Wil Wheaton ❌👑

@wilwheaton

New York Times bestselling author and audiobook narrator. Host of It's Storytime with Wil Wheaton Retired Starfleet officer. Husband, father, Traveler. Nazi punks fuck off.

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Wil Wheaton ❌👑@wilwheaton· May 18

Indy and Chicago! We're coming to see you next month

Stand By Me Live is coming to Indianapolis and Chicago, June 13 and 14.

Wil Wheaton ❌👑@wilwheaton· Apr 24

Trying again. It is WILD that this isn't the top story in the country right now. The president is weak, feeble, sundowning, and unable to faithfully discharge the responsibilities of his office. It's right here, live on camera, and the national press just shrugs.

Trump falls asleep AGAIN while surrounded by his sycophants as they praise him with lies.

Wil Wheaton ❌👑@wilwheaton· Mar 3

The bulbs have been coming up, and because I don't remember what I put, and where I planted it, every one of them is a surprise. I love how these look like little torches. #BloomScrolling #Gardening #SomethingAnythingThatIsntTerribleForAChange

Three orange and red tulips grow in a raised garden bed.

Wil Wheaton ❌👑@wilwheaton· Feb 9

This is how I celebrated Batmas when I was 15, by the way.

Promo image of 15 year-old Wil Wheaton in a Batman painter's cap, a denim jacket covered with Batman pins, and Swatch, an Oingo Boingo T-shirt.

My description from Flickr when I uploaded it in 2008:

"Just in case there was any doubt lingering about what a fucking geektard I was when I was a teenager, I present this photo, recovered from the garage this weekend.

I have not scanned the back side of this, which declares, "Hey Mon! Be excellent to each other!" and features a badly-drawn attempt to recreate the Batman insignia.

I'm not sure what's worse: that I thought this was cool, or that someone who should have known better let me print this on a postcard to be sent out to just about anyone who sent a letter asking for an autographed picture."

I am much kinder to 15 year-old me now than I was when I wrote that.

Wil Wheaton ❌👑@wilwheaton· Feb 3

I am blocked by @pookleblinky.bsky.social so I can't quote this fantastic post of theirs, but maybe you can. Love their message: we can ABSOLUTELY do this, and I believe it is the primary reason the worst people in the world fought so hard to defeat Mamdani: he will keep his promises. 1/2

Wil Wheaton ❌👑@wilwheaton· Feb 3

IKEA monkey keeps leaping into my brain for no reason I can easily locate. In an effort to exorcise this unwelcome visitor, I am now putting the IKEA monkey into your brain.

Darwin, the IKEA monkey in his little parka, in a screenshot from NPR. A reminder of simpler times when gangs of masked thugs didn't murder innocent people for the crime of watching them engage in thuggery.

Isn't he cute? He wants you to punch a Nazi.

Wil Wheaton ❌👑@wilwheaton· Jan 26

Wil Wheaton ❌👑@wilwheaton· Jan 21

I'm this old.

Wil Wheaton ❌👑@wilwheaton· Dec 28

post a perfect album from the 90s that isn't nirvana, soundgarden, pearl jam, or alice in chains.

The cover for Soul Coughing's fist album, Ruby Vroom.

Wil Wheaton ❌👑@wilwheaton· Dec 25

On a retail display, Christmas stockings with letters on them are arraigned to spell out
WELCOME TO BONER LAND.

Wil Wheaton ❌👑@wilwheaton· Dec 25

My kids are home for Christmas, and our family has been playing the shit out of Flip 7. It actually knocked Sushi Go out of first place, where it's been for 12 years. It's a simple press your luck game that is way more fun than a press your luck game has any right to be. I highly recommend it.

A game by Eric Olsen. Flip 7. Press your luck! Race to 200! Ages 8+ 3+ players 20 minutes.

Wil Wheaton ❌👑@wilwheaton· Dec 21

I was trying to figure out why the widow Kirk seems so familiar to me, and then

Wil Wheaton ❌👑@wilwheaton· Nov 23

Well that was a goddamn delightful evening out. Circle Jerks were incredible, the sound was amazing, and the vibe was perfect. After their set, we all watched Repo Man on the big screen. 10/10

The marquee of Gardena Cinema. Red letters say 2 NITE CIRCLE JERKS REPO MAN the E in JERKS is backwards, as it should be.

Wil Wheaton ❌👑@wilwheaton· Nov 16

Hi. It's me. I'm here to gently ask if you've been giving yourself grace? Patience? Self-care? You've got this. You are enough, and you deserve all the good things.

An orange kitty snuggles in a grey blanket. Meme text reads Sometimes self-care looks like this. It's okay to rest. Be kind to yourself.

Wil Wheaton ❌👑@wilwheaton· Nov 15

Happy Saturday, y'all! I have a new episode of It's Storytime with Wil Wheaton for you to enjoy. This week's story is "Dissembling Light" by Kel Coleman. podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/i...

Wil Wheaton, in a black tshirt with his arms folded across his chest. Oh, he's handsome! You'd never believe he's a giant nerd who never goes outside. He's standing in front of a blue background with some delightful images reflecting storytelling. The bottom of the image says It's Storytime with Wil Wheaton.

