Mavis Beacon, all paws on (key)board!

@corgionstilts

Slackware brat with diabetes and a love for aerial arts and outdoorsy stuff. Also cats. Yes, I'm a witch. No, I didn't vote for the decomposing orange. Gimme my damn vaccines. He/him.

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Mavis Beacon, all paws on (key)board!@corgionstilts· 1d

Mavis Beacon, all paws on (key)board!@corgionstilts· 4d

Takes a bit more patience to get the tank full.

Mavis Beacon, all paws on (key)board!@corgionstilts· 11d

I think I baked an omen this morning.

A puddle of rectangular pizza sitting on the lid of a cloth hamper, tinfoil under it and folded up along the sides to form a makeshift dish.

Ingredients: markdown croissant dough, leftover spaghetti sauce spiked with salt pepper and oregano, quartered sandwich pepperoni, zucchini, green olives, and markdown cheese.

As soon as it came out of the oven, a memory surfaced. According to old workplace lore, pepperoni and green olives are best for getting rid of the taste of sausage. Shirley Temples are the only form of ginger ale currently being stocked in the cold case, and I get those for exactly one thing.

Which closeted Confederate bought the farm this time?

A length of peeled and stuffed zucchini in a baking dish, streak of alfredo sauce along the top. Surrounding it is a lake of watered down alfredo below a layer of red-orange oil.

Another picture of the stuffed zucchini, but in the oven with with macaroni noodles sponging up the alfredo sauce.

Don't ask how, but I ended up with a couple boxes of Target macaroni and cheese. The "cheese" sauce is all color and no flavor so the noodles went into this. No point in stocking the shelves with something that tastes good when their main demographic made no effort to keep from losing sense of taste to a virus.

Mavis Beacon, all paws on (key)board!@corgionstilts· 11d

Running the oven before it's too toasty to cook. Two stragglers still finishing up.

A pyramid stack of hot dogs wrapped in golden brown croissant, sitting on crinkly tinfoil.

A small mound of golden brown croissant knots on tinfoil, one with a machine dotted "cut" line and hint of maple sugar leaking along it.

Five bratwurst laying in a small baking dish with brown liquid at the bottom, some with a hint of browning on the top.

Mavis Beacon, all paws on (key)board!@corgionstilts· 13d

Discount is now up to $1.50 per bag. Y'ALL IT AIN'T EVEN HALF OFF YET 😂😅🤣🙃

Mavis Beacon, all paws on (key)board!@corgionstilts· 13d

I repeat, Seek is not for making dinner choices.

Poorly hidden in patchy grass along with dandelions and white clover, partially looped around itself, is something long and black with white banding on it. Overlaid are text and symbols from the app Seek. Its head, one outlet prong and a ground giving it a vaguely snaggletooth appearance, points toward text indicating what it has been identified as: Grass Snake.

Mavis Beacon, all paws on (key)board!@corgionstilts· 14d

I don't know who needs to hear it today, but Seek is not for making dinner choices.

A partial screenshot of an observation from the app Seek. Framing the picture of a fat lazy tabby laying on wood print tile floor are blocks of black and green. Below are words.

MAMMAL
African Wildcat
Felis lybica
✔️ You observed it on Jul 29, 2026

Mavis Beacon, all paws on (key)board!@corgionstilts· 16d

In dishonor of Lindsey Graham: chicken parmesan and a drink. Except the kids in Ghana aren't getting help from us. Except the WS tripe about dairy. Except the robots overrunning this boiling planet implied you preferred cocktails to food so wash that "chicken parmesan" down with a Shirley Temple.

A bowl with a wide floral print rim. In the bowl is red sauce on breaded chicken with cheese on top. To the right of the bowl is a can of Canada Dry cherry fruit splash.

They apparently must not have been able to call it a Shirley Temple after the former ambassador to Ghana.

