Rachel Haimowitz

@rachelhaimowitz

Restorative market farmer & genre novelist. Owner of @riptidepublishing.bsky.social and Healthy Plantet Homestead. Jersey gal transplant to WNC. Proudly Jewish (free Palestine!), queer, & AudDHD. She/her.

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Rachel Haimowitz@rachelhaimowitz· 28d

Noooooo :( Not allowed. I forbid it. Get better :-p Have a cat that is definitely judging you. (He's a sweetheart I promise.)

A dark gray cat with a white bib sitting in a wooden basket and staring directly at the camera like he's on the Office.

Rachel Haimowitz@rachelhaimowitz· 28d

Good lord, what's going on? Please enjoy this goode frogge on my window while you wait.

A closeup of a small frog clinging to a window at night, from the opposite side, so we see his belly and toe pads.

Rachel Haimowitz@rachelhaimowitz· 28d

I hope you're home by now but just in case...

Rachel Haimowitz@rachelhaimowitz· Jul 5

I had the same experience with this review of Project Hail Mary, like, this HAS to be satire, but... no.

Rachel Haimowitz@rachelhaimowitz· Jun 10

FAVORITE. HARVEST. OF. THE. YEAR. Straight in my face. (We sell these for an absolutely insane $7 per half-pint and honestly for the space they take up and the time and blood required to harvest them it's probably not even worth it for us, I should just eat them ALL lol.)

A pair of cupped hands holding a big pile of Hinnomaki Red gooseberries.

Rachel Haimowitz@rachelhaimowitz· May 31

Me every time I see a cool fish

A screenshot from the Simpsons. It's a close-up on the face of Troy McClure. He's wearing a visor. The lighting has darkened dramatically. Offscreen, Selma has just asked him if he's gay, to which he replies "Gay? I wish!" because what he actually has is a fish fetish.

Rachel Haimowitz@rachelhaimowitz· May 4

#WNC neighbors, our CSA begins this week. Now's your last chance to join us in supporting better-than-organic, hyper-local, regenerative food forest farming. You'll get a bag of delicious, nutritious produce every week for 33 weeks, starting at just $15 a week. healthy-plantet.square.site/sign-up

A selection of produce on a white table: spring mix in a compostable clamshell, strawberries in a compostable pint container, rhubarb, and asparagus.

Rachel Haimowitz@rachelhaimowitz· Apr 14

Yeeeeeeah I'm pretty sure we know whose fault it is lol

An infographic stating that 15% of men have interacted with an ai partner, 50% of men endorse "red pill" misogynistic ideology, and 62% of men believe women expect too much from a relationship.

Rachel Haimowitz@rachelhaimowitz· Jan 31

It's officially cold enough that the chickens won't come out of their coops except for brief dashes into the attached/covered (& currently tarped for wind protection--you can barely see it through the snow) run for food & water. This hasn't happened in years!

A wintery scene, everything is covered in snow. In the foreground is a black patio lamp. In the midground is a short chainlink fence with snow-covered hardy kiwi vines growing up the fence and then an attached tunnel trellis. In the background is a huge chicken coop and run that you can barely make out.

Rachel Haimowitz@rachelhaimowitz· Jan 25

This is astonishing. They didn't release her even after this.

Black text on a white background reading: "Thus, it appears that Respondents arrested a chronically ill, 70-year-old woman, who came to this country to avoid religious persectuion and applied for asylum, who has lived here peacefully for 26 years and complied with all check-in requirements and other conditions of release, who has no known criminal record and poses no threat to anyone, without notice or the prodcess required by their own regulations and without any plan for removing her from the country, then kept her in detention for months without sufficient medical care--and they do not have *any* argument to offer to even try to justify those actions."

Rachel Haimowitz@rachelhaimowitz· Dec 22

A screenshot of a tweet by lauren @NotABigJerk from 9/14/22 at 9:33 AM that says "i'm not falling for that hot take. that's clearly someone with a fetish for getting yelled at. i refuse to participate in that kind of perversion

Rachel Haimowitz@rachelhaimowitz· Dec 12

A closeup of an overwrought Helen Lovejoy fromt he Simpsons, surrounded by a baffled-looking crowd, saying "Won't somebody think of the Sam's Club!"

Rachel Haimowitz@rachelhaimowitz· Dec 1

You had me riiiiight up until the end, unless you mean these guys, which are objectively fantastic but also not actually gone:

An overflowing white dish of fruit on a gray table. The fruit looks like smaller, reddish dates.

Rachel Haimowitz@rachelhaimowitz· Nov 19

Haha omfg did no one responsible for this monstrosity take even one (1) single cursory glance at it before hanging it up??? Tag urself I'm the paw paddle.

A comically-slash-horifically borked AI image of a man holding a stick in front of a dog. One of the man's fingers disappears, one is horribly bent and twisted. The dog actually appears to be two or three dogs melted vaguely together. Worst, the bottom third of the wooden stick mysteriously transforms into a giant red dog paw.

Rachel Haimowitz@rachelhaimowitz· Nov 17

What perfect album came out the year you turned 16?

The cover art for Billy Joel's River of Dreams album. It's an illustration featuring a bust of Joel in the center, and a river running diagonally through the image and crossing over the top of his head, which is hidden behind a mountain.

