Ineffable Jeff

@ineffablejeff

Inside you is one wolf: an alive wolf, and a dead wolf — Schrödinger's wolf. Do not make eye contact. He/him

280 Following306 Followers1,240 Posts

Bluesky

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Ineffable Jeff@ineffablejeff· 6d

"Many people don't know that Tweedledum is spelled without a 'b"'

Ineffable Jeff@ineffablejeff· 27d

I brought this to my neighbor's attention regarding his Nissan. Somehow, we still exchange pleasantries

Nissan "Frontier" with the cab all the way forward

Nissan "Middlier" with the cab in the middle

Nissan "Rearier" with the cab all the way in the back

Ineffable Jeff@ineffablejeff· Jun 17

Here's a format he might read, and I think he'll be as pleased with this as the actual MOU

Memorandum of
Understanding

Iran understands that
it is dealing with an
immature, insecure,
unstable, incompetent,
vindictive, bombastic,
traitorous, thin-skinned,
narcissistic, sociopathic,
aggrieved, delusional,
dishonest, selfish,
disloyal, angry, petty,
unfaithful, whiny, war criminal.

Donald J. Trump understands nothing.

Ineffable Jeff@ineffablejeff· Jun 11

It is not even nearly too long for proper alt text.

"Maybe Dats Your Pwoblem Too"
by Jim Hall

All my pwoblems,
who knows, maybe evwybody's pwoblems
is due to da fact, due to da awful twuth
dat I am SPIDERMAN.

I know, I know. All da dumb jokes:
No flies on you, ha ha,
and da ones about what I do wit all
doze extwa legs in bed. Well, dat's funny yeah.
But you twy being
SPIDERMAN for a month or two. Go ahead.

You get doze cwazy calls fwom da
Gubbener askin you to twap some booglar who's
only twying to wip off color T.V. sets.
Now, what do I cawre about T.V. sets?
But I pull on da suit, da stinkin suit,
with da sucker cups on da fingers,
and get my wopes and wittle bundle of
equipment and den I go flying like cwazy
acwoss da town fwom woof top to woof top.

Till der he is. Some poor dumb color T.V. slob
and I fall on him and we westle a widdle
until I get him all woped. So big deal.

You tink when you SPIDERMAN
der's sometin big going to happen to you.
Well, I tell you what. It don't happen dat way.
Nuttin happens. Gubbener calls, I go.
Bwing him to powice, Gubbener calls again,
like dat over and over.
I tink I twy sometin diffunt. I tink I twy
sometin excitin like wacing cawrs. Sometin to make
my heart beat at a difwent wate.
But den you just can't quit being sometin like
SPIDERMAN.
You SPIDERMAN for life. Fowever. I can't even
buin my suit. It won't buin. It's fwame wesistent.
So maybe dat's youwr pwoblem too, who knows.
Maybe dat's da whole pwoblem wif evwytin.
Nobody can buin der suits, dey all fwame wesistent.
Who knows?

Ineffable Jeff@ineffablejeff· Jun 1

Collecting pollen is thirsty work #macromonday

Ineffable Jeff@ineffablejeff· May 15

Everyone is entitled to their own tastes and opinions, but we voted on this as a group.

In a "wholesale club" store, a half-full palette of crunchy peanut butter sits next to the empty space where the creamy peanut butter goes. The caption, dated April 2, 2020, says "Crunchy peanut butter is garbage, even the apocalypse says so."

Ineffable Jeff@ineffablejeff· Apr 22

He looks great! This one is also 18, and he looks like this because he is old and attacks groomers, and we have to basically vandalize him with clippers every couple of weeks.

Ineffable Jeff@ineffablejeff· Mar 12

Not a town but related The opinions of teenagers are often undervalued when focus groups are formed.

