hazel

@thehazelzone

boy cillian murphy she/her

556 Following566 Followers943 Posts

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hazel@thehazelzone· 22d

does my bum look big in this (📸 kaleidoshoots)

two white women standing in a narrow street, one with bleach blonde hair wearing a white top and jean shorts, the other with long red hair, a pink top and pink camo trousers, holding placards - left reads 'tran your frown upside down' and right reads 'changing your sex is really easy'

hazel@thehazelzone· Jul 7

funniest outcome would be farage arriving at the press conference via plane crash

headline reading "Farage says he will 'make statement on my future in public life at 2pm'", accompanied by a photo of nigel farage with convicted fraudster george cottrell

hazel@thehazelzone· Jun 25

new discord emoji

Achenar from the computer game MYST, looking maniacal, close to the camera and illuminated in red, bordered by torn paper

Sirrus from the computer game MYST, looking evil/scheming, illuminated in red, bordered by torn paper

hazel@thehazelzone· Jun 22

stay cool out there 😎

white woman in a sports bra with a very wet face takes a selfie

hazel@thehazelzone· Jun 19

how lovely, they've made a nice puppet of winnie-th-- holy god

headline that reads 'First look at giant creature puppet as iconic Sussex forest marks 100 years of Winnie-The-Pooh'

an eldritch horror dozens of feet across, decidedly un-bouba, purple and spidery with huge spikes like an anemone and a long deadly tail, eight or more unwelcoming polygonal legs, and two curious and menacing blobbyesque eyes, standing in a woods and staring hungrily at the camera

hazel@thehazelzone· Jun 15

pure look like my mom with my hair back

flash photo of white woman with red hair, wearing a black tank top and a yellow neckerchief, holding a pint and looking at the camera as though mid-sentence, sitting in front of a brick wall with large painted faces on it and a sign advertising various toasties

hazel@thehazelzone· Jun 7

just encountered this ancient relic on a webpage in 2026

404 page with the text "404'ED!" and "PAGE NOT FOUND", plus a lolcat meme of a black cat with wide eyes and the caption "There has been a failure on the INTERNETS"

hazel@thehazelzone· Jun 5

The Machine

shoe measuring machine, an imposing device of metal and white plastic with one foot-sized aperture with cables and metal visible inside. a large display screen says 'Clarks' on it

hazel@thehazelzone· Jun 3

doing a post-mortem in the gc about yet another local queer community space shutting down. this is the entire problem in a nutshell

pull quote from a discord chat that reads 'the infamous massive thread arguing over whether tarot was cultural appropriation followed by dead silence when someone pointed out nothing in the building had been PAT tested'

hazel@thehazelzone· May 27

anyone want to crash the most insufferable pub meet imaginable

instagram advert for 'AI on Tap Brighton', copy reads 'AI On Your Mind? We've Got A Pint Waiting. Brighton's #1 pub meetup for the AI grown-ups'. a slogan says 'Real AI. Real Beer. Real People.'

hazel@thehazelzone· May 24

this was my offering at a recent powerpoint party, the vote was nearly evenly split between 'yes', 'no' and 'inconclusive'

powerpoint slide that reads 'Is Hazel autistic' with subheading 'okay but really is Hazel autistic'

powerpoint slide that reads 'Group Discussion' subheading 'Given the evidence, do you think Hazel is autistic? Argue your position for or against' with two unflattering close-ups of my face

hazel@thehazelzone· May 17

heaven forfend i should chastise anybody for their appearance but buddy you are at least 15 years too old for that haircut. prick

look mum no computer, a musician in his late-30s performing on a stage in a pink jumpsuit, playing a large novelty prop synthesizer, doing a high kick with a pained expression on his face. his hair is a floppy blonde high fade that doesn't suit the shape of his head

hazel@thehazelzone· May 15

evil hazel be like

hazel@thehazelzone· May 7

i was dressed like this?? (me on the right)

mirror selfie of six women in a lift, a girl at the front takes the photo, hazel on the right has her hair in plaits and is wearing a bright yellow leather jacket and black and white gingham trousers

hazel@thehazelzone· Apr 26

my phone camera is ass but i looked nice for the ball game today ⚾

white woman taking a selfie with her hair in two plaits, wearing a straw hat, a bright coloured shirt, and black and white gingham trousers

hazel@thehazelzone· Apr 21

got the results of my test back

table titled 'Active Problems', underneath which it says 'Transgender Female' three times

hazel@thehazelzone· Apr 17

at this point starmer is more like one of those weirdly masturbatory kids toys than a prime minister but honestly that seems to suit you better for the job these days

