✨ Viv ✨

@viv-yells

Security "professional" || Shitposting, once more with feeling || Disaster nerd, neurotic mess, fake grown-ass lady || 🚗 🏍️ 🐈‍⬛ 🐕 📚 || she/her

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✨ Viv ✨@viv-yells· 21d

Had a great time at the SF Art Books fair today, bought many Art Items™, including this fantastic feminist reading of reality TV that I think it's really important that @gracetopia.bsky.social knows about. I also got a sticker! nhtmfzine.com

A hot pink soft cover zine, with a black block across the middle that reads "Not Here To Make Friends" in white text. At an angle over the book is a metallic hot pink bumper sticker with the text "Producer: Sometimes bad bitches cry. It's okay." on it.

✨ Viv ✨@viv-yells· 23d

She now lives as a GODDAMN MENACE, pictured here breaking into the dog food 🤣

A very chaotically messy side table under a window. In the midst of the mess, a small gray cat has her face stuffed into a large rectangular tupperware, which has dog food in it. She is smug. She is unrepentant. She was poked and scolded repeatedly before this picture was taken, but she does not care. This is HER house.

A small, fluffy gray cat is curled up asleep on a velour couch, her body cleverly pinning the arm of the human next to her so that nobody can move. She is innocent. She is perfect. She gets everything she wants at all times. Her tail is SO FLUFFY.

✨ Viv ✨@viv-yells· Jul 14

There are many stickers in the world, and this is one of them* *that will be over the track rash on the zixxer fairings

A very boring blurred out living room in the background. Nice sunny day outside though! However the only actually important thing is the hand in the foreground, holding a lovely rectangular turquoise blue sticker (large), that is an enlarged replica of medical lab labels. In large lettering it reads “For Rectal Use ONLY”

✨ Viv ✨@viv-yells· Jun 4

God fucking dammit, I don't have anywhere to put Lego Minas Tirith, I don't even WANT Lego Minas Tirith (I want Lego Rivendell 🥺) but it fucking COMES WITH GROND that's actually psychological warfare by the Lego Company

screen capture of a Tumblr post by user ereborslionheart. The text reads "Tolkien fans are insufferable because you'll agree to watch the movies with them and then seven hours in they'll say 'omg my favourite character is about to appear!' and it's a fucking siege weapon"

and like....... they're right. Also, in searching for this screen cap, I learned about the Grond fucking fanfic community, because humanity is a dazzling tapestry and I think that's beautiful.

✨ Viv ✨@viv-yells· Jun 3

Posting “you” in another country. It isn’t a PERFECT representation, but it’s a very good portrait.

A grungy beige wall in Rome, Italy, with a wheat-pasted piece of street art. The art is an orange frog with tiger stripes, wearing a leather jacket and holding a beer bottle. The frog is throwing the horns with one hand and has a single tear coming from one eye. The jagged all caps text next to it reads CRYING BUT STILL PUNK

✨ Viv ✨@viv-yells· Apr 25

Send help, I am going to choke laughing on this AI description of the Moldy Peaches’ “Steak For Chicken” like that sure is a way to describe the lyrics 🤣

A screen cap of an AI “about this song” blurb, which reads “Steak for Chicken showcases The Moldy Peaches’ signature lo-fi sound and anti-folk aesthetic. The song’s raw production and candid lyrics exemplify the band’s commitment to authenticity and their rejection of mainstream musical conventions.”

✨ Viv ✨@viv-yells· Mar 20

Had to fork over several vials of my blood, so I got myself a beach coffee as a consolation prize.

A black older Ducati Monster motorcycle is parked in a large parking lot that butts up to Ocean Beach in San Francisco. The huge sky is a rich clear blue, and beyond the parked cars there are frothy breaking waves in the Pacific. There is an iced latte balanced on the gas tank of the motorcycle. It is brilliantly sunny.

✨ Viv ✨@viv-yells· Mar 8

Not to go being all vulnerable on main but I’m gonna go ahead and say it—motorcycles are extremely good.

