Matthew Highton
@matthighton
Comedian and maker of nonsense.
It’s midnight here in the UK and for all you older teens it’s time to enjoy the social media test card.
I’m not saying everyone was on it last night but the Lucozade shelf speaks for itself.
I don’t normally jump on TikTok trends but I really like this time stamp trend of showing how nice your life is at different points in a day. It’s aesthetic and wholesome, so hey ho, I’m jumping on board.
I would like to announce my retirement from Clacton-on_Sea. I'm proud to announce I'm re-standing for Clacton-on-Sea.
So you don’t have to read the article it’s summon the ancient egg god and pop one of his eyes.
The founding fathers didn’t die fighting aliens yesterday for this to happen. 😡
When you’re climbing the Empire State Building at 3 but you’re launching your 00s dance single at 5.
I’ve just realised Mingo City in the 80s Flash Gordon is just future Minas Tirith. Awful to see what a dictator with garish taste can do to beautiful white stone architecture.
No Sam, I can’t recall the cold side of the pillow nor the need for socks… I’m naked in the dark with four fans going, no veil between me and the wheel of fire.
Thinking about the greatest heatwave moments in film and for me it has to be this bit in Batman and Robin.
We had a heatwave in the summer of 76 and just got on with it. Back then the sun was known as Ra and his word was gospel. We fired 12 people from each community into the sun to appease him. Only four came back, but they were... different. Hose pipe ban was on. We got by visiting the old haunted well
Nice to see the BBC gearing up to honour the full time two on two break dance fight.
"Come on lads why don't you let me fix you up some of this new isotonic drink for the hydration break"
The referee for the England Ghana game is giving some serious shoulder pad energy.
Starmer announcing a "contest of power" for the new PM. My brain:
If anyone wants to do an ITV drama about a city slicker who moves to the countryside and may or may not be the Mask, I’m ready.
Presenting a minimalist interpretation of Charlie Buckets grandparents.
How to get extra storage space out of your tardis by turning features into a handy shoe rack.
In case you were wondering I’m the one in the lads chat who only watches football during the World Cup.