Jared Lipof

@jaredlipof

Fiction in @salamandermag.bsky.social, @LAReview, and @emersonreview, Madison Review, and The Best American Mystery Stories 2019. Novel-in-progress. Sound Mixer for TV/Film. He/him.

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Jared Lipof@jaredlipof· 17d

The Who's on First sketch from the Simpsons, except Principal Skinner says to Superintendent Chalmers, "In other words, he can't go up the stairs and make love."

Jared Lipof@jaredlipof· 18d

The cover of a children's book called Oh Christ, It's This Asshole Again, on which a mischievously chipper bunny in a yellow slicker and red umbrella has just returned to town.

Jared Lipof@jaredlipof· 20d

I stumbled upon these in the grocery store the other day. Dude-specific wipes were one thing, but then

Jared Lipof@jaredlipof· 22d

"I can't even make toast in my damn toaster without a picture ID!"

Jared Lipof@jaredlipof· 23d

In this case, the "adversary" is calling from inside the house.

Text from news broadcast: "Adversaries could make wholly fabricated claims...that they have compromised all US voting machines..."

Jared Lipof@jaredlipof· 25d

Since you seem to have Miller covered, I'll just say that Russell Vought looks like his origin story is a lady laughed at his dick.

Russell Vought, looking furiously ashamed.

Jared Lipof@jaredlipof· Jul 11

I mean

Jared Lipof@jaredlipof· Jul 4

The ideological discipline of vaguely similar uniforms.

Jared Lipof@jaredlipof· Jul 2

Bill Hemmer, every time a car drives by.

Jared Lipof@jaredlipof· Jul 1

Cavalli trying to act tough with a sea of red windbreakers between him and Contreras.

Cavalli taunting Contreras with a sea of red windbreakers between them.

Jared Lipof@jaredlipof· Jun 30

Who did the practical blood effects? Ocean Spray? Welch's?

Jared Lipof@jaredlipof· Jun 25

"Do I look like a racist?" - guy who looks exactly like a racist

Jared Lipof@jaredlipof· Jun 21

We're calling this paint job The Curse.

Cybertruck with mirror paint job, like the Nathan Fielder show's housing exteriors.

Jared Lipof@jaredlipof· Jun 18

Jared Lipof@jaredlipof· Jun 17

Lutnick: I've made a terrible mistake. Rubio: How long until I can do cocaine again?

Jared Lipof@jaredlipof· Jun 17

Jared Lipof@jaredlipof· Jun 14

Or maybe

Jared Lipof@jaredlipof· Jun 13

Heat wave

Jared Lipof@jaredlipof· Jun 13

Going full Great Pumpkin makes me think Kayleigh's angling for her old job.

Jared Lipof@jaredlipof· Jun 12

One guy I know who has no idea.

President Donald J. Trump staring blankly into space.

Jared Lipof@jaredlipof· Jun 12

Tweet that says, "'I never thought leopards would eat MY face,' sobs woman who voted for the Leopards Eating People's Faces Party."

Jared Lipof@jaredlipof· Jun 9

Meet the new boss.

Jared Lipof@jaredlipof· Jun 6

Principal Skinner saying to Lisa: "Oh, yes, of course. It's the tigers' fault."

Jared Lipof@jaredlipof· Jun 5

"You call him, he answers the phone."

Jared Lipof@jaredlipof· Jun 5

"Why would he need to do that, if Trump's done nothing wrong?"

Connery in Untouchables, saying "Who would say he was that, who was not?"

Jared Lipof@jaredlipof· Jun 1

Believe the @jordanharper.bsky.social hype. I’m <20 pages from the end, in that magic sweet spot of needing to know what happens next and not wanting it to end.

Jared Lipof@jaredlipof· May 29

Is he being interviewed in a Kids in the Hall sketch?

Jared Lipof@jaredlipof· May 28

Well done. The Freudian close captioning slip is chef's kiss.

Instead of "corporate elites" the close captioning says "corporate inmates."

Jared Lipof@jaredlipof· May 27

I find this bit from Mao II comforting, that even DeLillo knows this.

"Bill has always had to struggle for every word. Bill walks five feet from his desk and doubt hits him like a hammer in the back."

Jared Lipof@jaredlipof· May 24

Among white conservatives, the question, "Was Helen of Troy a real historical person?" is almost as mysterious as, "Who was the US President on 1/6/21?"