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The Heathyorker (@theheathyorker) · DIRTY

The Heathyorker

@theheathyorker

Parody account swapping captions from Healthcliff and The New Yorker Not affiliated with either cartoon. Tips/donations appreciated but not necessary Cash App: cash.app/$theheathyork

15 Following2,058 Followers779 Posts

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The Heathyorker@theheathyorker· 2d

8/14/26

Heathcliff Panel:
Dogs run away as Heathcliff belches out a giant cloud of Heathcliff-shaped gas. Two birds watch from a tree, one bird says "I bet we're missing some great package deliveries."

New Yorker Panel:
A couple sits on the beach. One person looks at their phone and says "Dogs tremble at his breath's approach."

The Heathyorker@theheathyorker· 3d

8/13/26

Heathcliff Panel:
Heathcliff and his friends fly over the neighborhood in their dank blimp. Sonja stands at the end of the sidewalk forepaws on hips. Sonja's owners stand in the foreground. One of them says "It was O.K. — the real world is scarier."

New Yorker Panel:
Two people stand outside the House of Horror at a carnival. One of them says "She's tired of the dank blimp."

The Heathyorker@theheathyorker· 4d

8/12/26

Heathcliff Panel:
Heathcliff scuba dives with hammer-head sharks. He swims towards them with a claw hammer. Three fish watch nearby. One fish says "My best defense against mosquitoes may be their preference for you."

New Yorker Panel:
Two people walk, the person in the foreground sprays something on her hand. The person in the background is covered in bumps and is moving erratically. The person in the foreground says "They usually don't welcome outsiders."

The Heathyorker@theheathyorker· 4d

8/11/26

Heathcliff Panel:
Jimmy stands in front of a storefront with the word 'influencer' written in large letters on the window. Heathcliff and Iggy watch from the other side of the street. Iggy says "Everyone likes how it sparkles, but no one wants to talk about what it's for."

New Yorker Panel:
A blood covered unicorn stands in a meadow with a horse. The unicorn asks "Still nothing?"

The Heathyorker@theheathyorker· 6d

8/10/26

Heathcliff Panel:
Heathcliff drives his ham car by the meat store. The butcher stands outside and remarks to a woman "We were hoping it would teach him about military quagmires. Instead, he wants to send dragons to Hormuz."

New Yorker Panel:
President Trump watches House of The Dragon. Two staffers watch from the other side of the room. One staffer says "That's a luxury ham."

The Heathyorker@theheathyorker· 9d

8/7/26

Heathcliff Panel:
Two farmers watch as Heathcliff milks a cow. One farmer says "And we can start talking about them in three, two, one..."

New Yorker Panel:
A couple leaves a home as their hosts wave goodbye. One of the people leaving says "He got rid of some mice in the barn."

The Heathyorker@theheathyorker· 10d

8/6/26

Heathcliff Panel:
Heathcliff is in a sailboat. A white whale surfaces, spouts water from it's blowhole, and says "Me Thinking of All the Reasons I Would Plead the Fifth About My Actions During the Pandemic."

New Yorker Panel:
A man remembers hoarding toilet paper, yelling during a Zoom meeting, and laying on the couch covered in crumbs. He thinks to himself "You should lay off the krill cologne."

The Heathyorker@theheathyorker· 11d

8/5/26

Heathcliff Panel:
A man buys a hot dog from a cart in the park. Heathcliff looms behind him in a hot dog costume. The vendor says "It feels bleak now, but one day this will make a great true-crime documentary."

New Yorker Panel:
Two people watch tv as a graphic saying 'More breaking news from Washington, D.C.' appears on screen. One person says "Don't make any sudden movements."

The Heathyorker@theheathyorker· 12d

8/4/26

Heathcliff Panel:
Heathcliff walks down the sidewalk with his fairy godmother protecting him with a magical umbrella. Two birds watch from a wire. One bird says "The days and the time between Trump's Iran policy flip-flops are getting shorter."

New Yorker Panel:
A man looks forlornly out a window and says to a person behind him "His fairy godmother."

The Heathyorker@theheathyorker· 13d

8/3/26

Heathcliff Panel:
Heathcliff visits a ice cream stand on the board walk. The ice cream man says "I enjoyed the fifteen minutes of the movie that wasn’t spoiled by four theatrical trailers, eight teaser trailers, leaked behind-the-scenes photos, interviews with the cast, comic nerds on TikTok, and influencers who went to the première.”

