Ben Stockman

@benstockman

Wordsmith, author, internet person. Wordsmithdigital.co.uk VisitAtlantis.org

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Ben Stockman@benstockman· Jul 14

ALSO because I am a MASSIVE nerd there is a map, and VisitAtlantis.org has an interactive version with history n shit, if you too like books, maps or are a nerd. #Atlantis #BookSky #WritingCommunity (This and the cover are by the excellent James Hutton: instagram.com/stitching_a_laugh_to_darkness)

A map of Atlantis, after the Athanasius Kircher map, with ten kingdoms and their respective capital cities, surrounding Tulan, the capital, Plato's legendary city of land and water. An interactive version is at https://visitatlantis.org/map/

Ben Stockman@benstockman· Jul 14

Hey #Booksky, my novel is currently FREE if you have Kindle Unlimited (or just £5 if you don't) ★★★★★ “I devoured this wonderful new book” ★★★★★ “I thoroughly enjoyed this expertly crafted and meticulously researched book set in a richly detailed Atlantis” Maps and more at: VisitAtlantis.org

The cover of "Atlantis: Children of the Gods", a novel by B.D.Stockman - a mysterious man sits on a tiered plateau of tumbling waterfalls while a strange red glow emits from above him.

Ben Stockman@benstockman· Jun 27

You've heard of two-tier Starmer, now get ready for

Ben Stockman@benstockman· Jun 11

But wait! I've missed Bus driving simulator: EVO. Anything can be simulated for fun, including power washing, farming, being an electrician, gold mining and... Money laundering

More simulator games for sale including Power wash, electrician, farming, gold mining and 'crime'. Also vacation simulator, which can surely be achieved in real life for exorbitant costs at Centerparcs.

Ben Stockman@benstockman· Jun 11

I can see the appeal of a flight simulator game, but... Bus simulators?! Mission: Drive slowly and carefully. Bonus objective: finish without falling asleep in real life.

An inexplicably long list of bus simulator games for sale on the PlayStation store, including Bus bound, the bus, bus simulator, city bus simulator and bus simulator 27, which implies there have been 26 whole other bus simulator games before it and that people have inexplicably bought them.

Ben Stockman@benstockman· Apr 26

Exhibit B: Death Becomes Her (crotch edition)

A picture of someone's crotch, except there's a huge burning hole where their junk should be. It looks like someone has done to this person what Meryl Streep does to Goldie Hawn with a shotgun in Death Becomes Her.

Ben Stockman@benstockman· Apr 26

European smoking health warnings hit different, Exhibit A: Toddler Putin contemplates death

A toddler in a royal blue shirt who looks exactly like Vladimir Putin and has apparently just come back from the office, holds a lit cigarette that he gazes at contemplatively.

Ben Stockman@benstockman· Dec 3

Just a small number of books have arrived 🤦‍♂️might build a fort?

Nine (9!) boxes of copies of my book occupying most of my hallway. It is too many books. More books than any human could need. Send help.

Ben Stockman@benstockman· Dec 3

Hi John! I'm a debut author and my new fantasy novel 'Atlantis: Children of the Gods' has just come out - would be a great gift for any mythology nerds. A reimagining of Plato's lost continent full of Gods, monsters and spooky shamanic powers: www.amazon.co.uk/Atlantis-Chi...

The cover of the novel 'Atlantis: Children of the Gods' by B.D.Stockman - a man perches unnaturally on a tiered plateau of cliffs and waterfalls, with a strange red glow emitting from the top

Ben Stockman@benstockman· Nov 27

Been meaning to post some #WIPsnips from the children's book I'm working on, and this snippet seems pretty apt for #Thanksgiving #BookSky #WritingCommunity

“What did you mean, when you said that the earth was reacting to not being connected with the otherworld anymore?” Grandpa had said it as they walked past a slightly sad-looking dry field with no crops in it.
“Ye’re supposed to be concentratin’.”
“No but seriously, what did you mean?” Reuben stopped and turned, partly to make a point that this one was an important question, unlike some of the other, lesser but numerous questions he had asked on the way. He had stopped and turned a few times on the journey, too.
“Ye’ve heard o’climate change, o’course? That.”
“But I thought that’s because of, like, pollution and stuff.”
“It is! But in cuttin’ off our connection to the otherworld, humans went from livin’ in harmony with the earth to exploitin’ ‘er. Men like Abner DeLonge, or William the Conqueror, who want to chop the world up into little bits n’sell it to their mates, they did just that. It’s only been two hundred years since the so-called industrial revolution and look at what we’ve already done. Pillaged earth’s natural resources and polluted the atmosphere, killed off whole species, warmed the ice caps. The world’s reactin’ all right. Storms gettin’ worse, tsunamis floodin’ the place. Heat gettin’ hotter all over the shop. All cos o’men like that. Just look at America.”
“What about it?”
“Christopher blimmin’ Columbus, that’s what. No better than William the conqueror. Come along, ‘discovered’ summen that were already there, claimed it for hisself even though there were already millions o’people on it. Then them blimmin’ Pilgrims come along din’t they, got thrown out of England for being weirdos who wanted to ban theatre n’dancin’ cos they believed enjoyment was sinful, the numpties. They got to America n’woulda starved if it hadn’t been for the native Americans. Then they killed ‘em all. Thanksgvin’? They should be givin’ thanks that their ancestors weren’t all scalped. N’now they’ve elected themselves a complete n’total ninny-hammer.”

