Pastor of Muppets

@pastor-of-muppets

She/They 🏴‍☠️🏳️‍🌈🐈🐈‍⬛🔞 - OFMD brainrot sufferer. Hingeless half of Hingeless and Horny. Pro life long Whimsy. I love your cat. Do not consume if your frontal lobe isn't fully prepared.

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Bluesky

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Pastor of Muppets@pastor-of-muppets· May 1

I am SO excited and thankful to have gotten to collaborate with @wyrdingstudios.com thanks to the @ourfamilyourfight.bsky.social craft fair and created this STUNNING necklace that is the first thing in nearly 15 years to match my aquamarine wedding ring. Go lookit all their lovely work!

Pastor of Muppets@pastor-of-muppets· Apr 22

See there are two types of people because mine...

Pastor of Muppets@pastor-of-muppets· Apr 1

WIP Wednesday? I'm hoping to post it later today maybe... #ofmd #gamechanger

The montage shifted to another bit Stede had forgotten about. They’d done a “dating show” episode for Lucius, with various other cast members being thrown in as special guests or mystery options. Izzy had been reluctant for his part, being asked to read a filthy tweet. Sure enough, in his dry growly rasp, he read the quote--which had largely had to be bleeped, but that only made it funnier.

Stede had gasped. “Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?”

Izzy had snarled, “No, I kiss yours.”

Just as shocked, Stede had replied, “You can reach my mother with that mouth?”

Another bit jumped on screen. This time Izzy was reaching for something--a game Stede half remembered as a combination between jeopardy, a pirate themed D&D and a scavenger hunt. As Izzy reached up on a shelf, Stede slapped him on the ass with the flat of his (blunt) cutlass, a resounding smack echoing perfectly. Izzy had whirled on him and Stede had played utterly dumb

What he remembered most about that game was that Ed hadn’t been in it. Olu, Izzy, and Frenchie had done it, and afterwards, Ed had pouted so hard about not getting involved that Stede had run the game for him alone after hours. That had been a blast, them laughing and Ed demanding that he should get to dress up like Stede had. Even if when he’d seen Stede he’d stared for a full minute at the ridiculous outfit of skintight stockings, shorter breeches, and a flowing frock coat.

Pastor of Muppets@pastor-of-muppets· Mar 8

and they are SO warm you guys. Lookit how comfy Pooh is in one that I made for my sibkid, who wanted her stuffed animals to match hers. Can't you imagine bein this cozy?

Pastor of Muppets@pastor-of-muppets· Mar 4

Just throwing this out there that you could be a cozy warm mermaid...

Pastor of Muppets@pastor-of-muppets· Feb 28

Ok no spoilers but RE: Requiem definitely had its references huh...

A drawing from "scary stories to tell in the dark" that def was more frightening than the story it accompanied.

Pastor of Muppets@pastor-of-muppets· Feb 23

Check your thyroid as well, that can cause or worsten depression symptoms. I would have liked but...well..

Pastor of Muppets@pastor-of-muppets· Feb 23

Cold from the winter storms? Want to be warm *and* whimsical? What about a made-to-order mermaid tail blanket! It's the perfect way to manage too much ICE and it could be yours! @ourfamilyourfight.bsky.social #craftfair #ofmd

Pastor of Muppets@pastor-of-muppets· Feb 19

Pastor of Muppets@pastor-of-muppets· Feb 15

What'dya think he's smilin' about?

Pastor of Muppets@pastor-of-muppets· Feb 14

What you do with tiny Penis Pal is your business but if you throw it at people that'd be a cool af thing to do.

Pastor of Muppets@pastor-of-muppets· Feb 11

ok but the description of the character is just...babes. That's just Stede.

Pastor of Muppets@pastor-of-muppets· Feb 1

Or would you prefer a personal mermaid tail? This is mine but a commission is up for grabs - you can pick your yarn/color and size (infant, child, or adult). You'll never be warmer than in this blanket!

A blanket fashioned like a mermaid tail that is a variety of color stripes from teal to pink to purple. A cat is standing on it to express her anger at not getting attention.

Pastor of Muppets@pastor-of-muppets· Feb 1

How about some cat toys (I will stuff with my own homegrown catnip) shown here with their quality control manager?

