Afton

@octopody

Reviewed by the ATLs: "Afton, the first" - Alex Horne "You piece of shit" - Mark Watson "Where is my dressing room?" - Tim Key

222 Following223 Followers1,554 Posts

Bluesky

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Afton@octopody· 8d

Immune system obliteration day once again, always a good time to catch up on my reading. This one’s been sitting on my shelf for ages- my last unsigned hardback novel, no more!

A hardback copy of Bullet Points by Mark Watson, yellowed with age, held open to show the author’s signature. It is being read in a hospital by a person with an IV in their arm.

Afton@octopody· 12d

Oh. Uhm... this was the last text I sent...

Screenshot:
Afton 3:42 PM
Sorry, I know I'm blowing up your inbox, but

Afton@octopody· 19d

Jumpscare! In The Vrbo

A kitchen drawer partially opened to show a creepy green bunny face silicone mold.

Afton@octopody· 19d

Genuinely one of my all-time favourite @watsoncomedian.bsky.social shows tonight. Absolutely unhinged conversion humour. Wine that Watto did want and champagne that someone else didn’t. A light heckle. Football! You heard it here first: Hamilton is the next epicentre of cutting-edge comedy.

Two glasses of white wine and a plate of poutine at Levity comedy club in Hamilton. Mark Watson is also there. He is on stage in the background, extending his own glass of wine toward the audience.

Afton@octopody· 20d

Toronto absolutely went wild for Before It Overtakes Us: Canadian Edition! There was math (singular)! IHOP! A giant focaccia! Niagara Falls! Justin Bieber! But don’t fret if you missed it, eh? You can still catch @watsoncomedian.bsky.social in Hamilton on Thursday night.

Mark Watson on stage at the Comedy Bar Danforth in front of a velvet curtain. The lighting is like Calum: bisexual. Mark is smiling, holding a glass of wine in one hand and the microphone in the other. He’s got a very snazzy haircut and is wearing a surprisingly well-fitted outfit.

Afton@octopody· 20d

Mark Watson? On MY continent? It’s more likely than you think.

The exterior of The Comedy Bar Danforth, advertising “TONIGHT MARK WATSON”

Afton@octopody· 24d

Getting out of a Mark Watson show and stumbling into a Weird Al concert!? I dumped a glass of wine on my lap earlier, but I’m also up to my eyeballs in hilarious curly haired men?? 😍🤩

A horrible, basically unrecognisable picture of Weird Al on stage singing Skipper Dan, taken from VERY far back

Afton@octopody· 25d

Vacation has truly begun.

A hand holding a chicken “baguette” (looks like a skinny calzone) and a huge glass of Shiraz in the bath of an Airbnb. They vaguely make the shape of a heart. There are also feet. (For free! In this economy!?)

Afton@octopody· Jul 15

The best thing about being unafraid to love loudly and obsessively is that sometimes, your passion is so strong that it becomes contagious. Here’s to the one who taught me to love this beautiful game. You’ve brought me so much joy. 🍻🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿

A bottle of Alamos Argentinian Malbec, sitting on top of a bag of groceries.

An American attempt at fish, chips, tartar sauce (homemade), and mushy peas (homemade). Like England’s performance tonight , I’m sure there is criticism to be found… but I am biased and blind to it. There is something to be proud of, here.

Afton@octopody· Jul 8

Delicious disaster:

The same lemon blueberry chiffon cake from the previous post, the slice
now collapsed in a scrumptious, but structurally unsound, slump.

Afton@octopody· Jul 8

Photos taken moments before disaster:

On a table inside of a Paris Baguette: a towering slice of lemon blueberry chiffon cake, a large iced chai latte (filled considerably less than you’d hope for the price), the corner of a laptop with a document (unseen, for reasons of spicy) open.

Afton@octopody· Jul 6

I think they’re both good, actually?

A sausage roll, pasty and mash, covered in gravy and served with a side of assorted vegetables. (It was embarrassingly named “The Beckham and Owen,” but was delicious enough to make up for the cringe factor.) On one side of the plate, there’s a cider. On the other, HP sauce.

Some absolute god tier carnitas nachos from a food truck, held up at a stadium watch party for the USA/BIH game

Afton@octopody· Jul 1

When in Rome… (allow yourself to be occasionally distracted from the crumbling of the empire by the bread and circuses, lest you lose to will to fight)

Afton@octopody· Jun 30

We DID recently have to climb on some furniture to move our antenna higher on the wall during a storm. Very classy solution, here:

A flat interior antenna duct taped to the wall several feet above a television. The Panama/England World Cup match is playing while a “SEVERE T’STORM WARNING” alert scrolls across the bottom of the screen.