Ben Stockman@benstockman· Nov 19

Do you like books, #mythology, weird shamanic powers, gods, monsters or all of the above? If so you can now buy my novel 'Atlantis: Children of the Gods' which is out today! www.amazon.co.uk/Atlantis-Chi... #BookSky #WritingCommunity

The back cover of the book. Blurb reads:
The sons of God saw the daughters of men, that they were fair; and they took them wives of all which they chose. - Genesis 6:2

Every world mythology contains the same story, hidden in plain sight.

"Understand that the sons of light watch us now; they watch us only! They are not beings who walk among us!"

15,000 B.C.E.

Cleito meets a handsome stranger who will one day be known as a god.

Her grandfather, the shaman, fears and mistrusts the newcomer who is changing the land, against the ancient teachings. The shaman fears too for Cleito’s young sister, who is having troubled dreams and channeling unnatural voices.

But gods and lovers are wilful, and Cleito will soon have to choose between romance, destiny and her upbringing, no matter the consequences. And 'Aatlae' is not the only supernatural being with an eye on her homeland.

When otherworldly forces set their sights on Atlantis, not even the children of the gods will be safe.

Told across two generations, Children of the Gods brings Plato’s lost continent to life in this darkly funny epic tale, richly imagined and alive with gods, monsters, and myth.

Ben Stockman@benstockman· Jun 28

I've always loved Venice, but I love it more now I've seen their reaction to the Bezos wedding.

The tower of St Mark's square in Venice with the words "No kings, No Bezos" projected onto it. Fuck yeah, Venice.

An eerily accurate representation of Bezos in a tuxedo with his pants down, sitting on a pile of Amazon parcels that extend right up his butt. Venice does not like Jeff.

Dummy Jeff Bezos sits in a gondola with his dummy bride, carrying a sign saying 'just married'. The cold, dead eyes of dummy Jeff are somehow warmer and less terrifying than the cold, dead eyes of actual Jeff.

Dummy Jeff floats past a ferry, clinging to an Amazon parcel and a fistful of money. The irony of this is that this will be how actual Jeff ends his days, clinging to his cash floating in the detritus of the world his company helped destroy.

Ben Stockman@benstockman· May 1

Day 2 of recording my audiobook! #Atlantis #Booksky #writingcommunity

A low building with two orange doors, Concept TV studios in Bedfordshire

Ben Stockman@benstockman· Feb 9

"Yousa people gonna dye?"

A sign for the Gungun beauty salon, containing neither Boss Nass or Jar Jar Binks.

Ben Stockman@benstockman· Nov 30

You may wonder... why come here to this Christmassy tatfest? What possible draw could there be in this madness? First, do not underestimate the pull of mulled wine. Second: samples of cheeses and boozes and chili jams and suchlike. But most important of all, this, the psychedelic fudge of dreams:

A wide image of the most colourful fudge stall in all the world. It looks like Willy Wonka got really into fudge. Cream egg fudge. Malteser fudge. Mango and passionfruit fudge. Some of it is radioactively colourful. A lot of it is now in our cupboard.

Ben Stockman@benstockman· Nov 30

Get them the gift they never knew they wanted! A guaranteed way to make your friends houses much classier this Christmas. Who could resist such witty charm?!

Carved wooden signs proclaim "Sometimes all you need to say is "I am Groot" - because apparently the Guardians of the Galaxy fanbase also love to announce their presence with woodwork, "Welcome to the Shitshow, hope you brought wine" and "WARNING: Cunt free zone!" This last one is a bare-faced lie.

Shiny lettering on black and beige signs read: "Enjoy your poo", "Fanfuckingtastic" "Fucking fabulous" and "Happyfuckindays". If you saw these signs in your friends house you would stage an intervention.

Ben Stockman@benstockman· Nov 30

"Mum, I know you wanted books for Christmas but instead I got you this enormous photo of Lily Allen taking a shit."

An enormous framed photo of singer Lily Allen on the loo. It is all in black and white, except for her pants which are bright pink. Truly, nobody would ever hang this on their wall. It should not be at a Christmas show. It should not exist.

