You're telling me I GET TO READ this WHOLE article... for FREE?!?! Thank you New York Times thank you thank you thank you!!!!!!! 😭😭❤️🫡

This is one of the most meaningless billboards I’ve ever seen and my neighborhood has two of them.

This certainly lived up to the hype! Visually stunning, emotionally gripping and completely transformative. Every frame is a painting! A lot more stuff about soda than I was expecting, but who am I to question Nolan’s vision? (Couldn’t find it in 70mm IMAX so I settled for a 2002 Sony Trinitron.)

This morning I got nominated for an Emmy! I share it with some of the funniest writers alive. This is the first time the writing team has been nominated for this show and it’s extremely gratifying - not to mention huge for my socials.

ok now bring back the Sonics and let them do this. we can all sing Lithium or something

I did it!

NEW COMEDY BANG BANG what an ep what a time Kerri Kenney-Silver a true comedy GOAT

I simply must respect the attempt to spin

on a recent rewatch I was stunned to rediscover that the finale opened with this:

This is so fucking lame. Every other competing country is having a non-stop baseball party, while team USA is joylessly listening to a weirdo tell the story of that time he killed a guy.

These two fucks have a show tomorrow night and there's nothing you can do but ATTEND live and live-streamed get tickets here: ucbcomedy.com/show/double-...

HOT SHOW THIS WEEK get tickets for Devin & Diston 2/25 7:00pm @ UCB ucbcomedy.com/show/double-...

Many are saying this may be the most Californian person to ever exist:

when the bagel place gives me the wrong kind of bagel but I don’t realize it until I get home so now I have to decide if I want to eat the bagel I won’t really like or go back to the bagel place and make a little scene

Democrats are currently texting me like “I have DEPRESSION because of THE BAD STUFF which is why I’m SITTING DOWN and the only cure is YOUR MONEY.”

Wayne and Garth would have had a damn field day with this one:

I always knew this would end in disappointment.

Is it fun to promote a show right now? NO! But do I feel more grateful than ever for the communal experience of shared laughter that only live comedy can provide? YES! Shaun Diston and I start our new two-prov show tomorrow, 1/28 at 7:00pm @ UCB LA with Cook County Social Club. Live & Livestreamed!

If they’d let me decide who survived the Stranger Things finale:

THIS HOT SHOW IS NEXT WEEK It’s the last 2 Is The Magic Number of the year, folks And what a lineup Live and live streamed GET TIX: ucbcomedy.com/show/2-is-th...

home alone with my son for the first time this weekend

honey tonight let’s

Some of you commies don’t get it, but failing to meet the moment is actually the smartest thing you can do.

Anyone else get one of these this morning??

2 IS THE MAGIC NUMBER IS BACK 11/19 7:00pm @ UCB hosted by yours truly and Shaun Diston featuring two certified legends, Jacob Wysocki and Kurt Maloney live and live-streamed why not get your ticket now???? could be tight LINK: ucbcomedy.com/show/2-is-th...

if only there was an entire genre of music that could help me cope with this