A Kawasaki ZX-6R sport motorcycle is pulled into a parking spot off the side of the road in a redwood grove. The bike is done up in Kawasaki’s Ninja 40th anniversary livery—vibrant signature green, white, and rich blue accents. The wheels are Kawasaki green as well. It’s not a subtle bike. It looks as sexy, fast, and fun as it is, which is to say EXTREMELY. It’s an incredibly good motorcycle.

✨ Viv ✨@viv-yells· Feb 17

But what about....

Screenshot of a Tumblr post by user bill-blake-fans-anonymous. It is a poem, titled "Goose Shit", by Evil Mary Oliver Who Lives in Your Head.

The poem text is:
You DO have to be good.
In fact, you have to be perfect.
Having even one perturbation
will disqualify you from going to the grocery store.
You are obligated to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting,
backwards, in underwear
made of red-hot puff adders.
You can't let that soft, fallible animal of your body
love what it loves.
Are you kidding?
Tell me about despair, yours, and keep telling me,
and don't stop, or you'll completely explode
and go to jail, and then hell.
Meanwhile the world goes on without you.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of hailstones
are beating down on your head,
pouring into the buildings and deep gutters,
the corpse-laden mountains and the rivers--
did you read that article
about the one that turned bright yellow from pollution?
Meanwhile the wild geese, hissing and shitting everywhere
will not leave your yard.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
you can always get lonelier!
And I can help.
I call to you like the wild geese, harsh and intimidating,
over and over announcing your place--
oop, sorry, never mind,
someone else took it.

✨ Viv ✨@viv-yells· Feb 15

Why isn’t my dog one of the ones that hates water 🥲

A copper colored pitbull mix dog is standing on a wood deck that is shiny with accumulated rain water. It is actively raining on him. Despite this, his tail is mid enthusiastic wag and his ears are up and alert and his face says “human fucking get a move on let’s PLAY!” It’s wet out. He has done a few laps of zoomies through the yard. You can probably smell the wet dog smell from there. He will probably sit on you while still wet.

✨ Viv ✨@viv-yells· Nov 30

Next year I kind of want to figure out how to haul the tree on the Duc, but MR2y Christmas is a tradition at this point and I’d hate for her to feel left out or unloved

Selfie is a woman sitting in the driver seat of a small convertible with the top down. We really only know it’s a car because you can see the steering wheel. Everything else in the car is hidden by the large fluffy Christmas tree in the passenger seat, which is threatening to creep into the drivers seat area with its lush branches. The woman is holding the steering wheel with a tattooed hand/arm, wearing large brown tortoiseshell sunglasses, and trying not to laugh. She’s wearing a gray beanie with a patch on it that says “go ride a motorcycle”, which is silly, because she is currently driving a car, not a motorcycle. But heaven forbid motorcycle people go anywhere without advertising that they ride!

✨ Viv ✨@viv-yells· Nov 30

MR2 remains undefeated for being practical and good at everything

A small silver two seat convertible is parallel parked and the camera is looking at it from the sidewalk, at the passenger side. The top is down and the passenger door is open. The passenger seat is filled with an incredibly lush and bushy Christmas tree, stuffed into the foot well and the top of the tree poking out above the top of the seat. The branches don’t quite fit inside the car, but will when the door closes. It is very sensible and practical, but the car will probably need to be vacuumed before a person sits on the seat again.

✨ Viv ✨@viv-yells· Nov 25

I do not love waking up to take my dog to the vet (scheduled vax boosters, nothing concerning!) but I do love when they tell me he’s lost weight and is now pretty much perfect, and also that he is very good and very handsome 🥰

A reddish brown pitbull mix dog is sitting on a vet room floor, his left side toward the viewer, his face lifted and looking intently over up and to the left (where, out of view, a treat is being held). He’s wearing a mint green harness and leash, and his black tail sticks out straight behind him. His nose and the very front of his muzzle are black, but most of his snoot is gone white now, and the white is creeping up his cheeks. His brown eyes are bright and eager, and his right ear is a little down and back while his left ear is cocked a little up and forward. He is in great tracking mode and has forgotten he’s at the vet.