The Heathyorker@theheathyorker· 16d

7/31/26

Heathcliff Panel:
Heathcliff hides in a bush and blows into a whistle. Two birds watch from a tree, one bird says “If you’re getting out of the water, you need to reapply.”

New Yorker Panel:
The Goddess Venus arrives on the shore on a giant shell. The Hora of Spring holds a tube of sunscreen to Venus and says "He can perfectly mimic worm song."

The Heathyorker@theheathyorker· 17d

7/30/26

Heathcliff Panel:
Heathcliff uses magic to levitate a ham away from the meat store. Two employees watch from the sidewalk. One of them says "It seems it's O.K. to wear shorts to the office, but definitely not socks with sandals."

New Yorker Panel:
A businessman wearing short sleeves, shorts, socks, and sandals comes home and says "I love my job."

The Heathyorker@theheathyorker· 18d

7/29/26

Heathcliff Panel:
Moby Dick surfaces ready to eat Heathcliff fishing in his boat. Two seagulls fly overhead. One gull says "But enough about Bravo TV stars— what's new with you?"

New Yorker Panel:
Two women sit at a bar. One of them smiling says "It's one of those days." the second woman looks shocked by what was said.

The Heathyorker@theheathyorker· 19d

7/28/26

Heathcliff Panel:
Two mice run around a corner while Heathcliff stands on his hind legs wearing dress shoes. Grandpa Nutmeg looks away from his paper and says "Did she have a parrot? Cases are much easier to solve when there's a parrot."

New Yorker Panel:
A detective investigates a crime scene and says to a woman "You'll never catch them in those dress shoes."

The Heathyorker@theheathyorker· 20d

7/27/26

Heathcliff Panel:
Heathcliff is on a sailboat that is being pushed by wind coming from a cloud with his face. Two seagulls watch from the shore. One seagull asks "Is this the line to storm the castle or for the viral fro-yo?"

New Yorker Panel:
Knights are lined up outside a castle. A food truck is parked near the castle entrance. One knight joins the line and says the knight in front of him "He's the next of kin to the wayward wind."

The Heathyorker@theheathyorker· 23d

7/24/26

Heathcliff Panel:
Heathcliff and The Summer Mummy walk with ice cream cones on the boardwalk. The ice cream stand employee tells a customer "Just so you know, this is the most stuff we can bring without applying for a building permit."

New Yorker Panel:
A couple sets up a picnic at the beach. One of them says "The summer mummy gets the sand flavor."

The Heathyorker@theheathyorker· 24d

7/23/26

Heathcliff Panel:
The Garbage Ape and four Garbage Apelings hop down the street while Heathcliff and other cats cheer. Two owls watch from a tree. One owl says "What if we call it Operation This Time Will Be Different?"

New Yorker Panel:
Two generals talk in front of a large map. One of them says "Garbage Apelings are in season."

The Heathyorker@theheathyorker· 25d

7/22/26

Heathcliff Panel:
Heathcliff and Jimmy stand outside an ice cream parlor with ice cream cones. The employee inside says to another customer “I grant her three gifts—the whimsy of Moo Deng the hippo, the sweetness of Punch the monkey, and the resilience of Jimothy the raccoon.”

New Yorker Panel:
A new mom holds her baby. Three fairy godmothers descent in a beam of light. One of the fairy godmothers says "Those aren't sprinkles. We call them 'Jimmies'."

The Heathyorker@theheathyorker· 25d

7/21/26

Heathcliff Panel:
Heathcliff walks down the sidewalk wearing tall stilts covered by blue pants with yellow stars. He is also wearing a monocle and carrying a balloon that says bro. Two birds watch from the ground. One bird says "It turns out all he wanted was a big glass of ice water."

New Yorker Panel:
A Godzilla-like monster drinks from a big glass. Two people watch from a rooftop. One of them asks "When did he start wearing a monocle?"

The Heathyorker@theheathyorker· 27d

7/20/26

Heathcliff Panel:
A chipmunk bellows 'My dudes' in the yard. Iggy, Heathcliff, and two squirrels cover their ears. Iggy says "He just wants us to keep him from looking at his phone too much."

