Avery Edison

@averyedison

elegantly withstanding the vast brunt of it

330 Following13,710 Followers4,314 Posts

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Avery Edison@averyedison· 23d

not even bothering to read it tbh

@aedison on X (March 2023)

I wrote "I am alive" on a piece of paper, and placed it into a photocopier. What I saw next has shocking implications

Avery Edison@averyedison· 26d

sorry sorry this was actually the run from today, I grabbed the wrong one from my screenshot folder. this is perhaps even more ridiculous. TENT

Avery Edison@averyedison· 26d

pulled my girlfriend away from her actually important work so I could explain how this deck functioned as I killed the two act 3 bosses on the first turn and her take as a non-spire-slayer was that this “clone” feature seems like it may be somewhat broken

a slay the spire 2 recap screen showing an ascension 10 ironclad run that ended in 23 minutes because it was a clone perfected strike deck.

Avery Edison@averyedison· Jun 29

it is impossible to hate america too much

Screenshot from an essay. Text reads: The United States commands the world from atop a mountain of skulls. That other empires have done the same—will do the same—is no more a defense than that of a murderer who tells the court that homicide is common, unavoidable. There is no nation we will not bomb; no children we will not incinerate; no civilian we will not maim; no people we will not turn to ash if doing so serves some minor interest; no persecution, surveillance, or exploitation we will not tolerate abroad or at home so long as we are not too troubled by it in our ordinary lives. Much of it does not even make the headlines. In the first months of 2026, the United States has bombed nearly 20 sovereign nations. I do not believe that you could name two-thirds of them without consulting your favored LLM.

Avery Edison@averyedison· Jun 15

can we stop down for five seconds for a quick chat?

screenshot of a draft post too long to post. full text is as follows: what are you saying? you’re joking, yes? how could you even think something like that about yourself? look at me, because I mean this, and it might be an important conversation for you. one of the ones you remember forever. okay? okay, so. you have talent. fine. so does every actor we let in here—I don’t pick duds! but when they’re reading the lines and hitting their marks, it’s rote, it’s boring. technically good, nothing special. you, though. you! it shines out of you, your charisma and your cleverness and your emotional intelligence. your star power! you were picked for this project for one reason only: you are a good actor. a GREAT one. trust that. believe it. believe *me*. now, do your magical bracers of invulnerability make it easier to film the big stunt scene? of course,

Avery Edison@averyedison· Jun 9

I’ll take any other street-level you got

Screenshot of a post draft too long to post: ah, could you pair me with luke cage or shang chi or someone? daredevil and I haven’t seen eye to eye ever since he grabbed a glass at a crime scene we were investigating and said it had beads of condensation on it and I said oh wow that toxic waste spill didn’t just enhance your senses it gave you a new one and he said what and I said human beings can feel when something is dry but not the opposite and he didn’t say anything back but later a courier dropped—at my home!—signed affidavits from like five thousand women he knows attesting that matt murdock can definitely tell when something’s wet

Avery Edison@averyedison· Jun 8

I’ve concluded we have no choice but to start calling our cat Escher the nickname “Mr. CaGBYS” because I keep exclaiming “Canada’s Good Boy Yes Sir!” whenever he does literally anything, and I’m delighted to share the CaGBYS thought technology with you all.

a tabby cat resting on a couch, a grey bed sheet below him. his eyes are half-lidded. he has a freckle on his nose and the brown-orange of his fur contrasts nicely with the blue cushion and couch fabric behind him

Avery Edison@averyedison· Jun 5

was trawling through the wayback machine and I think there's a reference to Put The Body In The Trunk in here? the internet used to look so simple lol

this is way too long and complicated for this input field. full alt text of all three images available at: averyedison.com/alt_text/junebus.txt

Avery Edison@averyedison· May 31

I consider myself pretty knowledgeable about recent music history, but I have to admit I’ve never heard about any of this stuff

alt text slightly too long for this platform’s character limits, please find the full alt text at: averyedison.com/indie.txt

Avery Edison@averyedison· May 29

never let the doubters limit and control your vision and/or your dream, if you can think it you can do it, I am already a quarter of the way there and my life is forever changed

Selfie of a woman (Avery, author of this post) wearing large black sunglasses and a white scoop-neck t-shirt while drinking a large frozen Slurpee through a pink-and-white striped straw on a wooded path. Dappled sunlight illuminates the incredibly green bushes and trees in the background.

