Karrie

@karriehiggins

Writer, Artist, Ink-Maker, Psychogeographer. Two Best American Essays notables; Schiff Award; NEA/Iowa Arts Council grantee.

4,562 Following5,350 Followers5,452 Posts

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Karrie@karriehiggins· 11d

Did I post this yet? I had a little photo essay up at this link: tinyurl.com/y9p3ny7d (Just an FYI but this is not really the space to attempt to defend a certain three-letter cult masquerading as a modality.)

Karrie and her sister in front of the Christmas Tree, wearing matching red velvet dresses with white tops underneath. Text: A couple of years after my DID diagnosis, my mother died & I took custody of her photos. There are very few pictures of me except in the Twin Photos.

Karrie and her sister wearing matching Strawberry Shortcake dresses on the 1st day of school. They are standing on the driveway with their lunchboxes. Text: I showed them to my IFS therapist & told him about Vanishing Twin Syndrome. "My mother told me I was a surprise, said. "I was not supposed to be here." "For years, I thought I ate my twin in the womb."

Karrie and her sister wearing matching Christmas sweaters at their paternal grandmother's house. Their grandmother holds Karrie up and Karrie is crying. Text: He said I was possessed by Unattached Burdens. The alters felt like vanished twins because they were foreign entities. "Therapy" = EXORCISM

Karrie@karriehiggins· May 29

Today is Hope in Action and we need URGENT water repairs on our home for my health! The disaster grant program is out of funds. The loan program forces us to do multiple other repairs for the "redevelopment zone." FEMA denied us. Please share! helphopelive.org/campaign/159...

Help Hope Live
Trusted Medical Fundraising®
HOPE IN ACTION FOR
Karrie Higgins
Part of the Midwest/West Catastrophic Illness Fund
HELP KARRIE
Family and friends of Karrie are raising money for the nonprofit Help Hope Live to help fund uninsured medical expenses.
On May 29, in honor of Hope in Action, your donation will go further than ever:
Help Hope Live will cover the credit card fee for all donations made at helphopelive.org!
Contributors can be sure donations will be used to pay or reimburse medical and related expenses.
To make a tax-deductible donation to this fundraising campaign, scan the QR code or go to helphopelive.org and use the gray "Find a Campaign" box to search for Karrie.
GIVE TODAY
Tax-Deductible Donations
Verified Medical Need
Nonprofit Administers Funds Raised Donate or Share! Everything Helps!
hope
in Action
DONATE HERE!
Donations made in honor of a specific individual, or in response to campaign solicitations, are restricted by region only and do not obligate Help Hope Live to allocate funds towards a specific individual, as the IRS would deem such donations to be private gifts, which are not tax deductible. Clients receive support according to their medical and financial need. Help Hope Live is a 501(c)3 nonprofit. Information: 800.642.8399.

Karrie@karriehiggins· May 15

I get to finally use all the footage from the "this is how a pile of trash became a real mountain" piece and mmmm here is the Gazette sometime in the 80s comparing it to a CO foothill lmao It got bigger after the Flood of '08 cause they opened the landfill back up to bury the debris.

old newspaper photo of Mt. Trashmore from downtown Cedar Rapids. The caption reads "Cedar Rapids 'mountain' Mount Trashmore, a manmade hill, resembles a Colorado foothill when viewed looking south along First Street East from E Avenue and the Interstate 380 bridge.

Karrie@karriehiggins· Apr 19

I donated my halo crown today. I loved it, but every time I wore it, I heard my ex therapist telling me I was wearing it “wrong.” (I wasn’t; they just did not understand a halo crown is NOT a tiara.) I don’t like to think of that abusive jerk ever so … crown will bring someone else joy.

Karrie@karriehiggins· Apr 13

one of my spinal cord drawings substack.com/@karriehiggi...

drawing of spine and brain in ultramarine ink on parchment, illuminated in gold, with a tidal wave flowing out the back washing a molar into the spinal cord

Karrie@karriehiggins· Apr 5

Sewed Sinead onto my railroad stripe overall dress for fun & so I could wear at the visibility event, but then I could not go. I also sewed one onto my therapy dress I shared before!

railroad striped overalls dress with several patches of birds, Virginia Woolf, Sylvia Plath, Sinead, Flowers, cats

a patch of Sinead O’Connor smoking a cigarette and sitting on her knees while wearing a “Recovering Catholic” t-shirt

Karrie@karriehiggins· Mar 29

Found this in Mom's things cleaning up and clearing stuff out. Old pic from 2004 in Portland when I lived there. Rose Garden. I do not remember ever looking like that! I feel I should be in a band lol. Looking verrrrry early aughts.