An orange cat faces away from the camera. A 2-3 inch crochet fish on her back, but she is ignoring it with barely controled rage. She will shit on something you love because of this. She has no mercy.But the fish are cute!

Pastor of Muppets@pastor-of-muppets· Jan 21

Is it #WIPWednesday?!? Well then, how about this that was started as a JanuAUry fic but is growing allll the time...

Get ready for a Game Changer! Tonight’s guests: it’s Izzy ‘kicked out of Anger Management’ Hands! Welcome Lucius ‘Hole is a Goal’ Spriggs! And finally, let’s welcome Edward “Blackbeard” Teach! And your host, me! The Gentleman Host! I’ve been here the whole time!” Stede gave a playful spin, setting the tails of his red coat to twirl a little. “Welcome to Game Changer! The only show where the game changes every episode. I’m your host joined by these three lovely contestants. You know how the game works?” Their ‘no’s’ went from Lucius’ sarcasm to Izzy’s muttered profanity. “That’s right, our contestants have no idea what game it is they’re about to play. The only way to learn is by playing, and the only way to win is by learning and the only way to begin is by beginning,” the patter was a familiar comfort that helped ground Stede for what he knew was either going to be a phenomenal episode or the lowest rated dumbest thing he’d ever done.

Every episode’s game changed--hence the name--and it was as much improv as it was solving the mystery of what the rules were. And, if the ratings on his small independent network were to be trusted, an enormous fan favorite. It drove people to even voluntarily increase their monthly subscription rate! He had to be doing something right.

Smothering his maniac grin, Stede focused on his role. “Let’s get today started. Contestants…Yes…or No?”

Pastor of Muppets@pastor-of-muppets· Jan 4

If anything encapsulates a chat with myself @kalansphantomff.bsky.social and @citrussyndicate.bsky.social it's this right here 🤣

snip of a discord chat from CitrusSyndicate that reads: At first glance I thought that was some sort of advanced sex toy. It’s always a toss up in this chat whether something is for cats or for smutty purposes.

Pastor of Muppets@pastor-of-muppets· Nov 26

how is this #WIPWednesday treating you? Could you be interested in a feathery nonsensical treat?

Stede was lonely a lot, but that didn’t mean he didn’t also have anxiety about it!

He drafted a dozen versions of the text.

-Hi this is Stede. I think I found your keys assuming this is Ed.
-Hi is this Ed? I am Stede and I may have found your keys
-Hi Ed, this is very odd to tell someone but I believe my bird friend deposited your keys in my lap
-Did you lose some keys recently? I think I found them. BTW this is Stede and you are Ed.

Ugh. He was backspacing them all when his finger hit the green button and a familiar buzzing of a ringing phone cut through his remaining neurons. He had long enough to panic before a warm voice with a familiar accent purred down the line a terribly inquisitive, “Hello?”

“Oh no. Oh um, you’re Stede? No, I’m Stede, that was very silly of me, that’s not what I meant. You’re Ed? I mean are you Ed? Oh god I’m so bad on the phone,” his stupid words raced away without him.

The man on the phone laughed, but it wasn’t meanspirited. It was warm and kind of sweet. “Deep breath, mate.” Stede did so, sort of hypnotized by the warmth in the voice. “Phone anxiety’s a bitch innit?”

Pastor of Muppets@pastor-of-muppets· Nov 21

I am not even mad about my man bein called out like this 🤣

Pastor of Muppets@pastor-of-muppets· Oct 27

Hey fandom, show me the Liberace outfit YOU most associate with Stede Bonnet. For me, it's this one!

An image (admittedly Michael Douglas as Liberace in "Behind the Candelabra but the outfit is the point) in a pink pastel suit with an enormous shell like collar and blue cape and idk that I can alt text this, it's just amazingly gay.

Pastor of Muppets@pastor-of-muppets· Oct 19

Who robbed the louve? I mean why not? They've robbed everybody else (sees self out)

Pastor of Muppets@pastor-of-muppets· Aug 22

I think I can share this #WIPWednesday (a lil late) for Hard Disciplines that I think @kalansphantomff.bsky.social won't begrudge...

a donut pillow decorated like a unicorn with gold horn, white fluffy ears sticking out, and a teal cowlick, with a teal bottom and pink sprinkles.

