G.M. Nair - Author Ordinaire

@gmnair

Rocket Scientist, Jokey Boi, Author of DUCKETT & DYER: DICKS FOR HIRE, Worst #SPSFC 1 Finalist Opinions are like assholes

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G.M. Nair - Author Ordinaire@gmnair· Jul 13

Someone was giving away these alphabet mats for free, so I snagged them for my kid. But they're missing pieces, so we have to clean the P hole and the B hole a lot. Yeah, we could use the piece from the R to seal up the P, but then we'd just have to clean the R's hole.

A picture of a kid's foam alphabet playmat. The pieces that fill in the B and the P are missing.

G.M. Nair - Author Ordinaire@gmnair· Jul 9

I got this "letter of interest" from some AI Slop artist pretending to be Isabel Wall, the real publisher of literary fiction at Penguin Random House's Viking Press in the UK. How did I know this was fake? Well, my book is titled 'DUCKETT & DYER: DICKS FOR HIRE'.

An AI slop generated email pretending to be from Isabel Wall from Viking Press:

"Dear G.M. Nair,

I hope you're doing well.

My name is Isabel Wall, and I am an Editor at Viking.

I recently had the opportunity to discover Duckett & Dyer: Dicks For Hire, and I was immediately drawn to its inventive blend of humor, mystery, and science fiction. The dynamic between Michael Duckett and Stephanie Dyer, combined with the story's imaginative take on detective fiction and multiverse adventure, creates a distinctive voice that stands out. It is clear that you've crafted a story with originality, wit, and strong commercial appeal while maintaining an engaging narrative throughout.

After learning more about your work, I became interested in exploring your current and forthcoming writing projects. I would also like to ask whether you are currently represented by a literary agent.

If you already have representation, I would be pleased to continue any discussion through your agent. If you are not currently represented, I would be happy to explain how the submission process typically works should there be mutual interest in exploring the possibility of working together.

Subject to reviewing additional material, I believe there may be an opportunity for a broader conversation regarding the potential fit of your work within Viking's speculative fiction and commercial publishing program.

If this is something you would be interested in discussing, I would be delighted to hear from you at your convenience.

Thank you for your time, and I look forward to hearing from you.

Warm regards,

Isabel Wall
Publisher, Literary Fiction · Viking
Penguin Random House UK"

G.M. Nair - Author Ordinaire@gmnair· Jun 10

Ted Danson in the Good Place saying "Yeah, yeah, the Time Being, we've all seen it."

G.M. Nair - Author Ordinaire@gmnair· May 30

Fellas, is it gay to be gay?

Picture of tweet thread where one "hyper straight" dude is saying men are more attractive than women on average and Nick Fuentes agrees with him

G.M. Nair - Author Ordinaire@gmnair· May 29

Spider-Man, charmingly befuddled at his handling of this situation, mentally prepares a lecture on power and responsibility, while Frank straight up murders some child traffickers.

A still from the new Spider-Man movie featuring the Punisher shooting an assault rifle while Spider-Man looks on

G.M. Nair - Author Ordinaire@gmnair· May 29

BREAKING: Jabberjaw and The Neptunes have also withdrawn from the Freedom 250 celebration

G.M. Nair - Author Ordinaire@gmnair· May 23

Fight me

Star Trek TNG title card with the Enterprise.

Title is: "The Phantom Menace"

G.M. Nair - Author Ordinaire@gmnair· May 6

Truly this can only be used for evil

G.M. Nair - Author Ordinaire@gmnair· May 5

Lemonade Insurance

EXT. SUBURBAN SIDEWALK
A precocious CHILD sits at a Lemonade Stand, whistling. A
slick MAFIOSO guy wanders in and leans against the stand.

MAFIOSO
Hey kid. Nice lemonade stand you
got here.

CHILD
Sure is, mister. I made it myself!

MAFIOSO
That right? Well, it’d be a shame
if something... happened to it.

MAFIOSO pushes one of the plastic cups over.

MAFIOSO
Whoops! Look at clumsy old me.
Things have a habit of... breaking
y’know? But I can help.

MAFIOSO puts an arm around the CHILD.

MAFIOSO
The Spinelli family owns this
Cul-De-Sac, and we like to, y’know,
get our beaks wet from time to
time. (sighs) Lemme be a little
clearer. You see any boyscouts
around here?

CHILD
Uh... no...

MAFIOSO
But girlscouts? Come cookie season
this neighborhood’s lousy with ’em.
That’s ’cause they pay tribute.

CHILD
Tribute?

MAFIOSO
Money, kid. Money! Y’know Jimmy
Norville down the block?

CHILD
Yeah! He has a huge treehouse.