Avery Edison@averyedison· May 26

when I was in high school, I found out one of my friends had never seen a movie. this would've been... 2004? so I threw on ANCHORMAN. she loved it! so much, in fact, that she immediately watched WAKE UP, RON BURGUNDY. and I think it ruined cinema for her forever

Whatsapp screenshot. Contact name is Janey (Purbeck).

Grey Bubble: just streamed that rose byrne conan obrian film you
recommended. pretty stressful but v. good acting

Green Bubble: Oh, very cool! Glad you liked it!

Grey: and is this one of the movies with no second cut made from alternate takes and improvised riffs?

Green: I keep telling you, no other movies will do that, that was a one time thing. What would an alternate take of IF I HAD LEGS I'D KICK YOU even be?

Grey: "eat up, bitch daughterly"

Avery Edison@averyedison· May 23

ever since I learned about benford’s law I’ve tried to balance things out by picking larger leading digits when I’m coming up with numbers for jokes. I’d say at this point I’ve done it 9,000 times.

Screenshot of the opening paragraph of the Wikipedia entry for Bedford’s law, linked here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Benford%27s_law

Avery Edison@averyedison· May 23

woke up, put on a pimple patch, then spent Far Too Long searching the apartment for some sort of cleaning fluid spill, checking the hall to see if they were mopping with bleach, and poking my head out of multiple windows looking for road treatment works before I realized

Selfie of a white woman with loose, shoulder-length brown hair, blue eyes and black cat-eye glasses. She is looking directly at the camera with a slight smile. A small Santa Claus pimple patch is on the tip of her nose (it’s upside-down (the patch, not the nose). The lighting is warm, particularly because the selfie taker is a millenial who still loves selfie filters, that’s why there’s a little fake film grain on there, too. In the background: frosted window, white wall, a white dry erase board, none of these three are full-frame.

Avery Edison@averyedison· May 19

sometimes being a transgender woman can make you feel uniquely disrespected, but luckily you can always indulge in the writing of your sisters to experience moments of pure connection and recognition.

bluesky draft too long to post: I’m sure I don’t need to say this because, honestly, when would it come up? but if you happen to write an essay shitting on me for somehow not deleting the entire British TERF movement with a single tweet to Graham Linehan, maybe also mention that I *did* also make some actual change in the world by using the most traumatic experience of my life to secure protections for trans women in Canada, (although I suppose that would require including my name, an honor that Graham himself gets, but which I seemingly don’t deserve (I can only assume because I didn’t do a perfect job when I was helping create modern trans internet culture or whatever))

Avery Edison@averyedison· May 16

could estrogen save her

a horrifying iOS photos app alteration, via. the medium of the felt marker tool, of an image of baby yoda’s robotic innards. Avery has scrawled over the original picture an awful attempt at a red dress, high heels, a French manicure, blue eyes shadow, garish lipstick, and long blonde hair

Avery Edison@averyedison· May 14

your human body needs calories to function and we are going to have to get comfortable talking about the messages being pushed at us via the bodies of millionaires

screenshot of post too long to post: been keeping quiet about how troubling I find the mainstreaming of breast plates (such as on margaret qualley and elle fanning) at a time when the ozempicification of society is pushing people with eating disorders to even further extremes, and how worried I am that stars are going to (not for the first time, but more easily than ever) be able to appear fuller-figured on screen while being visibly in crisis on the red carpet, but the actual other star of ‘the substance’ showing off a dramatic and terrifying weight loss is too on the nose for me to not want to just scream and scream

Avery Edison@averyedison· May 9

pretty crazy thing for a comic book nerd like me to admit, but I’d actually completely forgotten that both those guys first showed up as ties

screenshot of an auction listing with title “Rare Key First Appearance Nightwing and Origin of Deathstroke” but photos of a bunch of ties. $5, closes in 1 day

Avery Edison@averyedison· May 8

new to the show so maybe this is a common taskmaster viewer experience but at this point in the final round I had gotten all three correct and I turned to my partner and told her “the answer to the next question will be ‘immersion heaters’” and it was. I felt like a true genius