Karrie at 29 years old posing with her mother in the Rose Garden in Portland, Oregon. They are standing next to a bush of pink roses. Karrie has a short bob haircut and highlighted brown hair. She is wearing an orange t-shirt with a plaid shirt unbuttoned over it and jeans. She has her arm around her mother, who is short with short white hair, and stands with her arms crossed over a red t-shirt.

Karrie@karriehiggins· Mar 26

Meanwhile the hearing aid guy invoiced me yay! I still have to pay shipping and insurance but this was cheaper than Phonak but I lost the warranty so there’s that. Although txt would not let me copy paste it all — it got stuck. So I had to just write in the total I paid sorry.

Karrie@karriehiggins· Mar 11

Got my premium paid for this month from a kind donation and also mailed off the hearing aids with my fingers crossed to that guy in Kansas who fixes them a little cheaper ... nervous about that but $$$. Picked up some GF food. Here is the insurance receipt! I gotta post it at HHL, too.

Wellmark Premium paid $393.15 private information is blacked out!

Karrie@karriehiggins· Mar 7

Posted this earlier but got behind here ... at work on an accompanying one about my father's cars & cloud formations scrapbook where he wrote about being a child laborer & his depersonalization was evident. tinyurl.com/7fdyww4v

notebook written in code with a collaged clipping from a magazine that says Broken Promise - white text overlaid reads this is not a craft essay

Last week, I discovered old essay drafts written and revised between the fall of 2013 and sometime in 2019, with aborted attempts at revision every year until 2024, when a psychologist at a local hospital barged into my room and shouted WHO IS FRONTING?

He shoved a clipboard at me and asked me to map my alters, “My guess is you know some of them and not others.”

This memory is faraway, out of body. Audio cuts in and out. Frames of the film strip are snipped, images disjointed. I feel nothing recalling it. I relied on notes to reconstruct it.

I did not answer. I could not answer.

“I do not think this is who you are, but what you have become.”

Karrie went from a who to a what. Unless she fused into a single identity, he said, she could never have purpose. She could not be a real person. She could not be a writer. He had just read The Strange Flowers and called it brilliant. Now he called it a symptom. My essay is part of my permanent psychiatric record.

That was how I found out he had diagnosed me with Dissociative Identity Disorder.

“Imagine how much better a writer you would be if you integrated?” (Integration does not mean fusion, but he meant fusion.)

I think it is the opposite: Imagine how much better a writer I can be if I resist pathologizing the way my system writes.

Karrie@karriehiggins· Feb 26

Also I posted earlier ... I got burned cause mmmm my glass cracked apart in my hands. Literally the bottom fell out of the glass. It's a clean, perfect circle, like when Bugs Bunny sawed off Florida lmao. I am burned but ok. Took a bit to realize I had been burned.

the bottom of the glass mug that fell out

Karrie@karriehiggins· Feb 23

Hey all, @maedayj.bsky.social needs urgent #MutualAid this month!

Care for Mae in February
$1750 due 2/3 to avoid fees
As Mae continues the process for SSI
•
approval, care for shelter is critical.
Having constant flares, she's is unable to advocate for self, leaving urgent needs unmet.
We call on Community to amplify regularly & meet her deadline on time.
$maelee21
V: @ Maclee-Johnson
PayPal.me/maeleeJ
ko-fi.com/maedaej

Karrie@karriehiggins· Feb 18

This. I really could use those Instacart cards my god I am so underweight … anyway I have a wishlist with Instacart cards … if anyone wants the link. Maybe grocery buddies still exist? (No advice. I don’t need it thx)

Kendra
@SurvivingCFS
Follow
I feel like food insecurity is one of the bigger issues disabled people face but is the least talked about.
Not having money, not having the ability to cook every day, not having help getting groceries, or just not having help at all can lead to malnutrition and disordered eating, as we train our bodies to require less and less calories to get through the day. So many disabled people living in poverty are *so* hungry and I feel like this isn't talked about enough.

