Nolan Vancey

@nolanvancey

Rhymes with fancy. Writer of kinky wet and messy erotica and romance. Minors DNI. 🔞 Author of ADAM'S APPETITE

536 Following606 Followers597 Posts

Patreon Bluesky

amateur

Is this your profile?Claim it and nolanvancey.dirty.social is yours.Claim profile

Nolan Vancey@nolanvancey· Jun 30

Can't believe I didn't think of "Whoremione"

Cover of a cosplay-themed porn movie titled "Wizard Sluts: Whoremione"

Nolan Vancey@nolanvancey· May 28

"It's so slippery."

Prompt: write an erotic story in only three words

Nolan Vancey@nolanvancey· May 14

We did it!

Total visits to my Patreon in the last 30 days equal 100, up 65

Nolan Vancey@nolanvancey· May 13

Almost up to 100 visits to my Patreon in the last 30 days, which as you can see is a big improvement (amazing what actually posting about it can accomplish!). There are several free stories and articles to read, so who wants to push it over 100? www.patreon.com/nolanvancey

Stats from my Patreon showing 96 total visits in the last 30 days, up 62 from the previous timeframe

Nolan Vancey@nolanvancey· May 10

On vacation with her family, Karen stops at a mysterious tourist trap called "The Magoopsie," only to get a closer look than she expected!

1/2
It was, she told herself, nothing more than a patch of mud; why would it be anything else? But then, why couldn’t she take her eyes off it? Even in the artificial light of the exhibit hall, the colors on the surface shifted subtly, ranging from slate grays to rich chocolate browns that glistened invitingly. It reminded Karen of a decadent dessert; it may have looked like pudding, but the aroma that filled the room, trapped inside, was harder to place: fragrant as fresh earth, but with an unplaceable spice. What was it? Perhaps in the prehistoric past, like the paintings in the lobby, the scent spread outward across the plains, attracting the animals—and people—who fell prey to it.
“It’s hypnotic, isn’t it?” The guide jolted Karen out of her reverie; she hadn’t even realized she wasn’t alone. How long had she been staring at it?

2/2
Karen nodded absently, but couldn’t bring herself to agree. “The air conditioning is nice,” she allowed.
“Sometimes I like to come in here when I’m in a bad mood,” the guide continued. “The Magoopsie is . . . well, it’s a good listener.” Karen could have sworn the guide blushed, and she noticed for the first time how young she was: pretty, but barely out of her teens.
Karen shook her head in confusion. “But that makes it sound like it’s . . . alive,” she protested. Another bubble formed on the surface and expanded until it popped, giving Karen the distinct impression of an eye, winking at her. Again, the mood of the attraction was certainly working on her imagination. Hadn’t she pictured the Magoopsie luring victims into its depths to drown, like one of those plants that smelled sweet but closed around any insect foolish enough to land on it?

Nolan Vancey@nolanvancey· May 1

Find out the real story! #wam #wetandmessy #mud www.patreon.com/posts/156533...

Illustration of a pig. Caption reads Animal Farm: The Metamorphosis, a book report by Nolan Vancey

Nolan Vancey@nolanvancey· Apr 26

Who needs Cliff's Notes?

Two soft, full-bodied women occupied the stalls instead of the cows he expected. They rested on their hands and knees and looked through the stall gates with large, expectant eyes. One was blonde, the other brunette, and neither had any clothes on. “Where’s Bessie? Who are you?” Greg oinked, dropping the pail.
“Don’t you know?” the brunette said impatiently. “I’m Bessie, and she’s Bonnie.” The blonde blew an errant strand of long hair out of her face. “Come on, we need to be milked.” Both women pushed forward in their stalls eagerly.

Nolan Vancey@nolanvancey· Apr 26

It's just like you remember reading in high school:

Farmer Greg awoke from a sleep of uneasy dreams to find that he had turned into a pig. The bed seemed overly large and he got tangled in the blankets before he realized that his body was a different shape than he was used to. When he first got a good look at his new hooves, he said, “Oh no! How am I supposed to take care of the farm like this?” It came out as an oinking squeal: he wouldn’t be able to ask for help, even if he could have picked up a telephone. He jumped down from his bed, which seemed much taller than before, and trotted through the farmhouse.

