Feet Swinging Champ

@hobbituscaesar

Archivist and historian. Scifi fan. Not a time traveler or an immortal, I promise. Marylander. Gray-ace. He/him, 47. 🏳️‍🌈 Husband: @jasperhedgehog.bsky.social Girlfriend: @shadii.bsky.social Boyfriend: @shiroishimatora.bsky.social

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Feet Swinging Champ@hobbituscaesar· 13d

It's goïng to be a good day at work, but I'm already in Go Home and Snug My Hubby mode.

The older I get, the more I hate making extra stops after work. I drive home like I'm late for the house.

KATHSSUCCS

Feet Swinging Champ@hobbituscaesar· 16d

Image of a Tic Tac Toe game with X's in both the upper left and lower right corners with all other spaces blank.

An upper caption reads, "Checkmate in two moves," implying that it's being said by the X-player who just made two consecutive X's.

A lower caption commenting on the image and upper caption reads, "I cannot tell you how many times I've come across someone who is trying to convince me that they're a chess master when it's blatantly obvious they're cheating at Tic Tac Toe."

Feet Swinging Champ@hobbituscaesar· 18d

If only we had a story about a blatantly unreliable narrator telling his story to those whom he hopes will glorify him and sympathize with his plight. Maybe we could make a blockbuster movie out of it, set it in the Bronze Age or something like that.

Image of a tweet, purportedly from Andrew Tate, @Cobratate, reading, "“I am being held in SHU, the highest level of security which exists.

No commissary.
No visits.
No contact with the outside world.

My neighbor is a cannibal who screams throughout the night.”

The tweet was sent at 6;21 AM on 7/23/26.

Feet Swinging Champ@hobbituscaesar· 19d

Filming and filming in the widening horror, the producer cannot hear the editor. Marketing falls apart; the premise cannot hold. Mere slop is loosed upon the screen, the name-recognition tide is loosed, and everywhere the ceremony of enjoyment is drowned.

A movie poster for the movie, "Ebenezer," starring Johnny Depp. The tagline for the movie is, "Before he was Scrooge he was... Ebenezer."
The movie comes out on Thanksgiving.

Feet Swinging Champ@hobbituscaesar· 21d

This seems timely à propos now, though I wrote it 2ish years ago.

Muse, speak to me now
of that drowsy commuter
who wandered far and wide
after departing the sacred sheets of Bed.

They came to see many people’s commutes,
where they learned their customs,
while on the road and rail
their spirit suffered many torments,
as they fought to save their time
and lead their shoes to work.

But though they wanted to,
they could not escape other commuters—
they all plodded from their own necessity,
the fools.

They celebrated on the Caffeine of the Gods,
Gods of the Morn, and so they fought
their chances of fatigue
of getting to work everyday.

So now, daughter of Zeus,
tell us their story,
starting anywhere you wish.

Feet Swinging Champ@hobbituscaesar· 28d

The best repartée is off-the-cuff!

Screenshot of a brief Messenger conversation at 5:10 PM.

"I wrote a very brief article."

"Is it, 'A'?"

Feet Swinging Champ@hobbituscaesar· Jul 7

I've never been into Satanic or demonic aesthetics—and it's definitely still not my style—but since happening upon this painting, it's been compelling. He's so... cheerful. It feels like a painting that Screwtape would not want me to have and I feel like that's a good reason to get it.

Photograph of the painting "Allegory of Satan (Lord of the World)" by Ludwik Stasiak.

Feet Swinging Champ@hobbituscaesar· Jul 7

A screenshot from Extra History's South Sea Bubble series depicting the moment John Blunt's statement of projected dividends made everyone reälize it was too good to be true and the bottom fell out its stock price.

Feet Swinging Champ@hobbituscaesar· Jun 23

This image of Poggio Bracchiolini always amuses me. His handwriting was considered so neat and legible, it became the basis of many type print fonts. His handwriting became formative for modern lower case Latinate alphabets. (1/2)

An example of Renaissance-era humanist handwriting from the hand of Poggio Bracchiolini.

Feet Swinging Champ@hobbituscaesar· May 31

Image of a six panel comic in three rows. Each row has the same two pictures, a strong hamster working hard on their exercise wheel and a scared hamster recoiling in fear from the camera.

The first row is captioned, "liberals during an election / liberals during a theory."

The second row is captioned, "Marxists during a theory / Marxists during an insurrection
"

The third row is captioned, "Anarchists during an insurrection / anarchists during an election."

Feet Swinging Champ@hobbituscaesar· May 5

Feet Swinging Champ@hobbituscaesar· Apr 27

My pants button broke at work and now a quarter of a button is the only thing keeping my pants on. 😓

Feet Swinging Champ@hobbituscaesar· Feb 19

WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?!? #ArchivistScreaming

A clipping with the printed date of "JAN/FEB ISSUE" helpfully stamped "MAR-APRIL." The rest of the document contains no clue as to which year.