Rachel Haimowitz@rachelhaimowitz· Nov 15

Astonishing. The fuck is happening over here???

Close-up of a hideous wall painted like fake marble with mysterious black stripes and ugly blue trim.

Rachel Haimowitz@rachelhaimowitz· Nov 9

With alt text, because this is super important. Also, can confirm this works.

White text on a black backround, which reads: If you're staring at tough choices, go to findhelp.org. Type in your zip code--get connected to local food banks, free groceries, and emergency aid. It works in every city. No strings. Just help.

Rachel Haimowitz@rachelhaimowitz· Oct 30

Post a game you remember playing that nbody else remembers.

A screenshot from the text-based 80s computer game StarLanes. The image features lo-fi white text on a black screen, using a chart with the numbers 1-9 and the letters A-L to represent a map of the galaxy, and asking how many shares of a specific galactic stock at a specific price you would like to buy.

Rachel Haimowitz@rachelhaimowitz· Oct 21

Goodbye, sweet girl.

The happiest pitbull you've ever seen, outside in a field with woods in the background. The dog is white and has a hige, open-mouthed smile. She's looking at something to her left. There's the torso of a person behind her with her arm out taking the selfie.

Rachel Haimowitz@rachelhaimowitz· Oct 9

There's some pretty incredible stuff here. Look at this!

A leather mask of a Cthulu-type figure with tentacles, four horns, and eye-holes with large webbing over them. The mask is brown and gold and luminescent, with a triangular symbol on the forehead with an eye painted inside it. The background is an artfully arranged pile of dark red and red-brown leather strips.

Rachel Haimowitz@rachelhaimowitz· Oct 9

POV: You are trying to find fanfiction to read in 1968

A yellowed, worn cover of a hand-printed fanzine called Spockanalia. The cover features a bust of Spck drawn in pencil, looking at the viewer. Over his head reads hand-printed text that says "Third Printing" on one line, and "May 1968" on the next.

Rachel Haimowitz@rachelhaimowitz· Sep 24

HEY MA! THERE'S A WEIRD FUCKIN EGG OUTSIDE!

A closeup of a sky blue chicken egg held in someone's hand. The egg is shaped like a lopsided conehead.

Rachel Haimowitz@rachelhaimowitz· Sep 23

Ok but can we also talk about this entire mood for sale in their shop😍

A very cute cartoon sketch of a white fox against a light blue background. The fox has a huge fluffy tail and an expression on its face clearly conveying anxiety. The text on the image says "Anxiety fox base!"

Rachel Haimowitz@rachelhaimowitz· Sep 12

A screenshot of an online covid knowledge test. It says:

"Exam complete! 100%. You got 20 out of 20 questions correct (Weighted score: 27.4/27/4)." There is then an emoji wearing a mask, and the subheadline "Epidemiologist's Nightmare," followed by "Perfect score! You're so well-informed, consipracy theorists acitvely avoid you at parties."

Rachel Haimowitz@rachelhaimowitz· Sep 12

Settings > accessibility > "require alt text before posting" (tick the box). That'll prevent you from posting an image without alt text :)

A screen shot of the Accessibility settings page on Bsky, showing a header that says "Alt text" and, beneath that, two options with check boxes: The first option says "Require alt text before posting" and is checked. The second option says "Display larger alt text badges" and is not checked.

Rachel Haimowitz@rachelhaimowitz· Sep 12

So did uh. Did Trump have a lil stroke? Is that why he was quiet for like a solid week recently? Look at the corner of his mouth. (Not even touching the sheer disrespect of him nodding off and Melania wearing sunglasses at a 9/11 memorial.)

A screenshot from C-Span's live coverage of a 9/11 memorial. It's close up on Trump and Melania sitting in chairs, with a fire engine behind them. They're both dressed in navy. Melania, wearing giant sunglasses, looks absolutely dead inside. Trump appears to be sleeping and the right side of his mouth is noticeably drooping.

Rachel Haimowitz@rachelhaimowitz· Sep 10

#Poland #Article4

The Destiel "I Love You" meme from Supernatural: two frames, both very dark with black backgrounds. The top frame is a close-up of Castiel's face, overflowing with emotion, as he says "I love you." The bottom frame is a close-up of Dean's face, looking emotionally dead, as he says "Russia fired 19 drones into Poland overnight and Poland has invoked Article 4."

Rachel Haimowitz@rachelhaimowitz· Sep 4

Tag urself I'm

A pencil sketch of a cartoony and absurdly cute werewolf, from the neck up, in side view, with its mouth and eyes both open improbably wide, doing what looks like its best impersonation of a silent AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA possum scream.

Rachel Haimowitz@rachelhaimowitz· Aug 28

Two-panel Simpons meme featuring Bart and Homer. In panel 1, Bart, looking distressed, says "2024 was the second-worst year of my life." In panel 2, Homer, attempting to cheer Bart up, places a hand on his shoulder and says "The second-worst year SO FAR."

Rachel Haimowitz@rachelhaimowitz· Jul 31

So excited to be debuting liquid castile soap at tomorrow's #MtMitchellCraftsFair! :D We'll have this along with our solid castile soap and shampoo bars, solid conditioner bars, medicinal salve, medicinal lip balms, medicinal bubbling bath bombs, and herbal drawer sachets.