Nolan Vancey@nolanvancey· Apr 26

I haven't retired, but I've been MIA for far too long! The last few months have been grueling between my different day jobs, so even when I've had time to write I haven't been posting much. Sorry to anyone who missed me!

Vintage postcard: a small child sits amidst a pile of written papers and a puddle of spilled ink from an overturned ink bottle. Caption reads "have gotten a 'little behind' in my letter writing!"

Nolan Vancey@nolanvancey· Feb 14

Uh oh, Frankie!

Novelty valentine card depicting Frankenstein's monster with his hands in some kind of gluey, stringy mass. Possibly sinking in quicksand. Caption reads "I'm stuck on you." Artist unknown

Nolan Vancey@nolanvancey· Feb 14

Happy Valentine's Day! #mud

Mid-century novelty Valentine, artist unknown: in a grassy field, a puddle of mud with a face is offered hearts by a flower (also with a face) leaning over it. Caption reads "MUD about you, Valentine!"

Nolan Vancey@nolanvancey· Feb 14

Hope you're having something good this Valentine's weekend

Mid-century novelty Valentine card: a blonde babe trussed up with an apple in her mouth on a big dinner plate; a giant purple monster holding a knife and fork looks on, licking its chops; caption reads "I'd like to have you for dinner sometime!" Art by Wallace Wood I believe

Nolan Vancey@nolanvancey· Dec 25

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays! Hope you got what you wanted this year! (Cartoon by John O'Brien)

Pen and ink cartoon illustration by John O'Brien: a masked dominatrix pours milk into a pet bowl labeled "Santa" on the floor, a few cookies lying nearby.

Nolan Vancey@nolanvancey· Dec 21

"Human Resources" is a bit of a departure for me; it is a bit messy, but the focus is on the office's new requirement of skin-tight rubber uniforms, a policy that I'm sure could not have any downsides.

A knock on the door interrupted their small talk and Chester’s secretary entered with a stack of folders. “Sorry to interrupt, gentlemen,” Tressa said.

“Not at all,” Chester said, and the two men’s conversation fell by the wayside as they both appreciated the gravity-defying effects of Tressa’s uniform. Thigh-high spike-heel boots complimented her form-fitting red catsuit; the attached cowl was pulled back like a hood, revealing a pretty face and piled-up blonde hair.

“Ahem. Quite right.” Chester continued, “You see? These uniforms send a message. They tell our customers and our competition that we’re serious about discipline. It says, ‘Luston & Gangway is the title security and management service of the future.’ That will be all, Tressa.” The blonde secretary gave Howard a private smile and a little wave before closing the door behind her.

Nolan Vancey@nolanvancey· Dec 17

You will be visited by three spirits.

Three blonde women with pie on their faces and clothes; the two on the left and right playfully threaten the one in the middle with more pies. (Daizy, Chase and Carolyn from the old MessyFun website)

Nolan Vancey@nolanvancey· Dec 10

Don't worry, I wouldn't accuse anyone of drinking Bud Light

Spuds MacKenzie, a black and white pit bull terrier in a blue Hawaiian shirt, pouring a draft of delicious, refreshing Bud Light into a glass beer mug. Caption reads "Spuds MacKenzie, Dean of Partyology"

Nolan Vancey@nolanvancey· Dec 9

Me when I get a little too excited watching a pie video #wam #messy #sploshing

Screenshot of custard splattered against a window. Closed caption of someone saying "sorry guys. Excuse me."

Nolan Vancey@nolanvancey· Nov 27

Post your warning label!

Warning: area patrolled by goth girls with big stompy boots

Nolan Vancey@nolanvancey· Nov 27

The story in your mind vs. the story you write

Art by Terry Moore. Detailed illustration of young woman drinking a cocktail labeled "studio sketch" on left; crude drawing of stick figure holding bottle labeled "convention sketch" on right

Nolan Vancey@nolanvancey· Nov 20

There was also a producer called Kaolumbia who did some Christmas-themed quicksand shoots(they're still on UMD dot NET):

Platinum blonde girl wearing Santa hat and red fur-trimmed bikini up to her chest in thick mud

Nolan Vancey@nolanvancey· Nov 20

Richard Sala did some horror-themed Christmas illustrations that might suit you (there's more where this came from, I just searched "Richard Sala Christmas"):

Illustration by Richard Sals of an undead-looking Santa carrying a redheaded babe dressed as an elf

Nolan Vancey@nolanvancey· Nov 17

Doing some research for a #pie story I've been hammering away at, and history is coming alive!

