Craig Schaefer

@craigschaeferbooks

Writes books, mostly about magic and outlaws. Making my nest in Providence. My latest, Catch and Kill, is available now. (

313 Following1,362 Followers5,369 Posts

Bluesky

Is this your profile?Claim it and craigschaeferbooks.dirty.social is yours.Claim profile

Craig Schaefer@craigschaeferbooks· Jul 11

"The kids call it Midasmaxxing."

A picture of Ice-T playing the character Fin Tutuola in the tv series Law and Order: SVU.

Craig Schaefer@craigschaeferbooks· Jul 6

Fellow authors: without any context, what's the first line of your current WIP?

"Emily’s crew was playing by New Jersey rules this morning. They rolled across the border by the glow of false dawn, behind the wheel of a van plastered in bullet-pocked armor plating, chicken wire cages over the tinted windows. Not their usual ride. It was a loaner from some old contacts of Brewster’s, nomad smugglers who worked the northeast corridor. He had to call in a favor to borrow the thing, plus a promise of fifty gallons of diesel to be delivered by week’s end, but Emily was glad he did. Nobody opened fire as they crossed the state line, even though the van’s on-board sensor suite bristled with thermal contacts, so many angry red blips that it looked like the heads-up display had caught the measles. Vultures on rooftops, scavengers crouched behind broken windows or hanging back in the alleys, shadows on the outer edge of crackling trash-can fires."

Craig Schaefer@craigschaeferbooks· Jun 3

A Facebook-style notification reading "Marked Safe from Taylor Swift's Wedding Today."

Craig Schaefer@craigschaeferbooks· May 15

The maintenance guy told me, "You do NOT want to be around when it's time to water this thing."

A tree with a stone inscription at its base, reading "LIBERTY TREE, July 25, 1768, rededicated November 11, 1968"

Craig Schaefer@craigschaeferbooks· Mar 21

An art mystery! Photos like this have been showing up on utility poles around town because...well, it's Providence, and that's just how we do

A 70s or 80s-era photograph stapled to a wooden pole, depicting a man and woman preparing a meal outdoors at a picnic bench. Both people's faces have been cut out of the photo.

Craig Schaefer@craigschaeferbooks· Mar 2

Figured it was finally time to get serious about building a base in Fallout 76. Just north of Highway Town in Ohio, feel free to drop in. Yes, I am wearing a unicorn mask. No, I am not taking questions from the media at this time.

A post-apocalyptic house from the videogame Fallout 76, suspiciously clean and well-kept. The proprietor stands out front wearing a unicorn mask, and a neon sign reads THE HUNT CLUB. This is a totally safe, cool place to hang out. SO safe.

Craig Schaefer@craigschaeferbooks· Feb 23

Update: yeaaaaah I won't be able to leave my apartment for a little bit, fam

An image shot from an apartment window, with the street outside completely buried in snow.

Craig Schaefer@craigschaeferbooks· Feb 23

So this is happening. I'd love to call it a snow day but I work from home, so this is just "Monday with complications"

A view from a wet window, showing a street completely flooded with snow.

Craig Schaefer@craigschaeferbooks· Feb 21

I am an extremely normal Fallout 76 player

A screenshot from the video game Fallout 76, depicting an allegedly serious author wearing a unicorn mask for absolutely no reason.

Craig Schaefer@craigschaeferbooks· Feb 13

Look what just came in the mail! This could be you. Reading it, I mean. I assume you aren't a book in disguise. If you are a book, you have to tell me or it's entrapment. That's the law.

A paperback copy of "Rats" by Craig Schaefer. The cover is purple and black and depicts rats and tentacles surrounding a neon-lit futuristic city.

Craig Schaefer@craigschaeferbooks· Feb 7

Oh hey, just got the final cover for Rats, the third Castaways novel (from the awesome Rebecca Frank.) Soooooo...how are we feeling about a book release on Monday? Monday work for y'all?

A trio of paperback covers for the novels Castaways, Firebreak, and Rats, each with stylized imagery and a dominant color (blue, green and purple, respectively.)

Craig Schaefer@craigschaeferbooks· Jan 10

"You've been running a stealth rifle build since Fallout 1," they told me. "Just try power armor and heavy guns once, you won't get addicted, all the girlies love power armor and heavy guns." Well, this is me now, thanks a lot

A screenshot from the videogame Fallout 76 depicting the poster in pink power armor, holding a pink flamethrower, in a rainbow pride photo frame.

Craig Schaefer@craigschaeferbooks· Dec 23

Ice T in Law and Order: SVU. He is very aware of what the kids are into.

Craig Schaefer@craigschaeferbooks· Nov 8

The audio adaptation of Firebreak (narrated by the fabulous Susannah Jones) is coming this Tuesday, the 11th, and it's up for pre-order now! (And editing on book three has begun, so we're firing on all cylinders over here.)

An audiobook cover for Firebreak, book two of the Castaways series, narrated by Susannah Jones and written by Craig Schaefer. The cover depicts a door standing alone in a wintery wood.

Craig Schaefer@craigschaeferbooks· Oct 29

In case you're wondering what Microsoft shareholders are voting on, and what the board's stance is...

A list of proposals for Microsoft shareholders to vote on. The board recommends AGAINST reporting on their AI data usage, their operations in human rights hotspots, and their human rights due diligence.

Craig Schaefer@craigschaeferbooks· Oct 25

Boston, I approve of your spookiness levels, keep up the good work.

A Halloween decoration featuring a scarecrow, a skeleton, and the skeleton's skeleton dog.

