Zuckerbaby_1 Secret Owner of 'alf a Pyramid #LongLiveOFMD

@ofmdzb

#OurFlagMeansDeath, fanfic writer, PsA, CPTSD, ADHD, 50, they/he/she. Reposts NSFW art & fic. If you're not a gay pirate will likely block you. Zuckerbaby_1 on A03 🏳️‍🌈🇵🇸🍉🇱🇧🏳️‍⚧️

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Zuckerbaby_1 Secret Owner of 'alf a Pyramid #LongLiveOFMD@ofmdzb· Jun 1

During Pride month 2024, thanks to a fab show called Our Flag Means Death & its fantastic fandom, I came out to myself as pansexual. This year, at 50, I did a trans & queer standup course & show, & talked about my pansexual identity & not feeling queer enough. (Apologies for the lack of captions.)

Zuckerbaby_1 Secret Owner of 'alf a Pyramid #LongLiveOFMD@ofmdzb· May 21

My housemate: Look what FB ads think I'd like - pretty things for pretty boys. To be fair, it's not wrong. Me, mesmerised: STEDE BONNET IN THIS.

A Facebook ad featuring a person wearing a skintight shirt in blue, with the chest highlighted and lacing down the stomach.

Zuckerbaby_1 Secret Owner of 'alf a Pyramid #LongLiveOFMD@ofmdzb· May 21

All of them! And the way that Vico performs them. (But really, just any excuse to post this video).

Zuckerbaby_1 Secret Owner of 'alf a Pyramid #LongLiveOFMD@ofmdzb· May 19

A clip from my recent set in the Trans Christian Andersen & Friends new trans & queer comics showcase, as part of the Sydney Comedy Festival (yes, I am going to be repeatedly telling people I've performed at the festival).

Zuckerbaby_1 Secret Owner of 'alf a Pyramid #LongLiveOFMD@ofmdzb· May 6

For this week's #OFMD #OFMDWIPWednesday, a few snips from the team task in Your Time Starts Now Episode 9. #OFMDFic

Another cut, back to the team of three, Stede reading out the task, the look of bemusement on his face deepening as he said, ''Your time starts now.'" He glanced at Oluwande and Archie, shrugging slightly. "That's all it says." Stede remained standing, baffled, at the desk task in hand, as Oluwande started looking around the room and Archie walked over to Izzy, glaring menacingly.
"Care to explain?"
Before Izzy could answer, Oluwande called out from the other side of the room, "There's a message in a bottle." He upended the deep green beer bottle he was holding, shaking out an apparently aged piece of parchment.
"Is that entirely relevant?" Stede asked, voice nasal and bitchy, mouth twisted judgementally Ed ignored the deliciously icy chill that always trickled down his spine when Stede used that
tone.
Oluwande unwound the scroll and spread it out on the desk, the three of them reading it aloud in chorus. "Dear blank, I long for you."

As part of the team of three's room exploration, Archie had found a promising looking box and carried it over to the desk.
She noted, with some disappointment, the combination lock that was holding the lid closed, her face brightening up when Stede announced, eagerly and confidently, "Oh! I can pick that!"
Ed suppressed a fond groan, remembering the months that Stede had devoted to learning to pick locks, refusing to let Ed give him the benefit of what Stede insisted on calling his
'lived experience'. Stede had managed to pick the simplest of the provided locks in the lock-picking kit, it was true, but it had taken him weeks on end and he'd abandoned the whole enterprise when he'd quote-unquote
'mastered' the skill.
On screen, Stede settled down on the chaise lounge to work on picking the combination lock, and Archie and Olwande continued searching the room. Oluwande pulled out a small torch from the pen holder and shone it at Archie, who exclaimed, "UV!" She picked up the task envelope, waving it in front of the blue light emanating from the torch, and let out a triumphant whoop when an extra line of text appeared.

"Release Izzy, fastest wins." Archie looked at Oluwande and they both looked over at Izzy, who shrugged with only a little trouble. Stede continued (unsuccessfully) working on the combination lock on the box as Oluwande and
Archie wandered over to Izzy and looked behind him.
"Ah," said Oluwande, mildly. "Okay, so a key is needed, I guess."
"Obviously," snipped Stede, eyebrows furrowed as he glared at the still unpicked combination lock. "And it's probably in here."
The clip ended with a shot of Stede hunched over the box in his lap, tongue poking out from between his lips and a look of frustrated concentration on his face.
Ed was absolutely not going to goad Stede.
He wasn't, he wasn't... Ah, fuck it.
"So, Stede, you can pick any lock, right?"