Karrie@karriehiggins· Feb 7

the receipt and thanks again and I will get thank yous where I can as well!

email confirmation of registration to An Infinite Mind Healing Together conference

Karrie@karriehiggins· Feb 5

I wish people cared about trafficking, CSAM, CSA and sexual assault victims enough to fund our care. Attached is NOT an Epstein File. That is my SLC hypnotist. Lit community called me a liar for that. Anyway, please donate to my fund: helphopelive.org/campaign/159...

totally blacked out police report from the SLCPD

SALT LAKE POLICE DEPARTMENT
GENERAL OFFENSE HARDCOPY
REQUEST TO ACCESS PUBLIC RECORDS
(1199-0 SEX ASLT-FREE TEXT)
GO# SL 2014-48832
UNFOUNDED
Narrative Text
Type INITIAL R/O
Author M04 - Choate, Jennifer
Related Date Mar-26-2014 12:57
This is a possible sexual assault investigation which occurred at S.
The subiect,
is a practicing Hypno-therapists and the
victim,
was a patient of
I met with
at the Public Safety Building located at
475 S. 300 E. regarding some information he wanted to share about hypno-therapist,
he had been seeing for the last 3 days.
indicated he became uncomfortable with
hypnotism practices.
said after confiding in his friend today he felt he needed to report the incident to the police to at least have
it documented.
said he met
while he was working at Costco. He said
had
come through his check-out line as a customer a few days ago.
He said
presented him with a business card after asking him if he would be interested in making more money?
said he took
business
card and made contact with
inquiring about the job opportunity.
said he responded to
place of business located at
S.
said
this is also where
is currently residing.
proceeded to give him some sort of eye test as well as what
described as an I.l. test.
upon completion of the test
told him he was a genius and should be a hypno-therapist, indicating he could help him achieve this goal.
said
indicated was fine.
process was vaque due to the fact to take.
said he recalls
also said
as a child.
asked him if he could do hypno-therapy with him to which
said some of what occurred during this
had given him some sort of pill telling him he craved the human touch.
told under hypnosis he had revealed he had been abused
said
continued to practice some different therapy techniques
told him to go to his room, room all of his
clothing, and wait for him.
always made sure to tell
him not to do anything he was uncomfortable with.
I asked
if he was
ever forced to do anything he did not want to with indicated he was…

Karrie@karriehiggins· Feb 3

this is why your trans friends don't get book deals

Karrie@karriehiggins· Feb 1

A sweet friend of mine coordinates fundraising for this family that got deported to Venezuela. My friend has severe ME/CFS and so any shares help take a load off for my friend as well! Please share far and wide! Indira needs help.

HELP A
FAMILYTO
SAFETY
Indira and her three kids have been homeless and hungry since being deported, and now that the situation in their country is escalating, their best chance of survival is to leave. Can you help us get them to safety?
PASSPORT
1 Adult passport: 216 usd
Passports for each of the 3 children: 164 usd each
Total: 708 USD
Paypal: @Edgar060484
Venmo @Popwink (note plane emoji)
$Cashapp @Frigale (note plane emoji)

Help a Deported Family Survive homelessness in Venezuela.
Indira is a single mother who was deported with her 3 children to Venezuela. Indira's health is becoming dangerously bad. Prices have skyrocketed and food and shelter are hard to attain. The children are barely sleeping from the fear and threats they are enduring!
Please contribute and circulate for their survival!
Venmo @popwink (note star emoji)
Cashapp $frigale
Paypal @edgar060484

Karrie@karriehiggins· Jan 25

Again: ONLY PHONAK can change them in this model. Here is a screenshot from my phone this time (larger text). Spouse was on his way there to drop them off. I had to tell my audiologist to direct my spouse back home & I would be dropping out of things due to this cost.

Karrie@karriehiggins· Jan 13

Epistemic Injustice is a Nonconsensual Relationship with God -- latest on the newsletter, about the intersection of my DID with spiritual & other abuse I have experienced in the mental healthcare system. Free writes for my class that are becoming more. #TherapyToo open.substack.com/pub/karriehi...

soviet Vertushka phone with no dial and no number pad, textoverlaid says: Epistemic Injustice is a Nonconsensual Relationship with God karriehiggins.substack.com

Karrie@karriehiggins· Nov 13

I always described this one as my "coming out" essay because it exposed my #neurodivergence in a vulnerable way I had never done before, BUT I had no idea it exposed the inner world of my #DissociativeIdentityDisorder until a decade later, in 2024 ... open.substack.com/pub/karriehi...