A bed of chicken nuggets to be exact. The red sauce is a mound of lumpy Ghanaian tomato stew, easy on the Cayenne because my tongue wouldn't be able to handle Scotch Bonnet if I could even find it. The "parmesan" is homemade fresh cheese with lactose free milk. Alas, my intestines cannot read and are still waiting for some pigment free skin cells to come and teach them how to do a lactase.

Bone apple teeth.

Mavis Beacon, all paws on (key)board!@corgionstilts· 17d

If the grocery store had pulled their Earthbound/TF spinach, I would've bought frozen. They ran a sixty cent discount for Trumporrhea. This is not spinach.

A clear Pyrex mixing bowl sits on top of alpaca print sheets. In the bowl are chenopodium album greens.

Mavis Beacon, all paws on (key)board!@corgionstilts· 21d

Maybe the Venn diagram of people who loaded up in 2020 and the lettuce eaters is a circle, maybe the lettuce eaters are scooting across the floor.

Mavis Beacon, all paws on (key)board!@corgionstilts· 21d

I don't know who needs to hear this, but that 90 days blurb on the packaging is only to sell more filters outside of wildfire season. Go peel the duct tape off your kid's dorm room fan and put on a new one.

The back side of a 20x20 MERV 13 Filtrete, duct taped to a cheap box fan for part of a week. It appears to have teleported to the Victorian Era and moonlighted as a chimney sweep. The accordion folded filter medium is medium gray with a slight brown tint.

Mavis Beacon, all paws on (key)board!@corgionstilts· 22d

I'm kinda upset that a gallon of milk makes not even a cottage cheese tub worth of paneer, also that this hooman insists that vinegar stove cheese doesn't count as cheese tax cheese. At least it got done before it gets super hot again.

Brownish gray tabby cat zomked out on a gray couch, warm light making it too appear almost brown. An ear pokes out past the edge of a cushion over vibrant tan shag carpet. Her front peets are slightly curled inward.

Mavis Beacon, all paws on (key)board!@corgionstilts· 22d

*quickly flings more cooking spree pictures on the skyline before refilling the oven again*

Food in an oven. On the left is a transparent brown glass visions stock pot. Under the lid, freakishly tall green peppers poke up from a lake of tomato soup. On the right are rolls of dough on tinfoil.

Biscuits with cheese oozing out, set on tinfoil. Below the foil is a black white and yellow woven throw blanket.

Oblong breads, pepperoni peeking out gaps in the dough of a couple, cooling on tinfoil. Below the foil is a black white and yellow woven throw blanket.

Mavis Beacon, all paws on (key)board!@corgionstilts· 22d

Ladybird ain't getting special treatment here over the Turtle. There is no paneer to buy here, lactose free or not. However, both these MFs are over most of even the island vacationers. Most will just get one out the Laura Jane Grace pack. Busch NA is for like, eh I guess I'm celebrating (?) 😂🤣🙃

Paneer smushed down in an Old Town print Corelle bowl.

Clouds of curdled milk solids form in a translucent, almost yellowy liquid. The dark handle of a scoop sticks up from the dairy swamp.

Mavis Beacon, all paws on (key)board!@corgionstilts· 27d

Before I was even done typing it out, it crossed my mind that my idea would probably result in a night of terror, wondering if I got the lettuce demon. The universe has spoken. I am to make the thing. It has none but I'm calling it chicken parmesan because this is in dishonor of Lindsey Graham.

A gallon jug of lactose free whole milk sits on a gray marble cutting board. Stuck over the barcode is a round orange sticker with 1.99 printed on it.

Mavis Beacon, all paws on (key)board!@corgionstilts· Jul 8

That or he picked up three levels of sorcerer.

Source: D&D Beyond

Extended Spell
When you cast a spell that has a duration of 1 minute or longer, you can spend 1 sorcery point to double its duration, to a maximum duration of 24 hours.

Mavis Beacon, all paws on (key)board!@corgionstilts· Jul 7

Someone long ago tried to get me to try turtle. Wouldn't have remembered it well anyway at that age had they succeeded, and they did not. It's hard to find now and expensive. Too expensive, at least for a pot of stew. A bit of stew for a special occasion on the other hand... maybe it's time.

