh· Apr 22

Out for dinner after our massage outing.

Two cocktails, both orangeish in colour, one in a tall glass with ice and a twist of orange peel and the other in a coupe glass with foam and a swirled decoration on top.

Plate of extremely fresh focaccia with whipped butter alongside a plate of devilled eggs with sliced cucumber and sumac.

Toby @ The Xue Yang Torment Nexus@iodhadh· Apr 18

Ate an absurd amount of fish lads.

Crab, shrimp, and sashimi salad over wakame, lettuce, cucumber, and avocado.

Bamboo serving tray of a whole bunch of nigiri at least half of which is salmon plus two different kinds of roll.

Second bamboo serving tray this one with five tuna nigiri and a big pile of sashimi, most of which is salmon again.

Toby @ The Xue Yang Torment Nexus@iodhadh· Apr 17

Everything is wet.

A set of train tracks alongside a marshy ditch, full of water. Evergreens are close behind it.

A long view over a low marshy field. Close by there is a big stretch of water, reflecting the clouds and blue of the sky. In the distance, banks of trees and a bit of a hill.

Toby @ The Xue Yang Torment Nexus@iodhadh· Apr 14

It’s been long enough since series eight for me that I don’t remember Iain Stirling’s vibes. John I believe was feral and Richard a weird old man. This was my assessment of series fourteen and I stand by it.

John Kearns was blatantly and obviously dedicated to the aesthetics of failure from day one

Fern Brady I thought was the feral one, but I think she actually ended up as weird old man, subtype: divorced bachelor

Munya initially seemed to be a perfect fit for Greg Davies' adopted brown son, but ultimately he ended up feral

the enthusiastic little boy type was Sarah Millican

which leaves Dara Ó Briain, by process of elimination but also by true and perfect fate, as the wine aunt

Toby @ The Xue Yang Torment Nexus@iodhadh· Apr 13

Homemade turkey fettucine alfredo and caesar salad. 🍽️

Plate of caesar salad and fettucine alfredo with a thinly sliced pan-fried turkey breast on top of it.

Toby @ The Xue Yang Torment Nexus@iodhadh· Apr 8

Once again thinking about my favourite stupid crack AU concept: Johnny Be Fair AU starring Jin Zixuan.

You never seen a girl so sad and sorry as I was
The boys in town are all my kin and my father is the pa
If this continue I shall die a single miss
So I'll go to mother and complain to her of this

Oh daughter, haven't I taught you to forgive and to forget
Even if this all is true, still you needn't fret
Your father may be father to all the boys in town, still
He's not the one who sired you, so marry who you will

Toby @ The Xue Yang Torment Nexus@iodhadh· Apr 5

Here is the opening of my CYOA. Caia and their husband talking about the Marquis.

In retrospect, your troubles begin from the moment you first hear about the Marquisate of Amestoy—but that doesn’t become apparent until quite some time later.

It seems a problem with a simple enough solution at the outset. Some Antyre scouts in the region of the Banteave–Rouendor border find evidence of soldiers massing on the Rouendor side; they bring it to your husband; and Helvius, of course, brings it to you. Theoretically, you ought to then bring it to the Imperial Spymaster for Banteave—but this is exactly the sort of delicate and fascinating political situation you’ve been tacitly encouraged to handle yourself these last four years; and besides, as a distant cousin of the Empress of Resshe herself, bastard daughter though your mother is: you technically outrank him.

“What do we have on the Marquis of Amestoy?” you say. You’re curled up in front of the hearth in one of Helvius’s comically large armchairs; the Highland air tonight is crisp with the coming of autumn, though not yet so chill that your husband has closed the lodge’s shutters. You come back to Antyre lands every year around this time; it’s your favourite place you’ve ever called home.

Helvius Antyre is not a man given to dissembling, but he has a subtle mind. He makes a poor spy, and an excellent strategist. Now he grimaces, his every emotion playing openly across his broad face: this is not a report he wants to give.

“Absolutely nothing,” he says plainly. “We don’t even know his name. Even in court documents, the Rouendor crown seems to have an aversion to naming him. I’d almost call it superstitious.”

“Intriguing,” you murmur. There’s nothing on the man in your own files either: you’ve already checked. It’s not often you come across a mystery of this calibre; you love a good mystery.

“We do know he’s reasonably close to the crown. A third or fourth cousin, not in the direct line of succession but near enough to make them nervous.” King Richier of Rouendor is infamously paranoid: this your files do have plentiful commentary on. “His family has held those lands for at least the last three hundred years. He’s been living out on his estate lately, not spending his time at court.”

“How interesting,” you say. “And we’ve no indication if the troops are his or the crown’s?”

