TANA Bros Reporting

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TANA Bros Reporting@tanabrosreporting· 23d

The Dennis Miller on Monday Night Football historical references are fantastic. And the lack of self awareness of what the 2026 Flounders actually are (see highlighted)? 🧑‍🍳 💋

A screenshot.

It would have been bad enough had this been a prime 2010s Timbers side going this ham on Seattle. But what makes this such an utter catastrophe is that the 2026 Timbers might be one of the worst sides Providence Park has ever assembled.
Aside from James Pantemis - who of course played like prime Manuel Neuer on Thursday, though he's usually a good keeper regardless - there's a bunch of nobodies, a bunch of good players well past their prime, and I guess there's also Finn Surman. Diego Chará is older than sin for crying out loud.
Granted, they didn't have the 300-pound millstone of Phil Neville hanging around their necks. But the mid-1917 Hapsburg Empire was still the mid-1917 Hapsburg Empire, whether its field armies were led by Conrad von Hotzendorf or not; ditto for their soccer equivalents. I guess that makes the Sounders our Italy equivalent.
They certainly played according to the immortal spirit of Luigi Cadorna; that is to say, in a manner of disastrous incompetence.

TANA Bros Reporting@tanabrosreporting· 23d

In other #RCTID news, T2 picked up a come from behind 2-1 win away at St Louis CITY 2 yesterday. Late goals from Conor Ferguson (Lucas Fernandez-Kim assist) and Charles Ondo. T2 are 3rd place in the conference. The W gives T2 their league leading 25th road point. 9 games left in the season. #rc2id

Screenshot of the 2026 MLS Next Pro Western Conference table based on overall record. Portland Timbers 2 are in third place.

Screenshot of the 2026 MLS Next Pro Western Conference table based on away record. T2 are atop the conference and league with 25 points earned on the road.

TANA Bros Reporting@tanabrosreporting· 26d

Hang this in The Louvre. #art #rctid

TANA Bros Reporting@tanabrosreporting· 26d

Live look at the MLS Media Ecosystem. #rctid

TANA Bros Reporting@tanabrosreporting· 29d

So Thomas Christiansen just extended his contract with Panama. Good for him!

Translation
THOMAS CHRISTIANSEN WILL CONTINUE TO COMMAND OF THE PANAMA NATIONAL TEAM

The Panamanian Football Federation reports that, through its Executive Committee, it has decided to give continuity to the sports project it began in 2020 with Thomas Christiansen as coach of the Men's Senior Team.

The FPF reached an agreement with Christiansen, which establishes mechanisms so that the next Executive Committee, which will be elected in December, can decide to give continuity or not to this project without putting at risk the finances of the federation.

In the coming days the legal representatives of the FPF and Thomas Christiansen will begin the process of drafting the respective contract.

The FPF and its Executive Committee, after a thorough and detailed analysis, are convinced that, after the work done in recent years, with Thomas Christiansen the National Team will continue to evolve and bring joy to our country, also creating better conditions for all members of the ecosystem,

Including the clubs of the federated leagues and amateur soccer (through their provincial and corregimiento leagues), among others.

The FPF thanks Thomas Christiansen for his willingness during this process of talks, which will be formalized with the signing of the contract in the the coming weeks to start the new stage from August 1, 2026 until the end of the World Cup process 2030.

TANA Bros Reporting@tanabrosreporting· Jul 12

Missed this from yesterday: T2 with another result + PK bonus point after a 0-0 draw at LAFC II. Sam Joseph with his 8th clean sheet of the season. T2 sits at 3rd place in a very competitive Western Conference. 10 matches remain in the season. #rctid #rc2id

Screen shot of T2 goalkeeper Sam Joseph’s 2026 stats.

Screenshot of the 2026 MLS Next Pro Western Conference standings as of July 12, 2026. Portland Timbers 2 are in 3rd place.

TANA Bros Reporting@tanabrosreporting· Jun 12

Evergreen.

Bed sheet tifo with “Shut Up, Alexi” spray painted in large letters on it.

TANA Bros Reporting@tanabrosreporting· May 25

#rctid

Days since the last Timbers hat trick in league play.

TANA Bros Reporting@tanabrosreporting· May 17

#rctid

TANA Bros Reporting@tanabrosreporting· May 12

Taking a look at head to head numbers for Montreal Away and a couple things stand out. First, PTFC haven’t won there since May 2015; second, of MTL’s four wins this season 3 of them were cleansheets. Belief Beyond Reason and all that but Wednesday afternoon’s viewing could be a rough one. #rctid

List of results of Montreal and Timbers matches in Montreal going back to 2012.

A list of season stats for Montreal and the Portland Timbers. Both teams are not good this year.

TANA Bros Reporting@tanabrosreporting· May 3

Takes a look around MLS and of course. Of course. #rctid

The number of days that have passed since the last time the Portland Timbers posted a hat trick in league play: 6867 days.

TANA Bros Reporting@tanabrosreporting· Apr 18

Say his name. He defends. We believe in Finn Surman. #rctid

TANA Bros Reporting@tanabrosreporting· Mar 27

He signed with T2. www.timbers.com/t2/news/timb...

