Writer? Hardly Know Her (Sam)

@writer-hardly

Fandom account so I can be unwell about pirates and fictional hockey players without drawing concern from acquaintances. Wawa enjoyer, fanfic writer, cat person. She/Her | 38 | Minors DNI

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Writer? Hardly Know Her (Sam)@writer-hardly· Jun 15

Ok yes, 30% of why I made my friends go to this restaurant was so I could get a picture of the pepperoni pizza Blackbeard flag. Worth it, even though I ended up waaaaaaaaaay too drunk on blackberry lemonade mimosas and wanted to die

A Blackbeard flag, but instead of a spear, it’s a pizza spatula and the heart is a piece of pepperoni pizza. It’s great

Writer? Hardly Know Her (Sam)@writer-hardly· May 30

BABY GOATS

Same goats but now two are touching heads and it’s very cute

Writer? Hardly Know Her (Sam)@writer-hardly· May 26

TW: Dark humor about my eating disorder recovery (I’m ok, but my brain can’t stop making this reference. We do a good job being body positive or neutral, and my kid was just being goofy, but it was a moment of eeesh)

Dean from Community meme. The top text says “my 7 year old making a silly comment about my tummy in a bathing suit”. The bottom says “hmm this better not reawaken anything in me”

Writer? Hardly Know Her (Sam)@writer-hardly· Apr 25

Anyways I got an undercut! I’m ready for the cyberpunk dystopia

Girl with short brown hair and a sweater with birds in it. Part of the hair is shaved

Girl in haircut cape showing off shaved side of her head

Shhh secret undercut. Girl with brow hair and bird sweater smiling

Writer? Hardly Know Her (Sam)@writer-hardly· Apr 6

Oh it was cool! The restaurant had historical documents to look at, and we all got boarding passes and assigned passenger names and then we got to eat the last first class meal on the Titanic! So much fish. Also, the bartender felt bad for carding my friend, but not me, so he did heavy pours. 10/10

A woman in a fancy, vintage looking green dress with a pearl necklace and dangly earrings

Writer? Hardly Know Her (Sam)@writer-hardly· Apr 1

But what if it’s true??????

A grey tabby cat with very pointy ears. She looks mildly concerned

Writer? Hardly Know Her (Sam)@writer-hardly· Apr 1

#WIPWednesday! SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS for the final chapter of Let It Once Be Me. This is one of my favorite things I’ve ever written and I’m so excited to share it with y’all.

Ed didn’t want Stede to feel unloved a minute longer. He immediately turned off the shower and ran into the bedroom to get dressed. He jammed himself into his leather pants - fuck they were hard to get into when he was sopping wet, but who had time for towling off when there was a love confession to make?

Pants wriggled into, shirt thrown on, Ed ran to the elevator. He jammed the “down” arrow impatiently, but the elevator was stopping at every fucking floor. Rude.

Ed flipped the elevator off and raced to the fire escape stairs. The leather pants continued to be a (sexy) hazard as he nearly fell trying to slide down the railing, but he recovered and hurled himself down the steps two by two.

Writer? Hardly Know Her (Sam)@writer-hardly· Mar 5

Tiny #WIPWednesday snip. I told my husband that I made a list of reasons Ed knows he’s in love and husband immediately jumped in with “it’s because he shares his french fries”. And I was like omg how did you know EXACTLY what I wrote!? (We’ve been together 18 years. I’ve stolen many fries)

The only person Ed would share his french fries with (everyone else could fuck off - if they wanted french fries they should have ordered them).

Writer? Hardly Know Her (Sam)@writer-hardly· Mar 1

Balloon daaaaaaaaaaaaay!

Writer? Hardly Know Her (Sam)@writer-hardly· Feb 28

Tadaaaaaaa. I’ve lost count of how many times we’ve been to the vet this past year so I’m laughing to keep from crying. This is all I can think whenever “Welcome Storm Wind” is written on the exam room whiteboard. Fingers crossed no trips next week unless her specialist miraculously squeezes us in!

A screencap of Ed and Stede from Our Flag Means Death. A cat face has been plastered over Ed’s head while Stede anxiously looks over.
The text on the right says “Me, exhausted from going to the vet all the time”.
The text at the bottom of the screen says:
Every single vet: Hi Storm Wind!
My cat: It's just "Stormwind". Like, just run it together as one word. "Stormwind." Don't have to put a gap in there

Writer? Hardly Know Her (Sam)@writer-hardly· Feb 4

#WIPWednesday for my Rom Com fic! Wow I bet this was the right thing for Stede to say the morning after he and Ed decided to take it slow! 😃 I bet Ed’s going to react super well! 😃

Suddenly, Stede laughed. “Ha, funny that I got a boyfriend the day after Lucius’s wedding.”

Writer? Hardly Know Her (Sam)@writer-hardly· Dec 30

Sure let’s do a #TakeTwoTuesday! My magnum opus. My favorite fic child. My sexy sandwich ordering ska clowns: Looking For Love In All The Wawa Places archiveofourown.org/works/562189... #ofmdfic #ofmdfanfic #ofmd

A man with a horn hastily photoshopped onto him gazes fondly into the eyes of a leather daddy wearing a clown nose.