From the corner of his eye, Ed could see Archie sinking her head into her hands. Stede narrowed his eyes and Ed could practically hear the telling off Stede was wishing he could deliver. Instead, Stede straightened up, tugging on the waistcoat that hugged his midsection and chest, and leaned the fuck in.
Because of course he fucking did, the lunatic.
"Any lock." Stede thrust his chin out, as if to dare Ed to dispute his claim. "Any lock."
"Did you successfully pick that lock?" Ed asked, all pointed innocence, biting the inside of his cheek at the clear-as-fuck 'Ed-ward!' he could see in Stede's eyes.
"Not that one, no, didn't pick that one as such."

Zuckerbaby_1 Secret Owner of 'alf a Pyramid #LongLiveOFMD@ofmdzb· May 4

For anyone in Sydney & who's interested in a night (or two) of stand up comedy from up & coming trans, gender diverse, queer comedians, do I have the show for you! May 14/15, Enmore Theatre. I'll be there, giving it my best just-under-five-minutes shot! www.sydneycomedyfest.com.au/event/trans-...

A flyer for Trans Christian Andersen and Friends, an all trans and queer line-up. Featuring: Leigh. 14/15 May, Enmore Theatre. Part of the Sydney Comedy Festival. Photo is of a fat white person with pink hair.

Zuckerbaby_1 Secret Owner of 'alf a Pyramid #LongLiveOFMD@ofmdzb· May 2

To celebrate finishing the draft of Episode 9 of Your Time Starts Now tonight (there's still editing, rewrites, beta-reading & more editing to go, but the draft is done!), here's a couple of snippets of Ed & Stede being sneaky. Kind of. And also cute. #OFMD #OFMDFic #OFMDFandic #OFMDWIP

And yeah, he and Ed could probably talk outside of the studio, away from the whole Taskmaster set-up, but it felt correct. It felt like this was the time and place to grab hold of some of whatever magic had been woven over
the week. For Stede to harness that and use it to ask for what he'd discovered that he wanted. For Stede to hope - no, believe - that Ed felt the same way.
It had to be tonight.
"Tonight?" Jim sounded a little confused. "After the wrap party? At the wrap party? [Bold move], man."
The wrap party? The wrap party. Of course there'd be a wrap party tonight.

S: Edward! There's a wrap party tonight!
E: ...
E: Yeah.
E: Course there is.
S: I don't want to talk at the wrap party.
E: ..
E: ..
E: Right.
Stede scanned back up to his last message and groaned quietly to himself.
S: By which I mean that I want to talk.
S: Very much want to talk.
E: Okay.
E: That's cool. Good. The talking.
E: Might be nice.
S: Perhaps...
S: You suggested we have lunch after episode 9.
S: I think that's a good idea.

Stede glanced over to where Jim, Oluwande and Archie were sitting, heads together as they looked at the same photos as Jim had been showing Stede.
S: I will have to be back in my dressing room an hour before episode 10.
S: To get changed.
E: Stede. Anything you need.
E: We'll talk, then I'l have you...
Stede's heart thumped. Hard. Surely Ed couldn't mean...
E: Back by curfew, mate, don't worry.
Stede let out a shaky laugh, which he rapidly turned into a cough when Izzy glared over at him.
S: See that you do, young man.
E: Younger than you, this year and every year.
S: Incorrigible.
E: Gesundheit.

Lucius' voice echoed over the tannoy. "And that's the live task set-up completely. I've had more latex in my mouth in the last half hour than...Well, that's between me and my joyfriends. Cast, please take you places on the stage. Taskmaster, get your pert arse onto your throne. Taskmaster's assistant, do whatever it is you do. Audience, on my count, applaud like there's money falling from the ceiling. There won't be any, but I believe in your imaginations."
Stede stood and allowed himself to be shuffled through the door leading backstage. He sneaked a glance at his phone.
E: Meet you after the live task.
E: See you...
"Now." There was a laugh in Ed's voice, and his warm hand on Stede's shoulder, and then he was gone, greeting the rest of the cast as they passed each other in the backstage corridor.
Stede shoved his phone into his inside jacket pocket and firmly turned his attention to the instructions he was being given about where to stand for the live task.

