A few years ago a relative of mine accused my brothers and I of stealing my grandpas hunting knife after he died. The knife has remained missing and it’s been awkward since. Now that my grandma has passed they’re going through her house and the knife was just found in the back of a drawer!

If you go on a walk at 6 am there will be no one out except for the guy smoking out of a mysteriously round glass pipe!

The haircut in question

Asked my barber for a different haircut for the first time in 2.5 years

Good morning, babies! Your dads went to a wedding yesterday

Beautiful geniuses tbh

This cricut has my finger looking like you forgot your password and need to verify that you’re human

Me texting all my little gay friends at 6:30 and hitting “notify anyway” to their do not disturb

The old man I see every morning doesn’t know I’m listening to Meg Stalter

Little bug living in a surveillance state

Sometimes you just need to get out of the city

2 years of marriage with my love! Happy Anniversary, @daddyvourdalak.bsky.social !

Nala and @hippobottomus.bsky.social locked in for charades

The magpies that bully my dog were meeting to discuss battle tactics today

I have no words. What are yall wearing to the funeral?

I love summer

This is the skin of a killer, Bella

A straight man at the bar asked if my shirt was Kesha or Britney and no one else dressed up for the 2000s theme

This is the face of a victim

Me to the magpies in the backyard that accost my poor dog every day

This is an appropriate amount of icing to put on cinnamon rolls

Time for book 6!

Thong

Everybody wants to be a cowboy

She’s a little weird, I’m a little weird, we’re both a little weird

My book FINALLY came in the mail (I ordered it on Friday)

Bet I could guess who

Same haircut, same me

Did you guys hear that?

Guess who has two thumbs and took a half day today