The Original Cry-Wanker™
@andyking
"Fucking wanker, fucking bastard, fucking cunt", Dr Michael Woodley 2003.
Eat healthy & and live long. Or, hear me out, snarf happily pig and get fat as a butter fed rat.
BREAKING: Police don't NOT name Ann Widdecombe's MURDERER The Reform UK Party Member KILLER and also don't NOT urge all members to LEAVE Nigel Farage's Reform UK Ltd company, dig a hole and hide in it FOREVER!
BREAKING: Fuck off annoying, cunty jumper wearing smarm bucket, desperate for attention, Gyles Brandreth claims Ann Widdecombe was NOT a hideous haranguing hag!
Police are looking for *"White males" (the usual then) in their investigation. *Skeetd for illustrative purposes only
BREAKING: My Police insider tells me that suspects in the suspected suspect AF "murder" of Ann Widdecombe are "pretty much anyone that had ever met the hate-filled, piss flavoured, old cunt".
BREAKING: My Reform Party insider tells me Nigel Farage has hired top stylists to give him a "new look" in the hope of countering Count Binface's costumed popularity.
"Proposals" FFS With these heatwaves YouTube has been nothing BUT scam ads for miracle cooling devices that look like min hot air blowers. All "different" companies using the exact same footage and AI voice over. Start fining fuck out of YT NOW every time one runs.
RIP Ann Widdecome (pictured here in happier times as a zombie extra in a remake of George E Romero's Night of the Living Dead)
Four of the Big Brother 28 contestants look like they'll go down BIG with today's kids, just don't mention the Epstein files
I bet the meltdown from cunts with names something patriot on Twitter is epic right now
BREAKING: My Reform UK insider tells me that their political operatives have been door-stepping Wombles, who worked with Count Binface in his youth, in an attempt to dig dirt on him. Sounds like Nigel Farage & Reform UK are rattled.
You thought British politics couldn't be any more fucked up after Brexitwat? Our "system" has given us a by-election that shouldn't be allowed to happen and the two candidates are Count Binface a man who's head you put shit in, running against a bin-faced cunt who's head needs to be shit on.
BREAKING: Crack dealer says "Come on in, the water's lovely"!.
BREAKING: Dodgy AF cunt Richard Tice of the Conservative Party 2.0 Reform UK DEMANDS to know which dodgy AF cunt told the National Crime Agency he was a dodgy AF cunt!
Breaking! My White House insider sneaked me out Donald Trump's brain scan taken at his daily medical
Breaking: After a full 30 odd seconds of investigative journalism & reflection I am proud to reveal I have narrowed down the suspected identity of Count Binface, challenger to Brexitwat Nigel Farage in the Clacton by-election, to three prime suspects. Like, follow and subscribe for more exclusives!
Breaking! Known liar Nigel Farage lies about lying to cover lie.
The world returns to it's natural order with Chris Mason putting his tongue waaay up Nigel Farage's arse. It IS a provable fact that Farage took dodgy donations and bungs and didn't declare them as required.
French court rules (in Allo Allo accent) "Let zem eat sheet"
The people's broadcaster, BBC's Chris Mason, comes out swinging for Nigel Farage
It's pretty disgraceful how an "establishment hit job" won't give man of the people Nigel Farage a break and let the poor guy have some privacy with his filthy lucre. #VoteGreen
Shoutout to Jordan Henderson in happier times seen here with his mate Harry, a Sasquatch
You all know what a upbeat type I am so understand I've ZERO desire to PISS on your cornflakes BUT my White House insider tells me Donald Trump has been calling Gianni Infantino DEMANDING FIFA disallow 2 of England's goals against Mexico giving them the game in return for their paying for THE WALL!
"But if the appeal court in Paris follows last year's initial verdict in her trial for misuse of European parliamentary funds, then Le Pen will be declared ineligible for public office and her political hopes will be in ruins." Taps the jail Nigel Farage sign.
Three easy steps to tell if Nigel Farage of Conservative Party 2.0 Reform UK is a lying cunt: Step 1. He's a Brexitwat Step 2. He's a Brexitwat Step 3. He's a Brexitwat
And the crowd is already leaving! Low energy Trump (give him a break he's dying) is driving the MAGA faithful away in droves DESPITE a SPECIAL guest appearance by SHREK's son.