Zuckerbaby_1 Secret Owner of 'alf a Pyramid #LongLiveOFMD@ofmdzb· May 1

A couple of months apart, but I managed to capture both of the reprobates about whom (I like to imagine) this Do Not Feed the Birds sign was made.

A cockatoo sitting atop a Do Not Feed the Birds sign.

A pigeon sitting in front of a Do Not Feed the Birds sign.

Zuckerbaby_1 Secret Owner of 'alf a Pyramid #LongLiveOFMD@ofmdzb· Apr 29

It's #OFMD #WIPWednesday & Episode 9 of Your Time Starts Now continues to grudgingly allow itself to be written. Here's some snips from task three of the episode, Stede & Archie's attempts.

The clip cut to Past Stede, and he'd been so pleased with the strange ensemble he'd pulled together for the task. He was dressed in a boiler suit, though he'd kept the white heels on, asking for disaster with how slippery the soles were. His hands were covered in yellow rubber gloves, pointy plastic tubes sticking out of the top like grotesquely long nails. He'd used more of the plastic tubing to attach mannequin hands to the underside of his actual hands, and duct taped squirt guns to both his left wrist and his right leg. And, because he was not above a little bawdy humour, he'd run a tube up the inside of one leg and pulled it out through the boiler suit at groin level. He'd even gotten a bit Zaphod Beeblebrox with it, attaching an additional arm with a squirt gun taped to it to his shoulder, and had taped a piece of plastic tubing to the side of his nose. He remembered wanting to give off organic robot vibes, and so wasn't standing entirely still, instead jerkily moving occasionally, making only just audible whirring and clanking noises when he did.
Izzy walked in and Past Stede bzzt-clicked a greeting, grinding out,
"How….are…you….doing?"

Past Stede was still gently whirring and clanking as Izzy made another guess.
"I can't help but notice there is a hose going out of this," he indicated Stede's shoulder,
"and then over there." The camera pulled back to reveal where Izzy was pointing, to a hose connected to Stede that went through an opening in the geodesic dome, and then draped over the top.
Izzy had given Stede a cursory patdown, the both of them avoiding each other's eyes and Stede trying not to laugh at Izzy's grumbling as he didn't find anything. Eventually Izzy decided to follow the hose that was draped over the dome, and Stede had done a slow turn to aid him in his search.
As he circled Past Stede, Izzy muttered, "It goes in there. So it goes up, and then around, and then-" He stopped and pulled the hose out from where it was attached to Past Stede's shoulder.
"I'm not sure you can dismantle me, mate,"
Past Stede objected huffily. "Put that back in. It might be part of something important."
Izzy, to his credit, reattached the hose and Stede had made a happy mechanical hum when he did, garnering yet another eyeroll.

Archie had chosen to move from the geodesic dome to the lab - while the dome could warm up quite fast with any sunshine, Archie had insisted it was too fucking cold to be messing around with squirting water outside. The first shot of the clip revealed how Archie had altered her location outfit to meet the task - she had a number of plungers and syringes stuck to her tuxedo jacket, and was wearing a crash helmet decorated like a disco ball. There were small plushie animals and various children's toys taped to her, from helmet to shoes, as well as water pistols and even a couple of nerf guns hanging from her cummerbund. She was standing on a TM-branded circle marker, and there was another marker a metre in front of her.
Izzy had walked in and come to an immediate halt, taking in Archie's get-up and the way she was pressing her lips together, as if just the anticipation of his reaction was enough to set her off. He'd had to resort to staring just over her left shoulder so that he didn't immediately corpse in the face of her lack of control.
Past Izzy gave Archie a supercilious once-over and said, "I see."
Archie let out a snorted giggle, which Izzy had ignored.

The montage segued into Past Izzy announcing to Archie that he was going to take a, "Quick trip round the back."
At that announcement, Archie had suddenly looked very shifty, biting her bottom lip, her eyes darting side to side. Izzy had been fairly certain that he knew where she was going to be squirting at him from, and he wasn't entirely surprised, but he still made a show of taking a quick look at her be-toyed back before moving to stand opposite her again. There was silence as they stared at each other for a few moments.
"Hi," began Past Izzy, only to be interrupted by Archie's collapse into hiccoughing giggles.
He'd waited until she got herself somewhat under control, and then asked, " Archie, are you going to squirt me out of your arse?"
Joyfully, as if she'd been holding the secret in for years, Archie burst out, "Fuck yeah I am!" She then completely lost herself in mirth, chortling and chuckling, wiping eyes made teary with laughter. Izzy had let her go until she finally came to a staggered stop, breathing heavily and looking at him enquiringly.
"Well then." Past Izzy consulted his clipboard.
"Twenty-one seconds squirting."

