R. Anthony Mahan

@enceladeans

Writer for The GG Tribune. Former writer for Hard Drive. Author of "One Nation, Under Jupiter." Trying to be less of an Internet recluse. He/him.

1,440 Following687 Followers905 Posts

YouTube Bluesky

amateur

Is this your profile?Claim it and enceladeans.dirty.social is yours.Claim profile

R. Anthony Mahan@enceladeans· 29d

I'll contribute my feet if that's what it takes to get patrons.

A still from the Futurama episode of "Future Stock" of Scruffy (the janitor) taking his hat off and saying "Scruffy believes in this company."

R. Anthony Mahan@enceladeans· Jul 2

Mentally I am this frame of Osmosis Jones.

A frame from the critically-acknowledged film "Osmosis Jones" (2001) of the titular white blood cell physically pulling down on his head until his membrane is flayed into a different shape. He is screaming in unfathomable agony.

R. Anthony Mahan@enceladeans· Jul 1

Another day of horrors, another excuse to post a mirror of an old Hard Drive article of mine that's looped back to being topical again. archive.ph/VfG4v

"Dying PS5 Claims to See Red Clouds," by R. Anthony Mahan, February 22, 2024. The accompanying image is the infamous PS2 "Red Screen of Death" error screen, showing red clouds and cubes with the text "Please insert a PlayStation or PlayStation 2 format disc."

R. Anthony Mahan@enceladeans· Jun 26

It amazes me people kept making new fictional characters even though perfection was achieved with Dr. Zoidberg.

A scene from the Futurama episode "Roswell That Ends Well" of Zoidberg sitting in a chair smiling adorably.

R. Anthony Mahan@enceladeans· Jun 25

He has that same label on his bread.

A shot of the recent Star Fox game of Falco sitting in the Arwing, with a "KEEP LIMBS CLEAR" label visible.

R. Anthony Mahan@enceladeans· Jun 18

Doesn't predate this by much, but the first issue of Mad in 1952 has a good bit where a character grabs the space between panels.

Excerpt from "Hoohah!" in Mad #1. The first panel depicts a woman knocking on a door while dragging her boyfriend, clutching the space between panels in fear.

DAPHNE: But...we do need that gasoline bucket, eh, Galusha! I'll knock and see if anyone is at home!

SFX: KLONK KLONK KLONK

The second panel shows the couple standing in front of the door.

SFX: KAWONK WONK WONK WONK

R. Anthony Mahan@enceladeans· Jun 12

In light of recent events, here’s the article I did for Hard Drive (mirrored because fuck Sumerian) about if Elon Musk bought Hasbro. In hindsight, I wasn’t mean enough. archive.ph/gnxlM

How Elon Musk Would Change Every Hasbro IP

By
R. Anthony Mahan
December 6, 2024

Brilliant industrialist and Shadow President-elect Elon Musk has recently suggested buying Hasbro, because this selfless hero has dedicated himself to solving all of mankind’s ills, and we’ll never get to Mars unless we stop Dungeons & Dragons from being woke first.
But he wouldn’t just own D&D if he did this! We’re talking about a massive century-old toy company with countless franchises under its belt, all of which could benefit from Musk’s signature charm. Let’s take a look at what he has planned for the Hasbro library.

R. Anthony Mahan@enceladeans· Jun 9

Looking through the VGHF's archives it seems like before Killzone the phrase "Halo killer" was most frequently used for Brute Force. There's my recommendation.

Brute Force (2003), an alleged Halo killer that did not in fact kill Halo despite its obvious advantage of letting you play as a lizard man.

Cover of the June 2002 issue of Official Xbox Magazine, with the caption "THE NEXT HALO: Microsoft unleashes its new beast: BRUTE FORCE." Hawk, one of Brute Force's playable characters, is featured on the cover even though it would make far more sense to feature Brutus, the lizard man.

R. Anthony Mahan@enceladeans· Jun 2

Characters that, according to Magic's love of crossovers, are worthy of wielding Mjolnir.

Fluttershy from My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic

R. Anthony Mahan@enceladeans· Jun 1

Slippy is also a nepo baby. And so is Andrew. The Lylat System is the most nepotistic system in the universe.

Beltino Toad, Slippy's rich father who is the whole reason why Slippy is on the team, as he appears in Star Fox: Assault.

R. Anthony Mahan@enceladeans· Jun 1

Personally, I'm just confused how you could have a Felix the Cat Secret Lair and not do a reprint of Bag of Tricks.

Bag of Tricks
{1}{G}
Artifact

{4}{G}, {T}: Roll a d8. Reveal cards from the top of your library until you reveal a creature card with mana value equal to the result. Put that card onto the battlefield and the rest on the bottom of your library in a random order.

From fuzzy to ferocious in an instant.