New Yorker Panel:
Ulysses is tied to the mast of the ship by his crew. One of the crewmen says "The baritone chipmunk."

The Heathyorker@theheathyorker· Jul 17

7/17/26

Heathcliff Panel:
Heathcliff and The Summer Mummy surf with bro fish bowls on their heads. The bro fish are broing. Two surfers watch from the beach. One of them says "Darling wife, wait for me. I know not when I will return; the movie is pretty long."

New Yorker Panel:
A couple embraces in a home. The husband says "Dude."

The Heathyorker@theheathyorker· Jul 16

7/16/26

Heathcliff Panel:
Heathcliff sits on an upturned garbage can eating. A bro fish bowl rests on his head, the bro fish broing. Three aliens approach Heathcliff, one of them says "Make sure to wash those berries really well, and then to not eat them."

New Yorker Panel:
A man is rinsing produce at the kitchen sink. A woman walks in and asks "Did someone say 'probe'?"

The Heathyorker@theheathyorker· Jul 15

7/15/26

Heathcliff Panel:
A referee stands on a street corner pointing at sweaty pedestrians. He says "That's our most popular flavor."

New Yorker Panel:
Heathcliff stands at the counter in an ice cream parlor. The bro fish on his head bros. The employee exclaims "Hydration break!"

The Heathyorker@theheathyorker· Jul 14

7/14/26

Heathcliff Panel:
Heathcliff and a group of cats walk down the sidewalk with fishbowls containing bro fish on their heads. The bro fish are broing. Two birds watch from a tree, one bird says "No, seriously, you look great—no one is even going to notice."

New Yorker Panel:
Two SpongeBob ice cream bars stand on their sticks, the one on the left is melting. The one on the right says "A group of brofish is called a 'shoal.'"

The Heathyorker@theheathyorker· Jul 13

7/13/26

Heathcliff Panel:
Heathcliff and group of people on a bro fish watching boat watch as a school of bro fish swim to the surface and bro. The captain says "But will robots take my job in a good way or a bad way?"

New Yorker Panel:
A man sits across from a fortune teller. As the fortune teller looks into the crystal ball the man says "I thought he was crazy."

The Heathyorker@theheathyorker· Jul 10

7/10/26

Heathcliff Panel:
Heathcliff, Iggy, and Grandpa Nutmeg are doing kick-up with hot dogs and burgers. Grandma and her neighbor watch from a window. Grandma says "The sun's two moods."

New Yorker Panel:
A smiling a winking sun is captioned with vitamin D. An angry sun is captioned with UV rays. A top caption explains both suns have World Cup fever.

The Heathyorker@theheathyorker· Jul 9

7/9/26

Heathcliff Panel:
Heathcliff distracts the fish market workers with a jack-in-the-box of his head. Heathcliff sneaks out of a side window carrying a fish. One of the workers says "It's Grandma's classic viral chickpea matcha miso caramel 'Marry Me' protein brownies!"

New Yorker Panel:
It is July 9th, 2076. A grandma puts a tray of brownies in front of a pair of disappointed kids. Grandma says "This feels like a diversion."

The Heathyorker@theheathyorker· Jul 8

7/8/26

Heathcliff Panel:
Heathcliff places various cuts of meat wearing hats in the lawn. Grandma Nutmeg stands on the porch and says to her neighbor. "I'm here to ruin your summer."

New Yorker Panel:
A tick wearing a little sheriff badge and boots throws open the swinging doors at an old west saloon. Several people spill their drinks in shock. The tick says "I prefer lawn gnomes." Top caption reads "Lone-Star Sheriff Tick Comes to Town."

The Heathyorker@theheathyorker· Jul 7

Karina's drawing

Drawfee Panel:
A man looks at his phone while his doppelgänger pulls a gun on him. The copy with the gun says "We loaned them a chihuahua."

The Heathyorker@theheathyorker· Jul 7

Jacob's drawing

Heathcliff Panel:
Heathcliff plays jizz music with Figrin D'an and the Modal Nodes on the fence. Grandpa Nutmeg and Iggy watch from a window. Grandpa says "My, my, grandma, what an unconventional lifestyle you have."

Drawfee Panel:
Little Red Riding Hood catches her grandma taking off a wolf fur suit. Little Red Riding Hood says "You'll never see a more wretched hive of scum and villainy."

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