Gone fishing...

Surely a $50-million wedding already reeked of Marie Antoinette excess. But 20-minute vows, each, take the cake. I give this marriage six years tops. Because this couple doth perform too much, methinks. And no matter the drugs, nobody can keep it up that long.

Because nothing says Independence Day quite like Trump marking it with a “businesslike” call from Putin. The “Russia, Russia, Russia hoax” was always projection. This treasonous oaf takes counsel from a kleptocratic Russian autocrat, then trolls fellow Americans as enemies of the state.

Because, when it comes to race in America, the more things change, the more they stay the same. Sure, they wear masks instead of hoods, khakis instead of robes, and carry flags instead of crosses. But a racist group marching in different uniforms is still a racist group.

Say what you will about Lindsey Vonn’s comeback, at least she showed there was still elite performance left if she could stay healthy. Serena’s comeback has shown the opposite. The losing streak that drove her into retirement wasn’t a glitch. It was the verdict. She should have stayed retired.

Yet, like Trump, Fox has such contempt for MAGA suckers that it expects them to ignore their lying eyes and believe Trump’s fair is teeming with people. Empty lawns, fake enthusiasm, and televised gaslighting. Welcome to Freedom 250, brought to you by the Ministry of Truth.

Ok, Ukraine. Tit for tat. Show Putin what you’ve got. But make it count where it hurts: his war machine, his oil, his airfields, his command centers, not civilians he can turn into propaganda.

This proves MAGA is to America what the Taliban is to Afghanistan. You'd better toe the party line or face the trolling executioners. Even Amy Coney Barrett becomes an apostate the moment she refuses to turn the Constitution into a Trump deportation decree.

Except that Trump’s bond with Natalie Harp is neither secret nor emotional. It's ego-boosting and sexually gratifying. The eager-to-please, I’ll-do-anything-you-want look she gives him makes Monica Lewinsky’s loving gaze at Clinton look like Jane Austen coyness. But Melania, have you no shame left?

They are few and far between, but this is a SCOTUS ruling I agree with. Girls’ sports should be for girls only, not biological boys who identify as girls. That is not bigotry. It is basic fairness. Lia Thomas put the issue in the spotlight. Riley Gaines kept it there.

Putin probably sees this and thinks Stalin killed faster just to stay in power. He fancies himself Peter the Great, burning through Russian soldiers to reclaim lands lost when the Soviet Union collapsed. Two world wars, apparently, were footnotes to his imperial nostalgia.

Hey, Dems, condemn her rantings. But stop cannibalizing your own on GOP command. She’s fringe and not even in Congress. Trump is president. Your fringe has a candidate; theirs runs the country.

Jillian Michaels keeps auditioning to be MAGA’s house gay, laundering homophobia as brave truth-telling. Pride wasn’t “hijacked” by drag queens and leather daddies. It was built by people MAGA would shove back into closets. The hijacker is Jillian’s own self-abnegation.

Call them trolls, but the complaint is fair. If a passenger can’t fit safely and fully in one seat, airlines should require or provide a second. What’s unfair is making the neighbor surrender paid-for space in silence just to prove everyone else is too polite to object.

Rain turning Trump’s tacky state fair into a muddy mess belongs to the same family of metaphors now defining his presidency as algae turning his renovation of the Reflecting Pool into a green, fetid swamp. Even Mother Nature seems determined to expose the rot beneath his gaudy pageantry.

His loss is hardly shocking. He has the name, the charm, and the Camelot glow, but not enough of the discipline or political depth to turn nostalgia into votes. In fact, Camelot’s electoral magic has been fading for years. Maybe it died when JFK Jr.’s plane went down off Martha’s Vineyard...

Miller is the grotesque paradox of Trump's deportation regime. This self-hating Jew, this Judenrat, is the architect of immigration policies that echo the very machinery Jews once begged the world to recognize before it was too late. "They're taking my dream away," cries the migrant Anne Frank.

C’mon, Britain. If rich kids are too lazy to sit their own exams, jailing the tutor who helped them cheat is like jailing the prostitute while letting the johns walk free. These kids were always buying advantage. He just sent an invoice.

Given Trump’s notorious habit of mocking people’s looks, this lineup is rich. Steven Cheung, the pit bull he hired as his online troll, looks like the Bond villain Oddjob. And J.J. Cafaro, the pool guy he hired to fix the Reflecting Pool, looks like a cross between Gomez Addams and The Penguin.

Renaldo has become far more interested in looksmaxxing for online followers than playing for stadium fans. He’s like a hapless heavyweight blowing his load the night before the big fight. He couldn't even help Portugal past DR Congo. Today's match against Uzbekistan offers a chance at redemption

Brexit Britain has become Italy with worse weather and fewer excuses. Starmer is resigning because Labour decided his competence act had curdled into drift. But in this climate, Burnham could just as easily become Labour’s Liz Truss, with a premiership lasting no longer than a wilting cabbage.

Because this grandstanding, narcissistic oaf has to pretend Starmer’s collapse is all his doing. If Starmer is forced out, it’ll be partly because he spent too much of his premiership kissing Trump’s ass. And even now, Trump is trying to turn Starmer’s humiliation into another tribute to himself.

The memes of these two are priceless. But just imagine the world today if Obama-Hillary were as electable as Obama-Biden in 2008. Talk about missed opportunities...

The New Religion of Pickleball

Call it 'White Man’s Burden' meets 'Trading Places'. For one brief parade moment, this White Knicks player learned what far too many Black men know by experience: You can belong, earn your place, dress the part, and still be treated like a suspect who wandered in from the wrong side of town.

Netanyahu thought Trump was the useful frog who would carry him across the Iran pond. Instead, Trump turned out to be the scorpion. Trump boasted about signing a denuclearization deal with North Korea, only for North Korea to end up with more nukes than ever. Iran seems bound to do even better.

Republicans savaged Obama for admitting abroad that America wasn't perfect. Now Trump trashes America for applause and brags that world leaders called us a weak laughingstock before him. He can't tell flattery from mockery. But the cowed GOP dare not condemn his brazen treachery.

Macron giving Trump a personalized bike at the G7 has to be elite trolling after Trump mocked the Macrons’ marriage over the slap heard around the world. Yes, the “senile” Biden he mocks could probably lap him before Trump finished blaming the pedals, Obama, and windmills for not getting started.

Trump boasts that "weaponization of the DOJ" got him elected. Now he's returning the favor. Nobody should doubt Newsom can out-martyr Trump. He doesn’t even want his own namesake inheriting MAGA. So yeah, Trump now seems hell-bent on helping Newsom get elected president.

Er, folks, this preening oaf handed out a no-bid contract for an “American flag blue” water makeover to a company called Green Water Solutions. But if you think that’s embarrassing, wait till his next no-bid contractor, Shoddy Construction, gets done “beautifying” the East Wing of the White House.