Albert Kirk Jr

@albertkirkjr

Scriever, Gomerel. Scriever an Furthsetter o "The Life Time o Valerie Duke, Phase Yin: Bluid an Rackets" Oot NOO! A micht dicht ma posts noo an agane. #ScotsLeid #ScotsLanguage #Scots #ScotsPoetry #ScotsScrievin #Gaidhlig #Independence #Scotland

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Albert Kirk Jr@albertkirkjr· 21h

Ma nuvel "The Life Time o Valerie Duke, Phase Yin: Bluid an Rackets" is NUMMER YIN on eh Amazon Scots e-buik chairt!A think yon is mair "maist recent sale" than maist sales oweraw. Av ainlie sellt the yin 🤣 Ower five-hunner page o guid Scots scrievin. Get it bocht 😀 #scotsleid #sciencefiction

A screenshot from Amazon dot com that shows The Life Time o Valerie Duke, Phase Yin: Bluid an Rackets at the top of the Scots e-book chart.

Albert Kirk Jr@albertkirkjr· 2d

Efter eicht year, seiven month an twinty days o scrievin Av finally furthsettit ma nuvel The Life Time o Valerie Duke, Phase Yin: Bluid an Rackets. Five-hunner year fae noo ye'll prolly be deid... £4.99 for eh e-buik on the Amazon. HAUD ON TICHT, YA GRUNTS! amzn.eu/d/04KytlFX

The cover of The Life Time o Valerie Duke, Phase Yin: Bluid an Rackets by Albert Kirk Jr. The top half shows the moon being hit by a rocket, drawn by Georges Méliès (1902). The moon has a face on it and blood or tears are flowing from its eye. The bottom half has the author name and title.

Albert Kirk Jr@albertkirkjr· Jul 15

🎶🎵 We're gonna rock down to... 🎵🎶

A sign that says John Knox Street Avenue.

Albert Kirk Jr@albertkirkjr· Jul 13

Scottish Labour gaun tae the jile 😮

A Scottish Labour leaflet in English, but headed with the Scots word "Scunnered"

Albert Kirk Jr@albertkirkjr· Jun 27

That's Scotland oot guid an proper noo. Nae mair results can gang oor wey. No that ony did, o coorse. Dae the daicent thing, Clarke, an dinnae let the door hit ye on the dowp on the wey oot.

Scotland fans singing What A Load Of Rubbish in 1978.

Albert Kirk Jr@albertkirkjr· Jun 25

Scotland fans whan results gang oor wey an wiv a gemm against Mexico on Monday.

Brenda from Bristol meme. "You're joking, not another one?"

Albert Kirk Jr@albertkirkjr· Jun 23

Jeezo. Gaunnae huv tae beat Germany an France AN AW tae get tae the Quarters. Sucks bein a Scotland fan, min.

Screenshot from BBC's World Cup "Last 32 As It Stands" web page. It shows Germany as Scotland’s Last 32 opponents and France v Sweden as the match to determine Germany or Scotland’s (let's face it: Scotland's) opponents in the last 16.

Albert Kirk Jr@albertkirkjr· Jun 10

For #GiesaScotsPoemDay A'll gie ye yin o ma ain that's actually been furthsettit in an actual buik! It's cried Foostie Oysters an it's a repone tae Robert Fergusson's Caller Oysters. It's in "O'er A' My Labours Sey Your Skill" editit by @rhonabrown.bsky.social & @wilcocksonamy.bsky.social

The first three stanzas of Foostie Oysters.

Sorry, I don't want the text to be easily copied so haven't included it here.

The final three stanzas of Foostie Oysters.

Sorry, I don't want the text to be easily copied so haven't included it here.

The cover of O'er A' My Labours Sey Your Skill. It shows a line drawing of Edinburgh in black and white with a blue and yellow sky.

Part of the contents page of O'er A' My Labours Sey Your Skill. There is a list of about 15 poems, including Foostie Oysters by Albert Kirk Jr. Just to prove I'm telling the truth and that.

Albert Kirk Jr@albertkirkjr· Jun 6

Here whaur A'm ur the noo...

Andy Cameron in 1978. He is sitting in a living room. He is looking at the camera with his mouth open like he is singing or shouting. He is wearing a grey bunnet, a red tartan scarf, a blue vest, blue shorts, red football socks, and blue adidas trainers with red stripes. He has a Scotland scarf tied to his wrist. He is holding a can of Tennent's lager in one hand and a can of McEwans Export in the other. He is sitting next to a TV. He looks very confident that Scotland will win the World Cup.

