Dolorous Ted
@dolorousted
🍑🧇, maker of bad jokes and worse music, friend to the friendly so let’s be friends!
I ate goat for the first time, it was spicy and delicious. Because a family from India immigrated to my town and opened a restaurant, blessing us with their food and hospitality. And all the xenophobic simpletons in their MAGA hats that populate this area like lice can die bored for all I care.
“Conventional wisdom said a man who’s torso was twisted 180 degrees from his lower half couldn’t even play soccer, let alone football, and yet by the end of the tournament…”
“This old maternity dress I've got is going in the garbage The clothes I'm wearing from now on won't take up so much yardage Miniskirts, hot pants, and a few little fancy frills Yeah, I'm making up for all those years since I've got the pill!”
If I had a midlife crisis it might not be obvious at first… but there would be signs…
Eoin Higgins’ new book is impossible for me to put down (metaphorically speaking, I’m audiobooking). If you dislike people like Matt Taibbi and Glen Greenwald this is for you. If you don’t know why you shouldn’t like people like Matt Taibbi and Glen Greenwald, this book is especially for you.
When your bestie cops to snagging your guitar when you weren’t looking… but then brings it back with a sexy new neck 🥲🫶🤘