Afton@octopody· Jun 29

I'm still haunted by the tragic and beautiful cabinet full of stuffed hummingbirds, their once brilliant colours now faded by light and time. Can you imagine how dazzling this would have been for Londoners in the 1800's, none of whom had ever seen a live hummingbird before?

"Hummingbird Cabinet" by laika_ac, a photograph showing a few of the many taxidermized hummingbirds on display in the London Natural History Museum. The focal point of the photograph is a green hummingbird in the center, its wings outstretched.

Photo by "brian..." of the full display case of hummingbirds in the Natural History Museum. There are really just an unreasonable amount of taxidermized hummingbirds in a wooden and glass case. Sourced from Wikipedia.

Afton@octopody· Jun 17

Supporting small business by having a fantastic night latte, surrounded by excited people in Messi jerseys. What a joy! 💕⚽️🇦🇷

Afton@octopody· Jun 11

Watching David Attenborough's Natural History Museum Alive with my dad and being able to say, “I was there! I saw that! I can tell you more about that!!” tonight was the coolest experience.

A wall of ichthyosaur fossils in the Natural History Museum in London

Afton@octopody· Jun 7

How long before I test the mysterious EMERGENCY SWITCH that came in our new home?

A red switch plate labeled “EMERGENCY SWITCH” that is flipped to the “ON” position.

Afton@octopody· Jun 5

What I mean when I say it’s time for some self-love in the bath:

In a candlelit bath, feet propped up on the faucet, using a half-eaten Double Decker bar to obscure any potentially exciting bits.

Afton@octopody· May 31

I’m mostly an ebook reader, but it’s time to move house and sort the bookshelf. Judge my physical accumulations, #booksky! Left: my precious babies, being hand carried to their new home Middle: TBR and TBre-R, going on the moving truck Right: read, being donated

Three stacks of 12-15 books each. Mostly fiction with a couple science books, memoirs, and books of poetry.

Disproportionally represented: Mark Watson, Alex Horne, and books with “Hotel” in the title

Afton@octopody· May 30

I am a big fan of the Biore UV Aqua Rich. It is Japanese, but I recently saw it in Boots. I am weird about texture and VERY prone to sunburn (for reference- forgot sun cream on this cool and very overcast day, my face and chest burned to a crisp in only 2 hours) and it’s always served me well.

Cardiff castle, on a very gloomy day that no normal person would expect requires sun cream.

Afton@octopody· May 27

This project has been an immense challenge, but finally giving this wonderful collection of stories a physical form and being able to place it in the hands of my favourite author and another of his readers has brought me so much joy. It feels as if I have put one small thing right with the world.

The title page, printed in Futura Md BT (24 pt, 30 pt, 15 pt). It has been signed in black Sharpie and dedicated, “to Afton: thank you for this incredible undertaking. Mark x”

A handbound, signed, and recently read copy of One Hundred Alpha Stories sits on the arm of my favourite bench in the world. The Author’s words followed me here. As I folded their sounds neatly between the lapping of water and the screaming of gulls, rain began to fall softly around me, graciously deflected away from my book by the dense and ancient trees above. When a drop finally fell upon its pages, I realised I was the only possible source. x

Afton@octopody· May 27

The 100 Alpha ebook has clickable topic lists and “find more stories about…” suggestions listed at the end of each story. I’ve adapted this into a traditional index. It is the part I am most proud of. The index order and topics are based on the ebook, which varies slightly from the website.

Afton@octopody· May 27

The completed text blocks, ready to be covered. Her covers are 2mm chipboard, Nepalese loktah paper, and book cloth. I wrapped up Mark’s copy for safe transport before I got a picture of all of the finished books together, but here’s a few before their covers were attached.

A dramatically lit photograph of the spines of all three copies, fresh out of the book press. They have been sewn using French link stitch, each with a different colour of waxed cotton thread: white, brown, and tan. It’s an oddly sensual photograph, if you ask The Bookbinder. But they're into some weird stuff, so your opinion may vary.

Another photograph of the spines of all three copies. They have now been covered in several layers of cheesecloth and PVA glue, through which the stitching is still slightly visible. Blue and white striped headbands and a blue ribbon bookmark have been attached. At this stage, they have spent different amounts of time in the press and are slightly different widths. This was resolved by the time the covers were attached.

The three books, laid flat on a white duvet. The cream endpapers have already been attached on one copy. The other two copies and their endpapers await assembly. The elements of the covers and a plastic bag of glue, brushes, rulers, and other supplies are in the top of the photograph.

A finished quarter-bound cover, drying on top of a book press. It will soon be attached to the text block and placed in the book press one final time. Tiny, triangular bits of waste bookcloth are strewn around the tips of a pair of scissors. Part of the next cover, bookcloth corners not yet applied, is visible in the upper edge of the photograph. The Bookbinder pivoted from case binding to quarter binding late in the process due to some technical difficulties that arose with printing the cover, but it turned out to be a very good thing. It looks far more elegant this way, better suited to the splendour of the Hotel itself.