Craig Schaefer@craigschaeferbooks· Oct 18

Work on the new Daniel Faust novel is underway. Figured I'd share how it starts.

I drove into the desert alone behind the wheel of a rental Pontiac, headlights cutting across the big cold empty, mountains the color of rust rising in the distance. Melanie wanted to come along. Bless that kid’s heart. Busted and gutted and looking at the bleakest of eternal fates — endless reincarnation as the Paladin, forced to fight and struggle and die again and again until the last battle for the last world in the multiverse — and her first priority was to try and make someone else feel better.
I said no. These people weren’t going to want to see me. They’d be even less happy to see her, and I needed something from them. Whether it took words or violence, I wasn’t leaving without it.
The hacienda rose in the distance at the end of a rambling dirt road, electric security lights painting long angled shafts across the sun-baked stucco walls. I stopped at the front gate, killed the engine and stepped out into the frigid desert night, hands open and empty at my sides. Two kids came out to greet me. College age, toting rifles almost as big as they were.
“A sound suppressor?” I asked one. “We’re sixty miles from civilization, and by ‘civilization’ I mean a gas station run by a half-blind old man named Cooter. If you start shooting, who’s going to hear you?”
He didn’t appreciate my tactical insight.
“She doesn’t want to talk to you,” he said.
“Yeah,” I said, “but she’s going to anyway.”
He started to level the rifle. I flicked my fingers out, and a trio of playing cards leaped from the breast pocket of my tailored jacket, swirling around me in a fluttering circle.
“Rule one of firearm safety,” I told him. “Never point a gun at anything you don’t intend to destroy. Aim that weapon at me, and I’m going to assume lethal intent.”

Craig Schaefer@craigschaeferbooks· Sep 14

Okay, buckle up, gonna tell you the story of how these animated assholes rerouted my career.

Aria Blaze, Adagio Dazzle and Sonata Dusk from the series "Equestria Girls."

Craig Schaefer@craigschaeferbooks· Aug 9

Reading through the Wisdom's Grave trilogy for...a thing I'm working on, never mind, it's a thing okay. Reminded how it made me wait. You should wait too, okay?

Craig Schaefer@craigschaeferbooks· Jul 19

Don't give me that look, Zipcar, you know EXACTLY what you just said. In the time-out corner, now.

An email advertisement from Zipcar, reading "Today's forecast: 100% chance of watersports."

Craig Schaefer@craigschaeferbooks· Jul 17

I love this as a storytelling device. In our real life dystopian future of 2025, we know video stores have been dead as the dodo for ages...but Robocop came out in 1987 (38 years ago today!), and in THAT future, video stores are alive and well.

A screenshot from the video game "Robocop: Unfinished Business." A shuttered store displays a sign advertising video rentals.

Craig Schaefer@craigschaeferbooks· Jun 25

I thought Firebreak looked good as an ebook, but Rebecca Frank's cover art is even better on my shelf. I work with the best people and I will absolutely brag about them with zero provocation.

A paperback copy of the novel Firebreak, depicting a doorway in a snowy forest surrounded by stylized Tarot imagery and grasping tentacles.

Craig Schaefer@craigschaeferbooks· Jun 20

Handling release-night stress by playing Arkham Horror, which may not have been the best choice, and also I'm about to be eaten by ghouls. Not COOL ghouls like Princess Dergwyn, gross and nasty ones. Also I acquired an ally who is a Very Good Boy and that's a problem because I can't use him.

A game of Arkham Horror, a card game, in full swing. Things do not look good for the player, but at least he has a dog.

Craig Schaefer@craigschaeferbooks· Jun 18

Roughing out the general outline of my palace in Dune: Awakening. Back left corner needs...something, to make it look less flat, but otherwise it feels like a decent start to a build. Now...to decorate.

A screenshot from the video game Dune: Awakening, depicting a large structure built in the shadows of a jagged mountain.

Craig Schaefer@craigschaeferbooks· Jun 11

Cover reveal, with art by the excellent Rebecca Frank! Firebreak is coming soon, we're in the final stretch of final-final edits now.

Cover of the upcoming novel Firebreak by Craig Schaefer, depicting a free-standing door in a snowy forest, framed by swords and octopus tentacles.

Craig Schaefer@craigschaeferbooks· Jun 6

Too slow, sandworm! But no seriously it almost ate me

A screenshot from the video game Dune: Awakening showing the author's dumbass character looking back at the massive sandworm that nearly ate her five seconds ago.

Craig Schaefer@craigschaeferbooks· May 30

Post a problematic "would": Horror edition. Y'all KNOW I have a thing for violent yanderes, I have never lied about this.

Robin McLeavy as Lola in the film The Loved Ones, holding a power drill and intending to do something rather awful with it.

Craig Schaefer@craigschaeferbooks· May 29

"Well I tell ya what man that them there Goebbels fella and the broken rocket man sure musta been going on a whole dang ol Bareback Mountain kick but ya know what that probably weren't much fun cause I hear that dude's tallywhacker's all messed up" "Boomhauer, what the hell are you talking about?"

The cast of the animated series King of the Hill, drinking beer along a fence and most likely speculating about Elon's fucked-up dick.

Craig Schaefer@craigschaeferbooks· May 15

Went out for a walk, met this nice family.

A mother goose guards (and herds) eight fluffy little chicks in a city park.

Craig Schaefer@craigschaeferbooks· Apr 11

"If you turned bad which horror movie villain or creature would you be?" ...turned? This is my life's goal and I'm not even remotely joking.