“Tracy, NBC universal has acquired the film rights to the YouTube clip, "man loses pants on trampoline." How would you like to be the voice of Gaboing, the evil wizard who would take jumping away from jumpland?”

The most comforting feeling

If you aren’t at the park, sitting outside with a whisky watching the fireflies with the ball game on the radio is the best way to consume baseball.

Hierarchy of rooms. Signed copies and historical books go in what we call the tree room with literature and philosophy. Curated novels by the fireplace. My wife’s favorites in the bedroom. Kids books on shelves in three places. Random stuff down in the den.

When the LeBron Friday beers hit.

Elliot Anderson, welcome to the gym. Let’s make sure that never happens again. Step into my office.

I get their game model but… this…

roof drinks

Don’t play fucking meme openings against me today. Not in the mood

NO ONE circles the wagons like the US Men’s National Team

I’d like to remind all the outraged Euros that this wasn’t called a hand ball with a spot in the World Cup semifinals on the line…

Fart noise as loud as 1,000 fireworks.

Fiiiiiine

The Dutch richly deserved that for turtling

He should know: No one knows how to make a game vulgar and ordinary like Carlos Queiroz.

Jamiro Monteiro charging into the fray like

No one is more qualified to break down a World Cup howler than Rob Green!

Doesn’t suck.

This man is such a dingus

Day 1: ancient pubs in rainy London

This is the worst all Sixers team I’ve been able to make. Can you do better/worse?

Don’t play chess against me after I’ve had a bad day.

This is dumb. Fuck the Braves. Fuck the Mets in the ear. Fuck the smarmy midwestern fever dream Cardinals. Fuck the Giants and their freezing ballpark. Fuck the Yankees. Fuck the Red Sox. And spit on them. Fuck the Stros. And if the Pirates ever rise above Yinzer apathy fuck them, too. For starters.

This is personally how I’d set this roster up. I want to stress this is NOT what Poch will do.

What a time to be alive

Could be us but you playin

I mean… this is pretty fucking disgusting

I can’t believe this Timex/Harry Potter crossover exists, and I also cannot believe that it’s… kind of cool. The big dumb logo at 12 ruins the vibe though.

This is such a wild paragraph. The team employs absolute legends of the game that won them three Cups and they don’t matter in the city? Everyone was busy with the Pirates? This is why I loathe this franchise so much.