Elaine Chao: "Senator McConnell has been released. He's ready to go"

"That squares my breasts!"

Some of my humor hasn't made it past the sixth grade

I'll take "statements that could only be written in 2026" for 200, Alex

Be excited about someone as much as this girl is at a World Cup game.

What are we even doing here, people? Does anyone know?

"We have Columbo at home"

When someone tells me I'm "under-babied"

Best film adaptation of The Odyssey, wrong answers only

Happy Mirror First Contact Day to all that celebrate

Remember kids, always be carrying a piece when loading your bins into the scanner

“Diane, 11:30 A.M., February 24th. Entering the town of Twin Peaks...”

Star Trek Symphony Date Night!

Post a picture of the man the UK is sending to Greenland

That tracks

It's nabemono season in this house

When I call South Central Bell.

Hey grok, create a PowerPoint slide on how to fix health care in America, it's due tomorrow. -Mike Johnson

Hey, buddy, can you sit the fuck down? I can't see the stage, man.

If Norway can't win the Miss Universe pageant, what are we even doing as a species at this point.

Is it a sexy cake?