🦀🐌Fake Crab in a Snail Suit

@desmigeo

Science enjoyer. Oaf of Competence Paladin. Observer that the existence of Action Comics implies the existence of Equal and Opposite Reaction Comics Reconstruction didn't stick, time for a do-over Sometimes reposts are just so I can find something again

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🦀🐌Fake Crab in a Snail Suit@desmigeo· 13d

Propertied from elsewhere:

Top frame: still from a news report showing a hacksawed pole with a chyron saying

Crime Alert
Flock Cameras Vandalized
Springfield and Eugene

Bottom frame: a still from The Expanse showing Katoa, a preteen or tween boy towards the end of his protomolecule hybridization, glowing translucent blue patterns showing on his face and neck and irises. He is sitting or crouching low in a futuristic medical facility, looking up and over the camera to someone offscreen.

Closed Caption reads: "Disassembly reveals useful pathways."

🦀🐌Fake Crab in a Snail Suit@desmigeo· 13d

The good news is it wasn’t 10 years ago. The bad news is it was 11years ago. The good news is it was the same day as the Great Arizona Llama Breakout

An aerial view, as from Action News Five Chopper police chase footage, of two escaped llamas running through a field. One is black with blue stripes. The other is white with gold stripes.

The stripes were badly drawn in MS Paint fwiw

🦀🐌Fake Crab in a Snail Suit@desmigeo· 19d

My youtube recommendations are getting weird and my reaction is making this which is extremely normal and hinged

A screenshot of a YouTube video thumbnail and title.

The thumbnail is kind of a collage, with some screenshots of dudes faces probably from other youtube videos as the background. center foreground is a shoulders-up shot of a fairly attractive woman looking into the camera. She has hair in patches dyed dark brown and ash blonde, some tattoos on her chest and a full sleeve tattoo. She may be topless, but the arm is across her chest, and she's holding a mid-sized albino snake. A few more albino snakes are pasted on around the edges of the collage.

The center of the thumbnail reads "what is going on." in bold letters

The title of the video is "My Snake Tofu Hates Markiplier, and I Don't Know Why."

Above the screenshot is text added in MS Paint, with a large kinda-handwritten-comics font more complex and chaotic/variable than Comic Sans, reading "Your Tarantual Yogurt Enjoys Kevinoscissor, and We All Understand Where"

Below this in smaller more normal print is a quote from Jeremy Culhane's impression of Tucker Carlson on Weekend Update, "That's the rule. That's the goal now."

No, I can't explain why I made this either

🦀🐌Fake Crab in a Snail Suit@desmigeo· Jul 10

In our home it's this one. No not that one. No not her either. Yup it's the one in the back Only about 4 kills of juvenile bunnies, plus an indeterminate number of anoles, and possibly a titmouse

A vignette of a trio of animals cuddling on a dog bed photographed at a jaunty Dutch angle. Foreground right is a very relaxed cat, a modestly huge calico maine coon with inch long ear tufts, lynxy jowl fur, and insane toe floof. middle ground is a brindle boxer mutt with a petey patch, curled up and asleep. Curled up on her back is a tiny giant chihuahua with radar dish ears and three points of coal for her eyes and nose

🦀🐌Fake Crab in a Snail Suit@desmigeo· Jul 9

STSP comes through for us, as does Beverly

A scene from Star Trek: The Next Generation, in which Dr. Crusher sitting in a very Victorian-to-Edwardian-coded sitting room, lit only by a couple gas or oil lamps and a small candle in an elaborate candle/lantern. She sits in an armchair, not reclining, perhaps even sitting on the edge of the seat, but with her head tilted back as though savoring the moment or waiting for something

whisps of a shimmering green glow are seen before her

Just to be clear yes this is the scene from Sub Rosa

🦀🐌Fake Crab in a Snail Suit@desmigeo· Jun 19

Stunning Now I see your lifted Pinto with a black primer'd pusher bar and raise you a Toyota Solara ragtop with a shiny chrome pusher bar and flood lights

There she is

My white whale

A kickass chrome pusher bar with big flood lights

Found in the wild in a wintery suburban parking lot

On a second-generation Toyota Solara convertible in silver and black

Saw this fella off and on for several years between 2015 and 2025

🦀🐌Fake Crab in a Snail Suit@desmigeo· Jun 18

In the immortal words of Ryan George "Hi there hello, I'd like to report a murder now, please."

a screenshot from The Babylon Bee (derogatory) which shows Trump on the phone, next to a map showing the original 13 British American Colonies probably c 1770ish

Caption reads:

Oh No! Trump Negotiates Deal with England and Now They Have the Colonies Back

🦀🐌Fake Crab in a Snail Suit@desmigeo· Jun 17

Name a TV show you're positive no one remembers but you.

A still from an SD broadcast of a group of nuclear holocaust survivors who look up in horror or awe or some such emotion at something off screen. They are dressed in 90s clothes on a low-budget rustic farm or cabin set. They are 90s diverse, with a working class white guy, a middle class white dude, an white dude in a suit, two white women in casual clothes, and a black guy in medical scrubs. Looking closely one may see that they all have a patch of white hair.