MAFIOSO
Exactly. Now what about little
Susie Duncan?

CHILD
Her treehouse burnt down.

MAFIOSO
And her charred corpse wasn’t found
until the creek thawed in the
spring.

CHILD
You killed her?!

MAFIOSO
(backing away)
Whoa! Let’s not jump to
conclusions! Fires happen, kid! All
I’m saying is that every business
on this block needs some...
insurance. And the Spinellis are
here to provide it.

CHILD
Oh, okay. How about a free
lemonade?

MAFIOSO
See, now we’re talkin’, kid. You
give a little, you get a little.

CHILD
Have fun drinking it through
another hole in your head.

CHILD shoots MAFIOSO in the head. He snaps twice and two
other kids come and move the body.

CHILD
Ain’t nobody got time for that
shit.

BLACKOUT.

G.M. Nair - Author Ordinaire@gmnair· May 5

I heard the Super Mario Galaxy movie wasn't great, but the next one's gonna be lit.

A mash up poster of the Super Mario Bros movie and the 2007 sci-fi horror film Sunshine.

G.M. Nair - Author Ordinaire@gmnair· May 3

Hold on. Can I just play Devil's Advocate for a second?

G.M. Nair - Author Ordinaire@gmnair· May 3

The Intervention

INT. APARTMENT - EVENING

A group of friends is standing around, nervous and awkward.
ALAN and DAVE walk in. DAVE is drinking a soda.

DAVE
Alan, I’m telling you I- wait...
what’s this? What’s going on?

ANNA steps up as DAVE takes a quiet sip of his soda.

ANNA
Dave... it hurts me to say this,
but... this is an intervention.

DAVE does a spit-take!

DAVE
An intervention? For what?

DAVE takes another quick sip of his soda, as ANNA pulls out
a paper to read from.

ANNA
Dave... we love you, but... you do
too many spit-takes.

DAVE
(another spit-take)
That’s bullshit!

BLACKOUT.

G.M. Nair - Author Ordinaire@gmnair· May 1

Hey all you crazy #CampRevPit people, I'm looking for potential critique partners, alpha and beta readers for my horror comedy novel (even just a chapter or two). I've included the brief rundown in the image below. Let me know if this nonsense is your kinda jam. #A #H #WIP #ABCPit

IT Can't Happen Here

As children, Ellis Bolling and his friends defeated a malicious entity from the beginning of time that terrorized their tiny New England town of West Windham.

Twenty-two years later, this unspeakable horror has somehow returned and is… running for mayor? Now, 35-year-old Ellis and his aging millennial friends must reconvene to figure out not only how to defeat it again, but why the town seems to be fine with knowingly electing an evil monster that preys on children.

A mash-up of Sinclair Lewis’ 1935 anti-fascist novel It Can’t Happen Here and Stephen King’s 1986 horror classic IT – the obviously titled IT Can’t Happen Here is a political horror comedy that takes the subtle art of satire and drowns it in a storm drain.

G.M. Nair - Author Ordinaire@gmnair· May 1

This dumb joke has been living in my head for over two weeks. Does it work? No. Was it worth drawing? Also, no.

2 Panel Comic:
Panel 1: A father stands over his son with a belt in his hand. He says: "If you keep misbehaving, one day you'll get the belt!"
Panel 2: 23 years later, the son is a professional wrestler who's just won the championship belt. The belt says 'Shitty Kid'.

G.M. Nair - Author Ordinaire@gmnair· Apr 30

And one more for you @laguettler.bsky.social.

A BLT dreams of a plastic bag he loves as he writes her a loving missive that's just the opening to Katy Perry's "Firework".

G.M. Nair - Author Ordinaire@gmnair· Apr 30

Hey @laguettler.bsky.social, here are those feet pix for you. Real fuckin' sexy just like you asked.

G.M. Nair - Author Ordinaire@gmnair· Apr 30

THERAPIST: The Bleat Boys aren't real. They can't hurt you. THE BLEAT BOYS:

The Bleat Boys: Two men with sheep heads and the bodies of Method Man and Redman. They're about to drop a sick bleat.

G.M. Nair - Author Ordinaire@gmnair· Apr 30

So what was your other idea, @laguettler.bsky.social?

A farmer with eggs for eyes (slightly cracked) stands with a pitchfork in hand. Next to him is a chicken - a giant chicken I tells ya - with its wing around him, and dead black eyes, like a doll's eye.