Illustrated by Jakub Kasper

R. Anthony Mahan@enceladeans· May 29

Me when the SCP Foundation movie gets made and the royalties come in for the two unimportant SCPs I made over a decade ago:

A still from "Futurama: Bender's Big Score" of Professor Farnsworth raising both fists to the sky and screaming "I'm RICH! RICH! RICH!" after falling for a scam email that, even if it was true, would only give him $400.

R. Anthony Mahan@enceladeans· May 21

I was going to propose moving it to Mr. Rex so Novac can finally be real, but this is how I learned that the thermometer is nearly twice as tall and Mr. Rex could not comfortably hold it.

Mr. Rex, one of the Cabazon Dinosaurs and partial inspiration for Dinky the Dinosaur in Fallout: New Vegas. (Also he was in that one part of Pee-Wee's Big Adventure.)

R. Anthony Mahan@enceladeans· May 15

Thanks to Magic: The Gathering, Garfield and Odie are CANONICALLY capable of killing The Master from Fallout 1. I thought you should know this.

Rin and Seri, Inseparable
{1}{R}{G}{W}
Garfield and Odie, Best Buds
Legendary Creature — Dog Cat

Whenever you cast a Dog spell, create a 1/1 green Cat creature token.

Whenever you cast a Cat spell, create a 1/1 white Dog creature token.

{R}{G}{W}, {T}: Rin and Seri deals damage to any target equal to the number of Dogs you control. You gain life equal to the number of Cats you control.

4/4
Illustrated by Gregg Schigiel

The Master, Transcendent
{1}{B}{G}{U}
Legendary Artifact Creature — Mutant

When The Master enters, target player gets two rad counters.

{T}: Put target creature card in a graveyard that was milled this turn onto the battlefield under your control. It’s a green Mutant with base power and toughness 3/3. (It loses its other colors and creature types.)

2/4
Illustrated by Javier Charro

R. Anthony Mahan@enceladeans· May 15

Special shout out to Shadows Over Loathing, which has arachnophobia, arachnophilia, and arachnophonia options.

Screenshots of the spider-related options in Shadows Over Loathing:

Arachnophobia: You won't encounter any spiders.
Arachnophilia: You will encounter so many spiders.
Arachnophonia: All combat sounds will be replaced with spider noises.

R. Anthony Mahan@enceladeans· May 12

The "Inspiring Call" card from Magic: The Gathering as it appears in the Final Fantasy X commander deck, with artwork of Tidus and Yuna laughing.

Inspiring Call
{2}{G}
Instant

Draw a card for each creature you control with a +1/+1 counter on it. Those creatures gain indestructible until end of turn. (Damage and effects that say “destroy” don’t destroy them.)

“Hahahahaha!”

Illustrated by Francesca Resta

R. Anthony Mahan@enceladeans· May 5

The Monstars received no penalty for this because it was the right thing to do.

A still from "Space Jam" of Foghorn Leghorn with his feathers burnt off after one of the Monstars breathed fire on him, saying "Did you order original recipe or extra crispy?" before collapsing into a pile of ash.

R. Anthony Mahan@enceladeans· May 4

Technically Banksy could be on the dev team of any British video game without anyone realizing it. I'm going to guess Whizz.

R. Anthony Mahan@enceladeans· Apr 28

"But what if I were to purchase a legal name change and disguise myself as her own son? Hohoho, delightfully devilish, Armin!"

Scene from "The Principal and the Pauper" of "Armin Tamzarian" shortly before he becomes Skinner.

R. Anthony Mahan@enceladeans· Apr 28

It's left an impact on Simpsons continuity.

A scene in "Bart the Fink" (which predates 22 Short Films About Springfield) of Superintendent Chalmers walking Agnes to her house, meaning Chalmers already knows where Skinner lives and would not need directions.

A scene in "The Principal and the Pauper" which reveals Skinner has visited upstate New York, where he presumably learned the expression "steamed hams."

A scene in "The Old Man and the C Student" where Superintendent Chalmers says he was born in Queens, went to Ball State, then made the move to Intercourse, Pennsylvania. Bizarrely, no mention is made of him living in Utica.

R. Anthony Mahan@enceladeans· Apr 22

"Gerrymander" is a funny word. A guy draws a cartoon dragon and 200 years later its name is just a regular serious political term we all use. It's like if in the future politicians were accused of trogdoring.

The original "Gerrymander" political cartoon, depicting the Congressional districts of Massachusetts with one drawn as a giant salamander.

R. Anthony Mahan@enceladeans· Apr 15

They tried.

Bill White from Sega of America holding up a Super Scope during the Senate's 1993 hearings on video game violence.

R. Anthony Mahan@enceladeans· Apr 15

40 Winks made Mario move over, but Croc made Mario move over AND Crash cruise by, then he killed and ate them both and changed the letter on Mario's hat somehow.