Johnnie: Shield of 'Murica - Malört Division

@dadbaud

Broken action figure InfoSec in the streets, regex in the sheets CocktailCon co-founder He/him

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Johnnie: Shield of 'Murica - Malört Division@dadbaud· 4d

DEF CON is coming to a close and I hope to see you all next year!

Merch is Closed sign in front of an empty warehouse

Johnnie: Shield of 'Murica - Malört Division@dadbaud· 5d

@cillic.bsky.social and I are prowling the halls. Feel free to say hi or run the other way.

Two very middle-aged hackers trying to look hardcore whilst sweating profusely.

Johnnie: Shield of 'Murica - Malört Division@dadbaud· 9d

If you're in Vegas, find someone with a car and just take a few hours out of the city. This is about 20 minutes away from the Strip #HackerSummerCamp #DefCon34 #BSidesLV

Johnnie: Shield of 'Murica - Malört Division@dadbaud· 10d

Welp, it's started. 2 Goons, 1 Bowl. #DEFCON34 #GoldenTiki

Two DefCon Goons drinking a mystery tiki drink from a fish bowl.

Johnnie: Shield of 'Murica - Malört Division@dadbaud· 14d

DEF CON may be cancelled, but CocktailCon is not. VERY limited availability again this year. See @cillic.bsky.social or me for details. Also available from authorized CocktailCon representatives. Be over 21, do cool shit, you may get a prize. #CocktailCon #DEFCON34 #BSidesLV #BlackHatUSA

Johnnie: Shield of 'Murica - Malört Division@dadbaud· Jul 11

Don't forget to get your free Slurpee today!

A small Slurpee lounging sensually on a very fancy bike saddle.

Johnnie: Shield of 'Murica - Malört Division@dadbaud· Jul 4

Good thinking...

Giant fucking tomahawk steak sitting in a dry rub.

Johnnie: Shield of 'Murica - Malört Division@dadbaud· Jun 8

Yo friends! If you're in Vegas for one of the dozen conferences this week and want to hang, let me know!

Johnnie: Shield of 'Murica - Malört Division@dadbaud· May 30

Broke the 100k mark this morning and want to eat all the things! #HackerFit

Johnnie: Shield of 'Murica - Malört Division@dadbaud· May 14

If he looks like a Nazi, talks like a Nazi, and acts like a Nazi, then he's pretty much guaranteed to be a...?

Shown is a photo of the Secret Policeman's Ball where the actors are dressed like Nazi soldiers. Elongated Muskrat's face has been poorly MS Paint-ed on one of the actors, but it terrifyingly looks perfectly in character.

Johnnie: Shield of 'Murica - Malört Division@dadbaud· May 4

I thought we all agreed that fucking kids is bad.... I guess this is the car for you if you disagree.

Johnnie: Shield of 'Murica - Malört Division@dadbaud· Apr 3

FYI, "Anal Birth Hippo" isn't a euphamism for anything else. It's a real thing... propstoreauction.com/lot-details/...

Jim Carrey as Ace Ventura, Pet Detective emerging partially nude from the hindquarters of an animitronic bull rhinocerous. If you can't see the image, that's honestly for the best. It... well it's kinda disturbing, especially since this scene was filmed with no CG, it really is a greased-up Jim Carrey emerging from the elastic anus of a fake rhino.

Johnnie: Shield of 'Murica - Malört Division@dadbaud· Mar 31

Ohio is trying to pass HB249 (link incl) that would make it illegal to display a different gender identity than your biological sex, including clothing. Who's going to tell them that high heels and stockings are actually men's clothing? search-prod.lis.state.oh.us/api/v2/gener...

An image of a well-dressed man wearing hose and buckled heels, common for nobility in the 16th through 18th century.

Johnnie: Shield of 'Murica - Malört Division@dadbaud· Mar 25

Yes. Another sunset cruise. Don't worry, I'll soon return to my regular programming of doom and ennui.

Very slightly tipsy middle-aged Asian (okay, PI) dude taking a selfie on a boat with the sun setting behind him. Really, I think this would be much better with a pina colada and a bunch of monkeys, but I'm just the copywriter and this guy doesn't pay enough to Photoshop those in.

Johnnie: Shield of 'Murica - Malört Division@dadbaud· Mar 22

Love coming home to the beautiful place

Johnnie: Shield of 'Murica - Malört Division@dadbaud· Mar 18

Hey San Francisco, thanks for greeting me with SoCal vibes!

A partial view of the San Francisco skyline with Southern California weather.

Johnnie: Shield of 'Murica - Malört Division@dadbaud· Mar 15

Oh, what's that? World Cup ticket and hotel sales are dismal? Huh. Even before the current shitshow, people are terrified of US cities. ex:Marseille, the most dangerous city in Europe, is safer than Omaha....

