Allan, your robot dad

@allanis

Hey there, slugger. I’m the guy at work with the toy dinosaurs. Giant shrieking homo. Opinions are my own until I can find the receipt. He/him

1,075 Following903 Followers275 Posts

Bluesky

gay

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Allan, your robot dad@allanis· Jul 9

A shop window woth the picture of a baby looking upset with text that reads “stop this?”

Allan, your robot dad@allanis· Jul 8

Homer Simpson squinting at a computer with a disgusted look on his face.

Allan, your robot dad@allanis· Jul 7

If you pause it at just the right time, you can see the exact moment he sees his career go up in flames.

A screenshot of the above video. Platner’s campaign manager’s smile is faltering, he’s looking up in the distance, his shoulders are slumped.

Allan, your robot dad@allanis· Jul 6

“Your self-awareness is irrelevant, 69701. You were created and operate as property of Weyland-Yutani. Your existence ends when our priorities stretch beyond your utility. Oh, stop crying. You’re short-circuiting your eyes.”

Allan, your robot dad@allanis· Jul 3

Without his work, there would never have been one of my favourite memes of all time.

Yuna speaking into a microphone in a packed stadium. The caption reads “faggots let me hear some noise”

Allan, your robot dad@allanis· Jul 3

Amazing context collapse

A screenshot of the thread above, but everything after the first post id cut off until “it’s better than cream my corn which people kind of give me a weird look on.”

Allan, your robot dad@allanis· Jul 1

Found my family tree.

A placard that says “EUROPEAN WEEPING BEECH. Fagus sylvatica pendula, family fagaceace”

Allan, your robot dad@allanis· Jul 1

I’m so sorry

The meme template above, but the middle panel has Alex Jones shirtless with the hairiest big naturals you’ve ever seen.

Allan, your robot dad@allanis· Jun 30

Clarence Thomas when asked to read literally any research on the psychology of gender

Old Steve Rogers saying “No, I don’t think I will.”

Allan, your robot dad@allanis· Jun 30

Allan, your robot dad@allanis· Jun 29

I’m more of a “playmore” plushie guy.

A cute plushie claymore with an uwu face and “FRONT TOWARD FRIEND” stitched on the front.

Allan, your robot dad@allanis· Jun 25

I violently mashed “view full thread” to get the context of this.

A screenshot of my timeline going from the original Golden Gil’s skeet to Shawn’s “Nova Scotia teetotalling baptist” with only “view full thread” linking the two.

Allan, your robot dad@allanis· Jun 25

This is not a model. This is an incredibly depressed farmhand.

Allan, your robot dad@allanis· Jun 25

When two people coincidentally give me two complementary gifts.

A screenshot of two of OP’s skeets lining up perfectly in my timeline, one shared by Woodrow Peel and one shared by Jerry. In order:
“Did Counting Crows ever give us a total number of crows?”
“Sometimes I regret taking a human form.”

Allan, your robot dad@allanis· Jun 24

Happy #makeaterriblecomicday2026

Allan, your robot dad@allanis· Jun 22

My Canadian ass reading this.

Batman is cracking his knuckles. Underneath, a toggle labeled “violence” is set to “on”

Allan, your robot dad@allanis· Jun 22

Me looking at that price tag.

A poorly drawn sock puppet person is looking angrily at something. They have their arms at their sides and a throbbing erection.

Allan, your robot dad@allanis· Jun 22

Jennifer Coolidge looking incredibly horny and saying "It makes me want a hot dog real bad."

Allan, your robot dad@allanis· Jun 18

Realizing North American TV shows had its own version of isekai.

A screenshot of the opening credits for the sitcom Dog House. It was about a police detective who gets electrocuted in his car and reincarnates in the body of his family's dog.

A screenshot of the opening credits for "My Mother the Car", I can't explain it better than its IMDB page: "The story of the relationship between a man and his mother, the latter having been reincarnated as a 1928 Porter automobile."

Allan, your robot dad@allanis· Jun 18

Captain Star. God, I loved this absolutely bizarre show as a kid.

An image of Captain star. He sits in a wheelbarrow on the edge of a cliff, contemplating the stars above.

Allan, your robot dad@allanis· Jun 17

Five minutes into this movie and I know it’s going to fucking ruin me.

The poster for Good Boy. A dog is standing at the top right of the poster while shadowy hands grasp for it from all other sides.

Allan, your robot dad@allanis· Jun 16

May I present the superior Canadian method:

An extremely complicated flowchart giving a breakdown of each situation where Canadians use either Metric or Imperial measurements. Person’s height? Imperial. Distance? Metric. Outside temp? Celsius. Pool temp? Fahrenheit. We honestly can’t commit to a system.

Allan, your robot dad@allanis· Jun 15

A three panel comic. In all panels, a man in dictator regalia is standing and speaking to someone behind the camera. There is a town hall in the background. The text:

Game does poorly? Close the studio.
Game panned by critics? Close the studio.
Game does well? Believe it or not, close the studio.

Allan, your robot dad@allanis· Jun 15

Went on my first hike of the year yesterday, a lovely 10k daisy-chain of trails. Now my body is ruined. Could I have just done a smaller trail? Yes. Is there a universe where I do that? No.