Pastor of Muppets@pastor-of-muppets· Aug 9

I wanted my laptop to do some writing...but the boss disagreed.

A sleek orange stripped cat sits on a pillow on a lap, with big ears and eyes. She looks vaguely irritated (because petting stopped for pictures)

Pastor of Muppets@pastor-of-muppets· Aug 8

She's already a model!!

An orange stripey cat lounging in a tan/green bed, with her enormous eyes to camera, has one leg out and her tail extended and otherwise has no visible legs. She is sleek and purrfect.

Pastor of Muppets@pastor-of-muppets· Aug 8

this is the least insane it can get, too. Other random gems include:

KalansPhantom (Kristen): Wow, Rude. Put me on with your cat right now.

Pastor of Muppets (replying to Kalan): I love that you just forgot you were being nice hahaha

KalansPhantom (kristen): Hell yeah! Go drugs!

Pastor of Muppets@pastor-of-muppets· Aug 1

I use headings in gdocs for chapters so i can navigate quickly. At the bottom of every doc is my outline, reference info etc. It puts it all in bar on the left and makes it easy to hop round for info. For example, here's Once Bitten. Outlines change (sometimes a LOT) but this helps me be organized

a heading list from chapter two to chapter 7 then Chapter ?, followed by subheadings "outline" and "Genders"

Pastor of Muppets@pastor-of-muppets· Jul 19

The context is also hilarious fyi.

Pastor of Muppets@pastor-of-muppets· Jul 9

Hey there how about a snippet of "Once Bitten" the omegaverse "fake" dating / real mating fic on this #WIPWednesday??

Stede: Hey Ed. Wanted to check in. You ok?
Stede: Edward? Something feels wrong.
Stede: Where are you? Please let me know if you’re OK.
Stede: Edward, I’m worried. I can feel that through our mating bond. You don’t have to tell me everything but tell me if you’re OK?
Stede: If you don’t reply I’m going to worry that you got Taken. Alphaknapped?
Stede: I would be a terrible negotiator for your freedom, please don’t put me in that position.
Stede: Is it about me? I know things with us are…complicated, to say the least. It’s OK if that’s the problem.
Stede: Just…please don’t shut me out? I’m worried about you.
Stede: You don’t usually feel like this and I’m scared and worried. I want you to be okay. Please.
Stede: Edward, please just let me know you’re OK?
Stede: It’s OK if you need time or need space from me. I’m just asking that you tell me you’re ok? For safety purposes.
Stede: I’m leaving work. Hopefully you’re at home? Or at your place? We don’t have to talk. Just let me know you’re safe.
Stede: I’m kind of freaking out to be honest. I really need you to be okay, Edward.

“Stede. Were you coming to check up on me?” How was it so sweet when he thought about it? That Stede was so worried he had to find out if Ed was okay, had to drive to the places he expected the alpha to be? Had Ed really never had someone care about him so much?

But on the line, the omega was indignant. “Yes! Of course I bloody well was! I was worried when I felt that…hurt…in the bond and then you weren’t answering. And I can’t do a Taken, Edward! I have skills but not those skills. I doubt that elite kidnappers want to see a perfect napkin fold.”

That made him giggle. “Maybe these do. Wanna see a napkin fold. Maybe they have questions about peptides or some shit.”

“Dear me. I suppose if it’s for you I can break out the crown fold but I’m not doing a swan fold.”

He gasped audibly, even though his heart was full and happy. “I’m not worth a swan fold?”

Deadpan, Stede replied, “The swans know what they’ve done.”

Pastor of Muppets@pastor-of-muppets· Jul 9

Hope it helps?

Pastor of Muppets@pastor-of-muppets· Jul 7

Yea there's an option you can click on that does the line break! When you go to "Rich text" you'll see this bar (pic 1). That last one is a line that you put in and it puts in a full line break like so (pic 2). In fic it will look like pic 3!

Screencap of the icons in rich text including clipboard, bold, italic, underline, strike, link, unlink, image, quote and line break.

Image of a line break in a text doc that just reads nonsense.

Snippet of "Once Bitten" that shows a line break in action.

Pastor of Muppets@pastor-of-muppets· Jun 21

Pillow on the lap means it's time to cat! Happy #caturday to those who celebrate.