✨ Viv ✨@viv-yells· Sep 28

On the ceiling above the tattoo station, mocking my whiny ass 🥲

The ceiling of a tattoo studio, all white with some track lighting near the edge of the frame. In the center is a poster showing a fluffy gray kitten hanging from a rope by its front paws, with large white text underneath reading “HANG IN THERE!”

✨ Viv ✨@viv-yells· Sep 25

Anyways here is tonight’s Living Room Couch Most Babiest Dog, awarded by a unanimous vote, despite stiff competition from the cat

A reddish brown pitbull mix dog is draped languidly across the cushions of a couch, his big blocky head resting on the knee of a leg that is hidden beneath a black and gray faux fur blanket. The dog’s muzzle is also mostly gray with a little black beneath, like the blanket, and his nose is all black. His brown eyes are rimmed by elegant black dog eyeliner and the one that is visible is turned ever so slightly toward the camera. Combined with the slightly backward angle of his floppy ears, one cannot help but feel that he is aware of the camera and thinking “really? This bullshit again??” This definitely has nothing to do with the plate of pakoras that is just out of frame and toward which his nose is definitively focused.

✨ Viv ✨@viv-yells· Sep 8

I'm so close to winning at mid life crises, I can feel it! 😤

A small silver sporty convertible car (Toyota MR2) is towing a motorcycle trailer with a sporty supersport motorcycle (Kawasaki ZX-6R) on it. The car, while looking quite sporty and fast with a rear engine layout, sleek louvers behind the door, only two seats, and the convertible top down, is actually very slow and only has 130 horsepower. The trailer is connected via an extremely questionable setup of welding mounting points onto bolts that are screwed into the tow points in the rear frame, and a tow hitch mount is then bolted to that frankly unholy contraption. The motorcycle trailer is hooked to that, with a single rail running down the center and two thick, chunky wheels set to the far back of the trailer, and tie downs front and rear to hold up the motorcycle. The motorcycle, which looks extremely fast and sporty with an aggressive ergonomic setup and high seat height, low clip on controls beneath the top of the gas tank, high rearsets, bright Kawasaki green and white racing livery, and aggressive tank grips, unlike the car it actually IS fast and sporty, with 120 horsepower. Also the motorcycle has 17" wheels and the car has 15" wheels. Also the rear tire of the motorcycle as is as wide as the front tires of the car. Everything about this setup is silly. It's so, so silly. You should be giggling, if not outright guffawing, upon gazing upon this unhinged and ridiculous tribute to the hubris of humanity and the desire to engage in zoomies. It's also a testament to how the 'tism can forge such beautiful emotional bonds between people and machines. This is ridiculous and stupid and unhinged, but it is absolutely full of love and joy.

✨ Viv ✨@viv-yells· Aug 16

In my defense, your honor, the plaintiff loves his ducky bathrobe

A reddish brown pitbull mix dog is lounging on a carpet with his big floppy paws extended forward and his face toward the camera, his big shiny brown eyes looking just over the camera toward the person holding it. His ears are perked at jaunty angles, and his muzzle, almost completely white with age, is split by a big goofy dog smile. His body is swaddled inside a bright blue terrycloth robe with cheerful yellow rubber ducky patterns printed on it. Inexplicably, the duckies are printed upside down, but honestly it doesn’t seem to bother him, so we’re just not sweating the small things over here tbh.

✨ Viv ✨@viv-yells· Jul 30

The two genders 🧐

Two motorcycles parked next to each other, both Ducatis. In the front, a matte black Monster, a small street bike with a low seat, low handlebars, no windscreen, no rear fender, and a small tank. In the back, a classic red Multistrada, a large adventure bike with a high seat, high handlebars, a tall windscreen, tall tank, and large tail box for cargo.