Zuckerbaby_1 Secret Owner of 'alf a Pyramid #LongLiveOFMD@ofmdzb· Apr 26

Did an hour of weeding (ripping up the masses of grasses growing in the terraced beds out the front) to celebrate that my body can do at least some things, & had a companion with me almost the entire time. A young magpie, excited about the turned earth & the squiggly things it could thus get at.

Zuckerbaby_1 Secret Owner of 'alf a Pyramid #LongLiveOFMD@ofmdzb· Apr 22

Proof of life for Your Time Starts Now! I do apologise that it's taking so long, but it is still, slowly, getting written. Fighting me almost every inch of the way, but getting written. #OFMDFic #OFMDWIPWednesday #WIPWednesday

The clip started and Ed bit back a snicker at the pinched expression on Stede's face as he examined the carpet in the Taskmaster living room with distaste. He had really not thought through the all-white outfit, had he?
Part of his charm, the bastard.
"When was this last steam-cleaned?" Stede asked, pointing at the carpet.
"Steam-cleaned?" Izzy's tone made it clear that 'Never' was the actual answer.
It got a laugh, though Ed knew that wasn't true
- the crew took scrupulous care of the Taskmaster house. It was amazing the fucking thing was still standing after the battering it had gotten from swarms of comedians over the years.
"In that case, I'll be needing a clean bath sheet, thank you." Stede began taking off his frockcoat, his command hanging in the air.
After a few moments, when he was hanging the coat over the back of the desk chair, he nodded imperiously at Izzy, jerking his head towards the door.

"Alright, first port of call, I'm lying underneath a cactus. Wait. That's not right. I have to say....
Stede drummed his fingers against the cactus, suddenly letting out a whimper before sticking his fingers in his mouth and sucking on them for a moment. "Ow! 'I'm underneath it!' 'It' being a murderous cacti." He threw the cactus to one side and scrambled to his feet.
The clip cut to Ivan, standing next to the desk and looking around the room laconically. He pointed at someone off-screen and then lay down on the floor.
"Right. Camera guy first."
There were some noises of effort before one of the camera crew stumbled into shot,
standing with his feet on either side of Ivan's calves.
"Closer, guy," Ivan said encouragingly, and the camera guy - Fang, Ed was pretty certain, nobody else on the crew had hair that snow white - shuffled down to his hands and knees
over Ivan.
"Great beard, man," Ivan said, before calling out "I'm underneath it!""

He'd moved to another part of the floor, still lying on the bath sheet, his face quizzical as he examined the bronze spiky thing he was holding. "I'm underneath the, er, antique starburst Art Deco, er, thing."
Ed appreciated the effort in describing the object, and growled quietly when Izzy's voice from off-screen said, "You just need to say, 'I'm underneath it.''
Stede huffed between pursed lips and then frowned bitchily at Izzy. "I thought somebody might like the detail. However. Since you insist. 'I"m underneath it.'"
Fuck yeah. Exactly! Ed liked the detail, especially when it was Stede providing it. Ed always liked when Stede went fully into detail about things that interested him or that he was curious about. It was one of his favourite things to do, just let Stede's enthusiasm wash over him while he appreciated the movement of Stede's hands or the way his mouth formed words.
Annoyingly fascinating fucker.
In the clip, Ivan was walking over to Izzy, saying, "Izzy, mate, I haven't been underneath you since I don't know when."

"I thought you'd never ask, Ivan."
Huh. Maybe Izzy's 'ooh, Ivan's kinda cute' malarkey wasn't complete bullshit.
'"I'm underneath it.""
The next shot was of Stede dashing out of the door and down the hallway, repeating, "I can leave the house!" as he went. He came to an abrupt halt next to the coat rack beside the front door, and grabbed an overcoat, shrugging it on and doing it up before opening the door.
Did he even know whose coat that was?
Probably didn't cross his mind to worry, to be fair. At least until after it had served its
purpose.
The clip cut to Ivan looking off-screen. "Shall we go outside?"
"You've only got a few minutes left," Izzy responded warningly.
Ivan began sloping casually towards the door of the living room.
"Yeah, I know, man. Time is of the essence." Ivan calmly opened the living room door and then ambled up the hallway, out of shot.