This image shows crime statistics, sorted by homicides per 100,000 people. Marseille, FR, the most crime-ridden city in the EU is in the middle. Above it are "safe American cities" like Charleston, SC, Salt Lake City, UT, and Omaha, NB.

Johnnie: Shield of 'Murica - Malört Division@dadbaud· Mar 2

Jared Leto OH, I thought you were looking for the most awful actor possible!

Johnnie: Shield of 'Murica - Malört Division@dadbaud· Mar 2

Is that... an SU-17??? [insert gif of Indiana Jones yelling, "that belongs in a museum"]

This video shows precision-guided ordinance destroying a vintage SU-17 fighter-bomber, sitting open on a tarmac with absolutely no protection whatsoever. The SU-17 was produced in the 1970s and would be considered inferior to most Gen3 fighters of the time. For example, 2 badly-maintained Iranian F-14s shot down 21 Iraqi SU-17s during the Iran-Iraq War. 18 were shot down by F-4s during the same war. Against the Gen4 F-15, several were shot down by the US during the Wars For Oil without the SU-17 pilots even knowing the US forces had radar locks on them.

Johnnie: Shield of 'Murica - Malört Division@dadbaud· Feb 27

Are you fucking kidding me, Friday? #chicagoWeather

The weekend forecast for Chicago, which shows current Friday weather as 62F, sunny and breezy. THEN comes FUCKING Saturday and Sunday, with 30-35F and cloudy.

Johnnie: Shield of 'Murica - Malört Division@dadbaud· Dec 26

Well, this is a new take on "asshole sunning"....

Not fucking kidding, some dood tanning his gooch, full hog, on a recliner in a desert-landscaped backyard pool deck. Of, fucking, course he's wearing a ballcap and sunglasses.

Fortunately for all of us, there's a sticker stratgically placed so we don't need to see what kind of sunburn he has on his very-likely-shaved-and -razor-burned junk.

Johnnie: Shield of 'Murica - Malört Division@dadbaud· Dec 20

This photo. THAT look on Joshua's face says, "This ain't business. This, right here, is what you do to Nazis."

Anthony Joshua, with a Cheshire Grin on his face, moments before he breaks Jake Paul's (an actual Nazi) jaw in two places. In the very corner of the phote, Jake Paul (remember, and actual Nazi) has a look of fear in his eyes. He knows this is coming, but he doesn't even have the strength left to clench his jaws for the inevitable Right Fist of Judgement. Incidentally, this is what happens when one of the fighters makes his career by fighting retired or crippled boxers and the other, while on a downward arc, still has a year or two left in his hands.

Johnnie: Shield of 'Murica - Malört Division@dadbaud· Dec 19

DaFuq Microsoft? Did you poach your new logo designers from Fisher-Price? This has a whole, "the Excel workbook says, 'mehhhhh,'" to it.

New Microsoft Office icons looking suspiciously like they were created to appeal to toddlers.

Johnnie: Shield of 'Murica - Malört Division@dadbaud· Oct 29

Seemed topical:

Pippin with Merriweather saying, "It's time for another cloud."

Aragorn replying, "I already replicate between AWS and Azure!"

Pippn responding, "Multi-cloud, yes. But have you heard of multi-multi-cloud?"

Johnnie: Shield of 'Murica - Malört Division@dadbaud· Oct 17

So I watched Grave of the Fireflies....

Graphic of the movie Totoro with the caption, "According to science, watching Studio Ghibli films really does make you happier - and when you find out why, you just w..."

Johnnie: Shield of 'Murica - Malört Division@dadbaud· Sep 29

PTO. So it begins.

Super hot witchy chick drinking wine with a dumpy middle aged Asian man. So bougie that he's drinking Champagne.

Johnnie: Shield of 'Murica - Malört Division@dadbaud· Sep 6

Whelp. Looks like @muteki.bsky.social and I are in horny jail. Again.

Two incredibly sexy people posing for a selfie at a bar covered in cow horns. The bar is covered in cow horns, not the people. Don't be weird.

Johnnie: Shield of 'Murica - Malört Division@dadbaud· Sep 3

You're having a dinner party with characters from Star Trek. What four are you inviting?

Johnnie: Shield of 'Murica - Malört Division@dadbaud· Aug 5

Away mission update: the local authorities allowed me on their air conveyance vehicle. I'm traveling to a city called "Lost Wages". Funny to think that this culture is still stuck on the concept of currency.

Pan-Pacific man with impeccable superhero hair, wearing headphones and sitting on a plane.

Johnnie: Shield of 'Murica - Malört Division@dadbaud· Aug 5

On my way to Vegas. BH, DC, or ST-LV? Yes! Thanks to @daemonobserver.bsky.social for the outfitting!