Christina Floriza

@rhymeswithibiza

actorwriterstorytellercomedian | born butt-first unofficial conan o’brien expert recovering philosopher | she/her/siya views my own 🇵🇭🇺🇸

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Christina Floriza@rhymeswithibiza· Jul 15

May we all find the same unbridled joy that Big Papi has for seeing Santa in the summer #AllStarGame

Christina Floriza@rhymeswithibiza· Jul 2

6 years to the day that I began this journey, and I’m sure he’ll say hi back any day now!! 🤞🏼🤞🏼🤞🏼 HI CHRIS EVANS!!!!!!

A tweet of mine from July 2, 2020 that reads, “Gonna start a campaign where I just say hi to Chris Evans every day”

Christina Floriza@rhymeswithibiza· Jun 29

Received my first marketing email for Halloweeny stuff today, Monday June 29th (complimentary)

A marketing email from Bath and Body Works for “The Halloween Collection,” with the caption “Online now: Haunting scents and thrilling sights fill the tent.” My sweaty ass can’t wait for fall!! 🍂🍁🎃

Christina Floriza@rhymeswithibiza· Jun 9

I know what vibe shift the #Orioles need, and by that I mean I know what I need: the return of the all-orange uniforms (please)!!!

Orioles pitcher Trevor Rogers in the all-orange uniform sometime last year, mid-windup and looking fly as hell!!!

Christina Floriza@rhymeswithibiza· Jun 1

If anyone needs to update their PC, I’ve got the floppy disk for Windows 95!! Just IM me

An original floppy disk to install Windows 95!! Anyone wanna update their PC?

Christina Floriza@rhymeswithibiza· May 6

🧡🧡🧡 Alonso & Basallo 🧡🧡🧡

Director Bong Joon Ho meme of him saying, “To me, that’s cinema,” as translated in the subtitle

Christina Floriza@rhymeswithibiza· Apr 30

Or this!!! I love you, MASN!!!

Graphic on MASN (Mid-Atlantic Sports Network) in the bottom of the 8th inning, Orioles leading the Astros 10-3. Underneath the score, it reads, “Jim Palmer - Grand Slams Allowed: 0, Chicken Wings Eaten: 1”

Christina Floriza@rhymeswithibiza· Apr 30

Very very tempted to make this my header

Former Orioles pitcher and Hall of Famer Jim Palmer, eating his first chicken wing at 80 years old on Thursday, April 30, 2026!!! History!!!

Christina Floriza@rhymeswithibiza· Apr 23

Nothing like getting a text from your mom to remind you to do your Kegels 😂😂😂

A reminder text from my mom that simply reads, “Kegel exercise”

Christina Floriza@rhymeswithibiza· Apr 6

Also, accepting that there is plenty of fuckery and nonsense happening in the world: the fact that I’m in the DC area, watching astronauts fly by the Moon AND bald eaglets having snacks in California - LIVE and AT THE SAME TIME - is pretty fucking awesome

The moon growing ever closer, as seen from the Artemis II spacecraft, LIVE on the NASA YouTube channel!!

Two adorable, light gray bald eaglets bobbing around in their nest in Big Bear Valley, California, looking up at their dad Shadow, awaiting some yummy snacks!!

Christina Floriza@rhymeswithibiza· Apr 6

Hi Chris Evans!! BEHOLD two bobbleheaded babies!!

Two bobbleheaded eaglets starting their day in their day in the nest in Big Bear Valley, California!! Eagerly awaiting some brekkie from their mom, Jackie

Christina Floriza@rhymeswithibiza· Apr 5

Hi Chris Evans! BOTH EAGLETS HAVE HATCHED AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Two new baby eaglets in the nest!! One, hatched yesterday, is sitting up and is cute and gray and fluffy with its tiny little beak!!! The other has literally just hatched and is a wet mess to the left of fluffy baby!!

One eaglet’s first feeding!! Jackie’s beak is peeking from the top of the frame as it feeds a bit of fish to fluffy baby!! Wet baby is still lying down, coming out of the shell like “where the fuck am I”

Christina Floriza@rhymeswithibiza· Apr 5

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AN EAGLET HAS HATCHED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AN EAGLET HAS HATCHED AND YOU CAN SEE THEIR LITTLE BABY FOOT

THE HATCHED EAGLET’S CUTE LITTLE FACE AND JACKIE’S INCREDIBLE FACE

Christina Floriza@rhymeswithibiza· Apr 4

Oh my FUCKING GOD THAT IS A HEAD

Shadow the bald eagle tending to two eggs in the nest, including one that is hatched enough that an eaglet’s head is popping out!!! If you zoom in you can see its itty bitty beak!!

Christina Floriza@rhymeswithibiza· Apr 4

Hot girl shit on a Friday night: watching the first pip in one of Jackie and Shadow’s eggs!! The hatching process has begun, muthafuckas!!! 🪺 🦅

First shot of the pip, the first hole an eaglet makes from inside the egg!! Also creepily got Shadow blinking his third eyelid, my bad bro

Shadow incubating the eggs while Jackie enjoys the big ass fish he brought back to the nest for dinner, taking a break to look down at him between bites

Christina Floriza@rhymeswithibiza· Feb 24

okay RECAP: last month, Jackie the bald eagle laid two eggs but some raven hoes came by and ate them joints and it was heartbreaking but Jackie and Shadow PERSEVERED and kept fucking and JUST NOW, Jackie laid a new egg and no YOU’RE crying!!!!!

Jackie the bald eagle protecting the new egg she just laid in her nest in Big Bear Valley, California. Congratulations, Jackie!!!

Christina Floriza@rhymeswithibiza· Jan 30

While a flood of hilarious Catherine O’Hara bits come to mind, one of my all-time favorite visuals was when Moira Rose wore one of her wigs as a hat. RIP to a real one, one of the all-time greats ❤️