Zuckerbaby_1 Secret Owner of 'alf a Pyramid #LongLiveOFMD@ofmdzb· Apr 13

When I was working, I bought a bunch of cute compression socks, but never used them because I hated the way they felt & they didn't help my leg pain (thank you, fucked spinal nerves). Just chopped the feet off a pair to use as compression bandages for my tennis elbows & they seem to be helping.

Long shot of a fat white person's elbow, forearm and hand. The elbow and forearm are encased in a stripes compression fabric that used to be compression socks.

Zuckerbaby_1 Secret Owner of 'alf a Pyramid #LongLiveOFMD@ofmdzb· Apr 13

An hour into the first leg of my journey to the comedy course - I can do it remotely but decided to go to the first class in person. It's a 2 hour+ journey both ways, gonna be home so late tonight. Anywho. Trying to enjoy being 50 and doing new(ish) things that scare me.

A fat white person with long pink hair that has shaved sides. They are wearing a black mask, large fabulous sunglasses and over-ear headphones. They are sitting on a train, wearing a black polka-dotted dress. Their chest piece tattoos are partially visible.

Zuckerbaby_1 Secret Owner of 'alf a Pyramid #LongLiveOFMD@ofmdzb· Apr 12

Five months later I've lost the septum piercing, still have the sunglasses and finally my hair is back to all pink. It is very nice to be back to my natural colour. (Just in time for the first class of the stand-up comedy course, I hear you say? Well. Yes. There's that. 😆)

A fat white person wearing a black and white crew neck shirt. They have hot pink hair and a crooked smile.

Zuckerbaby_1 Secret Owner of 'alf a Pyramid #LongLiveOFMD@ofmdzb· Apr 8

Posting #OFMD #WIPWednesday snips for Your Time Starts Now is kinda odd, because (bts secrets!) I end up editing out a third to half of what I write for each episode. So some of this may not end up in the published chapters. ANYWHO. Some Ed, Izzy & Stede moments from YTSN Ep9 draft.

"You gonna want to keep this on for the wrap party tonight? Or do you want me to take it off for you after episode 10?" Auntie asked abruptly.
Shitting dickfuck. The fucking wrap party. Ed had completely forgotten about it in his excitement and need to speak with Stede, to finally figure out their shit. Not that it seemed like the shit was going to get figured out the way Ed wanted it to, cos obviously Stede didn't feel the same way ('OMG why are you hurting yourself like this?' cried the tiny sensible voice), so maybe it was good that The Talk couldn't happen tonight. Sure as fuck wasn't going to happen at the wrap party. Unless Stede wanted to use the cover of being in public to tell Ed to get fucked and not have Ed make a scene.
Fucking hell. Just. Fucking hell. Ed pressed his lips down on the tissue Auntie had slipped between them without waiting for an answer to her question, though he knew from past experience that he'd better provide one as soon as he was able.
"Yeah, might get you to take it off before the wrap party," Ed rushed out as soon as the tissue was removed. Auntie tutted as she folded up the tissue and threw it in the bin.
"Not staying painted up for that fancy man of yours?" Auntie asked as she brushed on another layer of lip colour.
Ed let out a surprised huff, the grip of her hand on his jaw and the brush moving against his mouth stopping him from informing her that he did not, in fact, have a fancy man. She shoved another tissue between his lips and he pressed down a little more firmly this time.

"Make sure you two work it out properly," she continued, hand still firm on his jaw, not yet removing the tissue stopping his mouth. "We don't want another Jack debacle."
Auntie did not stand for bullshit, of any sort, in the makeup chair or out of it, so of course she'd seen right through Jack from the off. Refused to let anyone on her crew do his makeup after the first day of studio filming, which had appealed to Ed's petty side. Ed felt the sudden urge to spill his guts to her, wondered if she'd be able to cut through the bullshit swirling through his head, but couldn't find the words when she finally freed his mouth. She seemed to sense the unspoken words, though, looking at him with her lips pursed and her brows furrowed.
"There's a storm within you," she began, picking up the eyeliner and firmly holding Ed's left eye open. "It's of your own making, as these storms so often are." She swiped the eyeliner onto Ed's lower lid, up to the outer point of his eye and slightly beyond. "You've got to get through it to find your way back to the sun."
Rather than moving to his other eye as she usually did, Auntie continued working on Ed's left eye, getting him to close his eyes before drawing the eyeliner along his upper lid. She did the same to his right eye, before telling him to keep his eyes closed. He wondered at the telltale press of an eyeshadow brush, something she'd not done previously and that would probably mess with continuity if they needed any reshoots for previous episodes. But when Auntie told him to open his eyes and he saw the results in the mirror - eyeliner subtle but more pronounced, the hints of smoky eyeshadow like distant storm clouds - he didn't give a flying fuck about continuity. He looked a little bit lost, the emotion in his eyes highlighted and not hidden, but mostly he looked even more hot than he usually did.