Ben Stockman@benstockman· Nov 30

Festive cakes! The Christmassiest of all the cakes right here; featuring child in a cage, woman covered with insects and man-eating plant (paging @semadivad.bsky.social on that last one)

A cake of a child trapped in a cage. His hands grip the bars festively. Alright, I know it's pinocchio but never let the truth get in the way of a good story)

A cake; the busy of a woman with insects crawling on her. It is Christmassy as fuck up in here I tell you.

A cake of Audrey II from the film "Little Shop of Horrors" which I'm sure you'll all agree is definitely a Christmas film.

Ben Stockman@benstockman· Nov 30

Personally I for one do not feel festive until I've sat in public with a big blue laser in my mouth.

A very festive and very public teeth whitening stall. Blue light will whiten your teeth in fifteen minutes, but in that time your soul will have fled your body because of the sneering judgement of passers-by.

Ben Stockman@benstockman· Nov 30

Here of course we see the true meaning of Christmas on display, for what could be more festive than modular flooring, uPvc windows, Santa's favourite hair removal stall (get waxed in public this Christmas!) or this very festive armoured car?

A festive hair removal stand - mercifully this was Friday so it is quiet but yes people really do just sit here and get waxed while everyone walks by and gawks festively.

A festive armoured car. It has a big red bow on its bonnet.

Ben Stockman@benstockman· Nov 30

Something I have only ever seen in this tat monument: MYSTERY BAGS. What's inside!? Only crossing this man's palm with silver (£10 in new money) will reveal the truth. These contain sweets (I think?) but there are others elsewhere that say simply "Adult", "Man", "woman" or "child". Fear them.

A table stacked with large bags covered in red and white stripes and white stars on a blue background. The bags say "American mystery bag" but the only real mystery is why anyone would buy one of these badboys. People are listening to his pitch and walking away. The mystery will go unsolved, this time.

Ben Stockman@benstockman· Nov 30

The actual Ideal home show is all sustainable and recyclable and solar (and an awful lot of people selling knives and blenders, or things that do the work of knives and blenders). The Christmas ideal home show is, well... the opposite of those worthy things. It is a glorious monument to festive tat.

A stall contains various festive gubbins in red and gold. Several listless-looking Santa's stand in a row, longing for death. In front of them stands an enormous Christmas gnome, potentially haunted, wearing a hat twice his size. Chances of anyone bringing these things home with them: less than 1%

A stall containing pillows shaped like red and white sweets. They have little smiling faces that seem to mask a dark and turgid past. Behind them stands a demonic choir of snowmen, Santas and reindeers. Not one of those reindeers has eyes that both look in the same direction. I had an RE teacher like that, it was very confusing. 1/10 would not buy.

A ceramic gingerbread family has been glazed in what I really hope is fake snow. Their smiles say "Happy Christmas" but their eyes say "Pleeeeease kiiiiilllll meeeeee"

A stall containing children's tat, the enormous cheap prices drawing you in, only to discover an overstacked table of festive disappointment.

Ben Stockman@benstockman· Nov 30

I have managed to escape from the world of chintz! Behold, and marvel at its awful festive sheen:

Olympia, decorated with lights and trees for the Christmas ideal home show. A large vaulted glass and metal roof with galleries over the main floor. A terrifying plastic trumpeter heralds poor lost souls inside this arcane temple to chintz.

Two floors of Olympia decked out in lights. A man in a sparkly jacket stands on a raised platform in the centre with a microphone, where he musically murders Christmas classics.

A light up mirrored Santa, elf and Christmas tree, and some kind of strange horror behind that may be a snowman at a bad angle but may also be a portal to hell.

Ben Stockman@benstockman· Nov 24

One of my favourite London facts - just off the Strand is this beauty, the last Victorian methane gas lamp. They put them on hills because the sewer gas would build up and explode. It also leaked, so in addition to all the smog, lots of Victorian London would have smelled like farts.

An image of Carting Lane in London, looking towards Savoy place, with the Shell headquarters in the background, and a grand old black covered Victorian era covered street lamp in the foreground. The lamp is powered by methane from the sewer beneath, as many were in this era. It's a Victorian fart lamp!

Ben Stockman@benstockman· Nov 23

Sooo much this - check out this shocker of a reference page in the Atlantean nonsense I'm reading at the moment

A reference page from a not very good book about Atlantis. Many of the books mentioned are notable bobbins. One of his references is himself.

Ben Stockman@benstockman· Nov 20

Ten years ago we held a social media event where if any speaker used the word #engagement we made them wear a horse mask for the rest of their talk. The rules were clearly stated. Here is @andrewkeithwalker.bsky.social, a mere two minutes in:

Esteemed social media speaker Andrew Walker wearing the horse mask of shame, while signalling with a glove shaped like a Facebook 'like' symbol that he is totally okay with this, honest

Ben Stockman@benstockman· Nov 15

It seemed to me that you lived your life like

Ben Stockman@benstockman· Nov 13

Satire is dead, the man who wrecked our relationship with Europe is now in charge of our relationships with all countries... But at least it gives me an excuse to trot this out again?