Alicia Kraft (@aliciakraft) · DIRTY

Alicia Kraft

@aliciakraft

contributor at The Onion fatty at large (get it?) ✶✶Chicago✶✶

377 Following3,762 Followers2,145 Posts

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Alicia Kraft@aliciakraft· 6d

Long live human art

A black car's very dusty hood with a magnificent tableau drawn in the dust: Godzilla with a huge boner, the cowboy riding it like a bronco, and the tank and f-22 bomber firing on them both

Alicia Kraft@aliciakraft· 12d

S16 goated

Alicia Kraft@aliciakraft· 24d

Profiles in Boy

Proo the orange and white cat is an absolute boy

Alicia Kraft@aliciakraft· Jul 9

Thumbs up emoji reaction

Screenshot of Gmail notification
Subject line: oil / gas
Seven states will run out of oil in 4 weeks
Dad

Alicia Kraft@aliciakraft· Jul 9

Proo the orange and white cat, the most betrayed creature on earth, narrows his eyes in disdain from inside his carrier

Alicia Kraft@aliciakraft· Jul 8

Imagine being in the deepest k-hole of your life on the same day that the person you love the most betrays you

Proo, the orange and white cat, is the most betrayed creature on earth in his carrier, buckled into the car seat

Alicia Kraft@aliciakraft· Jul 8

I figured it out but lol

Alicia Kraft@aliciakraft· Jul 8

My condolences to all of you who will never see how fucking DAZZLING this one is irl

Alicia Kraft@aliciakraft· Jun 22

This is the dumbest game ever made (complimentary). I gave one of them an album called "coke binge memories" and they won't shut the fuck up about it.

Alicia Kraft@aliciakraft· Jun 17

Shoving my phone in this motherfucker's face so he can read the email from the vet that says "THERE IS NO MEDICAL REASON FOR HIS INCREASE IN APPETITE"

Proo the orange and white cat sitting on a bed doing airplane ears

Alicia Kraft@aliciakraft· Jun 12

My man

Tomodachi life Hank Hill "I tell you what, when I talked to Stevie Nicks about doing fat rails, we both got super into it."

Alicia Kraft@aliciakraft· Jun 11

God, me too

Tomodachi Life Hank Hill "I tell you what, I want to be friends with Stevie Nicks"

Alicia Kraft@aliciakraft· Jun 10

Gaming brings people together

Tomodochi life screenshot showing Franz Kafka and Hank Hill achieving good friends status

Alicia Kraft@aliciakraft· Jun 5

Happy 11th anniversary to this dumb little joke that still makes me laugh

The bus doesn't run this late, you fucking stupid ironing board. Image of a bus stop at night with an ironing board standing there alone

Alicia Kraft@aliciakraft· Jun 1

This is a cat check point. Relinquish your most recent cat picture on your phone.

Proo the orange and white cat sleeps on a desk chair with his paws held aloft and fluffy tummy exposed

Alicia Kraft@aliciakraft· May 27

Another mani that's too sparkly for the camera to focus

Navy blue manicure with red glitter

Alicia Kraft@aliciakraft· May 20

Also the power cable plugs in here. Why the fuck does it plug in here

Alicia Kraft@aliciakraft· May 20

New work laptop has a dedicated AI button on the keyboard

Alicia Kraft@aliciakraft· May 15

Because actual painkillers are illegal, spent a week after my injury eating 100mg gummies daily and I have a vague recollection of making this pie chart and laughing at it

Pie chart: how does it feel good?
75 warm
25 good

Alicia Kraft@aliciakraft· May 5

Listening, learning, getting the shit kicked out of me by gravity

Well I fully have a black eye now. Two, arguably.

Alicia Kraft@aliciakraft· May 4

New British insults just dropped

ABSOLUTE LYMPH
ABSOLUTE MONO
ABSOLUTE EOS

Alicia Kraft@aliciakraft· May 4

Cute little winged liner ❤️

More bruising popping up, very bold colors, innovative

Alicia Kraft@aliciakraft· May 3

Like the first blush of autumn, they come

My face with faint gray bruising around the brow bone and bright red swelling in the inner eye

Alicia Kraft@aliciakraft· May 2

Happy ER Friday with ya boy Peter Boyle

It's me with a bulbous swollen forehead from faceplanting

Alicia Kraft@aliciakraft· Apr 27

Bun mode activate

Proo the orange and white cat is in bun mode

Alicia Kraft@aliciakraft· Apr 21

You can't be brave unless you're scared

Proo the orange and white cat is in a carrier (at the vet) and he looks anxious

Alicia Kraft@aliciakraft· Apr 21

Hey atheists, explain this:

Proo the orange and white cat is buried in grey linens on a bed with just his sleeping head poking out. It means God is real.

Alicia Kraft@aliciakraft· Apr 20

Merry Danksmas to my budz! May all your terps be purps

Big chunky sativa glitter manicure

Alicia Kraft@aliciakraft· Apr 13

Lisa Frank ass

Turquoise mani with pink and blue flakies

Alicia Kraft@aliciakraft· Apr 8

what A Day Like Today does to a mf

Proo the orange and white cat lays his weary head down directly on the couch