My wife asked me to shave my arms and legs. This is basically me right now.

No cheating, post your lock screen. "The Sleeper in the Stars" by Maija Pietekainen.

Oh hey, didn't that gun show up in Civvie's Soldier of Fortune video?

There's always letting odd nuggets of lore stick in your craw and amass effluvia from other legends until it all crystalizes into a beautiful pearl of a fantasy beastie. ...A needlessly visceral analogy, perhaps, but case in point—Norse myth states Dwarves were uplifted from maggots. Ergo:

Same.

...As a gothy possum girlthing with a spiked collar, I couldn't NOT make this my new lock screen. It sparks joy every time I see it.

Bastet (orange; five years old) and Koschei (grey; two years old).

...I feel like an outlier with my chosen powerful, manipulative woman—

Whelp, Huitzilopochtli and Coyolxauhqi are fighting again. At least the Tzitzimimeh are staying out of it.

I'VE GOT YOUR NUMBER KRAFT YOU CANUCK TRANSPLANT FUCK—

...It also gives you the option of buying a FOUR POUND BOX OF BLACK TEA.