The background is a bunch of subs with the slogan: Spice Up Your Sandwich

Title card:
Looking For Love In All The Wawa Places
By Writer_Hardly_Know_Her

Description:
They were looking for lunch, but they found so much more: Romance, Intrigue...
...Geese.

Writer? Hardly Know Her (Sam)@writer-hardly· Dec 22

The children made this? Gosh they’re good! - My daughter’s teacher, I assume, when she unwraps this monstrosity I crochet

Writer? Hardly Know Her (Sam)@writer-hardly· Dec 21

I only have one smut to give for my country. There’s no holes, but it’s *very* festive because it’s about a sentient sex plant, and Christmas is all about putting a tree in your living room or something (I’m Jewish) archiveofourown.org/works/66114844

Writer? Hardly Know Her (Sam)@writer-hardly· Dec 8

I have something for this! Poor Lucius’s fingies 😭 but it’s for the greater good (y’all want Stede and Ed to kiss and live happily ever after, right??? Sorry not sorry Lucius’s hands) #ofmdfic #ofmdfanfic #wip archiveofourown.org/works/624464...

Doug was good company at least, and surprisingly helpful. Not only did he trek out to the wedding venue two days early to stuff gift baskets, he was also happy to pitch in with Operation: “Ed Teach, I’m sorry about the Beach”.

Lucius was not pleased about the last minute changes Operation: ETISATB necessitated. He shot Stede dirty looks while the Groom Gang (and Doug!) scrambled to overhaul the seating assignments. Ed had been originally placed at the “Worst Guests, But We Had To Invite Them” table, which was all the way across the room from Stede’s seat at “Best Guests, Almost As Important As The Grooms” table. The distance was absolutely not conducive to whispering apologies, and romantically asking Ed to dance.

“This extra calligraphy better not negatively impact my hands,” Lucius grumbled after redrawing the seating lists for the third or fourth (fifth?) time, “I need them for my honeymoon unless we get the fancy (and expensive) handcuffs we didn’t register for.”

Doug bought the (very) expensive handcuffs with express shipping, and Stede prayed that The Swede would forgive them for the swap that placed him next to Lucius’s exceedingly boring Uncle Colm, but sometimes there were casualties in romantic gestures!

Writer? Hardly Know Her (Sam)@writer-hardly· Nov 26

Omg a Fiyero Christmas ornament

A questionable Christmas ornament that looks like a golden corn cob with a pat of butter on it.

Writer? Hardly Know Her (Sam)@writer-hardly· Nov 22

They came out ok though!!! Nailed it!

2 people holding a tray of profiteroles that came out ok despite several mishaps

Writer? Hardly Know Her (Sam)@writer-hardly· Nov 21

A very merry #FallFrontFriday to us all! I’m still so proud of this Art™️ I made for the Fall Front Friday Zine back in May drive.google.com/drive/folder... God bless us! Everyone!

A fake magazine page advertising “Fall Front Pants For Pirates On the Go” (Wow! Ooh! Aah! Cool!)

The words above the title advertise the pants as Trendy, Stylish, and (Sexy).

The text on the left boasts that the pants are a Practical Storage Solution that won't hurt your back, like a purse or ruch sack. It’sHard to pick pocket.

Can open half-way for air flow! feel the ocean breeze on your dick! Refreshing!

The right side highlights that the pants are a convenient snack pouch for hot dogs, mozzarella sticks, and butter, if you want to melt it.

You could do a puppet show. But DON’T hide a knife in there.

There is an illustration of fall front pants in the center of the page above the words: “Great for dramatic reveals!”

The bottom of the page says:
But wait! There's More.
Easy access for a wide variety of activities and stuff!
GET FALL FRONT PANTS TODAY!

Writer? Hardly Know Her (Sam)@writer-hardly· Nov 20

If no body’s got me, I know my mom’s got me. Recommending fanfic to the guy fixing her bathroom might be too supportive parenting…

Screencap of a Facebook message that says:
Hey Sam! My bathroom/kitchen contractor/handyman complimented my OFMD t-shirt today! Turns out he's a big fan. He's interested in your fanfic and pirate camp... where does he go online to check those out?

Writer? Hardly Know Her (Sam)@writer-hardly· Nov 14

I got the beginning of Salem Witch Trials and the kidnapping of the Lindbergh baby, but this is neat (from history.com)

Header: Fact of the day
Date box: 1973, March 1

Pink Floyd releases their album "Dark Side of the Moon"—a reference to madness, not the lunar surface—and it stays on the Billboard 200 chart for a record 937 weeks. Proceeds from the album helped fund the film "Monty Python and the Holy Grail."

Writer? Hardly Know Her (Sam)@writer-hardly· Nov 12

I LOVE THEM. Thanks @followedmystar.bsky.social

Cartoon drawing of Ed (long hair, beard) and Stede (curly hair). They’re holding cups that say “WAWA”. Stede’s robe says “Bird Robe”.

Writer? Hardly Know Her (Sam)@writer-hardly· Nov 11

But seriously, look at this model!