TANA Bros Reporting@tanabrosreporting· Mar 9

Does FotMob know something we don’t? We live in hope. #rctid

Screenshot of the FotMob app. Phil Neville’s mugshot is strangely absent.

Another screenshot from FotMob. Phil Neville is a “free agent” and not identified as the coach of Portland Timbers Football Club.

TANA Bros Reporting@tanabrosreporting· Feb 23

#rctid

Matt Doyle’s Matchday 1 power ranking for the Portland Timbers Football Club: “14. Portland Timbers: Diego Chará forever.” Up 3 spots from last week.

TANA Bros Reporting@tanabrosreporting· Feb 18

His profile on Transfermarkt. www.transfermarkt.us/alexander-ar...

TANA Bros Reporting@tanabrosreporting· Feb 18

Hm. Interesting. He’s currently a left wing but has played on the right. Not sure how legit this is but monitoring. #rctid www.adnradio.cl/2026/02/18/s...

“Alexander Aravena's time at Gremio is over. After two seasons, the Chilean striker decided to end his spell at the Brazilian club and is now packing his bags for a new challenge abroad.

“According to information from ADN
Deportes, the national team player will continue his career in Portland Timbers, a team that competes in the MLS in the United States.”

TANA Bros Reporting@tanabrosreporting· Feb 16

A (somewhat) positive mention for a Portland Timber? Yay? #rctid

Matt Doyle’s selection for the 2026 Gass Theorem Player of the Year where talks about Kristoffer Velde (“he wants all the smoke”) but ultimately doesn’t choose him.

TANA Bros Reporting@tanabrosreporting· Feb 13

Believe this is what is referred to as “damning with faint praise.” Especially when PTFC gave up 12 goals to SDFC in 4 matches to finish out the year. #rctid

Matt Doyle’s preseason power ranking for the 2026 Portland Timbers.

“Phil Neville got the Timbers to play HARD against San Diego in the playoffs. It was suicidal, man-mark everywhere stuff, but they executed with real commitment in pushing that series to three games. I just want to point that out.”

TANA Bros Reporting@tanabrosreporting· Feb 5

A 10pm Pacific kickoff seems pretty late. Surely a typo, right?

TANA Bros Reporting@tanabrosreporting· Jan 7

Live look at checking on who Ayala follows on Instagram and oh. Oh no. #rctid

TANA Bros Reporting@tanabrosreporting· Jan 7

WTAF if true. #rctid

TANA Bros Reporting@tanabrosreporting· Jan 5

The first 14 matches (especially the first 10) is not an easy stretch by any means; 8 of 14 are on the road; no da Costa until April; no Jona until July. Phil is in his lame duck season but if the club starts slow what are the chances a change is made at the World Cup break?

TANA Bros Reporting@tanabrosreporting· Dec 23

Update. PTFC asking for nearly Evander money for Antony seems outlandish. But Ned was able to extract $6m out of Fluminense for Santi so… ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ #rctid

“Santos has shown interest in the attacker Antony Alves, formerly of Corinthians, who plays for Portland Timbers in the MLS, and inquired about business conditions, but has cooled its pursuit of the player at this moment.
“The North American team is asking for about 10 million dollars (R$ 55 million) to negotiate for him, a value considered high. He has a contract until the end of 2026 with Portland.
“The information was initially disclosed by Ge and confirmed here.”

TANA Bros Reporting@tanabrosreporting· Dec 19

And for outgoing transfers maybe Antony is on his way to Brazil? (Ht: @tacosytimbers.bsky.social) #rctid

Screenshot of a tweet. Portland Timbers winger Antony possibly on his way to Santos of Brazil?

TANA Bros Reporting@tanabrosreporting· Dec 19

Evergreen.

A white banner with a message in black spray paint hanging from a rail. It reads, “SHUT UP, ALEXI”

TANA Bros Reporting@tanabrosreporting· Dec 19

So far in PTFC transfer rumors. Diego Tarzia is a 22 yo LW/LWB for Independiente of Argentina. 1/3 #rctid

PTFC rumored transfer target Diego Tarzia celebrates.

Text reads: “From the United States, they confirm that there are two MLS clubs interested in Diego Tarzia. Portland Timbers and San Jose Earthquakes are
the ones interested in the winger from Independiente.”

TANA Bros Reporting@tanabrosreporting· Dec 16

August already has 5 matches. Now there are three more matches added (more if PTFC gets out of the first phase) after a two month World Cup break. Seems prudent. #rctid

Timbers August 2026 schedule before the addition of a minimum 3 Leagues Cup matches.

TANA Bros Reporting@tanabrosreporting· Nov 17

Oh. Our bad. He is Taylor Calheira and he finished second in the USL Championship Golden Boot race. Plays for FC Tulsa.

A screenshot of FC Tulsa’s Taylor Calheira stats for 2025.

TANA Bros Reporting@tanabrosreporting· Oct 27

Vibes. #rctid