four 'water wigglers', those toys that are like a tube of coloured liquid that you can wank off

hazel@thehazelzone· Mar 28

stage of children dressed in suits and sunglasses with green sims plumbobs over their heads

screenshot of serge gainsbourg but his face has been replaced with will wright's face

close-up of children in suits and sunglasses with dyed grey hair, holding cigarettes and whiskey glasses, all with green sims plumbobs

serge gainsbourg with will wright's face pasted over his, now with MS Paint tears in his eyes holding a cigarette

hazel@thehazelzone· Mar 27

im sad but i dyed my hair again

white woman with ginger hair sits on a bed smiling at the camera wearing a brown abstract print shirt and jeans

hazel@thehazelzone· Mar 11

psa for my younger pals

text on a lurid pink background that reads 'i need my gen Z friends to understand that none of these things is """analog"""', with a smaller caption that says 'also it's spelled "analogue"" im sorry to be like this', and a selection of poorly composited images of a CD, an ipod, a flip phone, a DVD player, a HD camcorder and a CD walkman

hazel@thehazelzone· Feb 1

look out gen Z im bringing back the millennial side part

white woman in a black crop top and black and white check miniskirt with side-swept brown hair poses in a bathroom and takes a selfie with a pink digital camera

as previous but she's poking her tongue out and her reflection is repeated multiple times in a mirror behind her

hazel@thehazelzone· Dec 1

went to an 'evil femme' night

a white woman in office/business attire (houndstooth tweed jacket, beige top, grey check trousers) holds a cigarette for a smiling twink on his knees

hazel@thehazelzone· Dec 26

ive never served so hard as i did when i had a broken toe this summer (a kid i worked with dropped a sofa on it)

a smiling trans woman with scruffy tied up hair and glasses wearing an orange floral summer dress, being pushed in a wheelchair by a trans woman with a dark bob and a yellow beanie wearing a grungey plaid shirt and a band t-shirt

hazel@thehazelzone· Dec 24

august

white woman, flash photography at night, with 80s-inspired makeup, long brown hair held back with a yellow headband, yellow hoop earrings, a pink satin top with pink neck scarf, and a black and white check skirt, holding a fan and smiling at the camera

white woman in the same outfit as before, pouting at the camera in a room with other people

hazel@thehazelzone· Dec 24

december fits. let's see yours?

white woman with shaggy highlighted hair, makeup, a red satin shirt with a cream waistcoat, and a brown tartan skirt takes a mirror selfie with a hot pink flip phone in a bathroom

white woman in a loose white shirt and light makeup points at the camera and smiles

white woman in a white shirt, yellow knitted tank top, and rust-colour corduroy trousers holds playing cards in her hands while reclining on a sofa, looking conspiratorially at the camera

hazel@thehazelzone· Nov 27

it's milf mwednesday

white trans woman with shaggy highlighted hair, a brown tweed blazer, mustard yellow shirt and floral tank top, taking a selfie

white trans woman with blonde shaggy highlighted hair wearing a brown tweed blazer, mustard yellow shirt, floral blazer, and light grey tweed pattern trousers with brown boots, posing and taking a mirror selfie

photo of a white trans woman with shaggy blonde highlighted hair, tweed blazer, yellow shirt and floral waistcoat, standing outside smiling

hazel@thehazelzone· Nov 18

screenshot of a youtube video titled "The Man Behind the BBC's Biggest Reinvention" by channel 'Adam Martyn'. the video depicts a black and white photo of a sculptor chiselling away at a stone sculpture. on top is the word "NONCE" in large bold yellow letters

hazel@thehazelzone· Nov 16

whats up i quit my job, put on a stone or two, and im learning the banjo. whats new around here. whos the good posters these days

white woman with shaggy blonde highlighted hair smiles at the camera wearing a dark leather jacket, red plaid shirt and a t-shirt with a stylised pink face on it, taking a mirror selfie in a shop

hazel@thehazelzone· Dec 2

go on then

Why do you follow me?
Red - you post good shit
Orange - you have good opinions
Yellow - I honestly don’t remember but I’m glad I still do
Green - Jesus fuck you’re hot
Blue - I’m just here for the memes
Dark green - I wanna kiss you, I wanna kiss you so bad
Peach - I’m in love with you
Dark blue - I have to for… reasons
Purple - I may or may not have fantasized about you at some point
White - I just like you
Black - I’m hate following you
Pink - you just seem friendly and kind

hazel@thehazelzone· Nov 13

where do you even begin with this