Wil Wheaton ❌👑@wilwheaton· Nov 12

The cosmic ballet goes on.

An extremely real photograph of the Aurora Borealis, its gossamer shrouds of red and green blown by the solar wind across the skies about Los Angeles. Definitely not a fake if you were wondering. I mean why would anyone even fake something like that? Because he's like jealous of everyone who gets to see it for real tonight? Pfft! That's just silly. Go back to enjoying the very real picture of nature's very real majesty that was just taken in the skies above Los Angeles. Oh and if you go outside to look for yourself you probably won't see it because it was almost out of science energy and was kind of just vanishing. Good thing there's a real picture of it from someone who really saw it, to remember it.

Wil Wheaton ❌👑@wilwheaton· Nov 5

Workin'

This guy is in a voice recording rding booth, wearing a black T-shirt that says Have the Day You Voted for.

And as it turns out, for the first time in a fucking YEAR, he finally is.

Wil Wheaton ❌👑@wilwheaton· Oct 30

I'm having a lot of fun preparing to do my live narration of The Legend of Sleepy Hollow tonight. I haven't been this excited to perform live in a long time.

Wil Wheaton ❌👑@wilwheaton· Oct 25

I found a picture of Trump and the GOP.

A screenshot of The Good Life, from The Twilight Zone. A group of adults cowers behind a murderous, capricious, chaotic child while he is distracted by the last remaining adult with any courage. They could stop him, they could finally free the world from his reign of terror. It could finally be over, but not a single one of them rises to the moment, because they are useless cowards, beaten into submission by the chaotic whims of a child.

This episode was produced and aired in 1961.

Wil Wheaton ❌👑@wilwheaton· Oct 18

Mom and dad are so proud of you for marching today. #NoKings

Wil Wheaton ❌👑@wilwheaton· Oct 4

If you can hear this image, it's probably time to schedule your colonoscopy. If you can sing the whole song, it's also time to get your shingles vaccine.

Time for Timer on a red background. Next to him, the phrase "When my get-up-and-go has got up and went, I hanker for a Hunk O' Cheese!"

He looks at you with this blank stare, daring you to tell him you tried to make sunshine on a stick in the freezer but the toothpicks never stayed up straight. He knows you won't say anything because you're embarrassed. You know he knows. He knows that you know that he knows. And yet, he just stands there, hankering for a hunk o' cheese like it isn't fucking impossible to get plastic wrap to stay taught on an ice cube tray.

You want to ask him for a wagon wheel, from his stacks of snacks, but you can't bring yourself to say the words, because now you, too, are hankering, hankering for the last hunk-o-cheese, and you both know you'll have to fight for it.

Wil Wheaton ❌👑@wilwheaton· Sep 20

Timeline cleanse.

Two contestants place their bids on The Price Is Right. The person on the left has bid 1201 dollars. The person on the right has bid 2 dollars. The person on the left is wearing a red shirt. The person on the right is the "Where's my two dollars?" paperboy from Better Off Dead.

He wins, by the way. Actual retail price was 1199 dollars.

Wil Wheaton ❌👑@wilwheaton· Sep 14

I'll get you Eh Steve, if it's the last thing I doooooooooo!

Eh Steve is here to say his hilarious catch phrase, "Eh, Steve."

Wil Wheaton ❌👑@wilwheaton· Sep 8

I guess I'm living rent-free in this guy's head?

redditor u/lost_balloon shows us his whole ass by replying to half a dozen comments I left on Reddit across different subs. It's not worth your time to read alt-text of everything this dude said.

For the record: it's a little weird, a lot sad, and ultimately very stupid.

Wil Wheaton ❌👑@wilwheaton· Sep 6

Yesterday, at Rose City Comic Con, I saw the Welcome to Nightvale tarot set for the first time, including Earl Harlan as the six of cups. I didn't know this existed, and it's gorgeous. I love that I got to be a small part of Nightvale, and I love that my character is immortalized like this.

The six of cups tarot card is next to an autograph by the coolest guy who ever lived as far as you know without fact-chacking. He's super cool, you guys, and doesn't smell like milk at all.

He quoted his character in Welcome to Nightvale: "If you can't catch your own nutmeg, store-bought is fine."

There's a beautiful autograph, the kind you want to put in a museum, and the cool guy used different color pens to lend a sense of ART to the entire piece.

Wil Wheaton ❌👑@wilwheaton· Aug 30

being a dad is pretty great

Wil Wheaton ❌👑@wilwheaton· Aug 21

The grim reaper is disappointed that he got james dobson in the claw machine instead of trump. To be honest, we are all disappointed with him. Come on, Grim Reaper, focus!

Wil Wheaton ❌👑@wilwheaton· Aug 20

oh no not vagrants whatever shall we do

Ralph Wiggum wearing baby jd vance's big stupid face says "and i saw one of the vagrants and the vagrant looked at me"

Wil Wheaton ❌👑@wilwheaton· Aug 11

"Now that's what I call where are the Epstein files".

Wil Wheaton ❌👑@wilwheaton· Jul 31

I doubt this will mean anything to you if you aren't in the KABC viewing area, but for those of us who are ... I saw this at the OC Fair last night, in the arts and crafts exhibition. I've been on live megadoppler 2000 storm watch ever since.