Coach Rusty
@coachrusty
bruh
hello ladies you might be interested to know that I smacked my entire forehead on this beam because while I may be on my phone constantly I am NOT short
if I had to boil my essence down to a single episode of television it would be when the Beach Boys guest starred on Full House and Brian Wilson had no idea what the fuck he was doing there
showering for the first time in 3 days and walking back into the world like
Don’t ever tell me anything’s impossible this is a real water tower like 30 minutes from where I live
Happy b-day to the incomparable @ennuidoofen.bsky.social I hope this birthday doesn't sting (you're welcome for this pun)
Backstory: this heron was all “ye shall not pass” and these ducks were like “out my damn way bitch”
At the end of the day we’re all just ducks tryna walk up a waterfall baby
If Bluesky is dead then how are you watching this video of a turtle running away from me at top speed
Uh oh this guy’s got a poster at the school and some of the grandparents are bent out of shape about it. Not “pay for private school” bent out of shape but you know, furrowed brows and all
“You may think I came here just to give hair care advice but nay I am also an expert on ethical parenting”
As an amphetamine sommelier I’m always on the lookout for local flavors wherever my travels take me
When your kid’s a big Braves fan but also has trouble completing tasks
One day my dad grabbed me by the collar and screamed “I AIN’T RAISING NO FUCKEN CONTENT CREATOR” That was the last time I ever saw him
Bringing this energy to every family meal this week. Even if I don’t want it I’m still gonna snatch it
When you get the feeling she doesn’t even care what order you rank the Mars Volta albums in
Writing my wife an apology song after she went through my phone while I was asleep