Ben Schrager

@benschrager

Sometimes acting in plays, sometimes writing them. Go Birds, Go Phils, fuck TERFs I was bad at Twitter, now I get to be bad this.

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Ben Schrager@benschrager· 3d

Phils won, but if I were a pitcher, this AB would turn me into the joker: you throw him nothing in the zone, he swings at all but 2 pitches, and he gets a single

MLB Gameday at bat pitch breakdown, Phillies pitching, twins batting: 9 pitch at bat, all pitches outside the strike zone, 2 balls, 5 foul balls, single on a pitch inside

Ben Schrager@benschrager· 24d

Yankees fans on their way back up I-95:

Pic of Citizens Bank Park, with the bell lit up red, white, and blue. In the background, a line of cars heading towards the highway, presumably Yankees fans who are gonna be extra silent all the way up I-95

Ben Schrager@benschrager· 26d

LeBron James in a pool:
“Smiling through it all!
Can’t believe this is my life”

Ben Schrager@benschrager· Jul 19

Wesley Snipes from 30 Rock, played by Michael Sheen. He’s wearing a dweeby blue bike helmet and there’s a quote bubble pointing down to the quoted skeet

Ben Schrager@benschrager· Jul 12

Young Michael Scott shaking his boss Ed Truck’s hand in the office
Steve Carell as Michael Scott has long hair similar to Young Messi’s hair in the quoted skeet

Ben Schrager@benschrager· Jun 28

This was right before he jacked his 30th Schwarbomb:

Schwarber standing in the batter’s box, about to absolutely murder a baseball. Picture taken 5 rows off the first base line, so his butt looks really good

Ben Schrager@benschrager· Jun 28

Spending Pride with a spontaneous trip to the Boy Zoo

View from the first base line at Citi Field: Wagaman playing first for the Mets, Marsh on first for the Phillies after a single. This seat was somehow only $60.

Ben Schrager@benschrager· Jun 25

Happy Pride, y’all

A sign at Nationals Pride Night by a fan sitting behind home plate: “Hey players on the DL: You’re SAFE to take this catcher OUT!”

Ben Schrager@benschrager· Jun 1

2 posts in a row from ddlovato:
GET A JOB
STAY AWAY FROM HER

Ben Schrager@benschrager· May 10

Feel like I’ll get some mileage out of this one

Elmo in a Phillies jersey in the NBC Sports broadcast booth, giving a smile that feels a few degrees away from a pointing wojak face

Ben Schrager@benschrager· Apr 10

These motherfuckers did my Broadway Beat article: www.thebroadwaybeat.com/post/play-pr...

The cast of the current revival of Death of a Salesman, posing for a photo, all dressed in black and shot in black and white

From left to right: Christopher Abbott (seated), Laurie Metcalf (standing), Nathan Lane (seated), and Ben Ahlers (standing)

Ben Schrager@benschrager· Apr 8

Robert Preston as Harold Hill in The Music Man, specifically in the number Ya Got Trouble. He’s got a quote bubble, as if he’s saying the original skeet in this thread

Ben Schrager@benschrager· Apr 5

Gift link in the thread below for those of you struggling with the decision to grow up, but I wanna highlight this passage:

“It does not matter if you have emotional investments in the books, the films, the other, worse films, the theme parks, the merchandise, or anything else connected to the franchise. I mean that in both the callous and the benevolent sense: [italics] It does not matter. [end italics] What you feel in your heart towards the series is almost entirely irrelevant. What matters is what you do, because J. K. Rowling is out there doing a lot of things.”

Ben Schrager@benschrager· Apr 1

I think April Fools peaked online with this:

Tweet from 8:03am April 1, 2018 from @GailWaldren6 (whose picture gives off Wine Mom energy. That’s a bit of foreshadowing, lol. Anyways, here’s the tweet, which is shorter than this description):

I do not love wine APRIL FOOLS

Ben Schrager@benschrager· Mar 26

Omg, it’s happening:

Screenshot of play by play: Jhoan Duran is pitching, Ezequiel Duran is pinch hitting.

Duran Duran

Ben Schrager@benschrager· Mar 23

One of the best Encores productions I’ve ever seen. I need to sit with it longer, but it might be THE best. The entire cast is raising a hell that you can’t look away from, and Jasmine Amy Rogers’ Queenie cements her as a bona fide star. Stunning all around. You’ve got one more week to see it.

A scrim for Encores production of Michael John LaChiusa and George C. Wolfe’s THE WILD PARTY. It’s designed like a vaudeville presented by “Gold & Goldberg” and featuring acts like “The Beautiful Blonde Queenie” and “The Sinfully Comic Burrs.”