A recipe printed on old yellowed paper with a drawing of a turtle above it.

TERRAPIN STEW
"This recipe was kindly funisbed by a Norfolk gentleman, who, keeping a bachelor's establishment, is famed for having the most delicious terrapin stews at his suppers."
Meat from 2 large or 4 small terrapins
1/2 cup sherry
1 cup port wine
1/2 cup butter
1/2 cup currant jelly
2 teaspoons Worcestershire sauce
A little cayenne pepper
Salt to taste
1 cup cream
Small amount of mustard
To about two large or four small terrapins add a half cup of sherry wine and a cupful of port wine, 1/2 cup of butter, 1/2 cup of currant jelly, 2 teaspoons of Worcestershire sauce, a little

cayenne pepper (no black pepper) and salt to your taste. Stew all of these things together, and, just as you think it to be thor-oughly cooked, pour in a cupful of pure, fresh cream; stir it well in, and as soon as the cream gets hot and well mixed with the dressing you can serve it. For this purpose a regular metal or silver stew-dish is to be preferred, with an alcohol lamp attached; use mustard to your taste, but take care not to let it predominate.

Mavis Beacon, all paws on (key)board!@corgionstilts· Jun 22

Um, Alan Greenspan? Hoo boy. This was conveniently a couple posts down on my feed and sums it up pretty well. May I suggest three moggies in a trenchcoat instead?

Post by Hari Kunzru @harikunzru@bsky.social

I grew up with Alan Greenspan being treated as a sage voice of economic reason. Then l discovered he spent his early career as a fully paid-up Ayn Rand cultist (part of the 'collective' who read Atlas Shrugged in manuscript) and I realized that he was just another libertarian loon.

Mavis Beacon, all paws on (key)board!@corgionstilts· May 10

Alt texting this because that seating choice

A brown end table on tan carpet with electronics. At the rear is a flat monitor with wired headphones hanging from it. In front of that is an open laptop, half drank iced coffee of unknown age in a clear plastic take out cup, and what may be a game controller of some kind.

In front of the end table is a brown and red plastic object slightly taller than the end table. It appears to be a little tikes slide.

Mavis Beacon, all paws on (key)board!@corgionstilts· May 6

Once upon a time, I would've gotten a mess of greasy fried "mexican" potatoes from somewhere today. That somewhere continues to exist in name only. I could get something with the same name, but it would bear about as much resemblance to what was as what I made does. At least she approves 🐱

A brown plate with brown grooves along the rim. On the plate is a mound of tater tots with mexican seasoning. The plate is sitting on a white sheet with alpacas.

The same plate with some tots missing. A tabby cat approaches, intent on making another tot grow legs.

Mavis Beacon, all paws on (key)board!@corgionstilts· May 4

Her agent is doing exactly what they're supposed to be doing.

A red vehicle with "$10,999 AS IS SPECIAL" written in yellow on pink lettering on the window.

Mavis Beacon, all paws on (key)board!@corgionstilts· Apr 26

I haven't done a squash soup in a while because it reminds me of two things: a gaming group that has fallen apart, and recovering from a bone fusion. However, I ran myself into the ground getting unexpected deals at the grocery store. This was a precut vegetable day, and this is what I had left.

A brown glass stock pot sits on a folded out oven door. In the pot is a mash of rainbow bell peppers, celery, snipped up anaheims from the freezer, tomato, pureed squash, and seasoned pink slime.

Baked bratwurst in a purple glass dish with brussel sprouts peeking out from the mound

A clear baking dish with cooked potatoes, tomatoes, carrots, cabbage, and lamb hearts.

A trio of cooked lamb hearts in a white baking dish.

Mavis Beacon, all paws on (key)board!@corgionstilts· Apr 26

The Mavises are taking over 🐈

Demanding tabby girl sitting on a "wood" tile floor next to a toy mouse and bag of Friskies. Toward the bottom are the two red feet of a food dispenser that has failed to open it.