Izzy had been mentally preparing himself for a repeat of the previous day, trying not to noticeably gag or actually throw up at every moment of fucking inappropriate behaviour between Ed and Bonnet. He had not been prepared for one of Ed's erratic moods, and that he was acting out like this had to all be stupid fucking Stede fucking Bonnet's fault.
Speaking of the twat, Ed had moved onto doing the cast introductions while Izzy was catching his breath and gathering his wits. Izzy took advantage of Ed attention-hogging to grab his iPad and send a quick message to Lucius.
I: What the fuck did the twat say to Ed last night?
Lucius' answer came back so quickly that he might have been waiting for Izzy's message.
L: What the fuck did Ed say to Stede last night?
Izzy squinted out past the cameras to where Lucius stood, arms crossed, one eyebrow raised, tapping his foot. As soon as he and Izzy locked eyes, he spread his hands in a 'What the fuck?' gesture, and all Izzy could do was sigh heavily as he took his place on his throne. These two were fucking impossible. They might be determined to, for some fucking unknown reason, continue to do themselves out of a relationship that they both obviously wanted, but fucked if they were going to do it on Izzy's watch. He had been set a task, he'd put everything in motion and damned if he was going to let these two and their dramatics cause him to fail at said task. Not that Izzy could do much directly about it now, not with managing Ed in his volatile state and making sure the episode filming went off as well as possible.
But after filming? If Ed was still this pissy? There were going to be words.

"Not currently surprised, mate, gotta say. If a genie had given me three guesses what you'd have in your wardrobe, I'd have guessed 'a fuckton of antique velvet robes', first time, every time."
"Well, yes, there is that," Stede conceded. "But no, what will surprise you is that I bought this robe specifically for you. About eight years ago, I saw it in a charity shop window."
Stede had, in truth, found the antique velvet in a speciality fabrics shop and known immediately it was destined for Ed.
"And I thought, 'there's only one person I know who would be perfect to wear that.'"
He'd had visions of it, in fact. How much joy it would bring Ed, with its softness and bright colours. How it would keep him warm when he draped it on straight out of the bath, his hair loose, the slightly damp curls tumbling over the shoulders. The deep, vibrant pink glowing against Ed's topaz skin, the garment and the wearer making the other even more beautiful.
"Bought it, took it home. Looked it up, discovered it was actually worth thousands of pounds. I didn't realise."
Stede had paid through the nose for the few remaining metres of the fabric, more than happily.
The screen by the stage flickered, drawing Stede's eye, and the photo he'd taken of the robe appeared on it. He looked back at Ed again, only to find that gaze now transfixed on the picture of the robe. Stede felt a rush of pride mixed with just a touch of smugness. He'd been so sure Ed would like it, and the smitten look of fascination on his face proved him very much correct.
"I do think it would be a great look for you." Stede struggled to keep his voice steady. "After all, you wear fine things well."

Zuckerbaby_1 Secret Owner of 'alf a Pyramid #LongLiveOFMD@ofmdzb· Apr 8

Out of season, but for this #OFMD #TakeTwoTuesday please enjoy my fic @ofmdadventcalendar.bsky.social 2024 Advent Calendar 8th of December - I'll Shout It to the Blue Summer Sky. Fic: archiveofourown.org/works/61109305 Glorious podfic by @happydaiz.bsky.social: archiveofourown.org/works/61352953

Ed and his workmates and other small queer businesses have been having their shared end-of-year holiday celebration at the same venue for the last five years. It's a bowling club which hosts all sorts of events, from barefoot lawn bowls to holiday parties to weddings.

Stede recently cancelled the wedding he was supposed to have at the same venue, but is yet to receive a refund of his booking fee. He's turned up to the venue in person to demand his refund, coincidentally while Ed's holiday party is happening.