Ben Schrager@benschrager· Mar 21

Raul Esparza as Bobby in Company. He’s wearing a charcoal suit with a white shirt, has a drink in one hand, has his other hand in his pocket, and he is giving just the cuntiest glare a bisexual can possibly give

Ben Schrager@benschrager· Mar 9

Wait, I just realized what Great Britain’s WBC jerseys remind me of:

Great Britain’s WBC jersey. It says “GREAT BRITAIN” in all caps in a kind of ugly plain font

A screencap from The Office: an office birthday party with one pathetic streamer, and a sign that reads “IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY.” The sign is in all caps and in a kinda plain font (I wanna say maybe Helvetica? Idk)

Ben Schrager@benschrager· Feb 21

There we go! 🫶

Original thread from above.

I replied “You know how much you have to suck to get me to side with the Niners fans? What a tool, my God”

@dandoughty.com comes back with stunning retort: “Eww”

I reply “Not sure I can make your life a lot easier, but I know I can make mine, one sec”

Same reply thread as above, but I blocked his ass

Ben Schrager@benschrager· Jan 25

A man in a powder blue Phillies jersey, screaming at someone out of frame (Spencer Strider). The caption says “NICE MUSTACHE, PUSSY.” The word “PUSSY” has been crossed out and replaced with “COMRADE”

Ben Schrager@benschrager· Jan 25

Any chance Paul Allen gets Castellanos’d after the shit he said yesterday? Any chance he’s not gonna be putting on this headset again?

Receipt for a $36 donation to the Immigrant Law Center of Minnesota

Ben Schrager@benschrager· Jan 12

Sum up the 2025 Philadelphia Eagles with an image saved on your phone

Brown bag in a fridge that reads:

“DEAD DOVE

DO NOT EAT!”

Ben Schrager@benschrager· Jan 4

Go Birds

Poster for the famous nude Broadway show “Oh! Calcutta!” but it’s been replaced with “Oh! Calcaterra!”

Poster’s a bunch of nude folks behind a bedsheet, one of them doing a handstand

Ben Schrager@benschrager· Jan 4

Sigh.

Onion News Headline from March 26, 2003:

“POINT/COUNTERPOINT: This War Will Destabilize The Entire Mideast Region And Set Off A Global Shockwave of Anti-Americanism vs. No It Won’t”

I’ve crossed out the word “Mideast” in red ink, and replaced it with the word “South American”

Ben Schrager@benschrager· Jan 4

A closeup of Whit in the picture above. He’s wearing a tweed jacket with patches and glasses, and he has a face that I can only describe as “pervy uncle smirk”

Ben Schrager@benschrager· Dec 31

Smell the Glove

Jalen Carter gives Patrick Mahomes a face full of glove in the Super Bowl, which the Eagles won 40-22. The final score makes it look closer than it ever was, the Eagles trounced them and put Mahomes in hell

Ben Schrager@benschrager· Dec 15

This has been a truly cruel start to Hanukkah, and so I’m thinking about the Shamash, the candle that lights the others. It spreads its light in the literal darkest days, even when there’s only one other candle to spread the light to. Eventually, there’ll be more, but it has to start somewhere.

A picture of my Chanukia on the first night of Hanukkah. The design is a bunch of members of a band, playing instruments and dancing, with the candle placeholders on their. To the right, there are two yellow beeswax candles: the Shamash (the candle that lights the others), and right next to it, and slightly lower, a second candle to signify the first night. To the left are seven empty candle settings. In the background, a white window curtain is closed

Ben Schrager@benschrager· Dec 6

Look at my lawyer Dawggggg I’m goin to jail meme, only it’s been changed to:

“Look at my franchise superstar Dawggggg I’m goin to walk into the Schuykill 😩🤯🤣”

The image is if an older man with white hair and a belly in a rumpled suit. He has his eyes closed as if he’s dozing, and his right hand is inside his pants.

I added a dumb MS paint style Phillies hat to his head

Ben Schrager@benschrager· Nov 23

There’s been a lot of talk that this year’s Awards Season movies have felt kind of thin, and it’s just One Battle and Sinners. First off, two great fucking films, if that’s all there was, dayenu. Second off, if you DO feel this way, I’d implore you to discover Eephus, the best film of the year:

A still from Eephus. The silhouette of a man’s back in a dark broadcasters’ booth, watching the headlights of cars driving away from a baseball field

Ben Schrager@benschrager· Nov 17

I texted my brother “Watch the fake on this punt,” so all I’m saying is I’m doing my part