Ted Crvz

@tedcrvz

asPiring humAn pResident Of earth. Dear reader, You can learn all about it at tedcruzforhumanpresident.com Parody

1,079 Following1,159 Followers1,823 Posts

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Ted Crvz@tedcrvz· 20d

Posting this adorable photo of Josh Hawley and KC Chiefs kicker Harrison Butler...for no reason in particular

Us senator of missouri Josh Hawley and Kansas City Chiefs kicker Harrison Butler walking together and smiling

Ted Crvz@tedcrvz· 23d

Brings a whole new meaning to

Smokey the bear graphic. The text around the border says "Only you can prevent forest fires"

Ted Crvz@tedcrvz· 25d

Same energy

Hank Hill, the protagonist of King of the Hill l, putting grass clippings in a bin while saying "Why would anyone do drugs when they could just mow a lawn?"

Ted Crvz@tedcrvz· 27d

As I ramp I'm just gonna play a little land. Nothing to worry about

Magic the Gathering Card:
Arixmethes, Slumbering isle
2 colorless, 1 green, 1 blue
Legendary creature - kraken
Arixmethes, Slumbering isle enters tapped with 5 slumber counters on it.
As long as Arixmethes has a slumber counter on it, it's a land (It's not a creature)
Whenever you cast a spell, you may remove a slumber counter from Arixmethes
Tap to add 1 green and 1 blue mana

Ted Crvz@tedcrvz· 28d

This one was my idea!

A picture of Donald Trump with the caption "I don't think about Americans' Financial situation." This is not a direct quote, but an accurate representation of his answer when questioned about the Iran war.

Ted Crvz@tedcrvz· 28d

The DNC

Meme with a lady making a disgusted face with caption "DSA's wildly popular policies" followed by the same lady with and intrigued face and a caption of "DSA's mailing list"

Ted Crvz@tedcrvz· Jul 13

What's his new number?

Ted Crvz@tedcrvz· Jul 13

@hankgreen.bsky.social I apologize for sending that www.hankgreen.com/smush/

A screenshot of Smush, Hank Green's puzzle game where the user makes words with a set list of 9 letters. The screenshot indicates that the word "Crotch" was submitted but not listed as a valid word; the submitter sent a notification requesting that the word be added. As a result, the screenshot states at the bottom of the image "CROTCH - sent to the editor"

https://www.hankgreen.com/smush/

Ted Crvz@tedcrvz· Jul 12

Obligatory

A screenshot of a post from Donald Trump. The actual post stated "Robert Mueller just died. Good, I'm glad he's dead. He can no longer hurt innocent people! President DONALD J. TRUMP" The screenshot has been altered to replace "Robert Mueller" with "Lindsey Graham" who recently passed away

Ted Crvz@tedcrvz· Jul 3

Let's go, global warming!

Ted Crvz@tedcrvz· May 28

Ted Crvz@tedcrvz· May 20

I think I have too much wrench

Ted Crvz@tedcrvz· May 7

I disagree, Ron. I think the American people have spoken and Trump is giving the people what they want. Pic unrelated.

A yougov poll showing how men and women identifying as Republican, independent, and Democrat answered if they thought they could win a fight with Donald trump.

Results:
Dem men: 82% yes, 4% no
Dem women: 71% yes, 7% no
Independent men: 69% yes, 6% no
Independent women: 46% yes, 17% no
Republican men: 46% yes, 25% no
Republican women: 19% yes, 55% no

Ted Crvz@tedcrvz· May 1

People in the restaurant industry confidently knows that "86" is a restaurant term. They experience other members of the restaurant work force say it all the time. It's a little weird that Trump can say that's a Mob term with the same level of confidence.

Ted Crvz@tedcrvz· Apr 29

Ted Crvz@tedcrvz· Apr 28

Ted Crvz@tedcrvz· Apr 27

Ladies and gentlemen, we did it. We got em. We got em red handed telling boomers he did the thing we've been telling boomers he did. Kaboomer.

Ted Crvz@tedcrvz· Apr 26

Posting this for no particular reason.

Screenshot of Star Wars III where Palpatine says "The attempt on my life has made me scarred and deformed"

Ted Crvz@tedcrvz· Apr 24

Please do not ask brainworms if they are going to finish the brains they have before eating more. It is very offensive in our culture.

Ted Crvz@tedcrvz· Apr 17

What's your location relative to Oklahoma?

Ted Crvz@tedcrvz· Apr 15

I present my big boy double feature.

Card: Famished Worldsire
Mana cost: 5 +3 green
Creature - Leviathan
0/0
Ward 3
Devour land 3
When creature enters, look at the top X cards where X is this creature's power. Put any number of land cards from among them onto the battle field tapped, then shuffle

Ted Crvz@tedcrvz· Apr 15

Not a merfolk technically.

Magic the gathering card
Card: Archetype of Imagination
Mana cost: 4 mana and 2 blue
Card text: Creatures you control have flying.

Creatures your opponents control lose flying and can't have or gain flying

Ted Crvz@tedcrvz· Apr 3

Taken from Artemis

Ted Crvz@tedcrvz· Apr 1

My dog watching out for me!

Ted Cruz's dog Snowflake. The context of this picture is that it was taken by reporters during a major storm in Texas. Ted Cruz had left for a vacation a few days earlier.

Ted Crvz@tedcrvz· Mar 26

Same comic as the original post, but replaced "Sonic" with "Ted" and "Adventure" with "Cruise"

Ted Crvz@tedcrvz· Mar 23

Mac from It's always sunny in Philadelphia saying "Oh my God, that's disgusting. Where?"

Ted Crvz@tedcrvz· Mar 22

Ted Crvz@tedcrvz· Mar 19

Two in a row!

Ted Crvz@tedcrvz· Mar 17

Did someone say punchable face?

Ted Cruz sitting at his desk with a Texas flag in the backdrop. He is leaning back with his feet on the desk and smirks at the camera.

Ted Crvz@tedcrvz· Mar 14

Dementia is holding strong and making headlines. Even if you didn't bet on dementia, you are paying for it right now. Heart disease can overtake at any time. Not much from shingles or Bone spurs hasn't been see- WAIT! Bones spurs, the long shot!