“None,” Helvius says. He gives you a wry smile, and for the fifteenth time today you fall in love with him all over again. “We’ve no indication whether he even knows they’re there. My scouts found them easily enough, but our advantage in locating enemy soldiers is our disadvantage in spying on their meetings. Once you get out of the woods, bears aren’t exactly inconspicuous.”

“I have never known you to be so,” you agree. You stretch out your leg, resting your ankle on Helvius’s knee. “Then I suppose there’s nothing for it. It will take around six days on horseback to reach the Rouendor border. I’ll check in with the clan outpost there, then assess the situation. If your people don’t hear from me by the time I mean to be back, they’ll get a message to you.”

Your husband—big, beautiful Helvius, with his dark skin and golden eyes and the silvery hair of a shaggy blond grizzly, his bearskin thrown around his shoulders and his belly spilling over his lap—does not tell you he wishes you wouldn’t go, though you know he worries. Instead he only holds your eyes and fits one big hand reassuringly around your calf. He has always given you the freedom to be exactly as you are: that’s why you love him so much.

Toby @ The Xue Yang Torment Nexus@iodhadh· Apr 5

This is my picrew of them. The time period of the clothes is wrong (think fantasy late 18th century) but the vibe is right. Their hair is always messy. They have a cow tail and tufts of fur on their ears. Their full name is Mirencaia Columbine Isidora Luneste, but they go by Caia.

A picrew by Makówka of an elf with light brown skin, green eyes, and several beauty marks. Their long messy hair (in a bun) is blue at the top/front, teal in the middle, and green at the ends. They are wearing a slouchy green top over a white shirt. They have facial piercings and dangly earrings. The collar on their neck has a heart-shaped ring, which frames a scar on their throat.

Toby @ The Xue Yang Torment Nexus@iodhadh· Apr 3

April in Ottawa.

Photo of the road overlooking the canal: bare trees and bushes, scrubby dead grass, decomposing leaf litter everywhere, and the ice of the canal still decisively frozen.

Selfie of me walking along the road over the canal. I am wearing a sleeveless tank top, big over-ear headphones, and a backpack patterned with space. My hair is blowing back in the wind.

Toby @ The Xue Yang Torment Nexus@iodhadh· Mar 31

I made moodboards for that whole set of characters at one point. Behold our girls.

A moodboard of six small square images and one long banner across the bottom. In order: a face shot of Zendaya in her Joan of Arc look; pink quartz crystals; Zendaya's Joan of Arc dress; a woman in a sequined black mermaid dress lounging on a staircase; a black and white image of a woman in an enormous ermine; the hips of a woman wearing pink lacy garters with a dagger tucked through them; lush pink roses.

A moodboard of six small square images and one long banner across the bottom. In order: the lower face and shoulders of a woman in an embroidered jacket; two wild boars in nature; a weathered animal spine in the dirt; a misty highland mountain; a west Asian woman with dappled lighting across her face reminiscent of falling rain; the blade and ornately decorated scabbard of a knife; dense and elaborate embroidery in reds and golds on a dark background.

Toby @ The Xue Yang Torment Nexus@iodhadh· Mar 24

Real xkcd 2501 moment for me here.

Parody of the "even when they're trying to compensate for it, experts in anything wildly overestimate the average person's familiarity with their field" comic.

Conversation:

1: "Narrative perspective is second nature to us fiction writers, so it's easy to forget that the average person probably only knows third person limited, omniscient, and objective."
2: "And second person, of course."
1: "Of course."

Toby @ The Xue Yang Torment Nexus@iodhadh· Mar 23

Cider! :)

Toby @ The Xue Yang Torment Nexus@iodhadh· Mar 23

This recipe for the sauce: thecozycook.com/swedish-meat... For the meatballs: this. Use romano beans instead of black beans and pea crumb instead of breadcrumbs if you can find it. It'll be wet, just eyeball the crumb and keep adding until it forms a paste, it'll probably need more than called for.

In a large, flat-bottomed bowl, combine

two 19 oz cans black beans, rinsed
¾ cup finely chopped green onion
2 eggs
2 tbsp white wine
2 tbsp white vinegar
2 or 3 large cloves garlic, grated
2 tsp parsley
1 tsp basil, oregano, chili powder, or whatever other seasoning strikes your fancy

Mash everything thoroughly with a potato masher. Keep going until there don’t seem to be any lumps of bean left. Mix in

¾ cup fine dried bread crumbs or cracker crumbs

Scoop out some mix and form into a patty. A third of a cup mix makes a medium-sized patty, half a cup makes a large patty.

