“We go to Marks and Spencer to feel safe . . .” “I was so discombobulated by the knicker . . .” I don’t think you need to get your panties in a bunch over this

Career counselor: what are you passionate about? A: Liquids Career counselor: do you think maybe you should narrow that down a little? A: No.

I will not have him staring at me while I sleep

Eepy time

I don’t know what his problem was

What does it mean when a stag visits you on the summer solstice?

Did a bird write this?

Become ungovernable

Good news: the corvids have begun to gift me bones 🦴🐦‍⬛

Goblin that lives in my home

I’m afraid I can’t help it

Therapist: Wax museum Trent Reznor isn’t real. Wax museum Trent Reznor can’t hurt you. Wax museum Trent Reznor:

Hungry

ALL GOO, NO EGG

Stonemason: what do you think? Customer: it’s a . . . ? Stonemason: a monkey, yeah Customer: and it’s . . . devouring an iguana? Stonemason: rescuing a human infant from a castle fire Customer: ok

Why does my hotel bed seem almost hostile?

Bumming a paci-rette off her outside the bar

Wordlebot encourages more direct communication

🤷🏻‍♀️

Tastes like burning

The old razzle dazzle

They make goth coke now

Babe, what’s wrong? You’ve barely touched your cheatballs.

I’m at the gym I’m at the horse race I’m at the combination gym and horse race

Repeating “Demo Ootbi: the Best Storage for Veeam” over and over again like a mantra

I suppose this is a step up from the hot singles in your area ads 🫏

Could I have the gloup zero, please? I’m watching what I eat.

She’s green for an amazing reason* 🧟‍♀️ *weird bathroom lighting

“Dark Gary” is the name of my sleep paralysis demon