Greg Davies in Taskmaster, a score board chyron below him

Avery Edison@averyedison· May 5

lost media it seems, best I was able to get was a single screenshot

Dominic Sessa sloppily edited into a screenshot from a famous episode of Late Night with Conan O'Brien, Norm Macdonald leaning in to deliver his joke

Avery Edison@averyedison· May 2

how can you not be romantic about this city

Photo of a dark street scene at sunset, taken from behind the window at a Gus Tacos, the fluorescent lights reflecting off of the window pane to layer themselves on top of the magnificent cloudy orange sunset, a tower block off to the side

Avery Edison@averyedison· May 1

it’s time to have some difficult conversations with my four favorites

Avery Edison@averyedison· Apr 28

my girlfriend’s return home from her work trip prompted frantic cleaning followed by a frantic shower, so for the flushed face we’re all giving me a pass

woman with fair skin but a flushed, pink face and shoulder-length wet brown hair taking a selfie in a bathroom mirror, which has a few droplets of water still clinging to it. she’s wearing black cat-eye glasses, a cream-colored ribbed henley shirt with several buttons, and ochre-colored pleated trousers. in the background, glimpses of a whiteboard, a toilet roll, a toilet, and a framed gig poster (manishevitz + mountain goats, 2004ish)

Avery Edison@averyedison· Apr 27

Something to bear in mind as things get harder, from a 2009 Metafilter post from someone who lives through Sarajevo.

Metafilter post from Dee Extrovert part 1: Well, unlike the majority of you (l assume), 1 actually lived several years in a period of savagery and killing, during which nothing - food, water, electricity, phone, clothing, sense of safety, school, the ability to go out in public, etc - was available, except during totally unpredictable, brief and sporadic occasions.
Of those who couldn't leave my city, Sarajevo:
Some people (very few) were prepared for what they thought would be the "long haul" - this tended to be a couple of months. These people were widely seen as lunatics and dangerously pessimistic ones at that.
Most people were not at all prepared. This included my family. Many of those - like my family - considered the idea of "preparation" to be an affront to the decency we felt most people possessed. Were we wrong? Well, I don't know. We suffered greatly; my parents were killed. But speaking only for myself, I never felt I cheapened my soul by betting on calamity.
Today, that still feels like it's worth something.

Metafilter post from Dee Extrovert part 2: But here's the main point: "Preparing" for the disaster really didn't do anyone much good. Those who
"prepared" ate a little better for a while. They stayed warmer for a few extra days. They enjoyed the radio for a while longer (via batteries.) But in the end, they ended up hungry, cold and bored too, just like the rest of us. Guns and weapons helped no one directly and were even of little to no use in the defense of Sarajevo, since they were toys compared to the shells, bombs and high-powered armaments of the attacking forces.
The worst parts of war were psychological - the fear, anxiety, boredom, loneliness, paranoia, bad dreams.
Respite from those things came with sharing food with a neighbor, finding a piece of clothing that would fit someone you knew, commiserating with others in your position, figuring out how to make make-up from brick or french fries from wheat paste and spreading this newly-acquired war knowledge around the mahala.
We knew who had extra food and supplies. For the most part, they weren't attacked or hassled or bothered. Contrary to what these survivalists say, those in dire times generally hold on to their personal sense of pride even more than they do in normal times. I'd take a bite of a friend's salad without bothering to ask in normal times. I'd never have done that in wartime, no matter how hungry I was.

Metafilter post from Dee Xtrovert: Well, unlike the majority of you (l assume), 1 actually lived several years in a period of savagery and killing, during which nothing - food, water, electricity, phone, clothing, sense of safety, school, the ability to go out in public, etc - was available, except during totally unpredictable, brief and sporadic occasions.
Of those who couldn't leave my city, Sarajevo:
Some people (very few) were prepared for what they thought would be the "long haul" - this tended to be a couple of months. These people were widely seen as lunatics and dangerously pessimistic ones at that.
Most people were not at all prepared. This included my family. Many of those - like my family - considered the idea of "preparation" to be an affront to the decency we felt most people possessed. Were we wrong? Well, I don't know. We suffered greatly; my parents were killed. But speaking only for myself, I never felt I cheapened my soul by betting on calamity.
Today, that still feels like it's worth something.

