Picture my face.

I want a Worry Monster. I also want the drugs he’s on. #Yummy

How am I single?

Hear you’re still toast of the town, though.

Found your writing career.

Same.

I want a Magnum now.

#Life (I’m the flower.)

That’s what running will do for you.

The Apple of Love has spoken — and my soulmate is E.C. ELVIS COSTELLO?!!! ❤️🍏❤️🍏❤️

This hurt my feelings.

And, scene.

#BrightonPride

I’d be rubbish on Mastermind. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Don’t leave me.

I like yours.

Do you like my new Tinder profile?

My mum died 38 years ago today. She was 40.  Today I’m going to my beautiful friend’s memorial. He was in his 20s.  Yesterday I employed the ‘life is short’ line. Embarrassed I used - *was* - such a reductive cliché: life isn't short; it’s fucking brutal.  With love.  #TheOGBibi

Hahahaha! Damn you!

And I meant every one of them.

For reasons we’ll probably never fully understand, I read this caption out loud — so my ‘first’ words were ‘You better answer my husband’s calls.’ I’m not a little disappointed.

Maybe they binned it because it was making so much noise.

Hove could’ve tried harder with the Nativity this year.

Ooh, red card me, ref! I’ve been a bad girl. #TheFootball

The Gang must be fewmin.

Look what my friend bought me! Only 20 years ‘til I get the jokes.

Now changing driver.

New bus here. It’s ’holding at the stop’ and someone is singing.

Missed bus by one second.