It's summer in so-called Australia, and there's something in the air. Is it the gift of love or just an incoming summer thunderstorm?

[Day 8 of the 2024 OFMD Advent Calendar]

Stats page for the fic. Key information:
T rated
Ed/Stede, Izzy/Roach
10.2k

Zuckerbaby_1 Secret Owner of 'alf a Pyramid #LongLiveOFMD@ofmdzb· Apr 4

Birthday happies to you, friend!! 🎉🥳🎉🥳

Edward Teach, sitting on a beach, looking damned fine.

Edward Teach, gesturing at a cloud, looking damn fine.

Edward Teach, on another beach, looking sadly at the lack of yummy lavender soap and also mighty fine.

Edward Teach's neck draped in pearls, looking mighty fine.

Zuckerbaby_1 Secret Owner of 'alf a Pyramid #LongLiveOFMD@ofmdzb· Apr 4

Key #OFMD quote:

Excerpt which begins: ...the Czech Republic on Amazon's The Wheel of Time and in New Zealand with Taika Waititi on the second season of HBO Max's Our Flag Means Death, a piratical romp which she describes as "her favourite job of all time". "Taika really wanted to be at home, so he could be with his kids," she says. "We had an giant extras department. I had a leather department. I had mermaid-tail makers. I had three tailors and a team of eight people whose job it was to add rum vomit and seagull shit to things. It tapped into a community of queerness that keeps giving me joy. The story we were telling was so full of love and acceptance and community."

Zuckerbaby_1 Secret Owner of 'alf a Pyramid #LongLiveOFMD@ofmdzb· Apr 3

Love this, Samba and Guz hanging out. Via Guz's instagram: www.instagram.com/p/DWosIHnjFS...

Screenshot of an instagram post from Guz Khan, featuring Samba and Guz standing next to each other.

Zuckerbaby_1 Secret Owner of 'alf a Pyramid #LongLiveOFMD@ofmdzb· Apr 2

Another late #OFMD #WIPWednesdayfor Your Time Starts Now, and, uh, Stede and Ed are both overthinking things and getting dramatic about it.

Stede sighed again, scooping up the phone and swiping across to his and Ed's chat, staring at the farewell messages, the exchange of 'good night'. He then scrolled back up to the one sentence that was insistently, annoyingly rattling around his head.
'Whatever shape that takes'.
It was a sour note in the otherwise sweet song of the sentences that came after it, the ones that felt like a declaration, of intent, of interest, ot.
...
Well. A declaration, anyway. But then there was Whatever shape that takes'
', an off-tune
tuba fart of a sentence, that twisted in Stede's gut and filled the back of his mouth with bitterness. It was almost like Ed was hedging his bets, rather than standing strong in what he wanted, and maybe that meant Stede wasn't what or who Ed really wanted.
'Whatever' was such a nothing word, a brush-off, something to be said about... About a tiddler someone had caught on a weekend fishing trip, or about your best friend who you'd been flirting with but didn't really mean it, maybe.
Stede knew absolutely that he didn't want
'whatever' with Ed.

The dickfuck of it all was the stupid fucking voice at the back of Ed's head that had been
getting louder and louder ever since he'd sent his 'Good night' text to Stede. The voice that had made him send those texts this morning, fingers shaking and stomach clenching with the absolute need to understand exactly how Stede felt about him. The slithery, oily and above all cruel voice that interrupted Ed's ridiculous and perfectly enjoyable tantrum with questions he really didn't want to think about.
What if Stede actually didn't want to have The Talk at all? Or what if he did, but just to tell Ed that they could never be more than friends?
What if all of the flirting had been for laughs, like Stede had done with Izzy?
What if Stede had finally realised just exactly how undeserving of love Edward Teach had and would always be?
Ed sucked in a sharp breath and shakily scrolled back to the part of their text conversation where Stede had said that Ed made him happy. He concentrated on the words and tried to recapture the shivery adrenaline that had shot through him when he'd first read them.

Zuckerbaby_1 Secret Owner of 'alf a Pyramid #LongLiveOFMD@ofmdzb· Mar 25

I am experiencing a screaming bout of writer's block & Taskmaster Ep 9 is just refusing to be written. Here's something I managed to get out before the complete shutdown. Sharing it in the hopes that will nudge my brain back towards writing. #OFMD #WIPWednesday

Polite Menaces
J: So, Stede, are we doing this or what?
A: Doing what?
O: The thing for Ep10.
A: What thing for Ep10?
A: And why are we chatting here?
A: You could just turn and talk to me.
A: Not the three of us with our phones out.
1: Yeah, gonna pretend I didn't read that.
A: Ah shit.
A: Wrong chat, huh?
1: 1 mean, congrats.
1: But yeah.
A: Still.
A: What thing for Ep10?
A: We haven't already filmed Ep9, have we?
O: No.
J: No.
I: No.
A: So why are we already talking about Ep10?

