Jeff Steck

@jefstec

Patents for a brighter dystopia 📍Chicago

408 Following1,096 Followers607 Posts

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Jeff Steck@jefstec· 9d

They would never cover up the face of my spirit guide, "Twink Jesus"

A posted sign for "Twink Jesus Youth Group," which seems to be a comedy show

Jeff Steck@jefstec· 15d

Design choices were made

The cover of a book called "Chicago View: Businesses Collide." The cover art is a blue eyed infant with a combover and a full beard.

Jeff Steck@jefstec· 15d

"Direction Indicator for Pushable Transport Objects" US Patent 10363864

Patent drawing of two people with shopping carts on a collision course.

Jeff Steck@jefstec· Jul 16

This sign says it all

A roadside sign reading "JFC Appliances"

Jeff Steck@jefstec· Jul 11

The local English pub is already overflowing (not shown: a long line of patient optimists extending to the left)

Photo of AJ Hudson's pub, flying the English flag, with people milling around outside

Jeff Steck@jefstec· Jul 10

DVD cover of a film called, "J'Aime les Belges!" with a photo of Jacques Brel.

Jeff Steck@jefstec· Jul 10

An apparatus for swaddling a baby, patented this week. US 12672680

Patent drawing of a baby zipped into a dramatic hourglass-shaped outfit.

Jeff Steck@jefstec· Jul 9

"Systems and Methods for Detecting Drug Based Impairment" US Patent 12672820, issued this week

Cartoonish patent drawings of generally sinister-looking people with breath tubes in their mouths to test for drugs.

Jeff Steck@jefstec· Jul 2

Spotted this morning in North Center

Photo of a yeti (the creature, not the cooler) adorned with American and pride flags in the sidecar of a scooter.

Jeff Steck@jefstec· Jul 2

Still image from Sword of Trust (2019), with the protagonists collectively giving a look of bewildered disappointment.

Jeff Steck@jefstec· Jul 1

An athletic shoe for doing Kegels, patented yesterday.

Complete front page of the patent entitled "Device for Posture Correction and Kegel Exercise," because people sometimes think I make these up. There is a drawing of a shoe with a sort of twisty heel, which presumably encourages you to engage your pelvic floor to avoid falling.

Jeff Steck@jefstec· Jun 30

A neural interface for bionic prostheses, patented today by MIT. US 12667471

Patent drawing of a nude, partly see-through bionic man with a pensive expression and a thought bubble reading "I feel her hand."

Jeff Steck@jefstec· Jun 11

The latest in hoodie technology: a drawstring that's actually a hose (20) between a vape pen (32) and mouthpiece (34). US Patent 12648599, issued Tuesday

Patent drawing of a hoodie with vape components on either end of the drawstring.

Jeff Steck@jefstec· Jun 10

I was enjoying this small urban prairie until two blackbirds attacked. I did not know that birds can hiss!

Photo of a tall old catalpa tree in bloom.

Jeff Steck@jefstec· Jun 6

Bears territory, according to iNaturalist

A map of Midwest states, showing that Illinois is free of bears

Jeff Steck@jefstec· Jun 5

A secure graduation cap for "individuals with curly or voluminous hairstyles." US Patent 12588729

Patent drawing of a smiling woman wearing a graduation cap.

Jeff Steck@jefstec· May 29

These classics may have been in your folder: the "Animal Toy" and the "Method of Swinging on a Swing"

Front page of a patent for an "animal toy" that is clearly just a stick.

Front page of a patent on a method of swinging sideways on a swing.

Jeff Steck@jefstec· May 29

Patents are comics

Patent drawing of a shirtless warrior wearing some kind of armor that covers his head and part of his chest but not quite his nipples.

Jeff Steck@jefstec· May 21

US Patent 10750723 is this but for zebrafish.

Patent drawing with closeup of stripes on zebrafish fins.

Jeff Steck@jefstec· May 21

This is the plot of Brainstorm (1983), starring Christopher Walken and Natalie Wood. (US Patent 12623047, issued this month)

Patent drawing with the heading "Replicating Mental States," illustrating brain waves being transmitted via computer from a "Donor" to a "Recipient."

Jeff Steck@jefstec· May 17

The Chicago River this morning along Horner Park.

Photo of a small river bordered on the left by trees and on the right by a field of yellow wildflowers.

Jeff Steck@jefstec· May 15

Re-usable toy wounds for children. Patented this week by Melissa & Doug. US 12623159

Patent drawing of a forearm with a press-on wound.

Jeff Steck@jefstec· May 13

"Ring-shaped sausage and method for manufacturing same" US Patent 12622447, issued yesterday.

Patent drawing of an ouroboros of minced meat, one end of the sausage consuming the other.

Jeff Steck@jefstec· May 8

"Garment with Wipe Zones" Good idea for exercising, or great idea for snacking? US Patent 12575625 (Nike)

Patent drawing of shorts with rectangular "wipe zones" of absorbent fabric over the legs.

Jeff Steck@jefstec· May 6

"Device With Adhesive to Aid in Depilatory Wax Removal" US Patent 12611023

Patent drawing of someone using their oversized hand to wax their hairy misshapen leg.

Jeff Steck@jefstec· Apr 30

"Shoulder-Mounted Platform System" US Patent 12610923

Patent drawing of a cat, staring out of the page, resting on a platform mounted on a person's shoulder.

Another view of the cat on the shoulder platform, revealing that the platform resembles a hoverboard deck.

Jeff Steck@jefstec· Apr 29

A 1785 taxonomy of disreputable folks.

Photo of a list of "23 orders" of rogues, such as "priggers of prancers," "fraters," "jarkmen," "bawdy baskets," and "doxies."

Jeff Steck@jefstec· Apr 24

A trucker hat, but the logo part is actually a "beer shotgun tool." US Patent 12604940

Jeff Steck@jefstec· Apr 23

"Hat with an Opening for Hair" US Patent 12604939

Patent drawing of a baseball cap with a sort of poof coming out of the top. The poof looks like the hair of a Simpsons character but is actually part of the hat meant to hold your ponytail high.

Jeff Steck@jefstec· Apr 22

What even is utility?