Brendan Parry Kaufmann
@bpkaufmann
Audible Shape. Semi-Ambulatory Cheese Disposal System. Actor/Writer/Director/Producer/Cat-Wrangler. No DMs unless I know you IRL. 🇦🇺🇺🇦🇬🇪🇦🇲🇨🇦🇬🇱🇩🇰🇮🇸🏳️🌈🖤💛❤️
"Bristol Stoolchart" is my American News Anchor nom de plume and alter-ego. Also, I am twelve.
Australian here - can I purchase some of your comedically tiny American spiders separately? My pet needs a pet.
Well. So this is sixty. Pretty much the same as fifty-nine, I'd note. No idea how I'm meant to feel about this. Still waiting for the instructional handbook on how to operate this thing. Making it up as I go along - which works most of the time. Per Ardua Ad Astra.
God, what a nightmare. Please accept this therapeutic baby photo of my cat. Hope that helps.
Wishing Ghost and Goblin happy birthday, today. Brother and sister, found under a porch in LA at five weeks old, now citizens of Melbourne, Australia - where they mostly spend their days sleeping, eating, destroying my couch, and waiting for their next thought to turn up. Love my little guys.
Not quite at that level of magnificence, but I was pretty happy with this one:
TRAPPED IN PURGATORY A LIFELESS OBJECT ALIVE AWAITING REPRISAL DEATH WILL BE THEIR AQUITTANCE
My exact reaction. I suppose we'll be renting an ox from our local yeoman, and praising this new thing, the "moldboard plough" next.
I can't think of Dominic Cummings without thinking of what might be Viz finest work:
Your mere Earth hu-man "words" cannot express how in awe I am of you. This is going to be absolutely amazing - please accept this photo of my ancestor's Old Home Town. IFYK,YK.
Wait a minute - I'd know that ludicrous eyeliner anywhere...
Please don't tell him he's not a puma. He's absolutely convinced he is.
Post a pic you took, no context, to bring some zen to the feed.
Introducing Lucifer - a Golden Retriever in a cat suit (unless you ARE a Golden Retriever, in which case he is a malicious furry claymore mine, and your worst fucking nightmare) - and Ghost & Goblin, who are evil little sprites/placid drooling halfwits. Ah - my children.
On a brighter note - sampling Melbourne's new Metro tunnel this morning. I do love me some brand new rail infrastructure, I do.
I was just on the Enoden last week! And a few days ago, I rode the Wakayama Electric Railway, through, little villages, rice fields and vegetable patches - a line doubly notable, as the Chief Station Master is Nitama-san is a large calico cat. Because Japan, obviously.
I AM IN JAPAN THE STATIONMASTER IS A CAT PLEASE SEND FURTHER INSTRUCTIONS THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER
A much-needed timeline cleanser, folks - Kenroku-en Gardens in gentle rain, Kanazawa, today. There's a lot of beauty and joy left in the world yet, family.
Remember Iron Chef? Remember Iron Chef Japanese, Roksaburo Michiba? Visited (for the 3rd time) his superb restaurant "Rokusentai" in Tokyo - took a dear friend as a thankyou, for helping me out of a tight spot. This is the *first* course, of his Kaiseki banquet - incredible. Celebrate the wins.
Dateline: Japan A huge, horrifying, rapacious unstoppable monster from the abyss comes to plague the good citizens of Tokyo. And next to him, is Mr Timothy Godzilla, noted local philanthropist and radioactive lizard about town.