G.M. Nair - Author Ordinaire@gmnair· Apr 28

Oscar Issac as Victor Frankenstein holding his Monster energy drink

G.M. Nair - Author Ordinaire@gmnair· Apr 24

A non-horror snippet from my WIP that features two of the main characters (now adults) reuniting over a cup of coffee. #CampRevPit #CRPnightcrawlers #DialogueDrop

“Elvis Boweling?” The barista shouted, then re-checked the order with a disapproving snort. “Black coffee?”
“That’s me,” Ellis sighed and approached the counter.
“Wait, you think his name is ‘Elvis Boweling’ and the part of the order you have a problem with is the black coffee?” A voice zipped over his shoulder like a sarcastic dart.
Ellis put his coffee down and spun around to meet his friend with a hug. Laurie returned it in spades, the two clutching each other for dear life until the next patron in line cleared their throat.
“Oh, uh, sorry,” Ellis apologized. “Old friends. You know how it is.”
Ellis received a withering look in response, and he and Laurie – who made clear that she’d already gotten her drink by waggling it silently – made for the door.
“Incidentally,” she said as they exited onto the sidewalk, “the barista was right. Only fucking fools order black coffee at these chain places.” She indicated the green and white awning above them, which had been a local diner decades ago. “They’re really only good for the frozen crap that’ll give you diabetes.”
“But I don’t want diabetes,” Ellis said as they started down Main Street.
“This is America, Bolling. You probably already have it.”

G.M. Nair - Author Ordinaire@gmnair· Apr 22

A three panel comic featuring a dialogue between Street Fighter's M. BISON and CHUN-LI.

M. BISON: For you, the day Bison graced your village was the most important day of your life. But for me, it was Tuesday.

CHUN-LI, happy: It WAS a Tuesday! Awww, so you DO remember!

M. BISON sports a comical, anime-style bashful appearance, gently touching his fingertips together.

G.M. Nair - Author Ordinaire@gmnair· Apr 19

Poipe

A three panel meme based off Crocodile Dundee. When Mick Dundee is confronted by a gang member wielding an aluminum pipe as a weapon, he says "That's not a pipe. THIS is a pipe." While holding up a picture of the pipe from Magritte 's Treachery of Images.

G.M. Nair - Author Ordinaire@gmnair· Apr 7

Liz Lemon: What a week, huh?

Jack Donaghy: Lemon, it's Wednesday (but Wednesday is overwritten by Tuesday).

G.M. Nair - Author Ordinaire@gmnair· Apr 6

Exactly 50 years down to the month.

G.M. Nair - Author Ordinaire@gmnair· Apr 5

"...and Picard said "Let there be 4 lights", and there were 4 lights." - Next Generation 1:3

Picard yelling about four lights in the TNG Episode "Chain of Command"

G.M. Nair - Author Ordinaire@gmnair· Apr 3

But wait, there's more! THE MYSTERY OF THE MURDERED GUY is the third in the series with a slate of short stories which feature a jewel heist, a medically-licensed vampire, a genderfluid reverse werewolf, and robots, maybe? I promise it makes sense. Oh, wait. No I don't. books2read.com/u/mqB2LO

An arrow-heavy promotion graphic for THE MYSTERY OF THE MURDERED GUY featuring:
-Detectives Who Aren't Detectives
-High stakes action
-Low Stakes Jokes
-Genderfluid Reverse Werewolf
-What even is this book?

G.M. Nair - Author Ordinaire@gmnair· Apr 3

And don't sleep on the sequelTHE ONE-HUNDRED PERCENT SOLUTION which features a giant eldritch kaiju, a creepy cult, a man who wears an octopus like a hat, and everyone's favorite gaming system: the Nintendo Virtual Boy. books2read.com/u/3RYMMG

An arrow-heavy promotion graphic for THE ONE HUNDRED PERCENT SOLUTION
-Detectives Who Aren't Detectives
-Assassins and cults!
-The Illuminati (but not the ones you're thinking of!)
-Nintendo Virtual Boy (tm)
-Octopus Hats?

G.M. Nair - Author Ordinaire@gmnair· Apr 3

It's hard to believe that 7 #indieapril s ago, I first put out my #scifi #mystery #comedy novel DUCKETT & DYER: DICKS FOR HIRE. And since then I've grown as an author and a human being not at all! Witness my intellectual stagnation by buying a copy today! books2read.com/u/bOe0DE

An arrow-heavy promotion graphic for DUCKETT & DYER: DICKS FOR HIRE featuring:
-Detectives Who Aren't Detectives
-At least one funny joke
-The Multiverse(tm)
-Hamburgers that eat people
-and more weird, inexplicable shit

G.M. Nair - Author Ordinaire@gmnair· Apr 2

Use only ONE piece of art to convince folks to follow you

A half-giant squid, half-duck. The Quacken.

In the foreground, two men watch atop the crow's nest of an old ship. One wields a stale baguette

G.M. Nair - Author Ordinaire@gmnair· Apr 2