Me, watching any other keeper face a penalty.

Die Zeit is going for Graf Mülltonnengesicht for Count Binface, for what it's worth. But probably best to just say Count Binface in a German accent.

The major parties refusing to stand against Farage in Clacton feels like a huge opportunity for Lieutenant-Colonel Kojak Slaphead III.

Hadn't considered this but you have to give it some credence.

Ugh.

By and large, it's good that football Twitter hasn't really migrated to Bluesky. But it's a shame to miss out on takes like this, about how Tottenham Hotspur have managed to increase revenue. Corrupt. Concerts. #thfc #coys

Another pub? The sweet and honourable release of seppuku?

This has really tickled me.

See.

You'll be wanting him at Liverpool, I imagine? #thfc #coys

I know a lot of fellow Spurs fans will be concerned if the current leadership stays in place but I think it's pretty clear we've got the right CEO in charge. #thfc #coys

This graph tells me only one thing for certain, which is that Spurs will finally be awarded our first penalty of the season on the last day, to stay up, and we will miss it. #thfc #coys

🎶 Baby I want you, come, come, come into my arms / Let me feel the wonder of all of you 🎶

No Charles Tyrwhitt, I don't use "times" as a verb because I am not eight years old.

I've thought about this now and I'm actually glad we Spurs fans have the "best digital experience in world football" because the IRL experience fucking sucks. #thfc #coys

Really glad that milk ice cream Kinder ice cream is now in ice cream.

At this point i can only see Roy Hodgson as Alan Ford playing his gangster characters from Partridge or the Armando Ianucci show.

Well, this is a delight. Never been nominated for the Wincott before. Great company, very surprised and other appropriate platitudes.

Coda

Hyphens are important.

Writing on the sanction of Chelsea FC, partly over financial transactions revealed by the Guardian and partners in 2023. www.theguardian.com/world/2023/n... This confirms that the PL investigated offshore entities we exposed but also that the probe went much wider than what the club self-reported.

Punk news: BrewDog founder James Watt is no longer describing himself as a "punk" in the LinkedIn profile that the multi-millionaire sometimes uses to rail against being asked to pay more tax.

"He is safe (whatever that means)..."

Sorry, couldn't resist.

#thfc #coys

OK, that's the best Igor Tudor gag anyone has, I think. #thfc #coys

Weather app is high again, i see. Either that or the West Norwood ice tornado is on the other side of the house and I haven't spotted it yet.

If you want to read Peter Mandelson's full pitch for a job to the billionaire CEO of Glencore, Ivan Glasenberg, it's here. It'll make you feel better about all the cover letters you've written over the years for jobs you didn't get.

If Yorick's skull isn't just a big cry-laugh emoji, what are they even doing?