Keaton explained in his memoirs that he and Arbuckle became very specific with their recipe for the pies created for onscreen flight. For instance, if the target was a blonde, custard was not used; the filling was a mixture of blackberries, flour, and water, topped with whipped cream. When a brunette was to be hit, a lemon-meringue filling was substituted for blackberries, which showed up better on the screen against a darker complexion.

In addition, “Two crusts are cooked, one inside the other, until brittle. The double crust prevents crumbling when your fingers slide across the bottom in delivering the confectionery. Tin plates are never used because of the danger of cutting the recipient’s eye, something that could happen when the plate slides sideways at the crucial moment of impact.”

Nolan Vancey@nolanvancey· Oct 29

Here's some art I put together for this last year. Rest assured I have not improved my skills in any way in the time since. #messy #pies

a stick figure woman holding a pie threatens two other stick figure women and says "Get ready for some humble pie." Caption beneath reads Patreon dot com slash Nolan Vancey

Nolan Vancey@nolanvancey· Sep 19

For #quicksand day, I invite you to explore The Magoopsie, an attraction you won't soon forget: www.patreon.com/posts/134706...

“Sometimes I like to come in here when I’m in a bad mood,” the guide continued. “The Magoopsie is . . . well, it’s a good listener.” Karen could have sworn the guide blushed, and she noticed for the first time how young she was: pretty, but barely out of her teens.
Karen shook her head in confusion. “But that makes it sound like it’s . . . alive,” she protested. Another bubble formed on the surface and expanded until it popped, giving Karen the distinct impression of an eye, winking at her. Again, the mood of the attraction was certainly working on her imagination. Hadn’t she pictured the Magoopsie luring victims into its depths to drown, like one of those plants that smelled sweet but closed around any insect foolish enough to land on it?

Nolan Vancey@nolanvancey· Sep 8

Share where your #fetish started

Scene from 1981 movie STRIPES: John Candy as Ox in mud-wrestling ring, surrounded and overpowered by half-naked, mud-covered babes

Nolan Vancey@nolanvancey· Sep 5

#currentlyreading MESSY by Colora De Rosa. I was excited to get my hands on this one, a contemporary poly (MFF) romance that happens to center the #WAM ( #wetandmessy ) kink (lifestyle?). I'm only in the early chapters, but since far I'm enjoying it. #romance #books #booksky 🔞✒️📚❤️

Book cover: MESSY by Corola De Rosa. Heart-shaped cake, partially smashed, on pink background

Nolan Vancey@nolanvancey· Aug 21

See a web, post a web

Screenshot from old black and white cartoon of a spider with shoes and gloves catching a fly in his web

Nolan Vancey@nolanvancey· Jul 31

The question "What is the Magoopsie?" is teased throughout, but suffice it to say this one will interest #mud and #quicksand enthusiasts. Just don't drop anything over the guardrail unless you want a firsthand encounter!

1/3
“You go on,” she said. Perhaps it was the prospect of a moment or two without the kids, or just her curiosity, but she felt that there was something here she needed to see.

It was, she told herself, nothing more than a patch of mud; why would it be anything else? But then, why couldn’t she take her eyes off it? Even in the artificial light of the exhibit hall, the colors on the surface shifted subtly, ranging from slate grays to rich chocolate browns that glistened invitingly. It reminded Karen of a decadent dessert; it may have looked like pudding, but the aroma that filled the room, trapped inside, was harder to place: fragrant as fresh earth, but with an unplaceable spice. What was it? Perhaps in the prehistoric past, like the paintings in the lobby, the scent spread outward across the plains, attracting the animals—and people—who fell prey to it.