✨ Viv ✨@viv-yells· Jun 14

Welcome to the resistance, Ducomradti 🫡

✨ Viv ✨@viv-yells· Jun 12

Anyways, tonight is the only night I’m not teaching at the dance studio, so I’m rotting in a bath, and my cat, who has never heard of police or marines or immigration, thinks the greatest man made horrors are these right here: large tubs of water, and the concept of being in them

A small fluffy gray cat is peering over the edge of a bathtub. Her fluff-filled ears are pricked forward and her long white whiskers are at cautious half attention. Her bright green eyes are partially squinted in an extremely dubious expression. She’s extending her head slightly forward from her body, trying to gather more information about this mysterious “bath” situation without getting her luxurious fluffy self any closer to the danger zone. She is so plush, so soft, but I would not DARE to touch her with my wet hand.

There’s also a Kobo e-reader on the tub ledge, with a colorful sticker on it that says “let me READ.” The presence of the Kobo is fully unimportant in the picture, but it’s a cute sticker and the Kobo is a great alternative to the Kindle if you’re trying to break away from that tricky Amazon monopoly.

✨ Viv ✨@viv-yells· May 25

Check grassy areas for the North American Yard Dwelling Dingus. They’re generally harmless, though their tails can do some damage if not monitored! The most notable threat they pose is theft of any balls, toys, or treats left unattended. Secure your valuables!

A reddish brown pitbull mix dog is laying comfortably in some very long grass, his ease and the plushness of the grass making it reminiscent of a vintage movie starlet on a chaise longue. A bright orange ball is nestled between his front legs, and he is looking up over the shoulder of the camera holder (there is a stick being held up there, to tell the truth) and his bright brown eyes are locked in and his ears are lightly perked to attention, lifted to each side of his head but still flopping at the tips. He has a pink smudge racing stripe down his black nose, and his muzzle is mostly white. His mouth is a little open, tasting the delicious anticipation of the potential stick.

✨ Viv ✨@viv-yells· May 22

The face of “you are not actually planning on leaving the house, are you? When I am right here???”

A reddish brown pitbull mix dog is curled loosely on a gray blanket on an emerald green couch. His butt is toward the camera and he has twisted his head around to look back at the camera with big mournful eyes. He has a little pink racing stripe smudge up the middle of his black nose, abs his muzzle is almost completely white with age, though you can kind of tell it used to be black. His left ear, further from the camera, is perked at attention adorably. For some mysterious reason, his right ear is inside out. He is very comfortable and warm and his bit of plumpness validates that he is well fed and spoiled with treats. Nonetheless, he is just the very saddest of sad boys who is suffering the most horrible negligence because I am putting on a jacket and holding my house keys. His life is one of endless deprivation. The entire floor of the room, out of view of the camera, is covered in dog toys and chews and beds.

✨ Viv ✨@viv-yells· May 15

I am SHOCKED and ASTOUNDED that my 15 year old Italian motorcycle is giving me mechanical problems. This is unprecedented. Unprecedented I say!

A matte black Ducati Monster is parked on a San Francisco street on a lovely sunny day. She is a very adorable naked-style motorcycle, sleek and curvy, and she has a nice thicc rear tire on a matte black rim and two massive fart can exhaust pipes, which sound like a metal box full of rocks being kicked around when running. She is a perfect innocent baby who has never once engaged in any hooligan behavior nor been a fussy princess about starting on the first try. She has never done anything wrong ever in her life and she never ever will.

✨ Viv ✨@viv-yells· Apr 25

Getting off the Duc at the dance studio and a man on a Ninja with a glorious exhaust rode past all chill doing the hand on the leg thing, gave me a little wave, is this my soulmate? OH NO friends I looked like THIS 🙃

A petite woman in black plastic glasses is making a very silly face in the mirror. She has green hair that is profoundly not styled and suffering from helmet hair, and she’s wearing a safety yellow motorcycle coverall that is a little too big and rather bulky and shapeless. She is friend shaped! A dorky nerd dingus! She is NOT, however, sexy pull over your motorcycle and say hey shaped.

