Grant Brisbee

@grantbrisbee

Union man. I write about baseball and make stupid jokes, not necessarily in that order. For a midlife crisis expressed through record collecting, follow me @mystupidrecords.bsky.social

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Grant Brisbee@grantbrisbee· 28d

mfw the apology isn't accepted

a guy about to slide in a way that severs his spine from his soul

Grant Brisbee@grantbrisbee· 28d

I need to get Alpha Centauri going on my steam deck

Bligh Madris Finalizing Deal with KBO’s SSG Landers

Grant Brisbee@grantbrisbee· 28d

King Larry moments after his (redder than hell) penis popped right outside of Pacific Palisades Proposal Park

Grant Brisbee@grantbrisbee· 28d

made this for when i convinced my wife to fly to Seattle with me to see him this october. Still have no idea what jedi dust I was snorting to make it happen.

If you want to ask my wife for a favor, now's the time! She's doped up or dying or something!

Grant Brisbee@grantbrisbee· 28d

it's the time of the year where I think about this for an hour

The 1987 HR Derby at the Oakland Coliseum had four participants. Andre Dawson had four homers, and Ozzie Virgil Jr. had two. George Bell and Mark McGwire each had one. The NL defeated the AL, 6 homers to 2.

Grant Brisbee@grantbrisbee· 28d

just remembered that you can do swears on Netflix

The guide from the Ghost House After Hours tour, where you can say whatever the HELL you want.

Grant Brisbee@grantbrisbee· Jul 12

Old McC heads might be noticing that the simulation is running out of combinations.

Grant Fontenot was drafted by the Royals, combining my first name with my supposed doppleganger’s last name. (I never saw it tbh)

Grant Brisbee@grantbrisbee· Jul 11

Subscribe to Roger's newsletter. rogermunter.substack.com/p/the-annual...

Lastly, I will make my seemingly annual plea to the Giants to please honor the sacred call of the #Legacy Giant. And not just any #Legacy Giant — this has got to be the grandaddy of them all. Bobby Bonds’ grandson, Peyton Bonds, son of Bobby Bonds, Jr., nephew of Barry Bonds, honorary grand god-son of Willie Mays for all I know, is expected to go somewhere in the 3rd-5th round range. Bonds was the player who moved current Giants’ prospect, Trevor Cohen to a corner during their time together at Rutgers University, and he’s coming out of college with some real helium after showing improvements in his swing mechanics and offensive game this year. It was a mistake for the Giants to overlook the law of Legacy Giant when Cody Bellinger was draft eligible. It was a likely mistake for them to ignore it when Tyler Soderstrom was draft eligible. And how much more likely is it to be a massive blunder to ignore the legacy of true Giants’ royalty: it must not be! We must have our Legacy Giant this time — the greatest of his kind!

Grant Brisbee@grantbrisbee· Jul 11

this full-time conversion to the outfield better work, grindlinger

"This bra bomb better work, Nerdlinger" from the Simpsons.

Grant Brisbee@grantbrisbee· Jul 11

would be extremely funny for the Giants to draft a high energy short-king outfielder named Drew with the first pick. I picture them in the clubhouse like this in spring training.

Maggie Simpson squaring off against her nemesis, the Baby with One Eyebrow

Grant Brisbee@grantbrisbee· Jul 11

you used to be a wolf have some self respect

Piper craning her neck awkwardly to put her wookiee-ass nose in my face.

Grant Brisbee@grantbrisbee· Jul 10

Reading up on Dave Winfield killing a seagull, and this sounds like something the current administration would say

The seagull had an autopsy (they do autopsies on seagulls?), and they found that the seagull was not well before being hit by the ball, which explains why it didn’t avoid the ball. They said that it would have died within the next couple of weeks anyway.

Grant Brisbee@grantbrisbee· Jul 10

Piz Leek

Grant Brisbee@grantbrisbee· Jul 10

reading up on fourth-overall picks, and I'm very happy that one of them is an electrochemistry enthusiast now. that seems like a neat thing to have enthusiasm for. He spent his life thinking about electrochemistry instead of, like, Ned Yost.

Grant Brisbee@grantbrisbee· Jul 9

(guy who’s cooked .01 percent of these recipes) you know what my problem is, it’s that I don’t have enough cookbooks.

My cookbook collection, with the shelves bowing under the weight of them. I’ll get around to fixing it or it will collapse, who’s to say

Grant Brisbee@grantbrisbee· Jul 9

Screen from Police Squad: Tonight's Episode: The writer's barely disguised fetish. Don't need the hyphen there, it's an adverb, folks. But I get to use this meme harder than others because I had all of the Police Squad episodes on VHS tape as a kid, taped off the Comedy Channel, before it was Comedy Central.

Grant Brisbee@grantbrisbee· Jul 8

umps basically gave this game away

one team (not the Giants) had 10 runs, 11 hits, and no errors.

one team (definitely the Giants) had zero runs, one hit, and three errors.

Grant Brisbee@grantbrisbee· Jul 7

messi

the "call an ambulance, but not for me" meme, with the lyrics from Evita replacing them. Don't cry for me Argentina. The truth is, I never left you.

Grant Brisbee@grantbrisbee· Jul 7

Explain it to me like I'm a baseball writer. Why this ok

A goalkeeper with his plant foot outside the box as he kicks the ball away (which he got after a normal save).

Grant Brisbee@grantbrisbee· Jul 7

Grant Brisbee@grantbrisbee· Jul 7

you can’t be running ads for Michelob Ultra when you’re playing against Belgium, come on

Grant Brisbee@grantbrisbee· Jul 6

The dad from the Puttermans, the beloved family from the Duracell ads that everyone remembers fondly.

Grant Brisbee@grantbrisbee· Jul 6

this kid is probably a trump voter now, probably ok to share on social

A two-panel picture sequence, with the first picture featuring a 10-year-old-ish kid with an empty popcorn bucket on his head, and his finger in his nose. The second picture is mostly the same, except the finger is now in his mouth.

My caption was "His eyes are blurred out because I didn't want to take the .001-percent chance that a throwaway joke in a dumb baseblal article would ruin his life, but this kid is a hero.'

Grant Brisbee@grantbrisbee· Jul 6

inside of us, there are two wolves (one of them uses commas)

bill hanstock says "eat shit ronaldo"
nick pants says "eat shit, ronaldo"

Grant Brisbee@grantbrisbee· Jul 6

were they friends, enemies, or lovers, we will simply never know.

The Angels’ CFO used to be Bill Beverage. He worked with Molly Jolly.

Grant Brisbee@grantbrisbee· Jul 6

Mexico just had a guy do one of these for real

Check this shit out motherfucker [I slide one foot out from under me and fall on my ass, it’s not clear what kind of move I was trying to do]

Grant Brisbee@grantbrisbee· Jul 5

i'm sorry, but if a baby looks at you with this exact face, you have to take that baby and leave it in the forest or maybe a mountaintop or on a fishing boat pushed out into the ocean

Haaland making a face that would be very disturbing for a baby to make, mostly the smile, i don't want a baby smiling like that at me

Grant Brisbee@grantbrisbee· Jul 5

Wow. Dan Schatzeder

Autographs include Frank Robinson; Bob Brenly; Chris Brown; Chili Davis; Jose Barrios; Reggie Smith; Mark Dempsey; Dan Schatzeder; Joe Morgan; Jack Clark.

Grant Brisbee@grantbrisbee· Jul 4

Rancid.

Grant Brisbee@grantbrisbee· Jul 4

the vibes of the organization are rancid from top to bottom