2/3
Her first thought was to get down on her knees and reach for the ring, but now that she was on the other side of the guardrail, it didn’t look so close. Her heart pounded in her chest and she took a deep breath, as if preparing for a leap into the unknown. Just a few steps out into the mud and a few steps back, she told herself. Holding onto the rail with one hand, she tentatively extended one leg and planted her foot. The surface of the mud was wet and gelid, but not as cold as she had feared. Perhaps it only seemed warm in comparison to the icy air conditioning; if it were outside, as it had been since time immemorial, would it be temptingly cool on a hot day like this one? Liquid squeezed between Karen’s toes, sending shivers up her calf and leg; she hadn’t squished mud with her feet since she had been a little girl, and she couldn’t quite remember if it had felt like this.

3/3
It wasn’t only the need to concentrate that had forced her to take hold of herself: beneath the intensely focused surface, Karen was surprised to realize that she was excited. It was partly the fear of losing her wedding band, combined with the awareness that she was now surrounded on all sides by sticky mud, and that it would only take one tiny slip to end up in it. But there was anticipation as well: how triumphant she would feel retrieving her ring and escaping the pull of the Magoopsie! It was a challenge, and it had been so very long since Karen had felt challenged. Wobbling, she returned her focus to stepping carefully, but the glance at the mud and the thought that it would never come out of her clothes if she fell in made her wonder if she should have removed them as well as her sandals. A jolt of excitement—or panic—shot through her at the thought. Careful, she told herself, you’re really losing it.

Nolan Vancey@nolanvancey· Jul 31

I had fun with this one: Kerry, Mondy, and Ducks share stories of fundraising events from their past. I was pleased to cover pies, wetlook, and mud. Back in the early days of #WAM on the internet, videos came in anthology format, and producers liked to offer something for everyone.

1/3
Kerry chuckled. “You just reminded me of someone. When I was the captain of the cheerleading team in high school, we did a fundraiser for a trip, and that was the same thing our coach said: ‘Draw a crowd.’ So we came up with the idea of a ‘pie your teacher’ event.”

Ducks snorted. “I can tell that wasn’t your idea.”

“No, but I agreed it would get attention, and Coach Jan was willing to go along with it. If we raised a certain amount of money, she would let us pie her in the face at a school assembly. People thought it was funny, and you know, a lot of the boys liked Coach Jan. She was pretty, so we sold a lot of tickets. We made our goal so fast, one of the girls suggested we should get other teachers involved.”

2/3
We organized a carwash for a Saturday morning, and it was hot day like this, so we thought, ‘Why not make it a bikini carwash?’”

“Mondy—” Kerry said knowingly.

“Okay, it was my idea. I wasn’t as big yet as I am now—” Mondy lifted her boobs, currently encased in an Eta Pi tee shirt that clung wetly in the humid air. It had clearly been too warm to bother with a bra. Mondy had been curvaceous when Kerry met her in the fall, but it seemed as if the proverbial “freshman fifteen” had all gone to her chest. “But I had this new red bikini I wanted to try out. You know my mom [a story that hasn’t been told yet –ed.]; she thought it was too revealing for me to wear to the public pool, and the country club had a dress code. I knew she wouldn’t bother coming to the carwash, so it was perfect.

3/3
Every day for weeks before the event, members of the club came to school in cosplay to advertise. One day Chun-Li, the next day Lady Dimitrescu, and so on. That got a lot of attention—you’d be surprised how much people will pay attention to ‘nerds’ when they’re dressed like hot people. I went to school as Raven from the Teen Titans and Faye Valentine from Cowboy Bebop, and a couple of others, before the administration cracked down on costumes at school. We were getting a little too much attention, and they said it was distracting. The boys would ask if we were climbing into the ring dressed like that, and that’s when we knew we had them hooked. On the last day of school before the event, the girls in the club dressed as the Sailor Scouts, and the boys went as characters from JoJo. We all got sent home for breaking the no costumes rule, but it was worth it—we had made sure that everyone would come to our event.”

Nolan Vancey@nolanvancey· Jul 22

Your pfp is your therapist "Pies, you say? How . . . colorful, but what happens behind closed doors, you know. It's always the quiet ones!" Cover art from Exciting Love, a 1950s romance pulp