To fry (my personal favourite): Make the patties on a sheet of waxed paper. Heat a little oil on medium in a non-stick frying pan. Transfer the patties from the waxed paper to the pan, fry until crisp and brown on one side, then flip and repeat.

To bake: Preheat oven to 375°F. Oil a baking sheet, and make the patties directly on the sheet. Bake until crisp and brownish, 20 minutes or more.

To barbecue: Make the patties ahead and freeze. Clean your barbecue grill thoroughly and lightly oil it. Preheat the barbecue. Place the frozen patties on the grill and cook until brown and stiff on the bottom and slightly dry on top. Flip carefully. Resist the temptation to fiddle with them while they cook; you’ll just make a mess.

Toby @ The Xue Yang Torment Nexus@iodhadh· Mar 23

New advances in bean burger technologies. 🍽️

Plate of bean meatballs smothered in a brown cream sauce, with potato wedges (also drizzled with sauce) and roasted green beans behind them.

Close up of the bean meatballs to show off their crisp shape and the silky texture of the sauce.

Toby @ The Xue Yang Torment Nexus@iodhadh· Mar 19

I wanna try something weird. I'm suffering a creative malaise. I want YOU to prompt me a fic that makes use of At Least one item on this list. Preference for sxx but will entertain other ships. No crack. Ideally under 10k, but also not just "modern AU where they do [kink]" with no added complexity.

- fuck or die
- truth-telling curse
- photographer Xingchen
- cities that are people
- Song Lan submissive like a guard dog is submissive
- heretical/treasonous devotion
- age gap
- D/s-verse
- fake dating
- breeding kink
- petplay
- anonymity roleplay
- chastity
- cuckolding
- high protocol

Toby @ The Xue Yang Torment Nexus@iodhadh· Mar 19

My family’s longstanding tofu broccoli stir fry recipe as reimagined for noodles, plus smashed cucumber salad on the side. 🍽️🍜🥒

Low bowl of udon, tofu, and broccoli stir fry, plus a small bowl of smashed cucumber salad and a water glass.

Close up of the stir fry. In addition to the broccoli and tofu, there are also peppers and a bit of bok choy mixed into the noodles. The sauce is brown.

Close up of the cucumber salad. It contains garlic, cilantro, sesame seeds, and chili crisp oil, and is marinating richly in an oil, vinegar, and soy sauce dressing.

Toby @ The Xue Yang Torment Nexus@iodhadh· Mar 16

All that matters today.

A screenshot of me partway through listening to Wang Dang Doodle from the Sinners soundtrack.

Toby @ The Xue Yang Torment Nexus@iodhadh· Mar 13

The current location of my creature. Also I’m looking forward to the tiny very niche fandom music convention we’re going to next month. It’ll be a fun time.

A fleece blanket being lifted up from the bed it’s on to reveal a small black cat (mostly just a black blob with eyes) who has wormed her way underneath it.

Toby @ The Xue Yang Torment Nexus@iodhadh· Mar 8

Happy birthday (early) to Alex, I spent literally all afternoon in the kitchen. 🍽️

Round double layer cake with a pale peach buttercream, dotted all over with blueberries and a few sprigs of rosemary.

Cooling rack of twelve cupcakes with a brownish blue colour. They are decorated modestly with pale peach buttercream and one peach slice and three blueberries each.

A close up of three of the cupcakes, to show them off.

A closer shot of the cake from a more side-on angle, showing the frosting around the side as well as the top.

Toby @ The Xue Yang Torment Nexus@iodhadh· Mar 7

5. The original inspiration was actually something I brought from my last fandom. One of the classes requires consuming dragon blood, and the lore surrounding that is a fascinating playground for body horror/corruption. I never used the concept in DA fandom, so I wanted to apply it to Songxuexiao.

Dragon cults that feasted on draconic blood is said to have a number of strange long-term effects, including bestowing greater strength and endurance, as well as an increased desire to kill. It may breed insanity as well. Nevarran dragon-hunters have said these cultists are incredibly powerful opponents. The changes in the cultists are considered a form of blood magic. If the Inquisitor becomes a Reaver then Cassandra informs them the Pentaghast family used to be known for their Reavers. According to legend, the Reavers developed dragon-like attributes and terrible tempers, often killing their entire families. The tales may be exaggerated, but she considers it likely the stories are based on truth. Nyree, a reaver, is able to adopt a frightening appearance with dragon like qualities, suggesting there is some truth to the stories.

Toby @ The Xue Yang Torment Nexus@iodhadh· Mar 7

Rae resurrected this WIP meme I made ages ago which ve's apparently been sitting on for years before we ever even met, so I'm resurrecting it too. Vote now on your devices for whether you'd rather hear me talk about Disappearance or the big WIP I plan to finish this summer.