Albert Kirk Jr@albertkirkjr· May 16

A 100% agree wi the tap fower o yon Guardian tap hunner quairs leet, by ra wey...

Screenshot of the top 4 books in the Guardian's recent top 100 novels of all time list. Number 4 is To The Lighthouse by Virginia Woolf. Number 3 is Ulysses by James Joyce. Number 2 is Beloved by Toni Morrison. Number 1 is Lichtsome Limericks by Albert Kirk Jr. The imposition of Lichtsome Limericks onto the actual number 1 book, Middlemarch by George Eliot, is rather poorly done.

Albert Kirk Jr@albertkirkjr· May 1

Weel, ur youse no LUCKY! Youse ur ainlie follaein the current BEST SELLER in the Scots e-buik category on Amazon!!! Ma wee quair, Lichtsome Limericks, haes selt WAN (1) copy, an yon's eneuch tae get it tae the tap on the pile. YAS! This time neist year A'll be a millionaire!

A screenshot of Lichtsome Limericks as number one best seller in the Scots ebook chart on Amazon. "Most recent seller" is probably more accurate than "Best seller", to be fair.

Albert Kirk Jr@albertkirkjr· Apr 23

Ma wee quair "Lichtsome Limericks: 101 (an a bit) Scots Limericks" is oot noo on yer Amazon: amzn.eu/d/0eiCJ0vT Ainlie £3.99! Yon's 3.95p a limerick! Ye dinnae hae tae read it. Ye dinnae hae tae like it. Ye juist need tae buy it 🙂 Tho gin ye'r on the Kindle Unlimited ye can read it for HEE-HAW!

Cover of "Lichtsome Limericks: 101 (an a bit) Scots Limericks" by Albert Kirk Jr.

The cover shows those words with a background image of a close up of the folds in a red tartan rug, which has a yellow, white, black and blue weave through it.

Book overview:

Awbodie luves limericks an awbodie luves Scots! In this wee buik ye'll get yersel a hunner an yin (an a bit) poyums in yin o the maist kenspeckle poyetic forms ye get, in yin o the maist barrie leids o aw time. Ilka limerick is brent new an ilka yin o them ettles tae gie ye a lauch. Thare limericks aboot chiels, quines, scunners, loons, oxters, hurdies, plooks, dugs, papingos, hoolets, chanters, scrievers, fitba, the polis, Santa, Beelzebub, an a medical mervel fae Derval.

It's a rare treat for thaim that's intae limericks an thaim that's intae Scots.

Albert Kirk Jr@albertkirkjr· Mar 21

The daith o a thrawn bugger in yon poyum pits me in mind o ma evendoun favourite Scots poyum The Watergaw by Shuggie Mac. Hae a blast o it an aw:

I'm less concerned about sharing the text of The Watergaw by Hugh MacDairmid:

The Watergaw

Ae weet forenicht i’ the yow-trummle
I saw yon antrin thing,
A watergaw wi’ its chitterin’ licht
Ayont the on-ding;
An’ I thocht o’ the last wild look ye gied
Afore ye deed!

There was nae reek i’ the laverock’s hoose
That nicht—an’ nane i’ mine;
But I hae thocht o’ that foolish licht
Ever sin’ syne;
An’ I think that mebbe at last I ken
What your look meant then.

Albert Kirk Jr@albertkirkjr· Mar 21

Seein as hou it's Warld Poyetry Day the day A thocht A'd skair wi youse a poyum in Scots that A'm fair intae the noo. It's cried Nae Flooers by Ann McKinnon fae the quair o the same name ( @tapsalteerie.bsky.social, 2015) 1/2 #WorldPoetryDay #WorldPoetryDay2026

The image shows the text of the poem Nae Flooers by Ann McKinnon. The full text is not in the alt text as I don't have permission from the poet to share the poem in the image, never mind here, in alt text that can no doubt be crawled by a bot and used to train LLMs. Sorry!