Feet Swinging Champ@hobbituscaesar· Jan 7

The Ram of Eternity encourages optimism!

Feet Swinging Champ@hobbituscaesar· Jan 5

Concerning the ministers of Augustus and his reformed Republic.

"Contemporaries were pained and afflicted by moral and by social degradation. True merit was not the path to success—and success itself was unsafe as well as dishonourable. New men emerging established claims to the consulate by brutality or by craft. The marshals might disappear, some as suddenly as they had arisen, but the practice of diplomacy engendered in its adepts the talent of survival, with arts and devices of subservience loathed by the Roman aristocracy: no honest man would care to surrender honour and independence by becoming a minister to despotism."

—Ronald Syme, "The Roman Revolution"

Feet Swinging Champ@hobbituscaesar· Dec 23

This London Fog was $5 and I don't think I'm getting another one at that size. Maybe I'm underestimating the cost of lavender-in-tea?

Photograph of a small cardboard cup with plastic lid sitting on a table.

Feet Swinging Champ@hobbituscaesar· Dec 12

I have le morning coffee. I am a very jobber. I am badgedly bejobbèd and the day is order. It is once again the Day of GodThankness and I am a jobber.

A mug of coffee—one of my favorite mugs, with hieroglyphics on it—sitting on the very knockoffable corner of my desk (it was not).

Feet Swinging Champ@hobbituscaesar· Dec 6

ABSOLUTELY CURSED ☠️

Screenshot of an AI post on a Facebook "Dune" group that reads the excruciatingly obvious question, "Know this one? Which Dune character rules as God-Emperor for 3,500 years?"

Feet Swinging Champ@hobbituscaesar· Dec 3

It's either that in the earliest days of Christianity, the theology was pure and simple, everyone knew it was WHAT MY RELIGION THINKS IT IS AND CONTINUITY FIGHT CLUB IS ON SUNDAYS, then /those people/ came along and made it complicated and confusing and led everyone EXCEPT US astray. Or it's this:

A drawing of classroom teaching Christian catechism. The door is labeled "Membership Class." The teacher points to just one of the many branches of bifurcating lines from left to right and says, "So this is where our movement came along and finally got the Bible right." A student replies, "Jesus is so lucky to have us."

Feet Swinging Champ@hobbituscaesar· Nov 25

God once wrote me this beautiful poem. Can't read a word of it, but the handwriting was exquisite.

Two horizontal lines of clouds in the sky, resembling text.

Feet Swinging Champ@hobbituscaesar· Oct 21

Cardboard case of a Russian LFAI slide rule from 1951.

Feet Swinging Champ@hobbituscaesar· Oct 21

One side of a Russian LFAI slide rule from 1951.

Feet Swinging Champ@hobbituscaesar· Oct 21

Feet Swinging Champ@hobbituscaesar· Oct 12

Feet Swinging Champ@hobbituscaesar· Sep 28

It begins. #Civilization

Photograph of a Civilization board game in progress.

Feet Swinging Champ@hobbituscaesar· Sep 26

Recommended. It's not just a history of the empire of the United States, but a history of how (mostly white) people from the United States have thought about our empire and how we've been taught to process its existence—and as the title implies, how we've been taught to /not/ process its existence.

Front cover of "How to Hide an Empire: A History of the Greater United States," by Daniel Immerwahr. Cover art shows a central outline of the contiguous lower 48 States with Alaska, Hawaii, and "territories" immediately adjacent to that outline.

Feet Swinging Champ@hobbituscaesar· Sep 26

There be twenty chosen prophets, The wisest of the land, Who always by river posts Both morn and evening stand: Evening and morn the Twenty Have turned prophecies o'er, Traced from the right bank to the left By mighty birds of yore. My humble apologies to Macaulay.

Photograph of a line of posts through a river, with a white bird perched atop each one, all facing right.

Feet Swinging Champ@hobbituscaesar· Sep 25

Make of this what you will. If there is something hobbity about me aside from being cheerful and short, it's that fame, prestige, and clout can miss me. As much as I love reading history, I don't want to be a subject of it.

Photograph of a page from "Dune," by Frank Herbert:

"Greatness is a transitory experience. It is never persistent. It depends in part upon the myth-making imagination of humankind. The person who experiences greatness must have a feeling for the myth he is in. He must reflect what is projected upon him. And he must have a strong sense of the sardonic. This is what uncouples him from belief in his own pretensions. The sardonic is all that permits him to move within himself. Without this quality, even occasional greatness will destroy a man.

—FROM 'COLLECTED SAYINGS OF MUAD'DIB' BY THE PRINCESS IRULAN."

Feet Swinging Champ@hobbituscaesar· Aug 22

Feet Swinging Champ@hobbituscaesar· Jul 28

The volume on the TV is a prime number. To the tenth of a pound this morning, I am exactly the weight on my driver's license. The Heavens align. O Gods of Comforting Routines and Fastidy, please accept this Venn Metadiagram and release the Dopamine.