Afton@octopody· May 27

She’s printed on cream Lettermark 20gsm paper with my home laser printer (except the 6 colour pages, which I had done at a print shop). Each page was folded individually, assembled into signatures, trimmed, punched with an awl, and sewn together with waxed cotton thread and a curved needle.

The Bookbinder’s left hand and forearm, aligning the next page to be folded on the back of a large clipboard. The printed, unfolded pages sit on the arm of the sofa, each signature rotated in an alternating direction. The folded pages are on the opposite corner of the clipboard. A bone folder rests on the active page, ready to be picked up and used to create a sharp central crease once the photo has been taken.

A signature in a paper cutter, about to be trimmed from half letter to A5 size. A large pile of off-cuts sits under the raised blade. A stack of trimmed signatures sits nearby on a wooden book press. Next, holes will be punched in the crease and they will be sewn together.

The first moment the first copy could be reasonably called “a book.” This is Hare’s copy, sewn with white cotton waxed thread, held up to show off the stitches. There are 14 signatures of 6 folded pages each. The excess thread has not yet been trimmed, and the intimidating curved needle is still attached and resting below the book, on a makeshift hole-punching surface made from a clipboard and a piece of cardboard. The text block will now be placed in the book press to be properly smooshed before gluing.

Afton@octopody· May 27

I merged the beautiful original cover art from Hotel Alpha and 100 Alpha to get an unbroken exterior image, traced it, and made a few minor design tweaks. I printed it on cream cardstock and applied toner reactive gold foil with a household iron. This is the first page when you open the book.

Afton@octopody· May 27

I started with the confusingly Americanised ebook. It has now been amended back to British English, to the best of my ability, and typeset in a format that works in print. Not pictured: I've included a current and complete list of all of Mark's books on the back of the title page. More in alt text.

A line drawing of the exterior of the Hotel Alpha, in gold foil, based off Stuart Wilson’s illustrations for Hotel Alpha and One Hundred Alpha Stories. All of the text has been removed and the design has been slightly simplified. The main alteration: an “A” has been placed above the door, where the “W” of “Watson” is located on the cover of Hotel Alpha.

The book held open to display two pages of Oliver Harud’s lovely illustrations for “Forecourt 1993,” printed in rich colour from a commercial laser printer. The rest of the book, including the spine, was printed on a very well-loved Brother HL‑2280DW monochrome laser printer. If the choice was between saving The Author and this printer from drowning, The Bookbinder may very well shout, “how well can you swim, Mark?” before making the decision.

The index, printed in Times New Roman (16 pt headings, 11 pt text). The name of each category is centered above a two column list of each relevant story. The categories include date, location, character, and topic. One of Mark’s categories from the original website was omitted from the ebook, and the characters seem to be listed by prominence in the main Hotel Alpha book, instead of alphabetical order as one may expect. In both of these things, the print copy aligns with the ebook.

Afton@octopody· May 27

A great literary tragedy of our time: it has been impossible to own a physical copy of every book @watsoncomedian.bsky.social has ever published, because one was only released digitally. I felt compelled to remedy this. I have so many details to share. (Much more in the alt text.)

A handbound copy of Mark Watson’s One Hundred Hotel Alpha Stories, sitting on a pub table with a glass of wine, just hours before being signed. The cover is cream Nepalese lokta paper with a golden fan pattern, and the spine and corners are covered with dark blue bookcloth. It has a lighter blue ribbon bookmark. The colours were selected to match the original cover art, and the paper’s pattern was selected to align with descriptions of the hotel’s interior.

The same book in the same settings, this time held open to show one of the stories inside, "Room 41, 1967." The book is printed in Times New Roman (12 pt text, 18 pt headings, 11 pt headers). The headers read “MARK WATSON” on the even pages and “100 HOTEL ALPHA STORIES” on the odd pages.

100 Alpha sits on a white duvet, the spine facing the camera and The Bookbinder’s glasses resting on top. The spine reads, “ONE HUNDRED HOTEL ALPHA STORIES” and “MARK WATSON,” printed in black using the text from the original cover art. There is also a faint line drawing between the words, based on the window above the Hotel Alpha front door.

Afton@octopody· May 22

I just had a wonderful woman scrub me and rub me and paint me with various goos and pull my hair for two hours. 12/10 experience. I have never been more relaxed in my life. I am smooth, I am glowing, I am positively gelatinous.

Afton@octopody· May 21

The beginning of a truly lovely night. I will cherish the chance to “wooo!” at “who’s had a lumbar puncture??” Both Ivo and his opener, Phoebe, were excellent. I’m starting to think the “don’t meet your heroes thing” is bullshit. All mine have been great. Maybe it’s a hero picking skill issue?