Posted on Jan. 28th 2009. 1696 favorites

Avery Edison@averyedison· Apr 26

proof, if proof be need be

Foggy street with bare trees, a streetcar stop, and groups of pedestrians and runners on the pavement. A single car is waiting at the traffic lights. It’s a clear blue sky, but the fog is coming, bringing desaturation from the left of the picture to the right

Avery Edison@averyedison· Apr 26

watching mist roll in over the lake and swallow all the sunday morning runners as I wait five years for the 80 bus to ikea and of course this perfect post is all I can think of. the fog is coming

Post from Will Sennett on Twitter, from 11/22/21:

So funny when athletes sign these long contracts. Oh you’re gonna be playing for the Yankees in 2031? Buddy the fog is gonna consume us in 2027. The fog is coming. The fog is coming. The fog is coming

49 replies, 4.1k reposts, 30k likes, 722 bookmarks

Avery Edison@averyedison· Apr 24

picked up the exact jacket I was looking for as we move into spring/summer and it was six! dollars! at a thrift store. also I took this selfie in the lobby of my apartment building so for opsec I have used sophisticated photo editing tools to seamlessly put myself in the lourve

selfie of a woman with brown hair, pulled back, black cat eye glasses, blue jeans and a blue top. she is indeed wearing a jacket––tan, waist-length, buttons. behind her is the louvre. the composite job is actually pretty okay (aided by a soft flow filter), except Avery has left the blue path tool indicators around her body.

Avery Edison@averyedison· Apr 22

oh nice, I found the full original version

A parody of a meme. It is titled “Aborted Medieval Villager Brought Here To Try Snacks For A Viral Video”, and in the centre is a MS-Paint-style image of stick figure medieval villager in a little hat. He is surrounded by floating bits of text in Times New Roman:

I could have had so much of my mouth hurt by sour candy, anon.

Out of all the flavours, I would have been most confused by “sour”. You could have helped me understand…

I wouldn’t have known what soda is… Can you picture me tasting soda for the first time? The bubbles tickle!

My family.. A hardy wife, and a strong son. Sometimes, I might have yearned for them. But I would have been distracted by your modern conveniences. “Show me how this one works, anon…”

Seriously, this sour stuff. It’s so strange! And yet, I like it…

I would have told you about my local baron. You would have shown me the Magna Carta, and let me know everything worked out. I guess it did, for you…

“Oh yeah, I love lettuce.” That’s how I would have acted all cool about seeing lettuce for the first time after having only ever heard about it.

After all the food was sampled, all the drinks sipped from, we would have relaxed on the couch together. You would have to show me what a couch was, what relaxing was… Relaxing… Relaxing with each other. I would have gotten spooked by the loud noises outside and moved closer to you. You would have smiled, and met my eyes. “You know,” I would have said, “There’s still one thing I haven’t tasted…” The kiss wouldn’t have been enough to set me off, but when you grabbed my arm a little too tight I would have started crying. I would have sobbed tears of grief, and overstimulation, and, yes, desire. We would have spent the night together, and I would have wanted to swallow you along with everything else I’d had that day so that you could be with me forever. Yes, in another life, I would’ve liked having my mind blown by thee.

Ice cream headache! Imagine what I’d make of that!!!

Avery Edison@averyedison· Apr 21

I imagine she would’ve been quite happy to sell if the ridiculousness of the economic climate was still more in her favor, eh?

Screenshot from the I paper: “People have asked me why I don’t just drop the price again, but I refuse to give my home away cheaply just because of the ridiculous economic climate we’re in”

Avery Edison@averyedison· Apr 20

The finale of HBO’s NEIGHBORS was the episode I saw the most chatter about online, but I keep thinking about this line from the premiere. Because I’m pretty sure that beach has been public for 99.99999999999999999% of the planet’s existence. This mindset is killing us.

Wide shot of a man standing on the balcony of his beach house. Subtitled: The private beach that is private today was never public.

Avery Edison@averyedison· Apr 18

all the fog yesterday was cool