A title card for the 1992 FOX TV sitcom, WOOPS!

We see over the shoulders of some Woops cast members on a pastoral/farm sound stage to see a green screened giant spider looming over a hill towards them

🦀🐌Fake Crab in a Snail Suit@desmigeo· Jun 14

Heh. Also, actual screenshot of the most ominous notification ever to show up on my phone:

A screenshot of a text notification from Doordash:

"Fate is approaching with your order from Starbucks."

🦀🐌Fake Crab in a Snail Suit@desmigeo· Jun 11

You tell'em

Father Ted and Father Dougal have chained themselves to a rail outside a movie theater. They hold signs that say, "Down with this sort of thing" and "Careful now"

🦀🐌Fake Crab in a Snail Suit@desmigeo· Jun 11

I mean… she sure didn’t work for it

A screen grab of a google image search for big bowl of beans showing Macy maces photo as the top result

🦀🐌Fake Crab in a Snail Suit@desmigeo· Jun 8

Great. Now Google has replaced itself with the most basic-ass corporate copywriter. Thanks that’s what I needed when I was just trying to remember the name of the crap song someone memed about I do not want to get search results from a machine that’s about to tell me how awesome Hey Soul Sister is

A screenshot of a Google result with the AI summary. The prompt was “gimme the beat boys”

The slop response was

“You're looking for the classic 1973 hit "Drift Away" by Dobie Gray. The song, which also gained renewed popularity when covered by Uncle Kracker in 2003, is the ultimate track for relaxing and escaping the daily grind.”

🦀🐌Fake Crab in a Snail Suit@desmigeo· Jun 2

Isn’t quite a spy flick, technically, but have rewatched this so many times

A still from the movie Sneakers, with River Phoenix, Dan Akroyd, Sidney Poitier, Robert Redford, and David Strathairn

🦀🐌Fake Crab in a Snail Suit@desmigeo· May 30

TBF they'd do gangbuster business down in the Amazon en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Curupira

An illustration of the Curupira, a forest guardian spirit in the folklore of some indigenous people of the Amazon basin, which walks with feet turned backwards to fool trackers and mislead travelers, depicted here as a smiling red-haired male-coded person, wearing only a green loincloth and a necklace, and shown with the feet turned backwards

🦀🐌Fake Crab in a Snail Suit@desmigeo· May 27

Get a load of this motherfucker

A lithograph of an ibis or similar bird with a long curved bill.

Caption reads:

LEARNING FROM YOUR FUCKUPS DOESN'T SEEM LIKE SOMETHING YOU'RE INTO

signed @effinbirds of @effinbirds.com

🦀🐌Fake Crab in a Snail Suit@desmigeo· May 26

To be fair if I'd been writing a eulogy for 5000 years, I'd be tempted to tag out and let the autocompletes take over for a bit

A tweet by SketchesbyBoze

"Some of you have forgotten that only three years ago you were perfectly capable of writing an essay, writing a eulogy, telling a bedtime story to a child, and it should worry you that powerful companies have convinced us we can't do things we've been doing for 5000 years"

🦀🐌Fake Crab in a Snail Suit@desmigeo· May 26

The only game show where the rules change every shap

Top frame, Sam Reich stands in his pinstripe suit behind his podium on the set of Game Changer, gesturing towards the contestants offscreen

Caption: "Now, you all understand how the game works?"

Second frame, Dax, Sisko, Kira, and Bashir are on a weird 90s alien set with lots of salmon and lavender in diamond geometric patterns. The are standing or crouching, looking at a young alien gradeschooler playing space hopscotch, in a 90s space romper in pink and metalic silver, probably with a neru collar because nothing says the future of the 90s like a neru collar. They have puzzled or concerned expressions, some waving tricorders at her.

The captions for each DS9 crew member are, respectively:
"No"
"No"
"No"
"Not a clue"

🦀🐌Fake Crab in a Snail Suit@desmigeo· May 26

IYKYK

The Noise Boys are on the set of Game Changer. Zac Oyama holds something imaginary up to his face, looking intent. Josh, over his right shoulder, stares horrified into the distance. Brennan, leering over his left shoulder, is whispering gleefully in Zac's ear.

Caption reads:

The safest thing to do is to eat it now. Fast and hard.

🦀🐌Fake Crab in a Snail Suit@desmigeo· May 20

Your opinion is not unpopular Your opinion is actually quite popular Your opinion is extremely popular with drivers like the one who murdered your friend uh … you think you were their friend? And talk about them like this? You may be as fuzzy on the meaning of “friend” as you are of “landlocked”

RedWingGirl skeets “Unpopular opinion. Children’s toys have no business on the road”

🦀🐌Fake Crab in a Snail Suit@desmigeo· May 17

Pick a Bond from photos you already have on your phone

A screencap from a video by cyan-hair'd and -eyebrow'd dungeontuber Ginny Di @ginnydi.com from November 2024, in which her earrings have some opinions on recent events

They are three-inch-tall pink guillotines

🦀🐌Fake Crab in a Snail Suit@desmigeo· Apr 22

You have a problem. The Strait of Hormuz. We can fix it for you if you let us.