Very pretty grey tabby cat with green eyes

Writer? Hardly Know Her (Sam)@writer-hardly· Nov 9

I saw Chess on Broadway! It was a bop! My teenage theater kid heart is full! But I’m also like… confused about why they moved some of the songs where they did. And also there should have been more sexual tension in my favorite musical about the Cold War

Brunette woman with cute wire framed glasses making a peace sign. Her sweater says CHESS . The musical .

Writer? Hardly Know Her (Sam)@writer-hardly· Nov 1

Ok I got this very handsome fella for Halloween and I love him BUT I have questions - is the fake bird holding a fake parrot OR is it a fake bird holding a bird that is real to him?

A very jaunty fake bird dressed like a pirate. He has a big pirate hat, an eye patch, and he’s holding a sword

Same bird, turned a bit so you can see the cheerful parrot on the bird’s shoulder

Yet another angle of the bird, but this time showing off the sword

Writer? Hardly Know Her (Sam)@writer-hardly· Oct 24

Ok I do love this marketing email I got from Home Science Tools this morning (Website is www.homesciencetools.com if anyone is looking for science projects for their kids)

Screencap of a email preview:
Home science tools
What does 6-7 even mean?

Cute email with joke answers on what 6-7 means

Something strange is happening with kids everywhere.

Kids keep shouting “six-seveeeeen!” — but why?

As scientists, we had to investigate. Here’s what we’ve found so far:

Hypothesis 1: It’s a math pattern.
6 and 7 are consecutive prime-adjacent numbers.

Hypothesis 2: It’s a chemistry code.
On the pH scale, 6–7 marks the line between acidic and neutral.

Hypothesis 3: It’s a physics ratio.
Gravity on Mars is 3.7 m/s² — maybe they’re rounding up?

Hypothesis 4: It’s just fun to yell.

We’ll soon determine the real reason.
Until then, enjoy 6.7% off sitewide*

Writer? Hardly Know Her (Sam)@writer-hardly· Oct 22

#WipWednesday! I don’t think I posted this? Ed’s doing great! Just a little in his “I can do it with a broken heart” era (he cries a lot, but he is so productive!)

The last 5 weeks hadn’t been the most mentally healthy of Ed’s life. He’d gone into “if I don’t stop moving, then I can’t think about all of the things that are wrong about me” mode and hadn’t taken a day off from the bar since about… 36 hours after he got home from the beach.

In his defense, there was a lot to get done at the bar. Like steam cleaning the bathroom tiles. Moving tables around because, like, you rotate tires right? Same thing. Alphabetizing the spice cabinet. Rearranging the schedule so Archie and Jim were working opposite shifts because all love dies…

Ed could hang his Excel accounting spreadsheet in the Louvre, with how beautifully color-coded and formatted it was.

He didn’t know what Stede told everyone. Not like it mattered, and Ed didn’t care anyway. He and Stede weren’t together - not in the past or present, and at least now people wouldn’t try to set them up in the future.

Eat, sleep, work, pet Jeff The Cat, eat, sleep, etc.

Ed was almost surprised by his calendar notification to pack for the wedding. Not entirely surprised, because the first and last thing Ed saw every day was his cell phone which displayed the date prominently on the home screen, so theoretically, Ed knew the days were creeping by, inevitably towards The Stupid Fucking Wedding. But it was still a gut punch. A reminder that in an alternate universe where he was lovable, he’d be going with Stede. Probably in coordinating suits. Probably packing his sexiest boxer briefs to go underneath the coordinating suit.

He considered not going, but Ed never backed down from a challenge. Ed would rather die. So he packed his suitcase - still with the sexy boxer briefs because, fuck it, a confidence boost never hurts.

And then Fang stopped by, his car rumbling in the driveway perfectly in sync with Ed zipping up his luggage. A surreal moment where he and Jeff looked at each other like has the zipper always been that loud?

Yup. Not the most mentally healthy 5 weeks.

Fang rapped gently on the door and then ripped what was left of Ed’s heart out of his chest.

Writer? Hardly Know Her (Sam)@writer-hardly· Oct 19

A gif from Arrested Development of Barry Zuckerkorn (Henry Winkler) saying “those are balls”

Writer? Hardly Know Her (Sam)@writer-hardly· Oct 17

And that the last color in this line up isn’t going to be overwhelming, and that anything is better than my one room that looks like a it’s entirely dunked in mustard (like, the people who owned our house gave up on painting trim and went “let’s cake this fireplace up”)

Writer? Hardly Know Her (Sam)@writer-hardly· Oct 7

Making @dimsimkitty.bsky.social experience the delicacies, and delights, of central Pennsylvania (Wawa)

Woman wearing a mask and giving peace sign hands in front of a circular cold food refrigerator full of sandwiches and fruit, a coffee station, and a cash register.

Woman wearing a mask touching a photo of a sandwich on a computer screen

Writer? Hardly Know Her (Sam)@writer-hardly· Oct 7

Not resharing that guy’s post, but I think meeting people through fandom is incredible because I made a friend on the other side of the world who advised me to get my cat’s nosebleed checked out. There was a whole cancer diagnosis and treatment. And LOOK they got to meet! @dimsimkitty.bsky.social