✨ Viv ✨@viv-yells· Feb 19

I got a programmable one cup coffeemaker for my bedside table and wow do I recommend it. Zuzu, however, is still coming to terms with the noises it makes while brewing. She was frozen and staring for about a full minute this morning 😅

✨ Viv ✨@viv-yells· Feb 17

The dog has arrived to discuss why I am still a corpse. “Mother I need the cronchies. Mother please my bowl it is so empty.” (The cat is simply walking in, shouting, then walking out again when I acknowledge her. They have different strategic approaches.)

A reddish brown pitbull mix dog is lying on his belly on a floral bedspread, facing directly toward the camera. His big brown eyes are looking up with classic puppy dog eyes and his ears are tucked back to really emphasize the mournful expression.

The same dog is still lying on the same bedspread, but now there is a human hand just in the frame from the right and he has perked up and turned his face toward the hand. He is enthusiastically licking the palm of the hand, and his muzzle and tongue are a little blurred from his cheerful movement.

✨ Viv ✨@viv-yells· Jan 7

Got a cover for my work laptop

A 14” MacBook is sitting on a person’s lap, except that the MacBook has a cover on it to make it look like the cardboard black and white marbled composition notebooks that many millennials used when we were in elementary school. Also, as a little treat, you can see the top of the head and shoulders of a little fluffy gray cat who is next to the person’s knee and relaxing on the couch.

✨ Viv ✨@viv-yells· Dec 29

IT HAS ARRIVED the high viz yellow onesie of moto dork safety has ARRIVED and I LOVE IT. I need to get some alterations done (legs are too long, need to reposition some armor) but I am THRILLED. It's so easy to get in and out of, it has SO MANY pockets, and I look like a huge dork. Perfection!

a petite white woman with teal hair parted to one side of her face and thick black plastic glasses is facing a full length mirror and holding up her phone in one hand to take the picture, and giving an awkward thumbs up with her other hand. She is wearing a very, VERY bright yellow one piece coverall, with medium gray patches along the shoulders, forearms, and shins (common abrasion areas in motorcycle crashes). The hand giving the thumbs up is wearing a black armored motorcycle glove with a long gauntlet that goes up over her wrist and over the sleeve of the onesie. There are four immediately obvious and visible large pockets on the legs and torso, but I promise there are many more that aren't shown. The legs of the suit are very wrinkly and lumpy, as they are too long and it has been pushed up to zipper shut at her ankles, over a pair of coral red motorcycle boots. It's a really loud outfit. There's a lot going on, even though there's very pieces involved, honestly. It looks really dorky. It doesn't help that she's pinching her lips and raising her eyebrows and squinting in a weird way and not wearing makeup, but there's no way this will ever NOT look dorky. We're leaning into it. We're loving it. There is also a bonus dog partially visible at her feet, behind her legs. You can see his front paws sticking out from behind her right hip, and one rear paw between her legs, and just a snippet of his butt by her left knee. He's large, and also pretty dorky and awkward. It's a familial trait.

✨ Viv ✨@viv-yells· Dec 25

I was a deeply dramatic and passive aggressive child and it is so moving and emotional to watch my son take up this mantle and improve upon my legacy with every bath. Thank you, you brain cell challenged beautiful potato ❤️

A reddish brown pitbull mix dog is standing long ways in a generic bathtub, striving to stand as close to the far wall with the front of his body as he can. His nose is firmly planted into the corner joint and his ears are forlornly folded back, but not with any oomph—just resigned limpness. He is very slightly damp.

✨ Viv ✨@viv-yells· Nov 6

STOP THIS IS A CUTE ANIMAL PIC CHECKPOINT. PLEASE SHARE A MINIMUM OF ONE (1) CUTE ANIMAL PIC BEFORE PROCEEDING. THIS IS A PRECAUTIONARY MEASURE TO PRESERVE THE MENTAL HEALTH OF THIS SITE. WE THANK YOU FOR YOUR COOPERATION.