A: Ah, shit yeah.
A: Forgot we did two in a day.

S: Morning all!

J: How are you always so chirpy, [fucking hell]?

S: Archie, remember we talked about doing something coordinated for the last episode?

A: We did?
A: We talked about so much stuff.
O: It's fine, we're all set.

0: Including Archie.

A: I'll say.

A: Ifyouknowwhatlmean.

S: Thank you, Archie.

S: Glad to hear it.

S: Ivan, how about you?
1: Oh yeah, man, good to go.
S: Excellent!
S: Polite Menaces, ho!
O: Cos it's being filmed as well today.
A: Mate, for the last time.

A: I do not think that means what you think it means.
S: Are you saying you're not a ho, Archie?
A: Fair point, ho-dad.
S: Archie, change the group chat name back right now.
A: It wasn't me!
I: Actually, that was me.
1: Ho allyship, you know?
S: You are all incorrigible.
S: See you at the studio!

Zuckerbaby_1 Secret Owner of 'alf a Pyramid #LongLiveOFMD@ofmdzb· Mar 22

Thank you to everyone who bid on my offerings in the #FandomMarket, and I'm excited to get these out to their new homes (via the hub, unless any of you are in Australia.)

Zuckerbaby_1 Secret Owner of 'alf a Pyramid #LongLiveOFMD@ofmdzb· Mar 22

Most of the items I got from #FandomMarket were Buy It Nows, but I did win a few things too!

Zuckerbaby_1 Secret Owner of 'alf a Pyramid #LongLiveOFMD@ofmdzb· Mar 21

This makes me incredibly happy too, getting the #FandomMarket shipping fund fully funded.

Screenshot of the kofi page for OFOF, showing 101% funded.

Zuckerbaby_1 Secret Owner of 'alf a Pyramid #LongLiveOFMD@ofmdzb· Mar 21

Those last few minutes were a trip to watch! If you won the annotated Veganissimo or Greenilicious, let me know if you want the threads I did here added to the books. I love us. To the organisers, the crafters & the bidders: thank you and fuck yeah, art makes change happen! #FandomMarket

Zuckerbaby_1 Secret Owner of 'alf a Pyramid #LongLiveOFMD@ofmdzb· Mar 21

Very neat number. Looking forward to a much higher number when I wake up to watch the last hour of bidding 😆 #FandomMarket

Zuckerbaby_1 Secret Owner of 'alf a Pyramid #LongLiveOFMD@ofmdzb· Mar 20

Satisfying number. #FandomMarket

Goal tracker, showing a raised number of $61616

Zuckerbaby_1 Secret Owner of 'alf a Pyramid #LongLiveOFMD@ofmdzb· Mar 18

Reference vs art. I use physical media cos I struggle with drawing software. I create a collage in Canva & do initial tracing which I then project onto paper before I rework details freehand using the reference. (Bid on the diptych in the #OFMD #FandomMarket www.32auctions.com/organization...)

A collage of Stede and Ed from Our Flag Means Death, with red tracing lines.

A collage of Ed and Stede from Our Flag Means Death, with red tracing lines.

The finished pieces of Ed and Stede with tentacles and fern fronds.

Zuckerbaby_1 Secret Owner of 'alf a Pyramid #LongLiveOFMD@ofmdzb· Mar 18

Yesssss, love to see it! $60k for the #FandomMarket, with still a few days to go. Saturday is gonna be so wild, I'm sure of it!

Graphic tracking donations against the goal. Goal: $75000. Donations: $60050. Percentage: 80.1% to goal.

Zuckerbaby_1 Secret Owner of 'alf a Pyramid #LongLiveOFMD@ofmdzb· Mar 17

"Aye," agrees Buttons, who arrives late, back in human form & a little ruffled from communing with his fellow seagulls. He's carrying a surprisingly untouched platter of Sesame Greens Sushi. He had, once again, been disappointed by the lack of fish required in the recipe, but quite likes the result.