🦀🐌Fake Crab in a Snail Suit@desmigeo· Apr 15

Little lizard bois beefin over turf

🦀🐌Fake Crab in a Snail Suit@desmigeo· Apr 13

Post an image from a game you played as a teenager: post the deux, with one I probably spent a LOT more time playing because it didn't require successfully getting four+people to sit around a table with pencils

A screenshot from the PC/C64 game Red Storm Rising back when Microprose was awesome

Along the right of the screen are two displays, the top with entries like "Heading" "Speed" "Depth", and the bottom saying "CONTACT: KASHIN Bearing 218 Deg - Range 19KYDS" etc.

The rest of the screen is a "Tactical Display" map of a blue field with a cyan dot labeled "L. A." and a magenta dot labeled "KASHIN"

🦀🐌Fake Crab in a Snail Suit@desmigeo· Apr 13

Post an image from a game you played as a teenager:

A pen and ink drawing/cartoon of an outdoor scene. In the background are trees and mountains. In the foreground is a large lynx, looking calm and a bit smug. Nearby a party of four men look over an embankment at the lynx. In back are two men, one in robin-hood-esque kit, the other more barbarian-ish. A man in chainmail holding a sword looks exasperated while addressing a man in robes and a pointy hat. The wizard-y guy looks at the lynx with a befuddled expression, while the knight-ish guy points at the lynx and glares at the wizard as he speaks

Caption reads:

"Whaddya mean we gotta talk to this lynx? The last monster we talked to ate half of the party!"

🦀🐌Fake Crab in a Snail Suit@desmigeo· Apr 7

Best Star Trek crew; wrong answers only.

🦀🐌Fake Crab in a Snail Suit@desmigeo· Apr 6

I'd contribute to a public art project to the history of the automobile and the oil industry that includes a full sized replica of a gas station such as to pick one for no particular reason this Esso station I happened to find a historical picture of

A 1950s Esso station, or if viewed from another angle, an oss3 station

This one happens to be in Milan, Italy, located in picturesque Piazzale Loreto. Apparently some years they celebrate with certain decorations on April 28th

🦀🐌Fake Crab in a Snail Suit@desmigeo· Apr 5

The problem with having watched too much History Channel in the '90s is that my first mental image of women using a potato masher as a weapon is tossing it into the basement on poker night

A clipping of unknown origin or authenticity, apparently from an old-timey-ish newspaper or magazine of a table labled

THINGS WOMEN USED AS WEAPONS.
FROM POLICE COURT RECORDS.

Entries include

Broom handles .................. 186
Table knives of all kinds .... 102
Rolling pins ......................... 76
...
Revolvers ............................ 31
...
Books .................................. 4
Potato mashers ................... 3
Riding whips ........................ 3
...

🦀🐌Fake Crab in a Snail Suit@desmigeo· Apr 5

Best Star Trek crew. Wrong answers only.

An image of two men, a woman, and a silvery humanoid, in slightly futuristic but-Earth-coded camo uniforms, standing dynamically in line abreast before a wall of rough stone blocks with maybe a Mayan vibe and tropical vegetation, but also part of a futuristic golden metal structure entering frame from the left

These are four X-treme heroes for an X-treme adventure are, from left to right,

Raymond Gunne as Doctor Levant…
Nick Marlowe as the wry Colonel Danning…
Yolanda Reese as the brilliant Major Stacey Monroe…
And introducing Douglas Anders as Grell, the Robot

Star Trek: X-Treme!

Coming this fall, only on—

🦀🐌Fake Crab in a Snail Suit@desmigeo· Apr 4

I love this variant - the main part is amusing, but the follow-up pushes it over the finish line

A skeet by user 'abraconagra - @markpopham.bsky.social' featuring a clip from the original Advanced Dungeons and Dragons Monster Manual c 1980ish that features the description and illustration of the 'Wererat'

The illustration features two humanoid creatures with rat-like heads, fur-covered torsos and thighs, and a long scaly tail. Both are naked, although not posed so as to be lewd, per se. However, one sits on the ground facing us with his arm casually propped on his knee and the other resting on the hilt of a sword in a nonchalant fashion

The other is crouched almost on all fours, close, perhaps snuggled against the chest of the first, effectively between their legs. Both are gazing intently at the observer - us. It is an intimate, almost come-hither view.

The caption of the skeet reads:

GARY GYGAX: hey you get that drawing of wererats done for the monster manual?

DAVE TRAMPIER: sure did Gary - real sexually available and enticing just like you asked

GARY GYGAX: ... alright. okay. that's fine

------

a reply by 'The Comfy Dude - @2house2fly.bsky.social' says

"we saw you across the dungeon and we really like your vibe"

🦀🐌Fake Crab in a Snail Suit@desmigeo· Apr 2

*sigh* It's clear if you read the Federalist Papers that the Constitution is a national BDSM agreement but nobody wrote down the safeword