Albert Kirk Jr@albertkirkjr· Jan 25

It's Rabbie Burns day the day! Howp youse'll aw be champin doon on haggis, neeps an tatties the nicht an gettin hauf wey shroo Tam O'Shanter afore giein up an readin a shorter yin. Hae mind but: thare ither Scots scrievers an aw... #BurnsNight #BurnsSupper #RobertBurns #RabbieBurns #BurnsDay

It's the Dr Manhattan meme from Watchmen. There are three similar panels from the graphic novel. In each, Dr Manhattan is a blue man on Mars, which is pink. The sky is black behind him. In each panel he experiences the same event in different years. The text is adapted from Hugh MacDiarmid's A Drunk Man Looks At The Thistle and reads:

It is 1926. A'm at a Burns supper wi croose London Scotties wi their braw shirt fronts. The piper is a cockney.

It is 2026. A'm at a Burns supper wi croose London Scotties wi their braw shirt fronts. The piper is a cockney.

It is 2126. A'm at a Burns supper wi croose London Scotties wi their braw shirt fronts. The piper is a cockney.

Albert Kirk Jr@albertkirkjr· Jan 20

Homer Simpson sitting in the god-awful car that he designed. He is waving and looking pleased with himself.

Albert Kirk Jr@albertkirkjr· Dec 31

Sae Parliamo Glasgow's bubblyjock patter: yaisin Sudron tae punch doon on the leid for lauchs. Tae feenish, here a poyum A wrut aboot Stanley. Tae contradict masel, pairt o it's in Sudron. It disnae wirk ithergates but, an in ma defence the bits in Sudron ur straicht fae Baxter's mou in 2014 27/27

Stanley Baxter In His Ain Wirds

erraperrachinazerr
wiamarraonabarra

APPLAUSE

zarraburdorahairywullie
sittinerrinthursemmit

APPLAUSE

sanoffycauldaytheday
anyerootwiootajaikit

APPLAUSE

I’m very happy in London.
South of the border’s been very good to me.

APPLAUSE

I could never have achieved that success
North of the border if I’d stuck there.

APPLAUSE

Scots can deny it as much as they like
But I’ve seen a lot of anti-English sentiment.

APPLAUSE

But never anti-Scots sentiments
South of the border.

APPLAUSE

They don’t know any better.

APPLAUSE

They don’t know any better.

APPLAUSE

They don’t know any better.

APPLAUSE
APPLAUSE
APPLAUSE

Albert Kirk Jr@albertkirkjr· Dec 31

For him Scots (the leid) an Scots (the fowk) wur daft, guid for nocht but a punchline. Am A bein ower sair on the auld carle? A dinnae think sae. Tae gie ye a swatch, see in this photie fae Parliamo Glasgow, dae ye think he's speakin Sudron or Scots? 15/27

Stanley Baxter in a Parliamo Glasgow sketch looking gormless.

Albert Kirk Jr@albertkirkjr· Dec 31

“Whaur’s the herm in that?” A hear ye cry. Weel, the Fyfe Report (1947) on secondary education in Scotland said the follaein aboot whaur Scots wis tae sit alangside Sudron in Scottish schuils. In brief, Scots wis tae sit ootside in the sheuch: 5/27

Albert Kirk Jr@albertkirkjr· Dec 25

BLITHE YULE AWBODIE

A black and white shot of a relaxed, smiling Johnnie Beattie looking phenomenal in a kilt.

Albert Kirk Jr@albertkirkjr· Dec 20

Two images. The top image is Robin Williams as excellent DJ Adrian Cronauer in Good Morning Vietnam. The caption says "Literally every other sporting event on the planet". The bottom image is Bruno Kirby as terrible DJ Steven Hauk in the same film. The caption says "The Commonwealth Games".

Albert Kirk Jr@albertkirkjr· Dec 17

Here ma #FitbaSpaeman patter for the nicht: Arabs 2 - 1 Bhoys O coorse, it gangs agin aw guid sense. Cellic ur aw ower the shoap the noo but. Awtho A reck the follaein stat'll bite me on the bahoochie...

Dundee United v Celtic (20:00)

Dundee United are winless in 23 meetings with Celtic in all competitions (D5 L18) since a 2-1 league victory in December 2014 under Jackie McNamara.

Albert Kirk Jr@albertkirkjr· Nov 10

Great movie. Bresslaw excellent.

Bernard Bresslaw and Sid James in Carry On Camping. Their heads are sticking out of a blue tent. They are happily ogling something out of shot. Probably Babs Windsor.

Albert Kirk Jr@albertkirkjr· Oct 31

Onywey but, here it is, “Gallowgate Halloween” by, as A juist telt ye, NOT Edwin Morgan… #Scotstober #Halloween #Halleen #Poetry #EdwinMorgan An A'm gey sarrae for the tottie text 🙂