Road sign reads; Pennsylvania State Forest Lick Hollow Picnic Area

Ineffable Jeff@ineffablejeff· Feb 23

"He was working! Here he is, searching diligently to see if he can find Nancy Guthrie at the bottom of this bottle"

Kash Patel looks high and low for Nancy Guthrie. Mostly high, the lows come in a cold sweat in the middle of the night, probably.

Ineffable Jeff@ineffablejeff· Feb 22

The Hubble Deep Field did me in, though it was a little closer to a midlife crisis (continuing)

Ineffable Jeff@ineffablejeff· Feb 18

"Why is the Coast Guard spouting off about the women's hockey team?" Commas are your friends.

Coast Guard sounds alarm on Kristi Noem and U.S. women hockey's road to gold: Morning Rundown

Ineffable Jeff@ineffablejeff· Feb 1

Jerry no

Graph of humidity at my house indicating 19% relative humidity

Ineffable Jeff@ineffablejeff· Jan 20

Kevin Bacon in Animal House shouting "REMAIN CALM, ALL IS WELL!"

Ineffable Jeff@ineffablejeff· Jan 12

Not exactly.

Authors' conclusions
Exercise may be moderately more effective than a control intervention for reducing symptoms of depression. Exercise appears to be no more or less effective than psychological or pharmacological treatments, though this conclusion is based on a few small trials. Long‐term follow‐up was rare.

The addition of 35 RCTs (at least 2526 participants) to this update has had very little effect on the estimate of the benefit of exercise on symptoms of depression. If further research is to take place, it should focus on improving trial quality, assessing which characteristics of exercise are effective for different people, and exploring health equity.

Ineffable Jeff@ineffablejeff· Jan 5

Before HALO, there was MARATHON I think I only ever played "infinity" and it ruled

Ineffable Jeff@ineffablejeff· Dec 30

...and I got to use one of the six million bread bag ties I've been saving for no apparent reason. Who's laughing now? WHO'S. LAUGHING. NOW?

Ineffable Jeff@ineffablejeff· Dec 30

Gonna have to be limes, probably with eyes drawn with a Sharpie. But the upside is that my $4 investment in them — which everyone chuckled about all week because it was just too many limes — will finally pay off

Ineffable Jeff@ineffablejeff· Dec 18

Ten. Years. Ago. He's been at the bottom, and never, ever come up for air.

Trump mocks reporter Serge Kovaleski in a rally on 11/25/2015

Ineffable Jeff@ineffablejeff· Nov 22

Can't keep track without a scorecard

Photo with labels:
Kellyanne Conway (Prevaricator)
Steve Bannon (Bloviator)
Stephen Miller (Hater)
Michael Flynn (Traitor)
Jared Kushner (Ivanka's Husband)

Ineffable Jeff@ineffablejeff· Nov 18

Somebody get this guy some props

John Larroquette playing with toy soldiers in "Stripes"

Ineffable Jeff@ineffablejeff· Nov 16

Frodo reaching for the One Ring, labeled as "ME" reaching for "those nuts"

Ineffable Jeff@ineffablejeff· Nov 14

Facebook Post from November 13, 2016:

Dear America,
Thanks for flipping the rock over. It was interesting to see what crawled out from under it.
Flip it back now, please.
Thanks.

Ineffable Jeff@ineffablejeff· Nov 13

I parked a two spaces away from the cart return, because there was a flat cart in the spot next to it. I returned to that cart, and when I came back out from the store, another had appeared in that space as if by magic.

A flat shopping cart next to the cart return stall

Another flat shopping cart next to the cart return stall

Ineffable Jeff@ineffablejeff· Nov 11

ATC: Flight Kilo Alpha Three-Niner-Six, please confirm. PILOT: I don't wanna. A: Kilo Alpha Three-Niner-Six you must confirm. P: Don't make me. A: Landing clearance requires confirmation. P: No. A: Kilo Alpha Three-Niner-Six? P: P: Tylenol causes autism A: Kilo Alpha Three-Niner-Six cleared to land