Mavis Beacon, all paws on (key)board!@corgionstilts· Apr 19

Weather be like 🙃 I went on a housework spree this weekend, yet it feels like I've done nothing because I couldn't do the one thing that I had planned. Have a cat.

Sleepy tabby floof looks up at the camera mostly awake. She is laying on a bed with a white dresser behind her.

Still kinda stretched out, sleep begins to win and her eyes are half open.

Sleep won. She has reached for a hooman peet and zonked out again.

Mavis Beacon, all paws on (key)board!@corgionstilts· Apr 19

Posting more Mavis to summon floofy meows on my feed. Also foooood. Probably shouldn't have started cooking so late 😅

Little tabby cat standing on a bed with rainbow sheets and comforter.

The weekly sea of baked goodies on a white stovetop. Clockwise from top: empty cream pitcher above a pyrex mixing bowl with brussel sprouts and large chunks of bacon, a purple visionware stock pot with pork sausage pasta and vegetables, a dinner plate with three burger patties, a side salad plate with greasy sliced onion, chicken wings, salt and pepper shakers, and a slotted spoon on a spoon rest.

Mavis Beacon, all paws on (key)board!@corgionstilts· Apr 19

Mavis too is disappointed by the ratio of orange and other meows vs orange not-jeebus content. However, she would like to say it was absolutely not necessary for her to get a b-a-t-h in the process of contributing to fixing this.

A cat, leaning one shoulder against a hooman's knee as she lays with her front legs loosely crossed. Behind her is a round gray plush thing with lavender on the edge of it.

Two glass dishes in an oven. On the left is a glass pyrex mixing bowl with brussel sprouts and bacon, a mismatched purple glass lid on top. On the right is a larger purple visionware pot, also with a lid. There is a mass of sausage, celery, and other vegetables inside.

Three plates sit on a clean(!) white stovetop. On a front burner sits a dinner plate with black and gray brush strokes going outward along the edge. Precooked chicken wings sit on it. On a burner behind it is a matching plate, this one with burger patties. To the left is a smaller plate with sliced onions, old Avon shakers, a utensil catcher, cream pitcher, and empty spice mixing cup.

Mavis Beacon, all paws on (key)board!@corgionstilts· Apr 12

There is no art to this, only chop plop and 350 until it's done. Yet it gets posted. Why? Because sometimes I don't have it in me to cook so I can tub it up but can do it and take pictures to put on the internet. And then tub it up, but my brain doesn't fully understand time so this trick works.

A muddle of food: egg noodles, zucchini and yellow squash, mushrooms, green pepper, tomato, and onion. There is a large chunk of pork sausage in the middle.

More food. Gnocchi, turkey, whole baby carrots, potato, celery, and stewed tomato in a pot.

Mavis Beacon, all paws on (key)board!@corgionstilts· Apr 10

The shirataki cycle: -nerdy folks grumble that shirataki noodles are hard to find & $$$ -diet culture writers remember it exists -people learn that it doesn't taste good with spaghetti sauce -nerdy folks descend on clearance shelves & cook with it until they run out and learn how much it went up

A bowl with ramen, shirataki noodles, hard boiled egg, and vegetables sits on an old comforter. The bowl is clear and it appears almost as though the food is sitting on top of the bedding. A fork and spoon are sticking into the food.

Mavis Beacon, all paws on (key)board!@corgionstilts· Apr 6

Most resale bikes here nowadays are semi disposable exercise equipment and hard to service, spendy, or geriatric. My workhorse of about a decade is sadly now in the third group. Still road worthy, but I can feel its steel frame bend with less weight than it once could handle. It's had a good run.

A white Black & Decker mini fridge sits on a lime green table. There are several stickers and sheet magnets on it, plus a few golden cats.

It didn't tip over, but that was easily the most nerve wracking 2.5 miles I've ridden.

Mavis Beacon, all paws on (key)board!@corgionstilts· Mar 30

Didn't get my cheese biscuits done yet, but I'm happy with what I did. As is Mavis. She's in full favor of me paying the cheese tax twice 😹