Jennifer Dian
@oldbat
Shameless old baggage giving unsolicited advice who adores embarrassing the young. Oh, that's a fish called a sarcastic fringehead in the photo.
The professor's decades of research notes had been replaced with Granny's Disraeli fan fiction, Little Mary had a fox tail glued over her hand, and the Professor had been dosed with Mother Shipton's Happy Drops. "Dock my wages for a broken glass, will they?" #GirlsOwnCC
After three sherries, the vicar decided that the strange protruberence on Emily's forehead was probably demonical in origin and decided to whack it back to Hades with the family Bible. #GirlsOwnCC
The other boaters were too terrified to poach Elanor's slip after she installed her wharfside scarecrows. As an added bonus, the taller one served as a windmill generator. #GirlsOwnCC
"For some reason, I thought that a 'Break in the Bracken' Solstice festival would involve a lot less clothing and far more dancing. No pole dancing! Not even one single pole! Not even the vicar in knickers!" #GirlsOwnCC
After months of preparing the eerily shimmering white frock coat, the monstrous steam-powered mechanical horse, the miniature cyclone... not a single rider in the hunt paid a bit of attention to Henry's menacing form. The effort to become an evil overlord was hardly worth it. #GirlsOwnCC
"John, really! Fast-setting epoxy pranks are never amusing, and now you'll have to find a way to explain this to Father that doesn't result in him horsewhipping you!" #GirlsOwnCC
As Gerald raged at Edmundia for spending his tobacco allowance on her terrarium collection, she watched her favorite scorpion nestle in his waistcoat. Little did Gerald know that his wife would soon become the foremost expert on venomous arthropods in all of England. #GirlsOwnCC
"Really, darling, I understand your ambitions to develop robotic servants after the maid got in a family way. This.... this thing is terrifying, though, and I cannot countenance paying this huge bill for something called "circuit boards." #GirlsOwnCC
The Girls Own Dojo of Aikido was a noble attempt to teach young women to defend themselves against mashers, but the restrictive clothing and Charles Peters' insistence on teaching each lesson in drag forced the school of martial arts to close its doors shortly after opening. #GirlsOwnCC
"It's a very clever dress, Elizabeth, but we'll still have to put the front room curtains back up when we get home." #GirlsOwnCC
One of the more unusual village festivals in Great Britain is the Hairy Mary March March held every spring to celebrate the village maidens coming of age. The Levitation Of The Crones during the distribution of symbols is not to be missed. #GirlsOwnCC
The President was bitterly disappointed that none of the ladies noticed his new gold halo. #GirlsOwnCC
"No, Father, wearing the tea table table cloth as a pinafore is the latest in deconstructed fashion! I'm an innovator, not a seamstress, and THAT'S what I think of your insistence that I follow the herd and make an apron!" Elsie screamed as she tossed the patterns on the floor. #GirlsOwnCC
Julia finally accepted that Neddy's mind was damaged beyond repair after he covered her face in Tipp-Ex and declared their marriage annulled. #GirlsOwnCC
Bertie Whitcomb pondered his wife's bosom. "Perhaps I should re-engineer the stays for Whitcomb's Elevating Corset so that Emmeline doesn't look like an impending avalanche. She might quite appreciate being able to stand upright, too." #GirlsOwnCC
Colette chuckled to herself as she eavesdropped on the stranger telling Marie Curie that she belonged in the kitchen instead of playing scientist with the boys. #GirlsOwnCC
"Yes, Harold, the ladies' hats are much taller than ours, but ours have far more storage capacity. Lunch is literally on me today. Isn't it grand being a British man?" #GirlsOwnCC
"Look, Edmund! LOOK! I have five digits! FIVE!" "My dear, don't overly excite yourself about being drawn with a normal hand. Look down at your foot." #GirlsOwnCC
Edward was so fascinated by the upward migration of the Widow Neely's nipples that he was oblivious to the fact that she'd found and was reading his diary of his adventures as a dancing boy in the Ottoman Empire. #GirlsOwnCC
"Stay off'a my boat, missie! I can tell that's a fledgling albatross on your hat, and, for all I know, it's my mate Samuel who drowned last March in the Channel!" #GirlsOwnCC
"Emily, we all over indulged last night, but you can't attend church openly wearing an ice pack. Put it under a hat like the rest of us. Be sure to check for leaks first; the vicar thought Thomas was sweating with extreme guilt during the sermon last week." #GirlsOwnCC
"Emmie, don't move! Don't make a noise! There's a fox stole slinking through the brush and it's frothing at the mouth!" "Don't be silly! That's just one of Daddy's mutant weasels; he's breeding them to keep the vermin down in government." #GirlsOwnCC
"Poor Papa," Emily sighed. "He still believes that young George is his marionette. It's costing me a fortune to pay George to play along with it, though, and truly mean of Edwin to pretend to cut his strings." #GirlsOwnCC
"The well is mostly dry, Missus, so your husband didn't drown, but he seems to be stuck so deep in the mud that we can't pull him out." "How very tragic. I had hoped to buy that chic new mourning ensemble at Bon Marché. Now I'll have to toss down food every few days." #GirlsOwnCC
I'm so jealous! We have opossums, though, and I've been feeding a group of young ones all summer. They've gotten more shy as the summer has worn on, but still come to the back door in the wee hours to look for grapes or cat food.
"Please, Miss, I'm a starving former USAID worker, and even such a tiny bird could keep me going for a day or two!" #GirlsOwnCC
"THIS was in your room! It proves that you're not Mary, the sullen but talented cook, but the scandalous Countess Ada Lovelace! How dare you conceal yourself with our family and bring godless higher mathematics into our house!" #GirlsOwnCC
"Richard, I just adore the gene-splicing kit you gave me for my birthday! I've been able to customize a pet that has the best attributes of a dog and a cat, with the judicious addition of some marsupial. Would you like to see the storage capabilities on Foofoo?" #GirlsOwnCC