Karrie@karriehiggins· Nov 2

I swear I just chom chommed the couch lol, but she rolled all over it so now it's FURRY... Meet Victoria Lord Buchanan aka Niki Smith! This is the little black kitty we suspected was abandoned. We were right! Not a feral! No chip, free cat. We love her.

little black void kitty with yellow eyes on the back porch before we brought her inside. she has a white spot on her chest

little black void kitty lying on a blue velvet couch, exposing her belly, which has a crescent moon of white on it

Karrie@karriehiggins· Oct 31

Annnd a generous donor made this happen!!! I just sent $100 to my friend who is in need of food aid because of the SNAP shutdown. Thank you so much!!!! So happy I could match that donation. A thank-you is incoming as well!

$100 payment sent on Paypal. I redacted the name for the privacy of the recipient!

Karrie@karriehiggins· Oct 30

Hunger is a public health issue.

HACAP Hunger Vital Sign™ Survey
This short survey asks questions to help us understand if you're having trouble getting enough food. Not having enough food can affect your health and how well your cancer treatment works. Your answers will help us give you better support and care. Everything you share is private and only used to help you.
Date:
I/We worried whether my/our food would run out before
I/we got money to buy more.
Often true
Sometimes true
Never true
The food that I/we bought just didn't last, and I/we didn't
have money to get more.
• Often true
口
Sometimes true
• Never true
Patient may complete the survey once a week
STAFF complete OTHER SIDE

Karrie@karriehiggins· Oct 18

Help a deported family survive! My friend is in touch with this family and has been raising funds for them. Thx for shares!

Help a Deported Family Survive!
Indira is a disabled, Indigenous abuse survivor. Her and her three children were deported to the streets of Venezuela and are now struggling to consistently get food and shelter.
The children have begun school! They need food every day and currently can't get it. That's where we come in!
V
@popwink (note star emoji)
P
@edgar060484

Karrie@karriehiggins· Oct 11

sorry i had to

The Grim Reaper claw machine meme with text: Diane Keaton?! Is Woody Allen even in this thing?

Karrie@karriehiggins· Sep 4

Here's mine. Pretty, too! To me, it is quite sweet with the 4 dates. Might be too much for me with 10 but YMMV. Didn't do it on purpose ... thought it had said 4 lol. I had a little extra batter and also made a mini loaf.

banana bread loaf with sliced bananas baked into the top. text overlay reads "fresh baked buckwheat GF banana bread ... so good"

Karrie@karriehiggins· Aug 31

Years ago when I lived in SLC, I found a newspaper clip about my mother winning an archery tournament when she was 18. I asked her about it, and she kinda acted like it was NBD, maybe a little surprised I had found it. 1/

Black and white photo of three young white women in early 1960s fashion with their archery bows and arrows. My mother is on the far right with short curly hair.

Karrie@karriehiggins· Aug 30

My Grandma Ashline -- fiery Irish side of the family -- knew what was what lol. Her t-shirt says: "How do I spell UNEMPLOYMENT? R-E-A-G-A-N." She's holding my niece here & we both LOVE this one cause we both hate Reagan with the fire of a thousand suns.

A red-headed old lady holding a baby girl in a red velvet dress. The old lady's t-shirt says, "How do I spell UNEMPLOYMENT? R-E-A-G-A-N."

Karrie@karriehiggins· Aug 26

Interpretations by Mourid Barghouti

A poet sits in a coffee shop, writing.
The old lady
thinks he is writing a letter to his mother, the young woman
thinks he is writing a letter to his girlfriend, the child
thinks he is drawing. the businessman
thinks he is considering a deal, the tourist
thinks he is writing a postcard. the employee
thinks he is calculating his debts.
The secret policeman walks, slowly, towards him.
شاعرٌ يكْثبُ في المقْهى.
العجوز، ظلئه يكثبُ رسالة لوالدتِه،
المُراهِقة، ظنتهُ يكتب لحبيبته،
الطفل، ظنهُ يرسم،
التاجر، ظنَه يتدَبْرُ صفقة،
السانح، ظلهُ يكثبُ بطاقة بريديَّة،
الموظف، ظله يُخصي ديونه
رَجُلَ البوليس السريّ،
مشى نحوَهُ ببْطء!

Karrie@karriehiggins· Aug 24

Where are my Long COVID friends at?